Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: Another chapter for your reading and reviewing pleasure. Thanks for all the reviews and keep the feedback coming.
CHAPTER NINE
"Harry," Sirius whined. "Stop reading about the Wizengamot and entertain me."
"I can't believe this stuff," Harry said shaking his head. "You know we can settle disputes with duels? I don't think the charter has changed in about a thousand years. There's even a wielder of the Sovereign Saber!"
"There's a sword?" Sirius asked curiously.
"Yeah," Harry explained. "Whoever's got the saber has the right to interrupt any proceedings at any time for any reason. And they must be heard."
"That does seem a bit… medieval," Sirius said. "Can you stab people with it?"
Harry shrugged. "What good does wielding the Sovereign Saber do if you can't stab the guy next to you when it tickles your fancy?"
Sirius had a very thoughtful and intelligent response to Harry's question but they were interrupted by a knock at the door.
"It's about freaking time," Sirius yelled, marching to the front door. "Do you have any idea how long we've been waiting…" He wrenched open the door and discovered a curvaceous young woman with a tool belt hanging loosely on her hips. She wore a half buckled pair of overalls covering a tight soot-covered white t-shirt. Sirius' face split into a smile and he finished his question "…for you to walk into our lives?"
She was popping her chewing gum and decided to blow a bubble while eyeing Sirius up. The bubble she was blowing burst and she licked the gum from her upper lip. "Sorry about that. You need a floo reconnection?"
Sirius pulled the door open wider and waved her in. "Either that or it was just something we said to get you in the door."
She tried to ignore his advances and asked, "Where do you want the primary fireplace and how many others do you want active?"
Sirius closed the door and flashed a innocent grin. "I suppose that depends on how good you are with your tools."
Harry looked up from his copy of A People's History of the Wizengamot. "In here," Harry called out answering her first question. He pointed towards the large hearth. "That's our primary fireplace. The only other two we need are the two Master bedrooms."
"You have two Master bedrooms?" she asked while glancing over her shoulder at Sirius.
"The Manor actually provides one for each Lord Black," Sirius said leaning against the side of the mantle while the young woman climbed into the fireplace. Sirius was happily checking out the visible parts of her body while she was banging around with her tools. Sirius loudly explained, "When you finish up with this fireplace, I'll show you mine. Common courtesy would be for you to show me yours."
"Uh-huh," she commented skeptically.
Harry was just shaking his head and poking Sirius for being shameless.
The young woman leaned out of the fireplace and flirted right back at them. "Lord Black and Lord Black, I'm ready for you in here. Bring a wand."
"Please, call me Sirius," he announced sidling up next to her. "And what should I call you?"
"I'm Sindy with an S."
"Yes you are," Sirius agreed.
"You're just keying in the wand signature, right?" Harry clarified without getting up.
Sindy nodded, wiping the soot off her hands, accentuating her chest. "Yeah but it needs to be in your hand."
"That's alright," Harry said. "You guys look cozy in there. I got it from here."
"Are you sure," Sindy questioned. "Only those keyed into the primary can affect the other fireplaces on the account."
"What's the matter Sindy with an S? Don't think I'm enough Lord Black for you?" Sirius grinned pressing his wand tip into back of the fireplace.
Sindy grinned back. "I'm quite certain you're too much Lord Black for me, Sirius." She saw Sirius was already resting his wand in the right spot but was surprised to see another wand floating opposite it waiting to be keyed in. "What's that?"
Sirius saw where she was looking and answered. "That's Harry's wand. And Harry's holding it, so go ahead and key us in."
She didn't question it and activated the floo network for them.
"That it?" Sirius clarified pulling back his wand when she nodded.
Sindy watched the other wand float out of the fireplace and zoom over towards Harry. Harry hadn't even looked up from his book and just raised his left arm into the air. The wand slid right into the wrist holster and Harry's arm came down. The page in his book turned itself without Harry ever noticing his audience.
"Come on Sindy," Sirius said as he picked up her tools off the ground. "I think I've got something in my bedroom you'll want to see."
Sirius and Sindy walked past Harry, and Sirius mumbled out of the corner of his mouth, "Show-off."
Sindy gasped, turned around, and slapped Sirius across the face. "If you pinch my ass without permission again, I'm going to write up a report and you'll never get connected to any floo in this country."
Sirius just shook his head, trying to ignore the not so quiet snickering coming from Harry, and preparing to argue his innocence when he instead asked, "So this permission thing, how's it gonna work?"
Sindy was smiling in spite of herself. "You're incorrigible."
"You have no idea," Harry commented loudly still nose deep in his book.
"Thank you, Harry," Sirius snapped back, disappearing towards the bedrooms with Sindy.
Ten minutes later the two were coming back down to the living room, shamelessly flirting and giggling the whole way.
"You can't sign Lord Black twice," Sindy said with a laugh. "There are two different wand signatures on the account, and they each need their own authorization."
