What had he done?

When he woke up Sunday morning he couldn't identify the reason why his stomach was churning. His automatic reaction was to think he was just hungover.

Last night was a total blur; he had no idea why he even participated anymore. Sirius may love him like a brother, but when he organised a party it was always pretence, it was never because he wanted to do something nice for someone, it was actually always just an excuse for him to get drunk, make a fool out of himself, and get laid, no matter what the original cause.

Whatever the purpose was though, he felt like crap.

He stumbled into the bathroom and over to the sink for a glass of water, hoping it would calm his stomach a little and quench his desperate thirst. As he took large gulps he looked up into the mirror and inspected his dishevelled reflection. Bugger he was a mess, he was still in the clothes from the night before and half his hair was stuck to his head where it had been smashed into the pillow all night.

Managing to regain some control of his roiling stomach, James made eye contact with himself in the mirror. Suddenly vivid images of the night before began to flash through his mind.

Alcohol, dancing, Sirius' arse, Kiss the birthday boy and…Lily…he groaned feeling disgusted with himself.

What had he done?!

As soon as he started to think about it he began to feel ill again. Guilt and a hangover don't go well, he thought miserably.

It didn't help any when he realised he could still taste her, still feel her, and what was making him feel really guilty was that it had felt good, really good. It was everything he had imagined Lily's kisses to be like and he had loved every second of it.

This was bad.

How was he going to live with himself?

How could he face Kim? She loved him and he- he had…cheated on her!

He just couldn't understand why after all this time and all the effort it had taken to get over her; it had to happen with Lily now. It was typical, just as he was finally becoming happy; finally recovering from her crushing rejections she had to storm in and ruin his life. Again.

No he thought savagely, NO!

This was not going to ruin anything. He would just ignore it; after all it was only the remnants of his old feelings that had made the kiss seem so good. It had only felt so brilliant because of the way he had used to feel for her. It was just the understandable euphoria of finally getting an unrequited love to kiss back that was giving him the butterflies in his stomach.

It wouldn't destroy his relationship with Kim because Kim didn't need to know, no one did.

He quickly decided that he wouldn't tell her, he was just going to have to live with his guilt. He would not burden Kim just to ease his conscience.

He loved Kim and what had happened with Lily was just a blip.

Lily.

"Shit," he said out loud.

"Whassamatter?" came a sleepy yet concerned voice.

"Nothing Pads," James replied quietly continuing to stare at his own reflection. "Just got one hell of a hangover, go back to sleep."

Fuck he thought, was he just being naive in thinking that it was going to be that easy? That he could just decided not to tell anyone and everything would continue to be just dandy? That thing was already turning out to have unforeseen repercussions. James couldn't remember the last time he had lied to Sirius. In fact he was pretty sure he had never lied to Sirius about anything.

What about Lily, would she tell anyone?

Probably not he thought, but was it a risk he was willing to take?

Huh, a hangover, what a joke.

Whatever was going to happen he decided that he needed to talk to Lily about it like an adult. Like a sober adult.

He'd do it tomorrow or as soon as the room stopped spinning, whichever came first.

--

Poo she felt like poo.

"Bloody Firewhisky," she mumbled.

"What was that Lily dearest?" chortled Emily who was sitting cross legged in front of the mirror in their dormitory putting on makeup.

Lily rolled over and glared at her. "Bloody Firewhisky," she repeated loudly, before she winced at the sound of her own voice.

"Now, now," Emily admonished, "don't go blaming the drink, it didn't force itself down your throat…"

In response to that comment Lily gave Emily a very obscene hand gesture.

"Very lady like," sniggered Emily. "…I don't understand it thought, you can normally hold your drink quite well, and you looked fine when I left you last night. Did James force you to drink more instead of cleaning up." she joked.

James?

James!

Lily groaned loudly burying her head underneath her pillow.

"What?" asked Emily, this time sounding more sympathetic. When she received no response she walked over to Lily's bed. Taking pity on her she lifted the pillow off of Lily and said: "okay maybe we should get some breakfast in you… but I'm not letting you go anywhere until you run a brush through your hair," she quipped as she dragged Lily out of bed and into the bathroom.

