Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Aren't I a good author? I leave you with a minor cliffhanger and less than six days later, the next chapter. That's not bad. No promises on when, but I wouldn't expect another chapter until next weekend (not this weekend, but next). Maybe sooner, maybe later. Thanks for all the reviews. We're getting a few more clues to the plot and a few more indications that there really is a plot here.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

"Avada Ke-HOLY CRAP!" Sirius' wand fizzled as the unfinished spell went nowhere.

"Ahh!" Harry was exclaiming as he clenched his eyes shut and kept growing closer to normal size. "Ahh… ahh… uh?" He trailed off as he opened up his eyes and saw the wards passing harmlessly through his suddenly translucent body. "This is new."

Sirius lowered his wand and stared up at the semi-transparent ghostly form of his godson. "Harry! Oh god, Harry. I'm sorry."

"I'm not dead," Harry replied back to the still tiny Sirius. Harry waved his transparent hand and arm through the wards without even feeling a tingle. "Am I?"

"What the hell happened?" Sirius asked stepping back from the ward before he countered the shrinking charm on himself. "You're a ghost!"

"That couldn't have killed me," Harry said frowning. He was poking himself and saw his body reacted normally to his own touch. "There's no way."

Sirius reached forward and his hand passed right through Harry's arm. "You're cold."

Harry stepped towards Sirius and swung his arms through his godfather touching nothing.

Sirius shivered at the sensation. "What did you do? Accidental magic?"

Harry scratched his ghostly head. "I've never heard of anything like this. I mean I was trying to think of ways around the wards and pleading for help. The only thing I could think of was with the animagi ward in front of me-"

Sirius gasped and stepped back.

"What?" Harry said looking down and turning around. "What'd I do now?"

"That's it!" Sirius exclaimed. "That's what… oh this makes perfect sense!"

"What does?"

"You're a ghost!"

"But I never died."

"No, no," Sirius corrected. "You're a ghost! Your animagus form is dead Harry!"

Harry frowned. "That's not a form."

"I told you, you killed your form," Sirius cheered. "That's why the mist was grey and you kept seeing yourself hazy. You're a bloody ghost!"

"But that doesn't…" Harry stopped. "I mean that… I couldn't… My animagus form is a ghost?"

"McGonagall was even talking about magical entities other than animals," Sirius happily continued. "Ghosts are all in-between and that's why you didn't get black or white mist. That's why you were sometimes invisible. Oh this is so freaking cool."

"But I still look like me," Harry pondered.

Sirius shrugged. "You're wearing the same clothes but you look like a ghost to me."

Harry walked right up to the next set of wards and slowly stuck his arm straight through them. "This is sweet! Hardly anyone wards against ghosts."

"Oh come on," Sirius grumbled. "That's cheating."

Harry got down on his hands and knees and submerged his head down into the ground without interference. There was a brief beat before his head came right back up. "That was unpleasant."

"It hurt?"

"No," Harry said shaking his head. "But it looked like dirt mashed up to my eyelids."

"What were you expecting?"

"I'm not sure," Harry said rubbing his ghostly eyes. "But I definitely cannot see through solid objects."

"Why would you think you could?"

Harry frowned. "Well pardon me if I'm not exactly experienced at being a ghost. Can they even pick things up?" Harry asked while trying to grab the grass and ground below him.

Sirius shook his head. "Poltergeists can, but I don't think ghosts can do all that much."

"But I'm sitting on the ground," Harry said. "And I was walking on it earlier."

Sirius shrugged. "Are you sure that's what you were doing?"

Harry jumped to his feet and walked over to Sirius. "Yes, Padfoot, I'm walking on the ground."

"You could just be floating in the way normal Harry would expect to walk. Try and float off the ground," Sirius suggested urging his godson on.

Harry figured it was worth a shot. His face tightened into a look of concentration but nothing was happening. He sighed. He stuck a fist into the air and jumped up, only to land right back on the ground. "Is there a manual for this stuff?"

Sirius grinned as a thought came to him. "Well, you could always ask-"

"OH! MY! GOD!" Harry exclaimed in sheer terror. "Oh crap. Oh Jesus fucking Christ."

"Just remembered her, eh?"

"I swear to all that's fucking holy, Sirius," Harry snapped, stomping right up into the elder man's face. "If you breathe one word of this to Ginny, just one word, I'm carving out your testicles with a melon-baller."

"She's bound to find out eventu-"

"No she isn't!" Harry shouted. "You're not hearing me too clearly. She will NEVER find out about this."

"Harry-"

"NEVER!"

Sirius just started to laugh at Harry.

Harry would catch Sirius' eye and the older man would just laugh harder.

Harry sighed. "She's right behind me, isn't she?"

Sirius just laughed louder at the depressed look of resignation on Harry's face.