"Help me out here, Harry," Sirius requested with a hopeful look. "Sindy here is getting off her shift after finishing up with us. And I'm trying to convince her to take a few more hours on the clock and spare us the agony of going to the Wizengamot vote tonight."
"I said I would if my boyfriend-"
"Don't even give me that boyfriend cock and bull story unless you're ready to prove you feel nothing for me with a kiss."
"Sirius, can I talk to you for a moment?" Harry said pulling the older man into a corner away from Sindy.
Harry glanced over and saw Sindy was pointedly ignoring them. He looked at his godfather. "Okay first, I'd avoid mentioning bull cock in the same four word span as boyfriend when you're chatting up a girl."
Sirius nodded at the advice he could've used a moment ago.
"And second," Harry glanced over at Sindy again. He looked Sirius in the eye. "How old do you think she is?"
Sirius took a glance and answered, "Twenty-six or seven maybe? Why? You don't think she's thirty do you?"
Harry rolled his eyes at the look of fear when Sirius said the word thirty. Harry leaned to the side and called out, "Hey Sindy? Remember I'm an ancient and noble Lord who can verify this with your boss when I ask, how old are you?"
"Eighteen," Sindy answered uncertainly. "No nineteen. I turned nineteen a couple weeks ago."
"Thank you," Harry said with a smile.
"And my real name is Marge," she admitted out loud in a oddly honest moment.
Harry looked back at Sirius. "Nineteen. For a man who wants to keep making fun of the old Remus, you're not exactly sparkling with virtue at the moment."
"Nineteen," Sirius repeated incredulously looking her over again. "I'm like-"
"Old enough to be her father? Twice her age? On the sort of diaper duty that reserves you a place in hell?"
"You're being a big help here," Sirius nodded sarcastically thanking Harry.
"I'm not saying if a pretty minnow jumps in your boat to throw it back," Harry explained. "But maybe you shouldn't be fishing for the ones just spawning for their first time."
"I used to know a mermaid who dirty-talked a lot like that," Sirius replied. "And yes, point taken. Obviously I was overestimating her age. Blah, blah, blah. We'll still go play with the icky politicians tonight."
Harry walked back over to the woman. "Sindy, err… Marge, where do you need my signature?"
"Here and here," she pointed to two spots on her work orders.
"Thanks for setting us up," Harry said going back to his chair and book.
Sirius smiled at her. "I'm sorry to say the evil, anal retentive Lord Black has insisted that we attend this evening's Wizengamot session. Which means I'm not going be able to steal you from your boyfriend tonight. But now you know my floo address for the next time he disappoints you and you want to get back at him."
Sindy walked over to the freshly connected floo and tossed in some floo powder. "You're such a dirty old man," she said with a wink before loudly announcing, "Ministry of Magic."
Sirius watched her disappear. "I'm a dirty old man, eh?"
"Easy way to fix that," Harry said closing his book and standing up. "Take a shower. We should drop in and visit the Chamber of Lords lounge before the Wizengamot convenes."
"There's a lounge?" Sirius asked.
Harry nodded. "And hookers there to service you."
"Well alright," Sirius agreed, finally seeing the benefit of establishing a political presence.
"Harry," Sirius commented as the two walked into the private chamber. "I see a bunch of old men. Perhaps we need to clarify the definition of hooker."
"I don't think that's necessary," Harry added. "You might have misinterpreted my meaning when I said there would be hookers here to service you."
"You mean when I took your line 'there will be hookers here to service me' to mean that there would be hookers here to service me?"
"Yup," Harry agreed. "That doesn't sound anything like my meaning."
"How do you do?" A man greeted walking up to them. "Lord Thomas Hooker. My friends call me TJ. Would I be correct in believing you two to be the infamous Lords Black?"
"I hardly think we're infamous yet, Lord Hooker," Sirius grinned shaking the man's hand. "But the day's just getting started."
"TJ," another man greeted as he approached. "Don't scare the new guys too much. Lord Jason Bennington. My friends call me JC."
"Lord Black," Harry answered shaking Lord Bennington's hand. "My friends call me Harry and not to worry. It'll take a lot more than a room of stodgy, old men to scare me."
"Did you just call me stodgy?" A man interrupted puffing up himself with pride.
"PJ, must you always posture?" Lord Hooker said with a grin.
"Lord Peter Potter," He introduced sticking his hand out. "My friends call me a right old bastard."
"Well if that's all it takes, I wouldn't be surprised to count you as a friend someday," Sirius answered shaking hands. "Lord Black. My friends call me Sirius and this is Harry, another Lord Black."
"I also get called PJ a lot because 'right old bastard' just takes too long to say sometimes."
Harry was shaking hands with a great uncle he never knew he had when he felt a powerful presence enter the room.
"Speaking of stodgy old men," Lord Potter mumbled under his breath.
Harry spun around and did his best to focus on his frustratingly weak Occlumency shields. "Chief Warlock Dumbledore, I don't believe we've met."
