So here we are at chapter 2. In response to fhggh, my first anonymous reviewer: yes, It is more about Super Smash Bros., but I am going to keep it here because It would be too hard to induct myself into a new fandom (i.e. I'm lazy). so enjoy ...
Chapter 2: The Stand
(standard Disclaimers apply)
Ike opened his eyes and found himself in a place quite different than the one he had died to.
"Agh…What. Just. Happened?" He said, scratching his head. He had an intense splitting headache, a product of a fight he only vaguely recalled. He found himself in a sitting position, even though he was distinctly aware that he had just taken a 1,000-foot drop off a floating platform…
He opened his eyes with a jerk.
He was sitting in what looked like a small hospital waiting room. To his right, there was a table stocked with unappealing magazines ("golf-digest" and "vogue" weren't really his thing), and a snooty looking receptionist sat at the counter. There was a jittery looking man in green overalls and an easily excitable pink rubber-ball thing sitting in the chairs next to him.
"HIIII!!"
Now very certain that this was the afterlife, Ike decided to talk to the receptionist was the best way to get the details.
"Hello, um, can you tell me what this place is?"
The receptionist looked up, and, in a nasally accent, said: "Do you haaaaave an appointment? (1.)
"Um, no. I need to know what this place is. Is this the afterlife?"
"HIIII!!"
"No this is a waaaiting room"
"Well, I kinda figured that. But for what?"
"HIIII"
" Um, Excuuuuse me for a second."
The receptionist pulled a large lever behind the counter, which opened up a trap door underneath the pink thing. The thing immediately fell at fast pace; everybody in the room looked over. After a few seconds, a small "thud" was heard, and everyone went back to their business. The man in the green got a little more jittery.
"Aaanyway, as I was saying, this is a waaaaiting room for smash battles. You just got done with one, so you're going to have to waaaaait a little bit"
"But I don't want to get into another fight, I want to know what's going on!!"
"I'm saaary air, but I can't help you unless you have an appointment; Neeeext!
"Wait, You can't just!..." he protested
"NEEEEEEEXT!!"
"argghhhh!!"
"Don't bother reasoning with her, it's no use" said a strange, mysterious voice behind him.
Ike turned around. This newcomer was a tall, lanky looking Asian man wearing a business suit and dark sunglasses.
"Who are you?"
"I am Shouzou Kaga, creator of the Fire Emblem series, which you happen to be a part of."
Ike, now thoroughly annoyed at each new mystery, folded his arms in contempt
"Funny, a moment ago I was pretty sure that I was from Tellius, not "fire emblem", and Tellius was created by the goddess Asherauna. But today has been a really weird day, so I'm open to anything."
The mystery man smirked. "You sound doubtful. Here, I can prove it to you." The man snapped his fingers: On cue, a dark skinned man in orange armor (who looked very spaced out) poofed in from out of nowhere into the room.
"Devdan does not remember being in a waiting room."
"Oh, yeah, I remember that guy, he was in my army. He was kinda weird though. So you created Tellius?! Then help me get back! This place is a mad house!" He ran forward and started clinging desperately to Mr. Kaga's shirt
"Whoa, easy, easy! It's not that easy, you see… your entire life, from the mad king's war to that whole business with Ashera, has been a video game. Two, to be specific. Video games are, how shall I say, "virtual worlds", which are, well, "controlled" by antisocial teenagers in the United States and other countries. Your last two video game outings, have, how should I say… ended. The only way for your normal life to continue is if they make another sequel to the series."
"And what does that make this place?"
"This is another video game, but not from your series. This is a game where people from other series' are put together in the same place in order to fight to the death. Over and over and over."
"I see." Ike thought. "So, how does one go about getting a sequel?"
Mr. Kaga smiled "You catch on quick, don't you?"
"Like I said, I'm open to anything today."
"I see. Well, to answer your question, I have a task for you that I need some help with. I'm sure that it will increase your chances of getting back home, too."
"Sigh… What do I have to do?"
"You know that swordsman you fought just a little bit ago?"
"The one with the hair-band?"
"Yes, that's the one. He is another creation of mine. But he is becoming too powerful, defeating everyone in his path. I fear that if this continues, he may break the delicate balance of power in this game. I need a swordsman of your caliber in order to take him on. Chances are that if you are the character that can defeat him, your P.R. with the gaming public will increase, and the gaming community will demand a sequel! What do you say?"
He thought for a few moments. "Fine, I'm in. I have a bone to pick with that punk anyway." He said, cracking his knuckles for effect.
"Great, great…" Mr. Kaga replied happily.