"Now get dressed," she ordered as she left closing the bathroom door behind her.

Despite that command Lily remained in the middle of the bathroom staring fixedly at a point on the wall she was facing, just standing there, unmoving. She was totally disgusted at herself.

JAMES!

What had she been thinking? What was she going to do?

Well she was just going to have to avoid him, she thought frantically, but she stopped short when she realised she wasn't going to be able to avoid him.

They had to spend time together whether she liked it or not, they had Head duties to complete, and if she was really honest with herself, she didn't want to avoid him, not when they had only just started to build a friendship.

Just as she was trying to formulate a new plan Emily banged on the door making her jump, "hurry up Lily, Lucy is already down there."

That snapped Lily out of her daze and so despite her horrified trance, she managed to get ready and somehow provide enough conversation to satisfy Emily almost the whole way to the Great Hall.

They had just reached the bottom of the marble staircase. The Great Hall was in view and Lily almost dared to hope she had escaped seeing him for the time being, allowing her the reprieve she desperately wanted and the time she needed to think.

Luck was not with her though because just as the thought ran through her mind, she was stopped dead in her tracks, because James was calling out to her from the top of the staircase, "Evans! Wait up!"

"We need to talk about what happened," he said when he reached her.

"We do?" she asked slowly, as if she were trying to work out a complicate problem.

"Yes."

She looked frantically around her before noticing Emily was still watching interestedly, she hitched a smile onto her face and said as politely as possible considering her frayed nerves: "I'll be in, in a minute."

"Okay," Emily said slowly watching Lily with a mixture of humour and curiosity, before she slowly made her way into breakfast.

When she was gone Lily grabbed James' wrist and pulled him into an alcove. "I thought we agreed not to discuss it, to pretend it didn't happen," she said checking nervously around her again. "You know what this castle is like Potter!" she hissed, "every time we talk we run the risk of someone overhearing. It would be round the school faster than you could say 'cheat' and I don't know about you, but I don't want anyone finding out. I've got a boyfriend."

He just gave her a look: "don't be childish, we need to discuss this, I can't face Kim until I know what's going to happen. I've got a girlfriend too."

"It was just one bloody kiss is all this fuss really necessary?" she asked staring at him wide eyed almost as if she wanted him to reassure her.

When he said nothing she continued exasperatedly, "Can't it just be what it was?"

"And what was it?" he goaded with a smirk, knowing that he shouldn't have asked, but was unable to stop himself.

Her eyes glazed for a moment and she licked her lips "… hot."

That wiped the smirk right off his face and caused his eyes to start to darken, noticing that she added hurriedly "…. and a mistake."

Her tongue had brought back vivid memories, he had been fascinated for a moment, but coming to himself he said: "Okay fine, I just needed to make sure. I was worried this morning because it just wasn't as easy to… forget as I was anticipating…. That was one hell of a kiss."

"I know. It was brilliant," she sighed, "…But we can't do this, we hate each other remember? You may be athletic and intelligent… and witty… and a brilliant…" she trailed off. "But- but it's wrong!" she said quickly, shaking her head a little.

"Very wrong," he agreed automatically. "And you're absolutely right. I hate you. I have for the past two years …and just because all of a sudden I cant stop imagining-"

James stopped mid-sentence feeling unsettled having suddenly noticed that not only had she not let go of his wrist, but that throughout their conversation they had been moving closer and closer together, in fact their proximity had moved way past what most people would consider appropriate.

"But it's irrelevant," he said strongly taking a step back as she released his wrist as if he had burnt her. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok, that we were ok, that you weren't going to say anything."

"We're fine," she assured him, slightly flustered by what had just happened, "and I'm certainly not going to jeopardise my relationship by telling anyone."

"Me neither." he said relieved.

AN:

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On to the usual….

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And to all the wonderful people who have reviewed:

lady knight keladry, kiki08, LilBlossom, BusStop412, brianna24,