"James did you hear me?"

James turned to his girlfriend with glazed eyes.

"You have been way too distracted recently love, are you alright?" she asked, noticing his dazed state and bringing her hand up to gently caressing his cheek. Instead of feeling comforted by the gesture, however, it made him flinch.

Feeling her draw away stung by his reaction, he quickly looked up into her beautiful eyes to see them full of hurt and confusion. She had been looking like that a lot recently and he couldn't really blame her for it. He had been sharp, distant and basically just an awful boyfriend since she had decided to wreck his life.

What was the matter with him?

Realising he had been subconsciously taking his anger out on Kim guilt consumed him again, as had been happening more and more regularly. Suddenly he couldn't bear to have her touch him, he felt dirty, but he wasn't entirely sure if it was because he felt unworthy of her or if it was because he didn't want anyone to touch him except-

"I'm fine," he said, stopping the thought before it surfaced and trying to placate her by gathering up all his strength and pulling a reassuring smile on his face. However judging from hers and Sirius' reactions, he was almost positive it looked more like a grimace.

She looked sceptical and Sirius who had been watching him like a hawk the last few weeks, having sensed that there was something going on, let his eyebrows rise into his hairline.

Damn him. Sirius knew him too well, and it didn't help that he felt like he had "I'm a cheat" tattooed across his forehead. Terrified of being discovered or worse being cornered by Sirius, as he knew he wouldn't be able to lie to him if he asked, James decided it was best if he made a quick escape.

So gently removing Kim from his lap he got up stretching and repeated: "I'm fine, I just think I need some fresh air. I'm starting to get a bit of a headache and we need supplies anyway so I'm going to go to Hogsmeade."

"Oh poor baby," Kim pouted caringly.

"Yes poor baby," Sirius imitated, batting his eyelashes, but stopped after he received a smack on the arm from a smiling Kim.

Ignoring the interaction altogether feeling all too uncomfortable, confused and claustrophobic to care he decided to leave the common room swiftly before anyone had the chance to offer to accompany him.

As soon as he had put enough distance between himself and the common room he started mumbling savagely: "Why yes Kim I'm just dandy, after all I'm only being eaten alive by my own conscience. Nothing to worry about… just that I finally got Lily Evans to kiss me, but she's pretending nothing happened and therefore I'm living in a horrible limbo where I don't know whether she's going to tell you or hate me or kiss me again. Worst of all I don't know which I would prefer, so considering all that I'm just peachy."

Frustrated with himself and his lack of control he shook himself for his idiocy and ran a hand roughly through his hair. Perhaps he hadn't been lying when he said he needed a walk, it would calm him; it might even help him get his thoughts in order.

--

On his way back to the common room his arms loaded with drinks and snacks he listed agitatedly Butterbeer, chocolate for Moony, Firewhiskey for Padfoot, was he was forgetting something?…. He paused mid stride and mid thought when heard two unmistakable voices, and he instinctually looked over his shoulder to see Lily with Jacob.

Fanbloodytastic! He thought staring so hard at them he was surprised they hadn't burst into flames.

Trying to calm his raging fury, he ran an objective eye over the couple to gauge their level of intimacy, but as he stared he was disturbingly uplifted to see that she didn't really even seem to notice Jacob or what he was doing, it was like she was in her own little world. She really didn't seem to see him or anyone for that matter.

Interesting thought James with rising cheer, at least she was finding it as difficult as he was, she was just as preoccupied and it seemed to be affecting her relationship just as much as his.

Then he saw Jacob use one hand to grasp hers while the other stroked up her back before he pulling her into what looked like a passionate kiss.

Why was he touching her!? James thought irrationally as he dropped his arm load. WHY was she allowing him to!?

In some distant part of his brain he realised he was being unreasonable, that they were a couple and so of course they held hands, talked and kissed, but the rest of his brain was seeing red. As James continued to watch jealousy seemed to consume his body.

--

She walked along the corridor her hand in Jacob's as he talked to her about… well she wasn't entirely sure what he was talking about, but she thought it might have been about his homework.

Having not been paying much attention she only dimly noticed him trying to get her attention, but her awareness came back full force when he pulled her into a sweet kiss.

Nothing like Potters, but good in its own way, she thought causing her to mind to balk, why was she thinking about Potter?