Harry slowly turned around. He kept turning until he had gone in a full circle and was back facing Sirius. Harry fell to the ground in a mixture of exhaustion and exultation. He put his hand over his chest. "I think I had a heart attack," Harry opened his eyes in surprise and began to rhythmically push on his chest. "Though I would feel more comforted if I actually had a heartbeat."

Sirius just continued to laugh at Harry and was pointing at him.

"What?" Harry finally asked, thinking Sirius was laughing a bit too heartily.

"You did all the animagus exercises, right? The preliminary study?"

"Yeah," Harry nodded having gone through them with Hermione.

"Alright then," Sirius happily responded. "Tell me, what's the first step towards transformation after you've identified your form?"

"You have to map out the skeletal structure differences and then… musculature…" Harry trailed off and suddenly realized. "Oh."

Sirius started laughing again.

"Ah crud."

Sirius was nodding in mirth.

"None of those exercises are going to help," Harry realized. "My structure is the exact same… I… How the hell do I transform?"

Sirius was still tickled and knew there was one more realization still to come for Harry.

Harry's ghostly form managed to pale even further. He gasped, "How do I change back?"

"There it is," Sirius gleefully announced.

"I might as well be dead," Harry mumbled remembering the horror stories of inexperienced animagi getting stuck in their forms. "And I'm getting hungry."

"Relax Harry," Sirius assured him. "I can fetch Moony and we can reverse it forcefully. I think."

Harry exhaled in relief despite not really breathing. "That's right. You're going to have to teach me that spell. I get the feeling I'm going to need it."

"I could try it on my own," Sirius admitted. "But that's not an easy one-person job, and you're not exactly a weak wizard."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, we'll do that but before we do, you've got some work to finish."

"Aww man," Sirius grumbled. "Now I've got to do everything myself."

"Quit your whining," Harry happily scolded. "There's just one more ward set and it's liftable."

Sirius nodded his assent and brought the ward-jack over to the final inner ward set. He slid it in and began ratcheting it up while Harry walked on into the mid-sized house.

"You could at least keep me company," Sirius muttered.

"I'm scouting ahead," Harry called back. "I can tell you where to go."

Sirius was down on his knees, silently agreeing with Harry but electing not to voice it. He glanced back through the illusionary veil protecting them from outsiders and saw no one had snuck up on them. He laid down on the ground and rolled underneath the final ward set once it was high enough.

He left the ward jimmied up and drew his original wand as he walked up to the front door of the house. "Harry?"

Harry stepped right through the wall to the side of the door. "There's not a lot. But I found something we'll want to take."

"Just one?" Sirius said slipping on an unlocking glove and opening the front door.

"One in particular," Harry corrected. "There may be a few other things worth our time."

"Let's get this over with," Sirius said looking both directions in the sub-standard home they were robbing. "I'm feeling a little vulnerable being the only one between the two of us who can die at the moment."

"Follow me," Harry said leading Sirius towards the back of the home. "There are wards over it that are masked themselves."

Sirius found it humorous that Harry as a ghost still had to walk everywhere. "Are you sure this is the right guy and right place?"

"I had a snake confirm the Dark Mark, and Bellatrix says he's an obedient Death Eater and has been for a couple decades," Harry said pointing over his shoulder. "It's the blank patch of wall here."

Sirius eyes slid right over the area Harry indicated, feeling a strong urge to look elsewhere. "It's just most places we rob are a lot nicer than ours. And this place doesn't feel like the type owned by a lowlife with a vault full of gold to fall back on."

"Well I'm not sure how much in here would be worth fencing anyways," Harry shrugged. "I just want what's back there."

Sirius' line of sight slipped right over the wall again. "Can you at least turn around and point it out?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope, I can't."

Sirius looked at Harry curiously.

"The same protections that are making your eyes slide all over the place work on me too," Harry explained. "But I think I know a way around them."

"I'm listening."

"Turn towards the wall on the right," Harry instructed. "Now walk sideways, keep watching the wall in front of you. Okay… stop."

Sirius stopped and was looking at the wall, knowing he shouldn't turn around yet.

"Wait for my signal. There are some strong befuddlement hexes in here backed with compulsion charms. It wouldn't take much to… get…" Harry said stepping backwards towards the wall. He glanced over his shoulder and was hit by the compulsion. Harry's ghostly form turned and started to walk down the hallway.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?" Harry answered turning around. "What's up?"

Sirius turned just slightly to see a completely oblivious Harry standing at the end of the hallway before whipping his head right back towards the wall in front of him. "You're such an idiot."

"And you're a wanker."

Sirius turned enough so that he could glare at Harry.

"What did I do?" Harry said, glancing to the wall behind Sirius. "You know there's some wards behind you."

"You don't say," Sirius grumbled. "Come on Harry. Think it through."

Harry glanced at Sirius and then saw his vision slide from the warded section of wall. "We're trying to get in there, aren't we?"

