Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER TWENTY

"Are you sure this is the place?"

Harry nodded. "You remember the oculamagi spell I taught you?"

"Yeah," Sirius grumbled. "But that one gives me a headache. Can't I just use the one I normally do? Or the omnioculars?"

"The one you normally use is the one built into the omnioculars."

"Perfect," Sirius cheered.

"How many times do we have to do this?"

"But I like the omnioculars."

"I do too," Harry agreed. "The omnioculars are great for heat signatures, seeing through solid objects, recording, playback, zooming, and settling arguments over estimated nipple size. But for seeing magic, only the simple and generic spells can be put on them. You could cast the same spell on a window, my glasses, or any other object. The spell I taught you goes deeper into optical perception for when you need to see the real differences in magics, the subtle nuances."

Sirius frowned. "This is going to be a learning experience, isn't it?"

"Yes, and besides, what I'm about to do could just about blind you if you used your spell. Now come on," Harry urged.

Sirius was pouting but cast the spell over his eyes and turned towards Harry.

"Watch carefully," Harry said before clapping his hands together, sending out a wave of magic. Harry pointed over to their left. "There. Did you see it?"

Sirius looked in the direction Harry pointed. "No, I didn't see anything."

"Look right there and pay attention," Harry said, clapping his hands together again.

Sirius blinked. "I missed it. Do it again."

Harry clapped out another heavier wave.

Sirius turned to Harry hopelessly and complained, "I don't see anything."

"Turn around," Harry said as he clapped and sent a wave behind them. "See how various spots appear dependent on their innate absorption of the magic?"

"Sort of," Sirius agreed.

"Now look this way," Harry said repeating the gesture in the original direction.

"No spots?" Sirius asked. "That's what I'm supposed to see?"

Harry nodded. "That is the sign of a weakened Fidelius charm."

"How could you possibly see-" Sirius quickly changed directions realizing what Harry said. "We're breaking down a Fidelius? I didn't think that was possible."

"It only works when the secret keeper is dead," Harry explained. "If you know the general area, you can find a spot that's hiding magic, then you flood the surroundings, and you can locate the keystone. If the secret keeper is alive though, you won't get anything."

"How long did it take you to find this?"

"Long enough," Harry said walking up to where he believed the Fidelius to be.

"And you're sure this place is abandoned?"

Harry shrugged. "It's an old bunker Grindelwald used for human experimentation. Some wizards, mainly women and children though."

Sirius turned to stare at Harry. "Well that's pleasant."

Harry nodded. "I'm going to flood the area. You should see the anchor stones start to light up. The red one is the keystone. When you know where the keystone is, blast the bloody hell out of it. Once it's moved enough, the Fidelius will come crashing down."

Sirius felt a headache forming but nodded, keeping his eyes open. "Do it to it."

Harry cast a large scale net and began to expel wild unformed magic. On the scale required, Harry knew it would be tiring but was confident he could manage it.

"Anytime you're ready," Sirius chided.

"You've got the easy part," Harry whined as his body began to tremble. He kept funneling more and more magic into his net, trying to ignore the exhaustion he felt.

"You want some sex to go with that wine?"

Harry snorted before grunting under the effort. "Don't make me laugh."

Sirius happily taunted. "Well then probably shouldn't look at my-ooof!" Sirius crumpled to the ground as an invisible arm punched him in the crotch. Sirius' voice went up two octaves and squeaked out, "You bastard."

"Dammit," Harry said, closing his eyes trying not to lose his hold on the net. "Come on, hurry up and blast it."

Sirius took his sweet time getting back up, easily spotting the five anchor stones glowing brightly as the magic of the net became thicker. One of the points of the pentagon had turned pink and was unmistakably the keystone. "None of them are red yet."

"Keep… looking," Harry wheezed, forcing more magic out.

"Does dark pink count for anything?"

"Padfoot!" Harry snapped.

"Fine," Sirius grumbled as he carefully aimed his wand and fired four quick blasting curses one after the other. The sudden precise jolt shifted the keystone just enough.

The air around them lit up brightly and Harry finally let go of his hold on the magical net. "Oh, thank Merlin."

Sirius watched entranced as multi-colored sparks began to wink in and out of existence through the air. It started slowly with just a few specks here and there before turning into a shower of magic crashing down. A loud crack echoed around the clearing and a thick metal door was visible where there used to be none.

"You're sure this thing is empty?" Sirius asked walking up to the rusty door.

"Wait," Harry panted out, hunched over, catching his breath. He dug up a pepper-up potion and swallowed it down.

"What is it?" Sirius asked. "Is the door booby-trapped?"

"No," Harry said shaking his head. "There's nothing on the door. Probably so you'll relax and let your guard down."

"So we're not going in the door?"

"No, we are," Harry said standing up and opening the door. "Just… how do feel about the sound of children screaming while being burnt alive?"

Sirius looked at Harry oddly. "I suppose I would be against the sound of burning, screaming children."

Harry waved Sirius on down the concrete stairwell. "If this is anything like I expect, then… well, remember how I said Grindelwald used this for experimentation?"

Sirius stopped and looked at Harry. "There's really creepy stuff and creepy kids in here, aren't there?"

"Some of the experiments didn't exactly die. Frankly, I'm not sure they could. And it's very possible they've…" Harry's voice dropped and he mumbled the words, "bendurned inna livinafury."