"Lord Black," Albus replied, his eyebrows rising in surprise at the emblem on Harry's shoulder. "Or should I say Warlock Black? It's been a while since I've seen a declaration patch worn."
The other Lords looked at Harry curiously, having not noticed or recognized the importance of the patch.
"Yes, well, I figure it's my first day here," Harry answered with an innocent shrug. "What better way to kick off my foray into the world of wizarding politics than with a little friendly stabbing among dignitaries?"
"A friendly stabbing?" Albus repeated as his eyes twinkled.
Harry was waiting for the moment he felt any sign of Legilimency but it never came.
"How often do you find stabbing… friendly?" Albus asked.
Sirius saw Harry and Albus were almost staring each other down. "Well, there was this swordfish the other day."
Three loud gong sounds rang throughout the Chamber of Lords, ending all conversation.
"Civic duty beckons, my Lords and Ladies," Albus said loudly.
The large group walked together out from the Chamber of Lords and into the half-filled Wizengamot general assembly. Sirius led Harry over towards the pulpit reserved for the Black hereditary seat. Sirius crossed the boundary on the alcove and the center chair magically grew into a slightly raised almost throne like wingback.
Harry followed right behind Sirius and when he crossed, there was a bright white flash attracting all attention their way. What had been one impressive wingbacked Lord's chair was now replaced with two identical regal seats.
"Great," Harry said blinking his eyes. "People are staring at us and I'm seeing spots. A little warning might've helped."
Sirius plopped down into the chair and was rubbing his own eyes. "I didn't know that was going to happen."
"Please everyone, be seated," Albus instructed from his commanding position in center of the first row. "Yes, we are graced by the presence of not one but two Lords Black for the first time and we will have a proper introduction to them after the vote."
As soon as the proceedings began, several people remained standing, waiting to be recognized. Albus called on the most senior member of the Wizengamot first, Lord Burke.
The skinny old man rested both hands on his cane, and imperiously announced, "I challenge the appointment of two Lords from a single house. It creates irreparable conflicts."
"You are certain you wish to challenge?" Albus clarified looking over his glasses at Lord Burke.
Lord Burke nodded.
"Lord Black, Warlock Black," Albus called. "You have been challenged. How do you respond?"
Harry stood up while Sirius just leaned back and rested his feet on the front banister of their pulpit. A few people were muttering over the lack of respect Sirius was showing.
Harry swept his gaze across the hall looking at everyone and lingering on the people still standing. He grinned deviously and began. "Now I suppose I can easily rebuke this amateur and sophomoric challenge by pointing out we still only one have vote per recognized wizarding line whether it's delivered by a Lord or an appointed representative. Having two Lords is no different from having two appointees of equal stature insofar as any vote in the Wizengamot is concerned."
Harry was relishing in the stern looks and cold stares headed his direction. "But I'm not going to do that, because as challenged and declared Warlock, I wish to earn the right to wield the Sovereign Saber."
Albus hid his surprise to find that there really could be some stabbing this evening. "The Sovereign Saber?" he repeated. "You realize no one has made any public mention of the Saber in all my years of service?"
"Sounds like it may be a historic evening then," Harry retorted with clear determination. "Because I want it."
Albus sat back tiredly. "This is why you wear an emblem of declaration?"
"That's correct, Chief Warlock."
"You do realize some could argue you are just wasting our time," Albus said. "We are more than willing to hear any reasonably brief comments you wish to make no matter whether you carry a sword or not."
"And if my comments aren't reasonably brief?" Harry replied showing he wasn't budging.
Albus heard the murmurs from the crowd and was stroking his beard. "I don't suppose you know who is currently in possession of the saber?"
Harry nodded. "I believe it is the Donnelly hereditary seat, as Lord Charles Donnelly wielded the saber at sessions as recently as 1782."
"1782, that's a little outdated," Albus said clearly not amused. He turned towards his right. "Sir Tapper, you're the representative for Lord Donnelly and the Donnelly family, are you not?"
"Yes sir," the lone man in a far less throne like chair of a private pulpit answered.
Albus knew it was fruitless but asked, "Did you perchance bring the Sovereign Saber with you?"
"Begging your pardon Chief Warlock, but until a minute ago I didn't know any Sovereign Saber existed."
"I surmised as much," Albus nodded and turned back to Harry. "I am sorry we are unable to accommodate you Warlock Black."
"Come now, Chief Warlock Dumbledore," Harry grinned dangerously again. "I don't think we have to throw in the towel just yet."
"Oh?"
"Wizengamot charter states that appointees cannot wield the saber anyway, so there's nothing Sir Tapper could have done with it even if he had brought it. But I assumed you of all people would know that the forger of the Sovereign Saber was also the swordsmith who made Godric Gryffindor's famed magical blade. And he made it with many of the same charms, notably including the ability to be called."