Before she could comprehend the significance of her thoughts she pulled out of the kiss only to see that James had stepped out in front of them causing Lily's eyes to widen significantly.

Her eyes darted between the two of them frantically. Jacob merely looked politely confused, while James looked downright murderous.

Breaking the silence James tersely said: "Sorry, but I need to borrow Evans."

"Okay," Jacob said with a visible frown forming on his forehead. "But shouldn't you be at the party? You did just win a Quidditch match," he smiled, "congratulations by the way."

"This is more important," he said, sharply tuning his heated gaze on Lily.

"I think you should calm down whatever it is, it's not going to help if you scream at Lily-"

"I need to talk to Evans," James said his anger rising.

She looked to James, surprised at his tone and inspected him warily, but ultimately she said: "okay, well I'll see you later Jacob," before kissing him on the mouth. When he seemed hesitant she said: "It's alright," before surveying James and adding: "I can take him."

"Well Okay then…but come and see me later, okay?" he asked eyeing the two of them worriedly, having noticed the sudden tension.

James's hand made a sudden movement as if he was going to pull them apart, but he managed to control it.

"Okay," she replied smiling at his protectiveness.

Then she turned to follow James, but he had already gone charging off. When she finally managed to catch up with him, he spun, grasped her wrist tightly and asked in a tight voice: "What was that about? How can you bounce between us like that? My insides are rotting with guilt and you merely look a little put out? How is it that you can be so unfeeling? I never thought you would be capable-"

"What was that all about?" She said repeating his own question back at him instead of answering. "You can't just pull me away whenever you please; I'm not yours to command."

"You didn't seem to mind last week." he snapped causing her to flush.

"That was a mistake."

"A mistake?" he laughed mirthlessly, "no shit… Fuck! Don't you understand I was happy?" he shouted. "I had finally given up and I was okay with the fact we would never be, but you just had to swoop in and bollocks it up."

"I haven't bollocks anything up, there's no decision to make here, no dilemma because there is no way I would choose you over him. This experience with you has only confirmed that you are exactly what I've always considered you to be: mean and spiteful, whatever you want you take even if it's not yours to have," she said meaningfully. "I'm not yours, I'm his. And even if that wasn't the case, I despise cheaters and you are a cheater."

"So are you," he said viciously making her feel sick with the realisation, that sentence was like a slap in the face, he was right, in this she was just as culpable as him, she had complied willingly.

"Yeah," he said interpreting her facial expression. "You're not so self righteous now are you, how does it feel to be down here with the common folk? It's funny you accusing me because I'm a lot of things Evans, but I'm not a cheater. Or at least I wasn't until this happened with you, maybe it's you who is the nasty heartless delinquent."

"Oh yeah? Well you didn't seem to mind too much either," she said throwing his word back in his face "especially when you had your tongue down my throat," she shouted stung.

"Ah yes, but evidently when it comes to you I have no restraint, what's your excuse?" he leered spitefully.

Despite the unreasonable amounts of anger and jealousy coursing through his body, heat was filling his stomach at her close proximity and his eyes blatantly travelled down her body causing him to say: "I really hate you, but it seems I have to have you."

This comment coupled with the way he was looking at her caused an array of improper images to go racing across Lily's mind making her skin to colour prettily.

He soon averted his eyes, knowing if his train of thought continued not only would he not be able to stay mad at her, but it could only end in bad things. For example: pushing her into the nearest classroom and touching every bit of her he could reach irrespective of whether or not someone was already in there.

She was breathing heavily obviously trying to calm herself down and to stop herself from letting him wind her up, her eyes had darkened, she was flushed, and she had to admit to herself that she was turned on no matter how perverse the idea.

"Look we can't talk about this here you idiot," she said finally voicing some sense.

He watched her chest as she breathed laboriously fixated for a moment before brusquely saying: "prefects' room."

"Fine," she replied.

They walked in silence to the prefect room knowing no one would be in there at all today.

---

AN:

Quick update, no?

Ok, I know it was a bit of a filler but I thought it was kind of necessary. Hope you agree.

Not to ruin the surprise but the next chapter is going to be worthy of the M rating the story has, so if you're not of age or despise that sort of thing, don't read the next one!

Thank you to cosmopolitan (The Beta)

Thank you to all those who reviewed:

KATExYOU, lady knight keladry, HarryPotterFreak4Lyf, IWantToMarryJames, kiki08, Cymru01, SE007