"Yes," Sirius exasperatedly agreed.

"And I got hit by its defenses and that's why I'm standing over here," Harry said in dawning realization.

Sirius nodded eagerly.

"I'm coming," Harry said, turning sideways to avoid looking at the wall. He slid over next to Sirius. "I'm good. So what's the plan?"

Sirius resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall. "You came up with the plan. You hadn't gotten around to sharing it with me."

"Well that explains why your panties are in a bunch," Harry said. He looked at the wall where Sirius was staring and began to step backwards. "Let me try something."

"Can you at least tell me what you're doing so I can remind you next time?" Sirius asked without turning around. "Harry? Harry!"

"I'm here," Harry said stepping right behind Sirius. "I got a plan. Might even be the same one as first time, I just can't look at it from this side." He stuck his hand right in front of Sirius' face. "See my hand?"

Sirius flinched at the hand in his face at first but leaned back and looked at Harry's translucent hand. "Yup."

"Get it in your mind and keep it there," Harry said as he began to step backwards. He waited until he was all the way in the wall before he located the hidden shelf. He stuck his hand straight through the wall, sticking out into the hallway while making sure his body stayed inside the wall. "Now Sirius, keep thinking about my hand. Whenever you're ready, you whip around and hit my hand with a blasting curse. Don't think of anything other than my hand, alright?"

Sirius spun around and sent a sharp reducto straight through Harry's hand, blowing away a large chunk of the very near wall.

Harry shrieked and jumped backward at the sudden explosion, but was pleased to see Sirius looking at him through the large hole in the wall.

"You okay?"

Harry nodded while rubbing his eyes. "Man being a ghost is killer on the eyes."

Sirius grinned. "So what do we got in here?" He lifted a few chunks of plaster and wood away revealing a relatively plain box that had been charmed indestructible.

"That's it," Harry said pointing at the box. "That's what makes hitting this place worthwhile."

Sirius opened the box and saw a gold locket with the letter S engraved on it. "Is this magical?"

"Salazar Slytherin's locket?" Harry explained. "Yeah, I'd say so."

Sirius lifted it up to better examine it. "This is Slytherin's?"

Harry nodded.

"Just holding it gives me the heebie-jeebies," Sirius said putting it back in the box, and getting ready to put it in his trunk.

"Don't take the box," Harry stopped him. "I know we can remove most tracers and mask others but this wasn't protected by amateurs."

"Fine," Sirius said pulling out the magic muting ball and slipping the locket into it. "But I'm not leaving here empty-handed."

"There's a closet with clothes about your size," Harry suggested.

"This is not the home of a man with taste," Sirius snootily retorted. "No, I want that," He finished and pointed down the hall.

Harry stepped out from the wall and saw where Sirius was pointing. "That?"

"Yup," Sirius assured him.

"Do you even know what that is?"

"Not exactly," Sirius said. "But it's big. And I want it."

"That's a washer/dryer combo, Padfoot."

"I still want it."

Harry looked at his godfather curiously. "Do you even know what a-"

"Yes," Sirius answered before Harry could finish asking. "When I was a kid and my little brother was still a baby, the nanny would give him fresh sheets from a muggle dryer. They always smelled better and were warmer than magicked ones. As soon as the she left the room, I'd steal his warm sheets and give him my old ones."

Harry looked at Sirius oddly. "That's beautiful, Sirius."

"Little bugger used to cry and cry every time I did it," Sirius explained. "Regulus once told me that was his first memory."

"You were quite the brother."

"Yeah, I went through a bit of bedwetting stage too, so it was a win-win situation."

"How did Regulus win?"

"He didn't," Sirius said with a frown. "I won twice."

"Go shrink your washer/dryer combo," Harry said with a shake of his head. "And do you want to portkey or apparate out of here?"

"Why not just go back the way we came?" Sirius asked as he wiggled the metal appliance taller than him away from the wall.

"Because I don't trust that unknown ward, and we can take the portkey and apparition down from inside."

"Portkey then," Sirius said as he shrunk the machine down. "I can transform and take a portkey."

"Go to Moony's and fetch him," Harry said. "And I'll meet you where we did our scouting from, up the hill."

Sirius finished storing away the washer/dryer combo and began checking the closets and hallways as he walked back towards the front. "You can't do anything as a ghost, can you?"

"To the best of my knowledge ghosts can't apparate or take portkeys," Harry explained in frustration. "And I don't particularly want to walk ten kilometers to a bus station."

Sirius kept looking for plunder as Harry directed him towards the anchor stones for the portkey ward. "Still haven't figured out invisibility or floating?"

Harry shook his head. "I've no clue."

Sirius had quietly brought down the portkey ward and resumed his haphazard search for things to take. He decided there wasn't anything else worth stealing and walked out to retrieve the ward-jack he had left out front. He stuffed everything into the magic muting ball that he transfigured to look like a chew toy. He cast the 'After Dark Mark' just inside the front door before turning a twig into a portkey to the wooded area across the street from Remus' place.