Harry glanced around as he explained, "In the absence of its current owner the Chief Warlock may call it and present it to a requesting noble line. Lord Donnelly may challenge to get the saber back the next session he attends, but if no one wishes to challenge my right to the blade by requesting it themselves, then I should be permitted and presented the Sovereign Saber."
"You certainly did your homework on Wizengamot charter history, didn't you?" Albus agreed, willing the Sovereign Saber to appear before him.
Harry nodded and ominously added, "Suffice it to say what I've learned has been disturbing."
"Very well," Albus said lifting the jewel encrusted but otherwise rather plain looking blade in the air. "Warlock Black has requested the Sovereign Saber. Is there anyone who wishes to dispute Warlock Black's claim?"
"A dispute on this matter is settled by a blades-only duel, correct?" A fit young aristocrat inquired. When Albus nodded, he quickly announced, "Yes, I wish to dispute the Sovereignty of Warlock Black."
"As will I," another man quickly stood.
"And I," a witch stood up announcing.
"I'm sorry Baroness Pince," Albus answered. "But you wear no declaration and are unable to dispute this. Baron Switzer and Lord Fullbright, your objections are noted." Albus raised his wand into the air gave it a couple of twirls, creating two plain swords sticking in the ground in the central floor of the Wizengamot.
"Baron Switzer, Warlock Black," Albus said waving his hands to large open area below. "Since neither of you has the right to the saber yet, you will both duel with the blades provided."
"Rules?" Baron Switzer sneered as he walked down to the courtroom floor.
"Unfamiliar with your Wizengamot charter, Baron?" Harry answered before Albus could. "Well, the rules are we swing our little poking sticks around until one of us yields or dies. Of note is the fact that the rules didn't provide for unconsciousness, and thus if you pass out I'll have to kill you to win."
Albus saw Baron Switzer look up to him and added, "What Warlock Black is overlooking is that the Chief Warlock can intervene and declare a winner when the outcome is no longer in doubt."
"But he doesn't have to intervene," Harry answered arriving at the first sword jutting up out of the stone floor. Harry wrenched the sword loose and was whipping it back and forth in the air. "Unless he really, really wants to."
Baron Switzer saw how inexpertly Harry was swinging the sword and thought he'd have a good chance. He pulled up his blade and held it steady, aimed straight at Harry.
Albus was reluctant to say it, but both combatants were staring back at each other silently. "Begin."
Baron Switzer was an accomplished swordsman and began to circle Harry.
Harry just stood there while he was being circled and the Baron just kept slowly moving closer in.
With a lunge, Baron Switzer swung his first strike at Harry.
Harry saw the attack coming and surprised everyone by using his free hand to catch the blade and grab a firm hold of it. He was cheating of course and it was the strength of a magical appendage that kept the strike from slicing his hand in two and instead only split the skin. A shallow cut was seeping blood, and Harry merely looked at it in annoyance.
The surprise on Baron Switzer's face showed and Harry took the opportunity to jab his sword straight at the man.
Baron Switzer twisted his body out of the way of the first two swings. He was unable to get Harry to release the Baron's sword.
"Hold still," Harry whined just before his third lunge connected solidly, piercing right through the man's armpit.
"Ahh!" Switzer's grip went slack and he'd let go of his blade in an involuntary muscle reflex.
Harry was still holding the sharp end as blood was dripping down his hand. He proceeded to poke Baron Switzer again with Harry's own sword.
The aristocrat gasped and shrieked, slapping a hand over his second open wound.
Harry just smiled and stabbed him once more hoping to avoid vital organs. "This is kind of fun."
Baron Switzer grunted and was sliced again rather shallowly. "Stop!"
"Do you," Harry paused and stabbed him in the thigh, "yield?"
"Yes, yes," Baron Switzer pleaded, as he was quickly losing blood. "I yield."
"Excellent," Harry agreed and stabbed the Baron in the foot. "Whoops. Sorry. That one was my bad."
Baron Switzer had crumpled to the floor as a couple men hurried down from the stands to tend to him.
Harry flipped what had been the Baron's blade, so he was holding it by the handle. He wiped his own blood off the sword and onto his cloak's sleeve. Once he'd sufficiently cleaned the blade, he used magic to launch it slicing through the air. It embedded deep into the wood of the chair just a few inches away from a seated Wizengamot member.
"Lord Fullbright," Harry said with a small bow. "I believe you were next?"
Lord Fullbright turned his head slowly to the blade that was still shaking back and forth from the sudden impact. He looked back at Albus and stated, "I think I'll retract my dispute for now."
"Understood," Albus agreed clearly not approving of Harry's barbaric actions. He waved his wand, vanishing both hastily conjured swords. "Warlock Black, I confirm you are the rightful wielder of the Sovereign Saber."
Harry mentally called for the enchanted sword and it appeared in his hand. "Thanks, Chief Warlock."
"Are you going to be challenging for my seat next?" Albus inquired watching Harry closely while Sirius just looked bored.