"Devdan would like to know what is going on." Devdan said, more perplexed than he normally was
"Whoa, almost forgot about him." Mr. Kaga said. He snapped his fingers again, poofing Devdan out of the room.
"Isn't that kind of a mean thing to do to him?" Ike questioned.
"The way we wrote his character, chances are he won't remember this at all."
"I see…" Ike said, nodding in agreement.
"Now, on to business; He beat you last time you faced him, right?"
"Right…"
"Well then, I have a solution. Come with me" he snapped his fingers again, this time bringing them into one of those blank white rooms, like that one in the matrix.
"This is where we will train you in the art of smash bros. you will learn the basic moves, how to shield and dodge, and how to use those smash balls, etc. you almost beat Him the first time, so you really only need to know the minimum to get yourself going."
"Right." Ike said. "And who is going to teach me that?"
"We have brought in a special person to supervise you're training. Ike, meet Lewis…
On cue, a very nerdy looking teenager with bottle nosed glasses and a bad case of acne walked over to the pair.
"O.M.G!! It's Ike, from PoR and Rd!! Oh gosh, I play your games all the time, I as so excited when I heard you were in brawl, I…"
"As you can see," Mr. Kaga said, holding his hand up to cut him off, "He is extremely qualified I this feild. Now, when do you want to begin?"
"The Sooner the Better." Ike responded, coolly and badassly.
"Great, great." Mr. Kaga said. "Then we will."
And so they did. Ike and Lewis trained day and night, in a montage sequence of obstacle courses, weight lifting rooms, and distance runs. "Eye of the Tiger" was inexplicably playing in the background. This goes on for about two days nonstop, until…
"He is ready!" said Lewis, sweating more than Ike was.
"I agree, I think I can take him." He banged his hand on his chest in an expression of manliness.
"Okay, than let's get this goin'.
The Battlefield, outside…
Marth stood alone on the field, surrounded by the corpses of his fallen foes.
"I am the greatest! Hahaha!" he exclaimed, nonchalantly smashing two young Eskimos away.
"Not so fast, princess!" Ike shouted, emerging triumphantly from the background.
Marth spun around, furious. "Who's the dead man that said that?!"
"I am Ike, and my arrival marks your doom!" He pulled Ragnell out of its sheath and watched it glitter in the sun. "It's time to finish this!!"
They both flew together, shouting battle cries, but this time Ike was ready. As soon as Marth slashed, Ike blocked it and struck with a powerful counterattack that sent him sailing. He then picked a conveniently placed capsule off of the ground and threw it. It hit him dead on, sending him.
"ARRRGGGHHH!! You'll… Pay… For THIS!" Marth screamed as he flew past the level's boundaries, and was vaporized in the subsequent explosion.
Ike took a moment to rest. "I… I did it, didn't I?" he said, on his hands and knees. It took a few moments for the "Whew… wait this means, I'M THE BEST!!" he shouted out in exaltation.
"Hey, good-a job. You finally beat that a-crazy man. HIGH FIVE!" Mario said happily, appearing out of nowhere to congratulate him. Several other smash cast members emerged from behind rocks and such, also jubilant that the reign of terror was over.
"Yeah, I did, didn't I…" He froze. It was at this moment that Ike glimpsed what looked like a small bomb WITH LEGS walking around nonchalantly in the background. Already reeling from all that had happened over the past few days, the sight of this LSD inspired freak object finally pushed Ike over the edge.
"Quiet, you!" he yelled, not remembering what had been going on. "You will Bow to me! I AM YOUR NEW MASTA'!!" he shouted hysterically. He then began to systematically attack any and every character present, repelling their feeble counterattacks and raving like a madman.
"HEEEELLLLPPPPP!!" screamed Mario, before being sent flying to his firey death
Mr. Kaga watched the massacre from his television in the white room
"Drat. As one empire ends, so another begins. It seems I miscalculated the mental integrity of our champion." He thought to himself, the screams echoing in the background.
"Time for plan B." He thought. "We need someone who is, "nicer". Hmmmm.
Later…
"So will you accept our quest?" Mr. Kaga said desperately to the newcomer.
"I don't know," the incredulous man said. "Devdan does not like Violence"(2)
So there you have it. I decided to do this mostly because i was noticing that a lot of "serious" authors had some very funny oneshots hidden in their archives. I promise to only work on my other stories from here on out. Hope you enjoyed this, and sayonara!
(1.) again, not a typo.
(2.) I wonder what his final smash would be. probably the same as luigi's...
(3.) credit for these little numbers goes to Aquatic-Idealist, which is some thing I wish I thought of. Thanks, man!