Author Note: Friends, here it is. I hope I did your dreams for them justice. I want to give a quick shoutout to my roommate – who insisted that no matter how I did it, the sweatpants line had to be included – and also listened to me ramble at this chapter in particular on recent road rip.
There's still a few more chapters to go – do not fear! Thanks as always for the feedback that nourishes my soul.
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As I write this, I'm wondering so many things. For one, how do I address this? What do we call you? Nate? Nathanial? Orville? What are your favorite things to do? Like, do you love traveling or are you a homebody? Do you have a girlfriend? What college have you chosen?
I know that parenthood changes everyone a little, but I feel like Gabi and Andrew have gone off the deep end. Their latest project is a book of letters to give to Nate on his 18th birthday. They're gathering words of wisdom from all of us. From what Gabi says, there are ten of us that they're asking to write a letter to him at every significant milestone, so that he'll have a commentary on his life from us. It's a cool idea, but I think I've written this letter six times and I'm still not sure what to say.
I suppose that every one wonders these things for a baby. In fact, when your dad asked me to write you this letter for his little time capsule, I thought he was kind of ridiculous. How am I supposed to know what advice to give you when I'm not sure what your life looks like as you read this at 18. And then a very wise woman reminded me that truth is truth no matter what the rest of life looks like. So, here we go. My 25 pieces of advice for you, Nathanial my beloved nephew, on your 18th birthday.
25 Things to Remember
The world is so much bigger than your GPA
Think seriously before letting the resident freaky math girl of your school talk you into singing in a talent show. I'd only recommend it if you're ready for your life to change. Completely.
Enjoy the journey
Maintain a standard of excellence in your life, but remember that everything needs to be balanced.
Never let anyone rob your identity. Not the world, not a girl, not anyone. Be who you are at all times.
You will never receive the plan for your life laid out on a post-it note, so enjoy discovering and testing and figuring it out for yourself
Make it a life goal to fill your passport with as many stamps as possible.
Failure is a part of life. You need to risk things to really live and sometimes when you risk things, you fail. But failure does not mean that you have failed as a person. It's an important difference.
Sometimes, the most important thing you can do when faced with really, really painful truths is to weep over them.
I have a theory that life gets really ugly and difficult when you convince yourself that you're all alone. Isolation is the root of all evil, kiddo. Live life fully and honestly, but definitely do it a group of people (community) that you trust with your life.
When in Africa, don't choke on the ugali. It's rude. Trust me, I got judged.
Never be afraid to ask questions. If the people in front of you won't answer them, search until you find people who will
Make sure to fall in love with the girls from the top of the tree. They're the apples that are worth the effort, even if they scare the pants off of you to begin with.
At any given moment, allow yourself to truly feel what you're feeling. Emotional censorship is not always the healthiest option.
If your life starts to resemble the drama of an old Disney Channel movie, simplify it immediately.
Always live life to honor the fact that the story of the world began before you and will continue after you
The older you get, the more your friends will become your family. That doesn't mean they replace your family, it just means you get some additional ones.
Just so you know, high school never really ends. The kids you couldn't stand in your school just grow up to be the people you can't stand in life. Sorry to break it to you. And it only gets worse if you go Greek at college. I'm just saying.
Sometimes the holiest thing you can do is take a nap
If you haven't left the country yet – get out. Get out as soon as you can.
There will be times where you're not quite sure where 'home' is. The more you travel and the more you move, you may never really 'belong' in one place. That's good. It hurts like hell, but it's good.
Measure your life – your successes, etc – in seasons of love… in the ordinary moments that make it all work. Don't measure it by salary or status… measure it by how many sunsets you've watched and how many children you've pushed on swings.
When you find the girl of your dreams – the one that makes life make sense – don't screw it up.
Never do anything that isn't worthy of who you are
And above all, remember that you are loved. Whenever everything around you seems unsure, remember that. Remember that all you ever have to do to make us, your family, proud is to come home at the end of the day as nothing more than yourself.
"Is number 11 really necessary?"
As Sharpay's voice resounded in my ear, I realized that she must have been reading over my shoulder. I closed my computer and swiveled to face her. "What's wrong with it?"
"It just seems that you've poured out all this beautiful, beautiful wisdom about everything else and then you tell him not to choke on something. That just seems silly."
"Well, what would you write there?"
She paused, a pensive look taking over her face and then replied. "I'd tell him to always give people a second chance if they deserve it."
"Like I did with you?"
"No, like I did with you."
"Clearly," I laughed and pulled her down into my lap. I kissed her soundly and then let her launch into a monologue about something that had happened at school that day. I'll confess, I wasn't listening.
"Hey Shar?"