"Not today," Harry answered. "But we do still need to address Burke's challenge that-"
"That is Lord Burke to you, Warlock Black," Burke insisted angrily.
"Actually," Harry happily corrected. "The Sovereign Saber permits me to interject, interrupt, and demand to be heard at any time. You could beg me to continue to use your frilly little title, but the saber excludes me from the laws restricting speech and titles in all Wizengamot matters. Isn't that right, Albus?"
"You are correct, Warlock Black," Albus answered. "But I think perhaps you have made enough enemies for now."
"I'm just getting started," Harry said plopping back into his chair and kicking his feet up, mimicking Sirius' position.
Albus looked at the two Lord Blacks for a moment before addressing, "In any event, Lord Burke, I agree with Warlock Black's initial comments that the private dealings of a House are up to the House. And as long as the House retains a single vote, there isn't any legal precedent prohibiting more than one Lord of the family recognized by the Wizengamot. Do we need to vote on your challenge?"
Lord Burke shook his head irritably and sat back down.
"We have a vote before us," Albus explained. "The bill is Muggleborn Rights. We shall hear closing statements on both sides of the issue from Mr. Johnson and Madame Fillman."
"Excuse me," Harry blurted out happily. "Just one thing."
"Yes, Warlock Black?" Albus reluctantly answered.
"Since it seems like all the blood purists and traditionalists around here are very much in favor of this bill, and all the people that foolishly believe Muggleborns deserve equal rights are opposed to the bill, shouldn't we think about renaming it?" Harry said loudly. "I was thinking Muggle and Rights both sound fine, but what if we change 'born' into something more fitting like 'Hating Baby Rapist?' I know it's not quite as catchy, but Muggle-hating Baby Rapist Rights feels a lot more in line with the spirit of the bill."
"Thank you Warlock Black," Albus loudly replied, silencing cries of anger. "But renaming the bill is not up for discussion. The time for that has long since passed."
"Alright, just checking," Harry nodded while playing with the Sovereign Saber.
Albus ceded the floor to Mr. Johnson who spoke emphatically in favor of Muggleborn Rights, while Madame Fillman waited her turn to speak against the bill.
Harry tuned them out and turned to Sirius. "How are you holding up?"
"Maybe if I got to stab someone it wouldn't be so boring."
Harry tossed him the blade. "Be my guest. The House of Black and its Lord are in possession of the saber. Stab away with sovereignty."
Sirius was playing with the sword a bit and leaned over towards Harry. "Any thoughts on when or where you want to go back to work?"
Harry cast a small silencing charm around them and answered, "It's been two days."
"I know," Sirius admitted. "But I figure the work is going to get harder as we go, not easier."
"True," Harry said. "And yes, I've had some thoughts. As we speak, I've got a pair of small snakes working their way around figuring out how many marked people are in this room."
"Oh yeah," Sirius replied with a smile. "Are you that sure you're going to find any?"
Harry nodded. "Simmons and Darcy from the lounge are already on the short list."
"Speaking of short," Sirius attempted to segue. "What's up with you and Tonks?"
"Did Moony put you up to this?"
Sirius grumbled. "Moony doesn't even want to know. I get the feeling he was a little too overprotective when Tonks started dating. I think Tonks might have coerced him into a magical oath. So no, he didn't ask, this is just my own burning curiosity."
"We're just friends," Harry answered looking forward as Dumbledore had stood up to begin the vote.
"Friends?"
"Friends with benefits you could say."
"That's nice and all. Maybe you two can pass notes in the common room," Sirius interjected. "But I was looking for some details. I mean I've heard stories about metamorphmagi…"
"Stories, huh?" Harry commented. "Well, I wouldn't be surprised if they were all true."
"Not all of them," Sirius replied. "I know Andy and Ted didn't flip a coin and decide to raise her as a girl."
Harry bit his lip. "You know I don't think it's worth the risk to ask that one."
"So come on," Sirius asked. "Did Tonks make like Ginny and get the ghost off your back?"
"You know I haven't seen her in almost a week," Harry said. "She's probably due to appear at the worst possible time."
"So who'd you ask for?" Sirius insisted. "Hermione? Luna? McGonagall?"
"No, no," Harry said. "Nothing like that."
"You can't tell me she just looked like Tonks."
Harry shook his head with a grin. "Well not exactly. I mean there's something to be said for the ability to go from a blonde school girl to a redheaded French maid to a blue-haired high-priced hooker in a crotchless catsuit with fishnet stockings all without even changing positions."
"Outfits too?" Sirius was impressed.
"There was a perfectly good chameleon cloak hanging in the closet."
"That's why we got two. Brilliant!"
Harry saw people were being called on to cast their votes. "That girl has got one fantastic imagination."
"That girl is almost eight years older than you."