"You mind repeating that so that I can understand it?" Sirius insisted. "You know I'm not moving until you do."

"I was saying it's likely there are mutated living Inferi children just inside that door," Harry said pointing towards the end of the corridor they were in.

"Living Inferi?" Sirius repeated incredulously. "Why do dark wizards have to keep out-eviling each other?"

Harry shrugged. "For the same reason they also act like peacocks, trying to be more dignified and slick talking than everyone else?"

Sirius frowned. "Uncontrollable homosexual urges?"

"I was thinking daddy issues," Harry replied. "But that was as good an answer as any."

"Fire kills them?"

"Dark wizards? Usually."

"Not dark wizards," Sirius grumbled. "The living Inferi."

"Oh them. Yeah, fire holds them back," Harry explained. "I'm not so sure they can be destroyed considering the body keeps moving even if you cut off the head."

"Lovely," Sirius commented.

Harry swirled his wand creating a fire whip that encircled and protected his body. "I'll go for the cube. You make sure the door doesn't close behind us."

Sirius copied Harry's motion and was also surrounded by a spiral of fire. "I can do that."

Harry nodded. "Ready?"

Sirius nodded back, keeping a constant distance between them, so as not to burn each other.

"Go," Harry called out swinging the door open and running into the dark chamber. He sent a lumos charm up to the ceiling illuminating the room, as several decaying zombie like young girls all came to life.

Sirius stood just inside the door, watching a dozen of the creatures focus their attention on Harry. He sent off a couple of basic incendio charms when a half dozen of the freakish zombie children turned towards him.

Sirius winced as they started screaming but kept coming. He glanced over and saw Harry vault up the first step towards the altar at the end of the room.

Harry took one step up the stairs when a blue spell came zipping out of the darkness and rammed into his abdomen with the force of a dozen bludgers. His cloak absorbed some of the impact but he was launched bodily through the air sliding to a stop halfway between the altar and Sirius.

Harry groaned in extreme pain.

"Harry?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Not… part… of the plan."

Sirius saw the Inferi started chattering nonsensically and were quickly converging on Harry. "Dammit," he swore, turning to the nearest Inferi. He released the ring of fire surrounding him and cast a cutting curse straight at the young girl's neck, slicing cleanly through. A banishing charm sent her body flying backwards and he quickly grabbed her slimy head by the hair. He positioned it as a makeshift doorstop holding the metal chamber's exit open.

Sirius charged towards Harry letting loose fire charms and whips the whole way. "Stay down!" he ordered sending waves of fire straight over the top of Harry's body.

"Not a problem," Harry wheezed, grateful for the assistance.

As soon as Sirius was close enough, he re-cast the ring of fire to protect himself and Harry from the screaming Inferi children.

"You okay?" Sirius asked noticing Harry had started to sit up before collapsing back to the ground.

"Why is it always my ribs that break?"

Sirius answered right away. "Because your arm or leg would be much harder to deal with."

Harry rolled over onto his belly. "Good point." He was able to push himself up and smiled weakly at his godfather. "Thanks."

Sirius pulled Harry up to his feet. "I didn't see what happened. Just saw you doing your impression of a watermelon in a nundu's mouth."

"I don't know," Harry commented putting pressure on his lower ribcage. He looked through the flames of Sirius' protection as a scraggly ancient looking figure emerged from the shadows. "What the fuck…"

Sirius saw the pale withered looking man catch the light of the lumos above. His flesh was similar to the Inferi, decaying horribly. He had an empty eye socket that appeared to be a black bottomless pit. "Does that guy look familiar to you?"

The old twisted man's posture shifted into a much more imposing stance. He lifted a thin bony hand and another blue spell erupted straight from his palm headed straight for the Lord Blacks.

Harry's invisible magical arms grabbed the nearest mutant Inferi and held it up in the path of the curse. It exploded with a wet shower of pungent decay as the half-blocked spelled collided with them both.

Sirius' fire shield dissipated as they were knocked to the floor.

"Fuck," Sirius grumbled.

Harry hurriedly cast three incendiary spells setting the nearest approaching Inferi alight with purple flames. "Get that fire shield around us," Harry instructed as he cast a strong magical shield to deflect the next powerful blue spell headed their way.

Sirius sent a line flames spiraling around them, preventing any Inferi from reaching them as the old zombie wizard's spell reflected off Harry's shield and crashed into the ceiling. "Who or what is that thing?"

Harry sent a blasting curse at the wispy old silent man.

The pale figure just held the same hand up and absorbed the incoming spell.

"Dammit," Harry swore. He glanced at Sirius and made sure the Inferi weren't getting to close. "What it is, I'm really not sure. But who… well… I think that's the body of Grindelwald."

"What?" Sirius squeaked glancing at the man sending another blue spell their way. "I thought Dumbledore killed him."

Harry shook his head and answered quietly over the still screaming young female Inferi. "Not sure about this world, but in ours, Dumbledore defeated him. He just didn't exactly kill him."

"What'd he do?" Sirius asked flinching as another blue spell got a bit too close for comfort.

Harry shrugged. "Albus' portrait didn't know the exact magic, and even if it did, it wouldn't have told me. But I'm pretty sure he sort of… eradicated his soul."