Harry waved at Sirius as he popped into his dog form. "Don't make me wait too long."

Sirius picked up the ball in his mouth and stepped onto the spelled twig, disappearing from Alan Weston's front porch.

Harry continued to try and move solid objects in spite of his incorporeal state but failed. He walked over to where he'd left his wand and was disappointed to see he couldn't do anything with it either.

He felt exposed out in the open and unable to do anything. He quickly walked up the hillside to the spot where he would wait for Sirius and Remus.

Harry sighed hoping against hope that Ginny wouldn't make an appearance before the two older Marauders could arrive. He plopped down onto the ground and leaned back against a young tree.

Harry's back started to itch when he remembered he should not have been able to lean against a tree. Harry's subconscious appeared to be having a laugh and when that thought crossed his mind, he fell backwards through the tree.

Harry leaned up on his elbows and saw the thin trunk was coming out his stomach. "Lovely," he muttered as he laid back down, resigned to waiting.

Harry wasn't sure how long he lay there looking as if he fell from the sky and got skewered by the tree. He'd been trying to think of all the disadvantages of his animagus form when he heard Remus' voice, "What do you think would happen if we cast the spell right now?"

Harry quickly rolled to his side, not even wanting to give them the opportunity. "Don't even joke about that. I'm already dancing a fine line of death here."

"A ghost," Remus said shaking his head. "That's… freaky."

"I didn't even get a girlish shriek or a gasp that I might be dead?" Harry asked dusting himself off out of habit.

"Oh, he shrieked," Sirius happily explained. "We were silenced as we walked up ensuring Moony didn't wake the neighbors."

"That was hardly a shriek," Remus argued.

"Come on," Harry said urging the men on. "Hit me with your best shot. And we can pretend you already cast the fake spell tricking me into thinking I was stuck as a ghost. I broke down, I cried. You laughed at me and are now going to cast the real spell. Go."

Sirius put his hands on his hips. "This is why no one likes you even though we pretend we do."

"Forget it, Padfoot," Remus chided. "Let's just do this and leave the scene of the crime. Please."

Remus and Sirius moved into position and cast the animagus reversal spell at the same time.

Harry stood there and felt the spells connecting with him. He tried to relax and urge the spell on, but his magic was instinctively resisting it. Finally with a bit of push from the two spell-casters, Harry felt momentarily like a balloon pumped past its limit and with a pop was suddenly corporeal again.

"Thanks guys," Harry said, surprised that the transformation hadn't hurt more.

Sirius and Remus dropped their wand arms in exhaustion. Sirius complained, "I don't remember it being that difficult back in school."

Harry still had Sirius' unicorn hair wand and simply summoned his own unicorn hair wand from where he stood, having already confirmed the two outer sets wouldn't trigger. He snagged the wand out of the air as sure as if it were a snitch, and tossed the other wand to Sirius. "You guys okay to apparate?"

"I've been doing all the work tonight," Sirius tiredly complained. "Give us a lift."

Harry saw Remus looked as beat as Sirius and grabbed onto both of them as he apparated to Diagon Alley. The three men quickly walked into the Leaky Cauldron and flooed back to Grimmauld Place.

"I suppose we owe you an explanation," Harry said as Remus dusted the soot off himself.

"Save it for tomorrow," Remus said turning to walk down the hall. "I'm going back to bed."

Harry saw Remus head towards Bellatrix's room and turned to Sirius. "He wasn't at home, was he?"

"Nope," Sirius said. "Didn't you wonder why it took me so long?"

"I figured you were just making me sweat."

Sirius rocked his hand from side to side. "Maybe a little. But it was also because I walked in on Bellatrix extracting the baby batter. You know the Lord stuff is awful useful in this place when it comes to locked doors."

Harry winced at the imagery. "I'm sure Remus was happy about that."

"He was more scared than anything when he noticed me," Sirius happily admitted. "It took him over five minutes to even realize I was there."

Harry blinked at the implications of that innocuous comment. "They didn't notice you?"

"Bellatrix saw me walk in. She waved. I wasn't in any hurry."

"You're a sick man."

"Yes Harry," Sirius agreed. "I am at that."

Harry saw the calm acceptance on Sirius' face. "Can I get that locket?"

"We're not going to sell it tomorrow?"

"Nope," Harry told him. "We can't sell that thing. I'm going to put it behind a Fidelius before I go to bed."

Sirius reached into the storage space and withdrew the locket. He held it out for Harry before pulling it back. "You're going to share the secret, aren't you?"

Harry took the locket and right away sensed the piece of split soul inside it. "Yes, I'll tell you."

"How much you think it's worth?" Sirius asked curiously.