"She likes to go through almost every sort of fantasy you can think of just to see which ones elicit the strongest responses. And yes, this is during. She borrowed my glasses and did this stern librarian thing then she gave them back, morphed, and tried to sell me a box of cookies." Harry paused and tried to remember where he'd left the cookies. "Did you know she can fake a pregnancy? Massive bulge of the belly complete with welcome and unwelcome swelling. She even pinned me to the ground and ordered me to call her Dora the Sexplorer. What's that about?"
"You want to talk about names that are out there," Sirius jumped in and related. "That one muggle girl, whose name I'll never remember, she actually named my-"
"Wait," Harry interrupted. "You'll never remember her name, but you remember what she named your-"
"Yup," Sirius answered. "You'd remember it too if you got christened Lord Crotch, the Womb Raider."
Harry was unable to contain his snort. "Lord Crotch, the Womb Raider?"
"Yeah," Sirius grinned. "I'm not sure I get it, but I think I'm going to order a plaque made with that name."
"Lord Black and Warlock Black!" Albus Dumbledore's magnified voice broke through their silencing charm.
"Something the matter?" Harry innocently asked, knowing Albus had been calling for them the last thirty seconds.
"How do you vote on the bill titled Muggleborn Rights?" Dumbledore asked in a quieter voice.
Harry glanced at Sirius and back. "Nay."
"Thank you," Albus said. "Lord Black votes nay. Baron Blackenshire?"
"Nay."
Harry and Sirius tuned out the rest of the vote and continued to chat back and forth.
The vote finished and the Muggleborn Rights bill passed easily with sixty-four percent. Chief Warlock Dumbledore was saying the closing words of the session. "Traditionally at this point we would hear a few words from our newest members, but I am not certain that either Lord Black is paying attention right now."
"You'd like a few words?" Harry asked curiously.
"I don't believe there's anything in the charter you might have read," Albus mockingly answered. "But in the past, when someone new has taken over a seat, they would introduce themselves and maybe say a few words about any issues they feel strongly on. I think we'd all understand if you were unprepared for this."
Harry raised his hand as he stood up and began. "I don't think I need to prepare that much to introduce myself." He waved his hand back and forth at everyone. "Hello Wizengamot. I'm Harry. Though, I suppose in this room I'm Lord Black."
"Lord Black," Harry repeated. "I still think that's hilarious. A few years ago, I put on a ring for the purposes of warding a home I'd inherited. I just thought it was a ring. And then I find out it was the Black Family ring and it had accepted me as the new Lord. That's ridiculous. I just wanted to put up an apparition ward and suddenly that means I actually have a mildly important voice in one of the premiere governing bodies? That's retarded."
Harry shook his head as some people were muttering unhappily. "I did a fair amount of reading on the Wizengamot before tonight and I got to say this place is outdated and stagnant."
"I understand the idea that if it's not broke, then you shouldn't fix it. But I'm telling you, it's broke. Listen to me. I'm Lord Black and I have a vote. Something had to have gone wrong along the way for this to happen."
Harry saw he wasn't making any friends but that they were at least paying attention to him. "It's not that complicated. Hereditary seats plus a growing rate of inbreeding does not a good judicial and legislative body make."
"I'm not arrogant or foolish enough to believe I have all the answers. But if you try to feed me a plate of shit, I'm going to call you on trying to feed me a plate of shit. Like the bill tonight? That was a plate of shit."
"But I digress," Harry paused. "The short of it is that I consider it my civic duty to piss you all off. Thank you." Harry sat back down happily.
"Thank you Warlock Black," Albus tiredly replied. He looked straight at Sirius and asked, "Lord Black?"
Sirius glanced at Harry and pushed himself up to his feet. Sirius took a deep breath and began. "I'd imagine you all have taken notice of the fact that there are two Lord Blacks. And I don't want to give off the impression that we are anything but a united front. So I will simply reiterate the shared opinions of the two Lord Blacks in my own words: Fuck you all very much." Sirius smoothed down the front of his shirt and sat back down. "Thank you. And your mother twice."
Albus huffed in frustration. "I think that's enough for tonight. I call this session to a close. Good evening." Albus banged a magical gavel to his desk and gathered up the parchments around him.
Sirius stood up and looked at Harry. "Shall we make a dramatic exit?"
"You can if you want," Harry said. "I'm still waiting on a couple of reptilian delegates that wanted to keep an eye on the door."
"Don't sneak out on me," Sirius warned as he exited the courtroom and ran into a number of reporters and photographers.
Harry briefly chatted with the two scout snakes as he slipped them into his pocket. He had just begun to wonder how long he could wait in the courtroom when Sirius bellowed, "Get out here, Harry."
"What?" Harry came out quickly. "What's the matter?"
Sirius grinned. "Nothing. But it's a better photo op with both of us. Smile at the camera."
Harry turned towards a group of four photographers and was blinded by flashes.
"Lord Black! Lord Black!"
Harry saw Sirius wasn't going to let him get away and figured he probably owed Sirius for coming tonight. He turned towards the shouting man with the quill and notepad. "Yes?"