"Oh, is that all?"

Harry shrugged. "If the same thing happened here, and someone were to have tried resurrecting him, unaware of the condition of the former Dark Lord's everlasting soul, well," Harry nodded towards the decaying old wizard. "I reckon that might be what happens. No soul, no mind, just a dumb, powerful semi-animated weapon."

"Think we can take him?" Sirius questioned, sending flames towards more nearing Inferi.

Harry deflected another blue spell into far wall. It let out a loud clang as it hit and the whole chamber shook. Harry sighed. "I think we better try soon or he's going to bring this bunker down on top of us."

"I don't suppose they forgot to protect the cube from summoning?"

Harry shook his head. "It looks like it takes the Grindel-zombie a second or two to absorb spells, and he's chained to the wall. The closer we get the harder it'll be to avoid those impact blasts. On the plus side, that's all it seems able to cast." Harry turned towards the loud Inferi that kept coming. He shouted back, "And at least he's not screaming like these other bitches!"

Sirius saw how irritated Harry was getting and asked, "Feel better now?"

"No." Harry frowned. "Shit!" He hurriedly tried to block the blue spell, just barely getting a shield up in time, though he was knocked off his feet, dangerously close to the flames of Sirius' fire cage.

"Careful," Sirius warned holding Harry back and helping him to his feet. "We're over-thinking this one," Sirius said, canceling his ring of fire and tossing Harry his wand. "Cover me."

Harry snatched the wand from midair as Sirius transformed into his animagus form and began to run straight towards the poorly animated corpse of Grindelwald. Harry used Sirius' wand to cast a fire whip that he swung over his head like a lasso, fending off screeching Inferi children, while he used his own wand to send spell after spell towards Grindelwald.

The decrepit wraith-like thing was too busy absorbing spells from Harry to cast anything at the large black dog sprinting towards him.

Sirius bounded up the steps and leapt onto the altar. He grabbed Ravenclaw's cube in his mouth as his momentum took him sliding off the back side of the altar.

Harry was trying to hold back all the Inferi while still raining spells down on Grindelwald but he was tiring too quickly.

A blue spell rocketed at Sirius' back but the animagus was running in so many random directions that it flew past, missing him and crashed into the ground. Unfortunately the canine's surprise at the close call took him right into the path of Harry's fire whip. There was a loud sizzle as it burnt Sirius' tail.

Sirius had a mouthful of founder's artifact and could only whimper and whine as he barreled by Harry. He leapt straight over the slimy Inferi girl's head still serving as a door stop and was clear of the hazardous chamber.

Harry saw Grindelwald's body seemed to be turning greener and shaking from all the magic it had absorbed. His instincts were telling him something bad was about to happen. He turned and ran right after Sirius, kicking the girl's head out of the way, as the heavy metal door clanged shut when an impact spell slammed into it.

Sirius had transformed back and was rubbing his bottom with a painful wince. "You burnt my tail."

"Not now," Harry snapped, pulling Sirius with him as he dashed for the exit.

Sirius felt the bunker begin to shake and realized Harry running away was a sign he should be running too. He gripped the cube tighter and took the stairs three at a time up and out of the bunker.

Harry swung the metal door shut and pulled the handle sealing it closed. He relaxed momentarily and saw Sirius was as winded as he was.

The ground rumbled threateningly and Sirius looked at Harry. "Maybe we should…"

"Good idea," Harry agreed and the two of them started to run further away from the bunker as the entire forest shook from the massive underground explosion.

The metal door was launched high into the air as a column of pungent black and brown flames kissed the tree tops.

Harry had tumbled to the ground, right near Sirius and was watching the night sky. He pointed out the falling door as it came crashing down, landing with a thud embedded into the soil.

Harry once again let out the breath he had been holding and laid back tiredly. "What was that cover me?"

"It worked, didn't it?" Sirius said handing the cube to Harry.

Harry accepted one of Rowena Ravenclaw's less famous inventions and wondered if it had ever been coated in so much dog slobber before. "Yeah, it did."

"You didn't have to burn my tail," Sirius grumbled rubbing his sore bottom.

Harry frowned. "And you didn't have to force me to cover you with my broken ribs without giving me a second's pause."

"Again with the whining," Sirius chided with a smile. "No one likes a wimp, Harry."

Harry grumbled. "Come on. Let's drop this off at home and get to St. Mungos."

Sirius stood up and helped Harry to his feet. "We really should look into hiring our own healer."

Harry grunted his assent. "That's actually a good idea."

Sirius' eyes glittered mischievously. "I bet Sarah would make a house call for you."

"Die."

"Mmm," Tonks moaned happily. "I swear the house elves must hide the good ice cream for you because it was never this tasty when I was a student."

Lily licked her spoon and asked, "What flavor you got there?"

Tonks turned her tub around to look at the handwritten label. "Butterscotch Fudge Chunk Delight."

"That is a good one," Lily said snagging a spoonful from Tonks' tub. "Try this."

Tonks scooped a heaping spoonful of swirled pink and white from Lily's tub. She put it in her mouth and let out a contented sigh. "That's nummy."

"Cherry Marshmallow Cheesecake," Lily announced, pointing at her tub. "This one's low fat frozen yogurt."

"That's not low fat," Tonks argued. "No way."