Harry considered telling his godfather the whole truth but did not want to make an issue of opposing Voldemort again, particularly when any discussion of horcruxes would more than likely require mentioning a certain skull. He decided to give Sirius the Dumbledorian truth. "Any founder's object is going to be worth a lot, but this is also a piece of a larger puzzle. And getting them together would be priceless."

"Really," Sirius said. "Maybe we should look for more pieces."

Harry looked away from the locket and at his godfather. "You want to?"

Sirius shrugged. "If they're as valuable as you say, then I wonder why you don't. You know what the other pieces look like or where to find them?"

Harry gave it a moment's thought. "Yeah, I got a few ideas."

"So why don't we?"

"No reason not to," Harry agreed. "But let's take a couple days to rest first."

Bellatrix was so excited she screamed "Yes!" and clapped her hands eagerly for over a minute. She did the spell four more times, with each positive result making her happier than the time before.

She cursed softly the fact that she'd used up all the muggle pregnancy tests she had bought. She'd gone through seven the first day before Harry informed her that perhaps she should wait until she had sex again before peeing on another stick.

She cast the spell again and grinned even wider. She knew things would be easier if she could get into her Lords' good graces, so she was trying to embrace her muggle and werewolf loving side. She decided she'd go buy more muggle pregnancy tests just to be sure.

She was so excited that she scampered down the steps and right out the front door. She did not think to inform her Lords or Kreacher that she leaving. Nor did she consider leaving a note or bother to cast a glamour over herself.

She was simply giddy just thinking about the child forming inside her. She took a left down an alley that was a shortcut to the corner market.

No matter how distracted Bellatrix may have been, she would always recognize the rippling muting shudder of portkey and apparition wards going up around her. She had her wand out and cast an invisible shield as she spun around.

A dark purple spell collided with her shield, shattering it on impact and knocking her backwards off her feet.

Bellatrix immediately covered her midsection thinking of her daughter and put up another shield. Two curses splashed against it, but it held.

She rolled away from a dark red jet of light and put up another shield. She was hurriedly trying to locate all of her attackers or at least get a better idea of how many there were.

She counted two disillusioned blurs and no one behind her.

Two shouts of spells rang out sending two solid spears towards Bellatrix's head and body.

She dove behind a dumpster for cover. Immediately she strengthened the dumpster and charmed it to be mildly resistant to magic. She took a moment to conjure a small puck of dark magic.

"Give up, traitor," a nasal male's voice ordered.

Bellatrix twirled her finger over the rim of the puck and it started to smoke. She peered right around the edge of the dumpster and ducked back as a spell ricocheted off the metal. She slid the puck straight down the alley. The two Death Eaters just stared at the innocuous looking puck sliding between them when it exploded in a flash of light.

They were coated in liquid layer of blood from the modified vampire-hunting spell. The spell was most often used to set a trap for vampires by coating people with blood. And the blood from the spell also had the side effect of slight flesh-eating capabilities.

As soon as the flash exploded, Bellatrix heard two matching screams and jumped to her feet. She began to sprint down the other end of the alley, hoping to get away. Her first step took her straight into the path of a yellow curse. She instinctively snapped another shield into place as quickly as she could. The lung-punching hex shredded her shield and knocked her backwards off her feet again.

She scrambled over to a pair of dustbins and was ducking for cover.

The two blood-covered Death Eaters behind her were approaching rapidly, rejoining the fray.

She was pinned down, unable to do anything but defend. Her shields were slowly but surely weakening, and muted curses were connecting to her extremities. She was staying especially protective of her head and midsection, making sure nothing could damage her pregnancy.

Bellatrix was running out of time and ideas.

Sirius and Harry both stepped out of their bedrooms at the same time. They caught each other's eyes and closed their doors behind them.

"Did you pay attention?" Harry asked softly.

"Yeah," Sirius said. "Blue eyes."

"Blue eyes," Harry warily agreed.

"Brunette."

"Strawberry blonde."

"One sister, she lives in Inverness."

"Only child, grew up in Wales."

"Late thirties, or looking great for forties. No kids, widowed."

"Grad student, mid twenties. Single."

Sirius nodded. "Alright then."

Harry nodded back and opened his bedroom door. "It's safe, Ashley. I killed the spider."

Sirius opened his. "No worries, Caroline. I cleaned up the broken glass."

Caroline came out of the bedroom, looking at Sirius oddly. "You know if you had to hide something, you could've just told me. I'm not your wife and I'm not your mother."

Sirius pulled her close and gave her a loud smacking kiss on the cheek. "As long as we're clear on that."

"I left my number on your bed," Ashley said as she wiggled past Harry.

Harry glanced over and remarked. "It looks like you carved it into the head board."

"Like I said," Ashley said with a saucy grin. "I left my number on your bed. Give me a call some time."

Caroline looked at Ashley curiously. "Do I know you?"