"Lord Sirius Black indicated that you wrote your own introductory remarks," the reporter supplied. "Could you expound on your meaning when you said you consider it your civic duty to piss people off?"
"Now you're just twisting my words," Harry argued. "I don't consider it my civic duty to piss people off. I consider it my civic duty to piss off the back-ass-wards inbred idiotic geezers who think blood purity matters. Given the performance of the Wizengamot over the last couple centuries, I think it's safe to consider back-ass-wards inbred idiotic geezers is a fair description of the majority."
The reporter gulped and glanced at Sirius smirking. "Can I quote you on that?"
"Sure," Harry said with a shrug.
"Aren't you worried about backlash from the other more senior members?"
Harry shook his head. "Not really. They could try to make up some new laws, circumventing all of their precious ancient charter, but to do so would actually mean they're breaking away from outdated traditions, which is basically the point of goading them in the first place. Not to mention, they'd be validating me as an opposing voice to the blood purists. A voice they were unable to deal with."
The reporter was furiously scribbling down everything Harry said. "When you say blood purist, do you really mean Death Eater?"
"I'm referring to the political landscape, not a recent terrorist organization," Harry replied. "The problems of our society aren't the fault of the addle-brained extremists but the fault of lazy people doing nothing to improve the status quo. If you want a quote, use this: the wizarding government is run by a bunch of the stupidest muggles you can find, who just happen to be able to do magic."
"We're just muggles who can do magic?" A firm but feminine voice clarified. "All of us?"
"Madame Bones," Sirius greeted. "I'm sure Lord Black here meant to imply everyone but you."
"Lord Black," Madame Bones greeted. "A couple of old friends are waiting over there and were hoping to talk to you."
Sirius spotted two Unspeakables he knew by name and patted Harry on the back. "I'll catch up with you later Harry."
Harry leaned over to Sirius' ear and whispered, "Keep your necklace on if you need a breakout. And remember, you're a Lord now. Something you weren't last time they drugged, interrogated, and obliviated you."
"You worry too much," Sirius assured him.
Harry watched Sirius walk away when Madame Bones repeated her earlier question. "So muggles who can do magic, huh?"
"I may have exaggerated a bit for shock effect, but basically yeah," Harry argued. "Too many wizards and witches think themselves different from muggles and have an us-versus-them attitude."
"And you don't?"
Harry shook his head. "Like I said, we're all muggles. It just so happens that most of us who can do magic are completely ignorant of almost everything else in the world."
"That's a pretty unpopular attitude," Amelia Bones pointed out without disagreeing.
Harry shrugged. "Popularity only matters to elected officials. I'm content to loudly disagree with everyone. And maybe ruffle a few feathers, sleep with a few daughters. All the things my bloodline and magical ability entitle me to."
Amelia Bones really didn't want to like Harry, but she couldn't ignore he had annoying charm. "Good evening, Lord Black," she dismissed. "Do me a favor and try not to stab any other members of the Wizengamot tonight."
"You have my word that I will try, but it's this Sovereign Saber," Harry said hefting his new toy, swinging it dangerously close to the reporter. "It lusts for blood and I can only resist its call so long."
Amelia said nothing else as she turned away shaking her head and hiding a smile.
Harry got word from Sirius that he was fine but would be a couple more hours.
Tonks then decided it was her responsibility to the Black family to take Harry out and find him a piece of tail.
It was only about twenty minutes after they'd arrived at the wizarding bar before Tonks had ditched Harry. The drummer for Stubby Boardman's reunion tour was too dishy to ignore in favor of her self-appointed responsibility to the Black family.
Harry wished her well and moved over towards the bar, where he saw a very attractive and familiar face drinking alone.
"Can I get you another of those?"
Susan Bones looked up to see Harry smiling at her. "Sure."
Harry signaled the bartender and sat down next to her. "Why would someone as attractive as you be drinking here alone?"
"That's your line?" Susan asked unimpressed. "You buy me a drink, you sit down next to me, and you loosely wrap a question around an uninspired compliment?"
Harry sipped on his own bottle of beer. "Well now that I've seen your confidence, I know we're not waiting on the boyfriend to arrive. And I was needlessly worried about coming on too strong."
"You were going to come on stronger?"
"You really want to tee that one up for me?"
Susan laughed, unashamed of the color in her cheeks. "So what would have your line been?"
Harry sat his bottle down and stared right at her. He silently watched her until she finally turned and asked, "What?"
"You remind me of Celestina Warbeck."
Susan gave Harry a curious glance. "I look nothing like her."
"No, you don't look anything like her," Harry agreed. "You're much cuter, but I never said you look like her. Just that you remind me of her. Two things about you actually."
"Oh yeah?" Susan asked. "What two things?"
"First thing," Harry argued playfully. "First is that you both blush the same when properly embarrassed and slightly flattered."