"That's what the house elves tell me," Lily insisted. She tried to hide her little smirk as she added, "Although, I may have instructed the house elves to lie to me a little bit."

Tonks pat her chest a little bit and let out a loud echoing belch. "Wow. That even tasted good the second time."

Lily raised a curious eyebrow. "Are you challenging the champion?"

"Let's see what you got," Tonks taunted.

Lily opened her mouth and swallowed a gulp of air. She raised her hand and repeated with another gulp before letting loose a deep reverberating burp, more than twice as loud and long as Tonks' had been.

A house elf appeared with a pop. "Did youse call for me, Missum Potter?"

Tonks had to look away, because she was struggling to hold back her laughter.

Lily waved off the confused and curious elf. "No, Irma. If I did, I didn't mean to."

" Okays," Irma the house elf happily replied and popped away.

Tonks gave up holding back and outright laughed at Lily.

Lily raised an arm in victory. "Still the King."

"You summoned a house elf," Tonks said through her snickering. "That's a magical gift if I've ever seen one."

"Not a gift," Lily insisted. "It took years and years of practice."

"James must be so proud," Tonks said, wiping away a fake tear. She grabbed another spoonful from Lily's tub.

Lily shook her head. "He'd probably ask Madame Pomfrey to give me a check-up."

"Your husband doesn't know?" Tonks gasped and mischievously grinned. "What to do with this morsel of blackmail. What to do…"

"You will do nothing," Lily said, shaking her spoon at Tonks. "Unless you want your Dad to hear about how lovely your graduation party really was."

"Oh lordy," Tonks happily recalled. "One of these days it'll be you calling me to bring clothes and bail money. Then, then I shall I regain the upper hand."

Lily smiled. "Just think how much you've matured since those days."

Tonks sighed. "I really don't have any good blackmail material on you, do I?"

Lily shook her head proudly.

"I've got tons on Sarah," Tonks idly commented. "But nothing juicy on you."

"You've got-" Lily had to pause and squint, tilting to the side as she passed gas. "You've got what on Sarah?"

"Nuh-uh," Tonks retorted. "It does me no good if I were to tell you."

"Come on," Lily urged, letting out another squeaking fart. "You can tell me."

"Maybe once the statute of limitations has passed," Tonks cruelly hinted. She made a face and leaned back, "You're putting some stink out."

Lily shrugged unconcerned. "Ice cream always gives me the toots."

"Speaking of the toots," Tonks smoothly segued. "What did you and Harry talk about when you two snuck off?"

Lily smirked. "Why Tonks Lupin, do I sense… jealousy?"

"Oh please," Tonks shook her head. "You're the last person I'd be jealous of when it concerns Harry."

"What's that supposed to…" Lily stopped as her eyes widened. "You know!"

Tonks blanched and tried to backtrack. "Know? Know what? What did he tell you?"

"You know why we both feel weird around each other," Lily insisted. "You know what he's hiding."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Tonks lied unconvincingly.

Lily didn't believe her. "Phooey. He's your Lord too."

Tonks shook her head. "He only plays the Lord card when it's advantageous for me."

"Of course you know what he's hiding," Lily realized. "You've slept with him enough."

"I'm not sure 'enough' is a word I would've ever used," Tonks said with a grin. Her smile faltered, suddenly remembering who she was talking to.

"So," Lily cajoled. "What's it like? Rough? Gentle?"

Tonks began to feel uncomfortable.

"Is he big?"

Tonks began to feel really uncomfortable.

"Oh relax," Lily said swatting Tonks' shoulder at the face she was making. "I would never cheat on James. But that doesn't mean you can't share all the juicy, carnal details."

"It's… fine."

"It's more than fine," Lily argued. "Or you wouldn't have kept coming back, what is it, three, maybe four times?"

"A few more than that," Tonks admitted. "But it's not what you think. He's a friend. We go out drinking. Some nights, I'll meet someone. Some nights, I won't. It's the same for him. And on some of those nights when neither of us is going home with someone, we'll just… go home together."

"If you say so," Lily half-heartedly agreed.

"Every unattached girl should have a spare wand she can call on when she needs it."

Lily innocently asked, "And just how many inches is that spare wand?"

Tonks chortled at having walked into that one. "You are horrible."

"Just looking out for my girl," Lily grinned. "You know I consider you family."

"I know," Tonks grinned, tilting to the side as she too let out a little flatulence. "It's just… weird talking to you about Harry."

"Why is it weird?"

"It's just…" Tonks stopped herself from saying too much. "Never mind."

"You're the one who brought him up," Lily pointed out, scraping the bottom of her tub for one last spoonful.

"Well I wanted to know what you thought of him," Tonks argued.

"But not because you're feeling protective or jealous over him," Lily said.

"No more protective or jealous than I would over Jimmy," Tonks assured her. "Like you said, we're family. And so is Harry." Tonks quickly added, "For me."

"I certainly hope you don't have the same sort of feelings for Jimmy that you do for Harry," Lily warned.

"He has gotten pretty cute," Tonks playfully commented.

"Tonks!"

"I'm just kidding," Tonks assured her raising both hands in surrender. "In case you forgot, I changed more than a couple of Jimmy's diapers."

Lily grumbled. "You probably changed more than his father did."

"But if you really want to know," Tonks said. "I was asking what you thought of Harry, so that I could make fun of him, next time I see him. Not because I'm jealous."

