Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Took a little longer than I'd hoped, but this chapter is super-sized at over 10,000 words and I had to rewrite several parts. Still was less than two weeks since the last update, so I think I'll stop wasting people's time with unnecessary author's notes now that I'm back into a writing-friendly routine. Big thanks to IP, Rob, Chuck, and everyone else who helped me get this chapter in line. Reviews make the writing muse happy.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

"Oh my freakin' head," Sirius muttered as he slowly regained consciousness.

"Sirius?" Harry asked from the foot of his godfather's hospital bed. "Can you hear me?"

"Oh my freakin' ears," Sirius grumbled in discomfort.

"Too loud?" Harry asked softer.

Sirius blearily looked towards Harry's voice. "Oh my freakin' eyes."

"Too bright?"

"No, I just looked at your face."

Healer Armstrong had quickly responded to the summons and entered the private room at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. "I see my most deviant patient of the day is finally awake."

"We might need more Skele-gro," Harry grunted. "I think Sirius here lost his funny bone too."

"Oh my freakin' god," Sirius groaned. "That was horrible."

Healer Armstrong glanced at Harry. "I'm inclined to agree with the patient. His sense of humor seems to be functioning quite well." He didn't give Harry a chance to pout, before addressing Sirius. "How are you feeling?"

Unable to resist, Sirius happily replied, "With my fingers for the most part."

"Perhaps I spoke too soon," Healer Armstrong frowned. "We'll have to have that funny bone looked at." His expression quickly turned professional. "Aches and soreness are expected but should be mild. Are you in any pain?"

"Sore, no sharp or specific pain," Sirius said tilting his head. "But I can't move my body at all. What happened?"

"What's the last thing you remember?" Healer Armstrong asked, triggering the memories to come to the fore of Sirius' consciousness.

"Oh sweet Merlin," Sirius' eyes widened remembering their retrieval of the horcrux. "I-mmph."

Sirius' words were muffled as Harry had slapped a hand over Sirius' mouth. "He remembers," Harry assured the healer before berating his godfather. "Sirius, don't say anything stupid. Hippocratic oath protections and all." Harry turned to the healer and innocently added, "Not that I would ever modify anyone's memory without consent or going through the proper Ministry approved procedure."

"Right," Healer Armstrong replied in disbelief.

"Hello?" Sirius loudly interrupted. "Unable to move? Anyone? Anyone?"

"Your legs were severely damaged, Lord Black," the healer explained. "The injuries were serious enough that we were forced to vanish all the bones from your pelvis down and grow them back. The tissue damage varied-"

"Oh god, oh god," Sirius started to panic.

"Your penis is fine," Harry exasperatedly assured him.

Sirius let out a long breath, before a thought crossed his mind. "Wait!"

"Testiculars too."

Sirius sighed in relaxation. "Phew."

Healer Armstrong continued, "The point being that you have to be briefed on your situation before you unknowingly put too much stress on the extremely brittle bones. I will remove the paralysis as long as you don't get out of your bed or do anything that will jeopardize your healing. Sitting up, leaning over, and only the smallest pieces of magic are acceptable but nothing to disturb your legs. Nothing at all."

"I got it. Please, remove the paralysis," Sirius asked. "I need to know that he's okay."

The healer touched his wand to the hospital bed and Sirius' arms sprung free. His upper torso pitched forward as his hand wriggled underneath his hospital gown and headed straight for his crotch. "One of those, one-two… and a half of those. Okay we're good."

"Could you stop touching there?" Harry said snapping Sirius back to reality, after it appeared that the older Lord Black forgot others were in the room.

"Before I forget," Sirius said turning towards Harry. "I figured out how we're going to break into-mmph."

"He must be delirious still," Harry said, halfway smothering his godfather while smiling at the healer. "Could you give us a few minutes?"

Healer Armstrong closed up the folder he was noting his observations in. "Actually, my day ended a few minutes ago. Madame Archer will be here to assist you overnight should you need it. When I return tomorrow morning Lord Black should be ready to try standing again." He turned to Sirius and addressed him sternly. "You are not to attempt putting any weight on your legs. Understood?"

"Mmmph-mmph," Sirius said with a nod, in spite of Harry's hand.