"- and then the kid told me that I looked really hot and I'm still not sure how to deal with that because he was twelve, but I decided to reply 'thank you' – "
"Shar."
" – because really, what kind of comment is that –"
Obviously, another form of communication was necessary at this moment. So, after kissing her to shut her up, I looked in her eyes and said softly. "Sharpay, shhh."
She rolled her eyes at me and whispered, "Yes, Bolton?"
I paused for a moment and quietly said, "I didn't know what to write about you."
She looked at me quizzically, "What do you mean?"
"I mean, in my head, you'll be a major part of Nate's life as he grows up and I had all these little one-liners to tell him about making sure to let Aunt Sharpay teach you about the world because its what she does best, but I was afraid to write any of them."
"Why?"
Her voice was even and slightly controlled. I wasn't sure if what I was about to say was the best idea I've ever had but….
"Because how do I know that you'll really be around?"
Tightly, she nodded and got up off of the couch. "Well, then it's pretty good idea that you didn't mention me. I'm obviously a flight risk."
"Sharpay, I didn't mean that."
"Then what the hell did you mean, Troy!"
Okay, so I wasn't expecting the yelling.
"I just meant…" Oh hell, I don't even know what I meant.
"Whatever, Troy. Whatever," she replied and walked off into the kitchen.
"Sharpay, come back here."
"No."
"Sharpaaaaay," I whined.
"No, Trooooooy," she mocked me back.
I ran my hands through my hair and meandered in my studio. Pulling out the top drawer and rumiging around, I found the box that I had had for almost six months. I clicked it open and stared at the ring inside for a few seconds. Now or never, Bolton.
Taking three deep breaths for strength, I wandered back out into the kitchen.
"Sharpay, can you stop washing the dishes for a moment?"
"Troy, it's I wash the dishes or beat the living shit out of you. Your call."
"When I said that I wasn't sure if you were going to be around it's because I wasn't sure at all if I was ready for next and how long you're planning on waiting."
She turned around slowly and replied evenly, "What the hell does that mean?"
I breathed deeply, "I don't even know how to say this. I have all of these ideas in my head of the perfect moment and how to make this conversation go really well –"
"Are you breaking up with me?"
Hello, left field.
"Hell no! Seriously, I can't believe that you'd…" I trailed off. "I was actually –"
Her entire expression changed and she broke out into a smile as she held up her hand to stop me, "Troy, if you're about to say that you were going to propose right now, I'm going to need to stop."
"Why?"
She rolled her eyes at me, "A. I am wearing your sweatpants. B. I have not managed to shower today. C. I am up to elbows in dish soap. D- "
I laughed, "Okay, I get the picture. I'll plan something more appropriate."
She smiled slightly, "By the way, it makes sense now."
"What?"
"The fight we just had – you make sense. I'm not mad."
"Thanks," I replied and began to walk away, until I felt two very soapy, wet hands go around my middle.
"In case you were nervous," she whispered in my ear, "I'm planning on saying yes."
She knows me so well.
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"So the only thing you got from him was that you'll be outside," Gabi laughed.
"Yeah, that's all he said," I replied as I sipped my latte. "He is proposing, right?"
She nodded and put Nate's pacifier back in his mouth. "But he and Andrew are the only ones who know how."
In the past few months that I have lived here, I have found a surprising friend in Gabi. I don't think we'll ever be best friends forever or anything, and she will always be Troy's friend first, but it's nice to be able to talk about Troy to her. There are parts of him that she just knows better and can solve his crazy faster than I can. Plus, she's just fun.
"I do know one thing, though," Gabi spoke into the comfortable silence that had wrapped around us for a few minutes.
"What's that?"
"He believes that he's got to make this a huge event, so only God knows what those two looney tunes have dreamed up."
I made a face, "He thinks it has to be big?"
"Well," she giggled a little, "He probably believes that because I told him a few weeks ago that the longer he waits, the bigger deal it was going to have to be."
"So waiting almost seven months after I moved here? That constitutes a big deal?"
"Girl, if his brain works like I think it does… I wouldn't be surprised by anything."
"So, no matter what, not a waste of make-up?" I clarified.
"I'd say to shave your legs while you're at it."
"Good to know."
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"Are you sure that you're ready?"
Andrew looked at me seriously from across the table.
"As I'll ever be."
He paused and pursed his lips, took a deep breath and stared me right in the eye. "Troy, what you're about to do is huge, but it is just a step. You know that, right?"
"I know."
"I mean, this is when you first make those vows that you'll make whenever you wear the suit and she wears the dress and Gabi cries, it's right now. This is when you first say to her that you're all in, for as long as you both shall live. If you mean it today, the dress and the suit are just formalities."
I looked up at him, "Okay."