Lily was scrutinizing Tonks trying to figure out what exactly that implied. "Truthfully, I'm not sure what to make of him."

"He's a good guy," Tonks assured her.

"He's definitely cute," Lily admitted. "In some ways he reminds me of how I envisioned James to be."

Tonks knew she was treading into dangerous territory. "Really?" she said unable to keep the squeak from her voice.

Lily nodded. "You never really knew us that well before we lost our Harry, but James was a lot more…" she paused trying to think of the best word. "Happy. He laughed all the time and got into a lot of harmless trouble. When he was with Sirius, not your Lord, but Harry's godfather Sirius… those two caused so much havoc. Kinda like the way the two Lord Blacks are, now that I think about it."

Tonks smiled sadly, silently urging Lily to continue.

"I never realized just how much of that was Sirius' influence on him," Lily admitted. "Losing Harry was enough to break both of us, but losing his best friend too… it was like James decided he had to grow up in an instant. In some ways, I think he blamed Sirius as much as he blamed himself for Harry's death."

Tonks nodded. "I've heard some stories from Dad and seen pictures, but even still it's hard to imagine James that way."

"I love my husband dearly," Lily agreed. "But even I, sometimes, think he needs a little more…" She swallowed another mouthful of air and let loose a thick, guttural burp.

Tonks snickered happily. "You are the King."

The two women looked up as Sarah Potter walked in the room.

Sarah saw her mother and Tonks lying on opposites ends of the couch in Lily Potter's staff quarters. She sniffed the air twice and frowned. "Have you been eating ice cream?"

Tonks and Lily both just laughed in response.

"I take it Dad's not here?"

Lily shook her head. "He's working late tonight."

"Well in that case," Sarah looked both ways and pushed out her stomach as she let fly a fart that put even Lily's belching to shame.

"Good lord," Tonks snickered.

"I've been holding that in since lunch," Sarah explained as she walked over towards the chill-cabinet and grabbed a tub of ice cream.

"Yeah," Lily smiled weakly. "At that, my daughter is the King."

"It sounded like you were drowning a kelpie," Tonks vividly described.

"Tell me about it," Sarah grumbled plopping down into the empty chair. "You know, one time, I actually summoned a house elf."

Tonks just laughed and pointed at Lily.

"How was your day?" Lily asked, not in the mood to explain to her daughter.

"Tiring," Sarah said digging into her tub of Double Mocha Peanut Butter. "I think I pissed Poppy off. She made me clean and organize the entire store room."

"Better than bedpan duty," Tonks offered.

"Don't remind me," Sarah said with a grimace. Her face brightened as she turned to Tonks, "But I ran into someone very interesting at the Hog's Head the other night."

"Oh yeah?" Tonks asked glancing towards Lily.

Sarah smiled devilishly and she swallowed a mouthful of ice cream. "A certain adorably cute Lord Harry Black was flirting with me."

"What?" Tonks scoffed out before she could stop herself.

Lily and Sarah both turned towards Tonks. Lily smirked, "Care to revise your opinion on jealousy?"

Tonks opened her mouth, unable to think of what to say.

"Relax," Sarah assured her. "Nothing happened. Not that I was opposed to the idea, but he got all freaked out when he realized who I was and who my parents were. Thanks a lot for that, Mum."

The relief on Tonks' face was clear as day. Lily noticed it and asked, "If it's not jealousy-"

"It's not," Tonks interjected.

"Then it must be that something else you know," Lily added. "Care to share?"

Tonks bit her bottom lip and added, "You know what? Let's go with jealousy."

"You're no fun," Lily pouted and turned towards her daughter. "And you, young lady, need to stop thinking about Lord Harry Black that way."

"What's going on?" Sarah asked, waggling her spoon between Tonks and her mother.

"There's something funny about him," Lily explained and saw Tonks wasn't going to be forthcoming. "Tonks knows what it is."

"What is it?" Sarah asked curiously.

Tonks shook her head. "No way. My lips are sealed."

"So you do know his secrets," Lily grinned victoriously.

Tonks pretended to zip her lips shut and shook her head.

The two female Potters were all set to pounce on Tonks, who was increasingly feeling as if she were cornered. She was saved by the appearance of James Potter.

"I've been doing paperwork for seven hours straight," James complained as he walked into his wife's quarters. "And I… good lord. What's that smell?"

Lily flashed a look at Tonks and Sarah, calmly answering, "Your son let off a dung bomb earlier."

James shook his head. "I swear it's those Lord Blacks. They're a bad influence on him."

"You know what? It's late," Tonks said jumping up. "I should get going. See you tomorrow, boss. Night Lily, Sarah."

"Good night, Tonks," James said as she hurried out the portrait. He walked back towards the bedroom taking off his wand holsters as he went. He stuck his head back in the front room and added distastefully, "It was a super dung bomb, wasn't it?"

Lily had to gulp and cover her mouth to hide her amusement.

James smiled at his wife, turning back towards the bedroom. "You and your dainty little burps."

Bellatrix cast a lumos charm, illuminating the darkened room. "Huh."

Hundreds of portraits covered all four walls like a rogue's gallery of angry and disgruntled stares.

"Well that's… different."

"She's a Black," Phineas Nigellus announced from his frame by the door.