"You have my emergency buzzer," Healer Armstrong nodded goodbye to the Lord Blacks.

Harry removed his hand and tossed up some extra privacy wards. "It's safe to talk."

Sirius huffed. "So you're really, really sure that left is the way to go?"

"It was the way to go. We got the horcrux and we got out. You were the idiot," Harry scolded while wiping the spittle off his licked hand. "And didn't you have something to say?"

"Huh?"

Harry tried repeating Sirius' own words. "Before you forget, you figured out…?"

Sirius blinked. "Huh?"

Harry sat down in the squeaky chair facing Sirius' bed. He assumed Sirius would remember what he meant to say if it was important enough. "Do you not recall when I asked at the start if you had exactly two and a quarter kilograms of petroleum jelly?"

"Yeah," Sirius admitted. "But I figured a quarter is just a rough estimate. It's not an exact amount."

"Why do you think I used the word exactly?"

"You didn't say 'exactly exactly.' You just said 'exactly.' Like it can't be two or two and a half, it's gotta be right around two and a quarter. Roughly."

"Padfoot."

"Maybe if you'd been a little clearer," Sirius gave up his argument when he saw Harry was unconvinced. "So the thing is…?"

"In the place," Harry assured him. "With the other two things."

"Three down," Sirius summarized. "Three to go."

Harry gave in to his curiosity and asked the question that had been bothering him. "So what did you use the petroleum jelly for? Because I know I gave you the right amount."

Sirius snickered in memory. "I coated the entire floor of Moony's bathroom with it while he was in the shower. He grabbed his towel and stepped out of the tub." Sirius was outright laughing by now. "Just slipping and sliding everywhere, arms flailing. He even bruised his tailbone."

Harry shook his head and reminded, "You've had to regrow your tailbone, along with dozens of others."

Sirius paused and broke out a smile. "Still worth it."

"You're an idiot," Harry retorted. "And you took some of my petroleum jelly trying to even yours out. You could've killed me!"

"Yeah," Sirius wiggled as he sat up. "How'd you get us out?"

"I snagged enough of your petroleum jelly to get me to exactly two and a quarter kilograms and then I just powered us the hell out of there. That thing was going to kill you, Sirius."

Sirius winced at the memory. "How was I supposed to know that a freakin' Giant could uproot a tree and start casting with it?"

Harry sighed. "You know we can't tell anyone where we really were."

Sirius nodded. "I know."

"I had to make up a story for the hospital records."

"Oh no."

Harry smiled.

"What did you tell them?"

Harry suppressed his delight and calmly answered, "I merely told them you were experimenting with the effects of love potions on bludgers. That's why I didn't check up on all the pounding sounds until after three hours had passed and your legs looked like a couple of dragon hairballs."

"Vivid visual," Sirius commented, glancing down at his heavily wrapped legs.

"You've been out for four days," Harry explained and pointed towards the counter by the sink. "You got some get well soon cards."

"Four days?" Sirius questioned before remembering they had an appointment. "Jimmy?"

"I met with him," Harry answered.

"And?"

Harry shrugged. "And it went exactly like he said. Dumbledore came down, checked him for memory charms, and found nothing."

"So did you…?"

Harry nodded a little reluctantly. "I obliviated him. There was plenty of residue from Dumbledore's scan to mask the charm."

"Jimmy's right," Sirius added. "Snivellus would've had no qualms about plucking it from his head at any time."

"I know. And with the brotherhood charm, I'll more than likely keep Albus from ever realizing why I don't want him discussing things with Jimmy."

"It's only a few more months until he graduates anyway."

Harry nodded. "But even then, we'll need to decide whether to remove the memory charm or leave it there."

"You think you could let it stay?" Sirius asked. "Because you're acting like some John stole your whoring money."

"I am not," Harry grumbled. "But just for that, I'm going to have sex tonight while you can't even move from your hospital bed."

"You mind doing it in here?" Sirius asked feeling bored with his confinement already.

"Those boundaries that we talked about?"

"Too far?"

Harry smiled mirthlessly. "Yeah."

"Oh that reminds me!" Sirius exclaimed. "I remember what I meant to say earlier. I figured out how we're going to break into Malfoy Manor."