"Are we speaking from firsthand knowledge here?" Susan inquired.
Harry smiled mysteriously and continued, "The second thing is that you both get a deep husky voice after your second orgasm." Harry grinned as Susan nearly choked on her drink. "See? There's that blush."
Susan had to look away as she felt embarrassed to blush this time. "You're awful."
"I try," Harry agreed sticking his hand out in greeting. "Harry."
"I know who you are, Lord Black."
"And I know who you are, Miss Bones."
Susan turned to him in surprise. "Now that is interesting. And here I was going to suggest we get to know each other a little better. But it appears we know each other already."
"I may know your name," Harry pointed out. "But I would appreciate the opportunity to count and catalog every freckle on your body."
"I don't have any freckles on my body," Susan retorted.
Harry tipped back the rest of his beer and set the empty bottle down. "Prove it."
Susan was watching Harry and found herself relishing in the way his eyes felt on her. She knocked back the rest of her drink and got up from the bar. "Okay."
"Really?" Harry's voice cracked before he could stop himself. "Let's just pretend I didn't say that. You ready to go?"
Susan nodded and accepted Harry's hand. She let him pull her side-along as they apparated away.
Harry woke up suddenly trying to determine what roused him. He felt the calming sensation of a warm body next to him and smiled in remembrance of the night before. His fond recollection of newfound carnal knowledge was interrupted by a sharp chill in a very sensitive area. He glanced forward and saw the covers were still in place. He decided that even with a comforter in the way, Susan Bones still had great curves.
Harry's eyes widened and he became far more alert when he felt the chill again in the exact same place.
Harry slowly tried not to wake up the young woman next to him as he lifted the sheets over his head to assess and evaluate the potential shrinkage situation.
Ginny frowned harshly at him as her head was the only visible part of her incorporeal body sprouting up from the mattress. When she caught his eye, she brought up her fist again and punched Harry in the crotch.
The chill made a lot more sense now, but somehow felt even colder. "Ginny! Stop that!" Harry whispered angrily while trying to rub some heat into his body.
"You slept with Tonks!" Ginny whispered back.
"Now's not really the time-"
"Sirius says you didn't even ask her to look like me!"
"Well there's only so much blood in my body," Harry argued. "And it's hard to think when the little head called dibs on the circulation front."
"I understand you're scared, Harry," Ginny continued softly. "I know you don't know how to handle love-"
"Oh for Merlin's sake," Harry snapped loudly. "I'm not scared of you!"
"Harry?" the voice from the other side of the sheets warily asked.
"Get out of here!" Harry reached out, slapped both hands on the top of Ginny's head, and pushed her down. He was momentarily shocked to see he had actually managed to push a ghost away. He didn't have a moment to consider the implications when he was reminded of more pressing issues.
"Are you talking to me or your penis?"
Harry pulled the comforter off and smiled up at Susan. He saw the cool room air had an immediate effect creating some enticing goose bumps on her body. "Sorry about that."
Susan shivered and pulled the comforter back down to cover her. "Brrr. It's cold."
Harry grinned and cast a warming charm around her. "I'm a big fan of low room temperatures where you don't want to get out from under the covers."
"As long as you're not scared of your penis," Susan smirked. "By the way, does it talk back to you?"
Harry failed to mask his embarrassment explaining. "I was talking to… well, the ghost between my legs to be honest."
"Mmm-hmm," Susan agreed fully turning around to face towards Harry. She propped her head up with her arm. "Sounds like a lucky ghost."
Harry felt a sudden icy chill connect with his loins again and he gasped. He hopped up out of bed and hurriedly put his pajama bottoms on. He pulled on his chameleon cloak and shifted it into a fuzzy terrycloth robe. "Why don't I make us breakfast? Are you hungry?"
Susan sat up a little and felt the thrill of Harry's eyes on her body again. "I am hungry," she admitted beckoning Harry closer with a finger.
Harry slowly stepped towards her, fearful that Ginny's head might pop up suddenly. "You want some eggs? Bacon?"
Susan grabbed the waistband of his pajama bottoms and pulled him towards her. Her chin was resting on his bellybutton as she looked up at him. "I was thinking sausage."
"Pork or Italian?"
"Shut up."
"Okay."
It was almost an hour later before they were both satiated and famished. They walked down the stairs and could hear sizzling sounds coming from the kitchen. Harry pushed the door open, calling out, "Sirius? Are you making… oh."
Sirius was fighting with a frying pan at the stove, and it appeared his date for the previous evening was wearing only a bathrobe while she sipped some tea.
Harry didn't feel any shame as both he and Susan were dressed in similar bathrobes, but he was a little worried about the woman's presence.
"Hey," Sirius greeted and pointed at the woman jumping to her feet. "You remember-"
"Susan!"
Susan had walked right behind Harry and eeped in surprise. "Auntie Amelia!"
Harry looked at Sirius and pinched the bridge of his nose. "We have got to work on our communication."