"Have you come to help us?" a harsh looking old woman asked.

Bellatrix frowned. "Help you? Help you with what?"

"She doesn't know," Phineas explained, narrowing his eyes at Bellatrix. "Those two Lords of yours have locked and bound us all to our frames."

Bellatrix looked around the room recognizing many names and families, suddenly putting two and two together. "Ohhh."

"Yes," Phineas mocked. "Oh."

"I don't think I'm supposed to be in here," Bellatrix admitted. She saw the look on Phineas' face and added, "And what are you doing here? You're a Black."

"Those thieves are trying to enslave portraits' loyalty to create some sort of cockamamie spy network," Phineas explained.

"But you're a Black," Bellatrix repeated. "Weren't you painted and charmed to the family?"

"One of his portraits was," Harry answered from the door. "But that's the frame I swiped from the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts."

"Oh," Bellatrix turned around and saw Harry did not look pleased. "I'm not supposed to be here, am I?"

"You shouldn't have even been able to find this room," Harry said with a frown.

"I asked Kreacher if there were any other rooms to explore and he led me here."

"Kreacher!" Harry shouted.

Kreacher didn't appear with a pop but slowly walked down the hall, grumbling to himself stopping outside the door. "Stupid mudblood Master. Yelling louder. Kreacher doesn't care. Punish Kreacher. Kreacher will make babies cry-"

"Shut up," Harry ordered forcefully.

"Yes Master," Kreacher acquiesced despite being clearly proud of his actions.

Harry was tempted to just punt the troublesome servant but restrained himself.

Bellatrix suggested, "I'll kill him, if you don't want to."

Harry paused to consider the offer.

"I'm trying to quit smoking, drinking, and the Unforgivables for the duration of my pregnancy, but one little curse here and there shouldn't hurt."

Harry looked over at Bellatrix.

"Or you could just obliviate him," she said.

Kreacher looked up in surprise. "You know how to memory charm house elves?"

"Obliviate," Harry instinctually cast on Kreacher. "I really wish people would stop saying that."

"What's up?" Sirius asked walking down the hall. He saw Bellatrix looked ashamed. "What's she doing here?"

"Kreacher led her here," Harry said.

"I thought he couldn't even get in," Sirius said, keeping his guard up.

Harry looked over at Bellatrix.

"He probably can't," Bellatrix admitted. "He snapped his fingers opening the door when I couldn't see it."

Sirius glanced at Bellatrix warily and whispered to Harry, "Does she…?"

"I think she's probably figured it out," Harry skeptically replied, wondering if his godfather was drunk.

"You're thieves!" a portrait shouted. "The pureblood bandits!"

"Death Eater bandits," Sirius shouted back.

"That's never been proven," almost two dozen portraits screamed back in unison.

"Who are you trying to convince?" Sirius argued loudly.

"Umm… guys?" Bellatrix interjected. "My Lords?"

Harry pulled Sirius away and shut the door to the portrait room, silencing all the extra voices immediately. He turned to Bellatrix expectantly. "Hmm?"

"I know I've sworn loyalty," Bellatrix said. "But if it's all the same to you, I think you should obliviate me."

Harry and Sirius looked at each other in surprise.

"You didn't want me to know this, I didn't want me to know this, and I think we're all better off if I don't know this," she explained.

Harry and Sirius just stared at Bellatrix waiting for the catch.

"Idiot Masters probably can't even cast a memory charm," Kreacher grumbled to himself.

"Shut up you wretched little turdnugget," Sirius snapped. "We've obliviated you plenty!"

Kreacher's head snapped up. "You know how to memory charm-"

"Obliviate," Harry tiredly cast on the disgruntled house elf. "God dammit Sirius. You make me do that too many times and it'll fry his brain."

Sirius glanced at the glassy-eyed elf. "And that would be bad why exactly?"

Harry opened his mouth before snapping it shut with a click. He looked at Kreacher and instructed, "Go to the top floor and clean the attic. Don't leave that floor unless we call for you."

Kreacher popped away instantly, unable to creatively interpret such a clear and specific order.

"That bugger's become a liability," Sirius said.

Harry nodded. "I know."

"Hello?" Remus yelled out from the living room. "Sirius? Harry? Bellatrix? Anyone home?"

"Go stall Moony," Harry instructed. "I'll obliviate her and be right out."

"Oh come on, I wanted to," Sirius begged.

Harry turned to Bellatrix. "Your call."

"Harry," she said immediately.

"Good call," Harry said with a grin.

"Bitch," Sirius snapped.

"You're just jealous because she likes me more than you," Harry retorted.

Sirius frowned before smiling and patting Harry on the back. "Thanks Harry. I feel better when you put it like that." Sirius turned and walked towards the living room. "I'm here, Moony!"

Bellatrix sighed. "You're never going to like me, are you?"

Harry shrugged. "To be honest at this point, it doesn't have much to do with you. We just like not liking you. Although, I do know one way you could get into me and Sirius' good graces…"

"Yeah?" Bellatrix asked hopefully. "Actually, why don't you tell me after obliviating me?"

"Good point," Harry agreed, drawing his wand, and freezing her in place.

"Hey Padfoot," Remus greeted. "Where is everybody? Bellatrix wasn't in her room."