Harry sat up, his attention drawn. "Really?"

"My subconscious has had four days to itself. And I'm brilliant."

"Really?" Harry asked again with more than a touch of doubt.

"It's simple," Sirius grinned. "All we have to do is get Lucius to key me into the wards. And then I can bring them down enough from the inside for you to come play too."

"That's all, huh?" Harry asked. "Just get Lucius to key you into the wards?"

Sirius looked at Harry. "You don't think I could bring them down from the inside?"

"That's not the part I'm skeptical of," Harry replied. "I'm more wondering just how you plan to get Lucius to key you in."

"I'm still ironing out some of the details," Sirius admitted. "You're going to need to be in top acting form and I need to double-check some facts on the history of house elves."

"What?" Harry asked unprepared for that.

"Bellatrix could help in a small role," Sirius mused to himself out loud. "And it'd be nice if Lucius is still clueless of all things American."

Harry couldn't keep up with the random hints Sirius was dropping. "You're not going to give me any details, are you?"

Sirius shook his head. "Not yet. You need to work on how to get into the safe. I'll get us in the door."

"You want me to have the nurse knock you out for a few days? See if your subconscious has any more bright ideas."

"Very funny," Sirius retorted. "You're just jealous of my brilliant subconscious. Which is understandable considering your subconscious is pouting like woman from having to obliviate your semi-brother. You know come to think of it, you've been a lot more willing to accept Jimmy as a little brother than you have his parents as anything."

"No kidding. And just why do you think that is?" Harry retorted staring intently at Sirius.

"Don't kill the messenger," Sirius said holding his hands up in supplication. "I'm just making an innocent observation."

"Speaking of killing the messenger," Harry chuckled weakly. "You know because of your legs healing, you can't have sex for at least three to four weeks."

A horrible, gut-wrenching sound echoed throughout the entire sixth floor of St. Mungo's.

Remus looked down at his shopping list again wondering if he was deciphering the scribbles correctly. "Three tubes of peppermint toothpaste? Milk chocolate or semi-sweet, not dark." He considered if he should read anything into the three exclamation points after 'not dark' before finally translating the last item on the list. "White bread crusts and wheat bread middles?"

Remus turned his cart down the aisle for hair care products and almost didn't believe his eyes. "James?"

James Potter, Assistant Director of the DMLE, had just set a bottle of muggle hair conditioner into his handheld shopping basket when he looked up. "Remus? What are you doing here?"

Remus sensed his friend's nervousness. "I could ask you the same thing."

"I asked first."

Remus held up his two-sided list. "I was doing some shopping."

"I thought you shopped at the market just a few blocks from your place?" James asked curiously while wondering if Remus came alone.

"I do, but they were shut down tonight to refinish the floor." Remus looked into James' basket and saw several fruity smelling conditioners, body wash, and bath salts. "I thought Nappy did most of your shopping."

"She does," James quickly replied. "But obviously she can't go to certain types of stores."

Remus pushed his cart closer to his friend and frowned, jumping to the only conclusion he could imagine. "Be honest with me. Are you cheating on Lily?"

James' eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "Heavens, no! Remus, how could you even think such a thing?"

"Oh good," Remus admitted in relief. "I thought it sounded crazy."

"Almost insultingly so," James agreed, standing up a little straighter.

"Well what am I supposed to think?" Remus defended. "You're nervous, scared, and buying all sorts of woman products."

"They're not woman products," James snapped back. "Men use," he pulled out a small pouch and read, "tangerine rain bath crystals," he looked back up at Remus, "just as much as women do."

Remus was fighting a smile. "James?"

"Alright," James admitted. "That was bad example I grabbed there but it's not all girlie."

Remus reached into James' shopping basket and read the label. "Apple blossom with extra volume."

"Not so loud," James scolded.

Remus smiled as his friend held his shopping basket protectively behind him.

"What?" James asked under the uncomfortable stare.

"Are you going to explain this to me," Remus asked handing him back the apple blossom conditioner. "Or do you just want me to guess when I tell it to everyone we've ever met, ever?"