Ashley turned and caught Caroline's eye. "I don't believe so…"

"Sorry," Harry jumped in. "Sirius, this is Ashley. Ashley, this is Sirius. And Caroline, was it?"

"It was," Caroline said nodding at Harry and turning towards the young woman who looked incredibly familiar. "Your name's Ashley, huh."

"Guess you two don't know each other," Sirius happily announced and began to urge Caroline out the door.

Caroline let Sirius push her gently, but she moved out of his way right in front of Ashley. "Your name's Ashley not… Emma, by chance?"

Ashley paled and took a step back. "Who told you that name?"

"For Christ's sake," Sirius muttered as he looked away.

Caroline put her hand up to her mouth in shock. Her eyes started watering as she explained, "It was what I named my baby shortly before the adoption agency took her away."

Ashley whimpered, squeezing her hands together in hope. "You're… you're Jane Austen Doe?"

"Oh Emma," Caroline exclaimed lunging forward to hug the younger woman.

"Oh… Mum," Ashley cried, gripping Caroline tighter.

"Oh Lord," Harry grumbled.

Sirius shouted, "Oh come on!"

"I'm so sorry, Emma," Caroline said in between her sniffles. "I was only thirteen and Daddy was up for re-election. I wasn't ready to raise a child and I just couldn't give them my real name."

"I can't believe I've found you," Ashley said, not wanting to let go. "I spent over two thousand pounds on private investigators trying to locate you."

Sirius was standing next to Harry, who could only gape at the scene. "This is ridiculous," Sirius complained, waving his hand towards the tear-filled reunion. "Do you have any idea the odds on something like this?"

Harry turned to Sirius and looked him straight in the eye. "We've been given a gift, Sirius."

Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "I'm not supposed to long for normal days. That's not me."

"Welcome to my life," Harry asserted having come to terms with these kinds of things happening regularly.

Sirius calmed down and nodded in acceptance. "So what do we do with this gift?"

"We sleep with hot chicks, Sirius," Harry said gripping his godfather's shoulder in commiseration. "We sleep with hot chicks."

Sirius sighed. "If we must."

Harry saw Caroline and Ashley turn away and walk down the stairs arm in arm. "I think we've been forgotten."

Sirius flashed a thumbs up. "Give me ten minutes and they'll be forgotten too."

Harry saw the two women let themselves out and closed the front door behind them. He turned to Sirius, "Did I hear Caroline shout yes and then give you a standing ovation? Impressive."

Sirius shook his head. "I thought that was you."

Harry snapped his fingers. "Remus stayed over, didn't he?"

"Yeah," Sirius said before pausing. "But he had to leave for work real early. That must have been after he left… Oh."

"Oh," Harry said catching on. "You know maybe we should try and teach Moony a few moves. Or get him some numbing creams maybe."

"You up for some lunch?" Sirius asked. "I'll even pay for my half."

"With a sweet offer like that, how can I say no?"

Sirius and Harry walked out the front door, heading for the deli.

"You know I think Remus might be developing feelings for Bellatrix," Harry commented.

Sirius winced, walking in step with Harry. "I wonder if she's even capable of feelings of the good variety."

"I feel like I'm kicking a puppy when I say this," Harry admitted. "But she's really not been that bad."

Sirius rationalized, "He's only developing feelings for her because he didn't have to deal with that psychotic evil bitch killing me and separating me from you and him."

"True," Harry said. "And yeah, I hated her as much as Voldemort for killing you. But I think her boobs also play an important part in why Remus is developing feelings for her."

"Oh yeah," Sirius recalled. "Them. Although, you know, that other night he was spending an awful lot of time on her-"

"Sirius," Harry interrupted looking at him in disgust. He shook his head in disappointment. "Don't spoil it for me. Wait until we get a pensieve."

"Sorry," Sirius said without conviction. He kept walking in step with Harry before stopping suddenly. "Hey Harry?"

Harry belatedly noticed Sirius had stopped and turned around. "Yeah?"

Sirius pointed down the alley. "Is that Bellatrix pinned down in the middle?"

"Looks that way," Harry said calling his wand to his hand and extending half a dozen eager magical arms. "Watch our back, please."

"Gladly," Sirius said. He saw Harry nod at him and the two blood covered individuals closest to them were slammed with bludgeoning charms from Sirius and stunning spells from Harry. Both Death Eaters were down and out for the fight. Sirius turned around and guarded their rear while Harry calmly strolled down the alley towards the other Death Eaters.

Pieces of trash and debris littered throughout the alley ensured Harry had lots of ammunition. Six pieces were floating in formation around the Lords Black, all waiting in anticipation of a spell to deflect.

Harry held his wand firm, but was casting nothing. He just focused on blocking everything and acting confident and unconcerned.