"I don't know," Sirius said scratching his chin. "You think she rejoined the Death Eaters?"

"Sirius," Remus tiredly said, showing he was not amused.

"Oh relax," Sirius said. "Harry's with her. They just had to do something real quick. They'll be out in a second."

"What did they have to do?" Remus asked.

Sirius hesitated for a moment, trying to think of a suitably funny and insulting response.

"Padfoot," Remus sighed. "Just tell me the truth. Is it about the baby?"

"Yes," Sirius answered immediately. "It's about the baby."

"You're lying."

"Yes," Sirius replied without pause. "I'm lying."

"I'm going to check on her," Remus said getting worried.

"Wait," Sirius said stopping him.

"What?"

"Don't interrupt them," Sirius said.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm supposed to stall you."

"That's it," Remus decided. "I'm checking on her."

"How you doing, Moony?" Harry said walking into the living room.

"Harry," Remus asked. "What did you do to her?"

Harry frowned at Sirius. "What did you tell him?"

"Nothing," Sirius insisted. "I was just stalling him."

"You know telling someone you're stalling them," Harry criticized, "is poor stalling technique."

"Lying didn't work too well either," Sirius admitted with a shrug.

"Will someone just give me a straight answer," Remus whined.

"I had to obliviate her," Harry said. "That's all."

"What?" Remus asked in confusion. "Why would you obliviate her?"

"Because I asked him to," Bellatrix replied entering the room.

"There you are," Remus said in relief. "Wait, why would you ask him to?"

Bellatrix shrugged. "If I knew the answer to that, then he probably didn't do a very good job obliviating me."

Remus frowned. "And you're okay with that?"

"They're my Lords," Bellatrix admitted with a shrug. "If they were willing, I'm sure I had a good reason."

"You want to watch a movie?" Harry asked Sirius.

"Yeah," Sirius said. "Moony's probably just going to poke the little fetus in the eye. Put up a silencing charm, would you?"

"We're not gonna-" Remus defended.

Bellatrix interjected. "We're not?"

Remus quickly looked at her and shut up. He weakly added, "Never mind," as Bellatrix dragged him up to her room.

Sirius just shook his head. "That's one fucked up couple."

"You are quite the matchmaker," Harry said as they walked into the muggle room with their home theater.

Sirius flopped down into the couch. "Yeah. When my pranks backfire, they backfire big."

"You know, I said I'd give her a shot to get in our good graces," Harry said peering around the corner towards Bellatrix's door.

Sirius paused to think it over and asked, "She's getting a new face?"

Harry shook his head and cast a spell on her bedroom door. "Nope."

Immediately, the sounds coming from the bedroom were magnified and echoing throughout Grimmauld Place. Bodies shifting and moving could be heard quite clearly in the midst of some heavy breathing.

"If you want, I still have that memory," Sirius said recalling the time he'd silently observed them waiting for Remus to notice him.

"Shh," Harry shushed, listening in.

"Oh Remus," Bellatrix moaned happily. "Oh… Moony."

Sirius made a face and quietly asked, "She calls him Moony?"

Harry held up a hand, urging Sirius to stay quiet.

"Oh Bellatrix," Remus moaned her name out.

"Umm…" Bellatrix stopped. "Never mind."

"What?" Remus asked worriedly. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," Bellatrix assured him. "Keep going."

"Is it the baby?"

"No, no," Bellatrix answered immediately. "It's just…"

"What?" Remus asked, clearly awaiting an answer.

"It's… well…" Bellatrix sighed. "You're pronouncing my name wrong."

Sirius looked at Harry who held up a finger to shush him.

"I'm pronouncing it wrong?" Remus asked weakly. "But I've always pronounced it Bellatrix."

"It's alright," Bellatrix assured him. "I don't really mind that much."

Remus was perturbed. "Well then how do you pronounce it?"

Harry turned to glance at Sirius while Bellatrix's voice got all husky and sexy. "It's pronounced… Billy-trucks."

"What?"

"Billy," Bellatrix heaved out the name as she slapped Remus on the ass. "Trucks."

"Billy-trucks?" Remus repeated in disbelief. "Since when?"

"It's always been pronounced Billy-trucks," Bellatrix assured him.

"Always been…" Remus stopped and put two and two together. "Harry!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

Harry and Sirius winced at the loud shout.

"Silencing charm?" Bellatrix reminded just as Harry turned around and canceled the spell on her door.

Remus came bursting out of her room, wrapped in only a sheet. "Harry!"

Harry was shushing Sirius who was biting his tongue, trying not to laugh.

"What's up Moony?" Harry asked innocently. "Billy-trucks not giving you any trouble, I hope."

"Harry!" Remus scolded. "She trusted you."

"Well that wasn't very smart," Sirius mumbled.

"Billy-trucks," Harry greeted looking over Remus shoulder. "You know what this is about?"

Bellatrix stood there completely naked. "No idea."

"This is about," Remus started before noticing Bellatrix was naked and Sirius was staring. "Put something on!"

"You know you're a Black, Billy-trucks," Harry said. "You don't have to take orders like that from anyone."

"Stop calling her that," Remus snapped. "Her name is Bellatrix."

"I think I know my own name," Bellatrix said with a frown, putting her hands on her hips.

"I think you need to put some clothes on."

"I think it's impressive Remus still has an erection."