Andrew's face scrunched up a bit, "I mean, I know that people break engagements and that the two of you still have an out if you really need one, but I don't think you do. I think that if you're ready to make this step then this is it."
"I don't want an out."
"Then let's go."
I grinned and grabbed my car keys, "You'll pick her up at 5:30?"
He nodded, "Gabi knows to have her ready."
"Did you tell her what we're doing?"
"Nah, I just reinforced what you told her. That Sharpay needs to be comfortable because she'd be outside."
As we both stood up from my kitchen table, Andrew put his hand on my shoulders. "Let me say this now that I never thought you would ever find someone so perfect for you."
"Well, golly gee, pal, thanks."
He laughed, "That's not how I meant it."
"I know."
"She is your… I mean… yeah. I'm not being articulate right now, but I echo Gabi when she says that this world will be a better place with you two working in tandem partnership together. And I don't know anyone who would disagree."
I smiled and pulled him into a hug. Andrew approving of what I was about to do and how I was about to do it was…more important than I have words for. I mean, he is my family. Has been since college. If he didn't think that Shar was a good idea….I don't know how I would have handled that.
Thankfully, I never have to worry about that.
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Shar, I think that before we talk about the future, we have to appreciate the past.
With that simple note, at the beginning of the path, I was plunged into the most beautiful thing I could have imagined.
Andrew had picked me up and driven me about a half an hour from our houses to a park that's right next to the beach. The only instructions I was given was to start at the beginning and not skip anything. He handed me that note and pointed me to a path that had two strings running down each side – tied between trees and posts and signs and, I'm assuming, whatever Troy could use to make this work.
As I wandered up to the place where the strings started, I noticed that there were pieces of paper attached to them fluttering in the wind. I picked the green string first and smiled when I saw the note tied to the beginning.
Born: Troy Alexander Bolton
June 22, 1985
8lbs, 9oz
His baby picture was tied right next to it, and then his kindergarten one a few inches down. There were funny notes from a few of his teachers – report card comments, I'm sure – about how he lit up a room as soon as he walked into it because the other kids just genuinely liked him. Some things never change.
I crossed over the path at that point and walked back to the beginning. On the yellow string, it seemed, was my life. Starting with birth, he had traced our lives, complete with pictures and captions and notes. He had obviously solicited help, because most of my comments were written in Ryan's handwriting and I could tell that some of his were written by his mom.
I felt the tears start to pool in my eyes as I continued to move down the years. I laughed right out loud, though, when we hit middle school. There, in her distinctive handwriting, was a note from Ms. Darbus! I nearly doubled over with laughter. Oh, what her reaction must have been when he told her that we ended up together!
However, right around that time, a brown rope joined each of our distinct colors and I noticed a note in his handwriting.
Do you remember when we met? It was sixth grade when all of the elementary schools were shoved together. You, if I remember correctly, scared the living crap out of us from the very beginning. Little has changed. Anyway, I added the brown and red strings to each of our lives at this point – acknowledging that while we shared similar events, we were not… shall we say… in the same community. You should also notice that I chose not to include any school yearbook pictures. You can thank me later.
He was right, after all, about our lives being together but not really. I wandered back and forth between the two sides of the path, laughing at middle school and high school memories. There were notes from Ryan and Gabi, naturally, but he also tracked down Kelsi and Chad and Taylor and Zeke – pretty much our whole gang. There were pictures of Twinkle Towne and our summer at Lava Springs, prom and graduation.
I laughed right out loud, though, at the picture of him, me and Gabi from high school graduation that was on his side.
I suppose that we can laugh now at how there are literally no pictures of just the two of us from high school. Although, I do seem to remember a crazy blonde girl and her personal photographer chasing me around at graduation… couldn't seem to shake her…
Right after that picture, of course, is where the brown rope stopped – the color that evidently symbolized our shared experiences. However, the red rope continued, with an explanation.
Although we took a break from each other – hence the lack of brown rope for the next few years –
I was right.
- the red one will continue. Since red was our East High color (Go Wildcats.) I figured it was an easy way to show the fact that our time there and our lives in Albuquerque shaped us and who we became. I'll add other colors along the way, symbolizing that we just kept picking up colors as life went on.
On his side, a deep blue was added. I have learned, over the past few months, that you may take the Kentucky Wildcat out of Kentucky, but you will never take the Kentucky pride out of him. I promise that I had no idea how big a deal it was that Troy was a player for UK all those years ago – but evidently, Kentuckians take their basketball pretty damn seriously. Every time UK plays anything, Andrew and Troy get all decked out in their "Big Blue" garb and scream at the television as though something would actually change.
For the next four years, his blue, red and green rope was peppered with pictures of Andrew, the team life, Lexington and even a picture of Andrew and Gabi's engagement party.