The curses flying towards them began to lessen in number and in lethality. Harry stopped next to where Bellatrix was huddled down, holding a rag to a cut on her forehead. He looked at her curiously. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Sorry," Bellatrix admitted, feeling inordinately safe at the appearance of her Lords. "I was just so excited I forgot to put on a glamour."

"Excited?" Harry inquired.

Bellatrix nodded happily. "I think I'm pregnant. I was just going to get some muggle tests."

"Congratulations," Harry said while hurling a dustbin into the path of a dark red spell. "Let's hope it doesn't have horns."

Bellatrix sighed and waved airily. "Can we go soon? I'm bleeding. And with child."

"Let me talk to these former associates of yours," Harry said walking past her towards the remaining Death Eaters. "Shouldn't take too long."

There were three Death Eaters all standing their ground from separate positions in the alley. They stopped attempting to curse Harry when it became apparent they weren't going to be able to hit him without changing tactics.

"So you can attack and kill Bellatrix," Harry stated while watching the three Death Eaters. "But you're not supposed to touch me or Sirius? Interesting."

"We're here for her, not you, Lord Black," the man furthest back firmly agreed.

"Hey Sirius?" Harry called out without even turning around. "Anytime you feel like making a pick…"

Sirius sent out a spray of stunning charms towards the man on the left, halfway back.

Harry flung a pair of empty soup cans through the air, smacking into the nearest two Death Eaters and sent stunning charms at the Death Eater on the right.

Two more knocked out simultaneously and the Death Eater in the back knew he was now alone. He tried to apparate away and slammed into an unexpected ward. He staggered backwards at the magical block and Harry swiftly ran up to the wizard.

A few rocks were thrown at the man who was ably defending himself from Harry's projectiles.

"Your arms can't touch me," the Death Eater proudly boasted, showing off an amulet under his robe. "I'm protected from summoning and banishing."

"Is that so?" Harry said walking up confidently. The chain around the Death Eater's neck snapped the amulet floated towards Harry. Another invisible arm grabbed the Death Eater by the throat, lifted him off the ground and slammed him bodily into the wall.

"This thing is kinda nifty," Harry said while inspecting at the amulet. He looked up at the man suspended in air, struggling against a force he couldn't even touch. "What? Don't tell me you're surprised."

Harry grinned dangerously as he got closer to the remaining conscious Death Eater. "You really think I'd need to pull everything out of my bag of tricks," Harry whispered while several different colored spells hovered dangerously around them both. "Just to beat that old bastard you call Master?"

Harry looked over at the green spell floating right up next to him. "That's a killing curse," he explained while it zoomed right up to the Death Eater's face before stopping and dancing over his cheek, never quite touching him.

"But this is a memory charm," Harry said lifting his wand up and incanting, "Obliviate!" Harry stunned the man and left him with just a blank in place of the last few minutes.

The mysteriously floating spells all dissipated into nothingness.

Sirius brought over the other unconscious Death Eaters and commented, "I didn't know you could have that many spells going."

Harry shook his head. "That was all show. Just simple colored light. If those were all the spells they looked like, I'd probably have passed out by now."

"Oh," Sirius said. "Could've fooled me."

"That's the idea," Harry agreed piling the five Death Eaters together. "Always act like you know what you're doing and people will think you do. Where's Bellatrix?"

"I took her home," Sirius said. "But now I have to buy a dozen muggle pregnancy tests."

"And somewhere an angel just got her wings."

"Ha-ha," Sirius grumbled. "You're coming with me. What are you doing with these guys?"

Harry stunned them all again and shrunk them down. He picked them up and slipped them in his pocket. "Considering the aurors haven't come storming in, I'm guessing the Death Eaters warded the area from detection as well."

"Those silly Death Eaters and their silly wards," Sirius said shaking his head. "They didn't even notice when I put up my own apparition and portkey wards."

"Let's just grab some sandwiches when we get the pregnancy tests," Harry suggested.

Sirius was thinking quickly but coming up with nothing. "Dammit. Sandwiches and pregnancy tests. There's a joke here, I know it."

Harry couldn't help but to enjoy his godfather's frustration. "Give it up Sirius."

"No…" Sirius whined. "I… I… I hope I don't get an EPT in my BLT."

"Too late," Harry argued. "It doesn't count."

"Oh come on."

"And it wasn't funny."

"Now you're just talking crazy."

The man was trudging up the path to his modest home. Five days he was gone on the Dark Lord's mission. He knew he was just seat-filling for the sake of looking like a larger and more professional organization during some completely pointless talks with several vampire clans.

As usual, no promises were made but they agreed to revisit the issue in six months.

He was almost to his door when he finally realized what was bothering him. His portkey ward was down and it hadn't been when he left here.

He drew his wand and quietly ran up to the front door. He opened the door and peered in, seeing the last thing he expected to see.