"I think…" Harry paused and turned back to Sirius. "Really? The erection is what you're thinking about?"

Bellatrix raised her hand. "It's what I'm thinking about."

Sirius nodded with a smile. "Okay now I'm thinking about Billy-trucks again."

"Stop thinking about her," Remus squeaked turning around and trying to block Bellatrix from view. "Your name is Bellatrix. Harry obliviated you and is playing a cruel joke."

"Are you sure?" Bellatrix asked skeptically.

"Yes, I'm sure," Remus insisted.

Bellatrix tilted her head curiously. "You don't think maybe I'm pranking you, trying to get them to like me better?"

"No, I-" Remus stopped at the smile on her face and saw Harry and Sirius were grinning brightly. "Oh… oh, you're good."

"And naked too," Sirius cheered with a big thumbs up. "Fantastic."

Remus could tell he'd been had and found himself smiling as much as everyone else.

Bellatrix looked down to where Remus was holding the sheet up. She put a hand on his chest and softly raked her nails down. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I am," Sirius answered confidently.

"I do believe so," Remus opened up his sheet and pulled Bellatrix's naked body up next to his so that they could both be wrapped up.

Harry watched them wiggle back towards Bellatrix's room. He picked up the remote and saw Sirius was still grinning. "Old naked horny people can be pretty cute."

"Yeah," Sirius admitted before his face contorted. "Wait no. We're supposed to hate her."

"We like Moony," Harry offered. "And we like naked."

Sirius seemed to accept that rationalization. "I guess that makes it okay."

Albus had been sitting in his office, pondering the mystery of the Lords Black. The Dark Lord Voldemort had been tentative in his actions for several months. But ever since the Dark Lord's very public defeat at their hands, he'd essentially disappeared completely. Without the need for reactions to the Dark Lord's actions, Albus had a lot more time to spend musing on the enigmatic young Heads to the Black family.

Albus had been unable to locate any information on their past at all. He was nearly certain they weren't from anywhere in the United Kingdom, but he had yet to find any indication on where they came from. Even their accents seemed genuine, though Albus knew that could be accomplished through magic. No accredited schools of magic reported any former students matching either of their descriptions.

It was almost as if they didn't exist until a couple months ago.

Their behavior and interaction with others, in particular the Lupins and Potters, was intriguing, but both of those families had recent history with the Blacks.

Albus felt there was something he was missing but he couldn't quite put it all together. His silent musings were interrupted by a whistle and burst of smoke from one of the many objects cluttering his desk.

He immediately leapt to his feet and headed out towards the Forbidden Forest to see what this particular informant had to say.

Albus masked his presence as he walked. He knew very well that this man was Alan Weston, despite Weston's attempts to hide his identity. But if a disloyal Death Eater felt more comfortable behind a supposed veil of secrecy, Albus wasn't going to shatter his delusions of privacy.

"Good evening," Albus greeted appearing in a quiet moonlit clearing.

"Listen," Alan Weston softly said as he looked both ways. "I don't have long."

Albus' eyes unfocused while turning his head from left to right. "You haven't been followed."

"Neither have you," Alan retorted, acting insulted that the Headmaster still treated him like an amateur.

Albus smiled and inclined his head. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm guessing you heard," Alan explained. "The meeting with the bloodsuckers went as expected."

Albus nodded. "I had heard, but it's nice to see you've returned in good health."

"The Dark Lord's attention hasn't been on the Ministry, your Order, or even the man in black," Alan said.

"No?"

Alan shook his head. "He's been getting all the texts and information he can on researching parallel dimensions."

Albus' eyebrows rose at not having heard this yet. He just nodded, urging Alan to continue.

"From what I've seen, he's been singularly focused on them: recent theories, ancient scrolls, how or where they exist, everything," Alan explained. "I don't know if he's recruiting help or planning to take a trip. But I thought you should know."

Albus nodded, processing the information. "I am glad you told me."

"I should go," Alan said, looking over his shoulders into the darkness. "You know how to contact me if you need to."

"Indeed I do," Albus replied, trying to think of why the Dark Lord was researching parallel dimensions with such determination. "Take care of yourself."

Alan pulled his cloak tighter and took off on a brisk walk into the darkness.

Albus turned and began to slowly walk back towards the castle. He knew the Dark Lord wouldn't be so single-minded on merely gaining a new advantage. Voldemort was too cautious for that. Albus knew if the Dark Lord was as focused as Alan claimed then it was because the Dark Lord feared something.

He couldn't understand why the Dark Lord would fear a parallel dimension.

Albus gasped loudly and stopped where he was. Suddenly everything started to make sense, including the mystery of the Lord Blacks. The Dark Lord didn't fear a parallel dimension. He feared a traveler from a parallel dimension. Especially one so powerful that he could stand up to the Dark Lord.

Albus smiled at the idea that Sirius and Harry Black really did just appear mere months ago, most likely both travelers from another dimension.

Albus had just started walking again when he paused in surprise once more. It finally dawned on the Headmaster, that the Dark Lord did not fear dimension traveler Lord Harry Black.

The Dark Lord feared a full grown Harry Potter, godson of Sirius Black, and viable subject for the prophecy of the Dark Lord's downfall.

Albus had a skip in his step and a smile on his face as he hurried back to his office, wondering how best to utilize this new information.