Mine, however, was violet, but only for a little while. About a foot down the line, there was a giant knot of tan colored rope, with a small globe dangling from the knot.
The note attached to it, however, was not from Troy, as I expected. It was from Margie.
Sharpay,
I can't tell you how honored I am to know you. The girl that moved in with me that freshman year – while fabulous – was so obviously in nine kinds of pain that I didn't know what to do with you. I'll never be able to express how excited I was that we finally became friends – but also that I got to be a part of your journey to discover your purpose.
Standing in that church in PNG – do you remember that? –
How could I forget? It was the first funeral I had ever been to.
I could tell that the world was about to change. I can't tell you how thankful the international community is that it has. I attached a little globe to this letter – which I hope Troy will remember to attach to the knot I told him to tie – to symbolize that that week was the week that the world became your mission. New York City was too small for you and I've never met anyone like that – before or since.
You amaze me. And I can't wait to meet your amazing Troy. We've evidently got some catching up to do!
I smiled through the tears and spun the globe a few times. I wandered down my side of the path to see other ribbons and ropes and strings added to my initial yellow rope for every country I lived in and every trip I took. Wandering back over to his side, there was a thick black rope that represented Footprints and then thinner ribbons for the few trips he had taken that he claims literally shaped who he was.
Then came Kenya.
My Kenyan rope was a beautiful color blue and the note that started it off was from Dinah.
Girl. You know all of the words I have to say about your life and time in Kenya. You know that I am a different and better person because I knew you and that there are scores of others here who could say the same thing. You know that there is a Sharpay shaped hole in my life here. You know all of that.
So I will simply remind you of what I told you in the airport. Do. Not. Make. Me. Swim. Over. There.
Giggling slightly, I noticed that the next picture was of myself and Yusef, then one of me covered in small children. He clearly raided my memory box, because there were pictures that some of my students had drawn for me, and even a necklace that had been made for me, all draped around those few years of my life.
I glanced over at his side and saw some scattered pictures of his various travels, and even one from the high school reunion that I had intentionally missed. He had scribbled notes a few times to make me laugh.
At the same point in both of our ropes, he had tied a huge knot. The brown string re-entered the picture at that point, and the notes and pictures that he had used to talk about our month together were some of my most treasured memories. I almost didn't make it through this section – I was overwhelmed at that moment with how much I missed my life there, but also at how much time Troy had taken to honor that in this moment.
Then, as he had tied another purple ribbon to acknowledge my move to California – I loved how the brown rope stayed in the mix this time – the path curved. I realized that this entire time, I had been slowly moving down in a gentle slope. Also, the sunlight that I entered the path at had turned to dusk. How long had I been on that thing? As I curved, I saw that the ropes (or collections of ropes at this point) moved from the separate sides and had been brought to the middle of the path. They were tied together around a post, that was somehow surrounded with candles, and a bench.
And on the bench, was Troy.
"Hi," he whispered.
"Hi," I replied softly, making my way to the bench. "This is all-"
I trailed off as he put his finger to my lips. "I'm not finished yet."
I nodded and could feel the tears well in my eyes again. This is it. This is the moment that…
"I think it's pretty clear how I feel about you," he grinned.
I nodded and wiped a few rogue tears away.
"I want you to notice that you're not wearing sweatpants, you've showered today and you're not washing dishes. I followed the rules."
"Well done, slugger."
"I just wanted that to be noted," he defended himself.
"It is."
He smiled and reached for my hands. "There are a lot of logical reasons why I think we should get married. I mean, we work well together, we're both really hot so we'd make pretty babies, we both have the same passions. All of these are good reasons. However, they are not the main reason."
My heart was nearly ready to be out of my chest.
"Everything I said that night on the balcony in Rwanda holds true. It's been almost a year since that night and they more true now than they ever have been. You, Sharpay Evans, are a large part of what I understand life to be. Your presence in my life just simply makes sense in a holy and wonderful way.
"I love how you still get infuriated of inane reality shows. I love the way your eyes have a very specific sparkle when you talk about your students. I love that you are not afraid to have awkward conversations with teenagers so that they can really know truth. I love that you are not the Sharpay I went to high school with and yet, in some really beautiful ways, you still are.
"I love taking walks with you and plane rides with you and simply sitting on the couch. I love watching you watch movies that you missed while you were gone. I love cooking with you. Basically, I just love you. And I'd really love to love you and learn how to love you better for as long as we both shall live.
He took a deep breath and reached into his pocket, "So –"
"Yes," I breathed softly.
"I haven't asked yet," he chuckled.
"Fine."
"So," he reemphasized as he slipped the ring on my finger, "Sharpay, will you marry me?"
"Hell yes," I replied quickly and kissed him as hard as I could. "Oh absolutely yes."