Alan Weston relaxed as he walked fully into his house, staring at the Mark left behind by the Death Eater Bandits. He looked in both directions of his house and saw nothing amiss when he suddenly remembered what was kept here. He ran through his kitchen towards the back hall and saw the giant gaping hole. "Fuck." He looked down the hall and saw his washer/dryer combo was gone too. "You gotta be kiddin' me."

He felt a glimmer of hope when he spotted the charmed box next to several broken pieces of drywall. "Damn," he swore when he opened it and found it empty. He threw the box onto the ground in frustration.

He walked past the empty spot where his laundry machine used to be and right towards the fireplace. He tossed in some floo powder and it flared green. He then tossed in some red-speckled powder and the flames turned from green to a mixture of green and black. He stuck his head in and announced, "We need to talk."

He pulled his head back up and dusted himself off.

Without a sound a man heavily cloaked in black appeared in front of the fireplace. "Welcome back."

"The Death Eater Bandits robbed here," Alan quickly summarized. "The locket's gone."

"You're sure," the man in black questioned.

"Be my guest," Alan waved him towards the hall. "They weren't subtle."

The man gracefully stepped over the wreckage and peered into new hole in the wall. He was looking left and right for any weaknesses as to how it could have been located.

"I thought you said Voldemort himself couldn't get in there," Alan commented.

"He couldn't," the man assured him. "But these are thieves. This is what they do. And it's not as bad as it sounds."

"It isn't?"

The man in black shook his head. "The Death Eater Bandits have been openly mocking the Voldemort's symbol. They are opposed to him. And the fact that they were able to locate the horcrux and steal it, points to the idea that they know what it is."

"But we still lost it," Alan added. "And I lost my dryer too. Savages."

"True, we lost it. But Voldemort didn't gain it. And I doubt he will. The Bandits might even listen to reason if I explained the situation."

Alan agreed and nodded his head. "So what should I tell the Dark Lord about this?"

The man in black walked towards the front of the home, stopping to look at the After Dark Mark. He waved his wand in a silent practiced motion. A web of mist swirled up and around the mark. The mist blurred suddenly and imploded on itself in a small explosion of dust, completely eradicating the magical mark from existence.

"Don't tell him anything," the man instructed. "If he's focusing all his efforts on the Lords Black right now and forgetting about me, all the better."

"He is," Alan stated. "He even called Lord Harry Black 'that fucker' one time causing much confusion for Larson. The resulting conversation looked like an Abbott and Costello routine. Especially if Costello ever cursed Abbott so badly that he bled out his ears and needed three weeks to heal."

"That sounds like him."

Alan just nodded. "Substituting fear for power. On the sheep, it can be effective."

"But it's horrible for marketing. Any other news of note?" the man inquired as he walked out the front door to inspect the wards.

"Nope," Alan informed him. "He's still researching parallel dimensions and worlds beyond the natural one."

The man in black shook his head in disappointment.

"It's been a while since we fed the Ministry anything and it might be worth convincing them that I'm one of their deep cover informants," Alan said with a mocking voice.

"Go ahead and tell them about the vampire meeting," the man in black instructed. "We should keep them thinking that they're accomplishing something."

Alan saw the man in black looking back and forth in surprise. "What is it?"

"Two of them came to this point."

"They spotted your ward?"

"One crossed here, probably animagus, but that still shouldn't be possible for anyone other than the two of us or…" The man trailed off in thought and looked back at the ward. "The other bandit… disappears?"

"He went back?"

"No, neither of them ever went back. They took your portkey ward down and left that way."

"Should I feel shaken and violated that they've broken into my home and shattered my sense of security?"

The man in black looked at him curiously. "Do you? Because if you need a hug, I know a guy."

"No," Alan admitted. "I just wish they hadn't taken my dryer."

The man in black was staring in the spot wondering what the strange echoes of magic he could sense meant.

Alan gave him time to look around before finally asking, "So what do I tell Dumbledore?"

"Do you think anyone else is spying for Dumbledore?"

Alan shrugged. "He knew about the vampire meeting before I told him, but that might have just been whispers in pubs that spread to the wrong ears."

"Maybe," the man in black considered. "Goodness knows Snape is always trying to needle that information out of his old roommates."

"That man has the subtlety of a mountain troll in a shopping mall."

"I think you underestimate trolls," the man in black argued. "For now though, let's err on the side of caution. Tell Dumbledore the results of the vampire meetings and… and… And yeah, go ahead and tell him that the Dark Lord is researching parallel dimensions. That should help your credibility."

"So no one is going to find out I got robbed?"

The man nodded. "No one but us. It gives me some leverage for when I track the Death Eater Bandits down." He saw the look on Alan Weston's face. "Oh get over it. It was a dryer."

Alan was all set to whine about how it was more than just a dryer. "That," he began, only to see the man in black disappear as silently as he arrived.

Alan sighed. "Fucker."