"You've changed," James earnestly replied, before recognizing the danger of his situation. "And you can't tell anyone about this."

"I haven't changed that much," Remus argued. "And you know I won't say anything if it's that important to you."

"You uncover something I'm obviously trying to hide and immediately turn to jokes and blackmail?" James replied. "No, you've changed and we both know why."

"You do?" Remus asked uncertainly.

James nodded. "Tonks is an adult now, so if you feel the need to act like a kid again because of your immature new best friends," James trailed off and shrugged. "I can think of much worse ways to have a mid-life crisis."

"Mid-life crisis?" Remus repeated indignantly. "You gotta be… Okay, first? Sirius and Harry aren't my new best friends. They're not the ones who got me through school and spend every full moon with me. I like them and trust them, but they know who my best friend is." Remus paused before admitting, "Well okay maybe Sirius would pout and try to argue with me, but Harry would understand better than anyone."

James made a pained face as if he wanted to frown harshly but something was holding him back.

"Listen," Remus said, feeling this conversation was long overdue. "Forget everything you know about Sirius and Harry and think like an auror. Here are two people that Tonks and I know well and trust implicitly. Two people your Uncle Peter likes well enough, Dumbledore trusts enough to have a brotherhood charm with Harry, I know Lily likes them, and your son practically worships them."

"Believe me, I know."

"I'll admit they're not exactly the best role models," Remus conceded in what James considered the understatement of the year. "And while they may go about it in somewhat of an unconventional way, they are doing good things. I mean they're not Death Eaters. Hell, they've caught a few for you and they kicked the Voldemort's arse. They're even pushing muggle-friendly politics from a seat that's traditionally been one of the staunchest supporters of pureblood supremacy."

"I know all this," James tiredly agreed. "Lily gave me a rather similar lecture, though hers featured less profanity."

"Oh," Remus wisely commented. "Well okay."

"It just feels like everyone I know is changing and it's their fault."

Remus stayed quiet, recognizing some truth in James' words. "I think everyone is changing less than you realize. But I also think change can be good."

"Now you sound exactly like my wife," James grumbled. "It's her fault I'm here."

"You're going to try and convince me this stuff is for her? A second ago it was manly."

James shook his head negatively. He looked both ways down the aisle and quietly explained. "It's her fault because she got into one of her moods and ordered me to take an hour long bath to relieve some of the stress that was 'obviously addling my brain.' It's not like I wanted to take a bath but…"

"Relaxing?" Remus asked.

James carefully muffled a snort. "I'm here in the middle of the night buying this junk, aren't I?"

"Good point," Remus agreed holding up his own list.

James didn't recognize the handwriting on the list and looked closer at Remus' cart. "What do you need five jars of pickles and six jars of peanut butter for?"

"Actually five jars of each go together," Remus explained with a grimace. "The sixth is because I obviously need my own jar of peanut butter."

James blinked. "Huh?"

Remus realized this talk was also overdue but he was far more hesitant to have it. "You remember how I said I haven't changed that much?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm going to be a dad again soon."

"What?" James gasped. "You're going to be a dad! Remus, I didn't even know you were dating."

"Yeah," Remus winced. "We've only been on a couple of dates and we really can't go anywhere other than the occasional muggle place."

"Muggle?" James repeated. "Did you knock up a muggle? And wait, what about your-?"

"Don't worry," Remus interrupted. "It's going to be a girl. No chance of the curse getting passed on. And no, I wouldn't exactly call her a muggle."

"What would you call her?" James asked curiously.

Remus clenched his eyes shut as he heard a female voice approach him from behind.

"Honey?" Bellatrix called out recognizing Remus' back, unable to see who he was talking to. "Make sure you get creamy and chunky peanut butter. Oh and honey too."

Remus opened his eyes to see the shock on James' face. James just tilted to the side and saw Bellatrix Black come to an abrupt halt.

"Death Eater," James muttered right as Remus answered, "Yes dear."

Bellatrix heard both of them and gulped audibly. "Protect our baby!" she shouted wrapping her arms around her abdomen. She turned around and ran full speed the other way.

Neither James nor Remus made any move as Bellatrix sprinted away and around the edge of the aisle.

James looked at Remus. "Does she-?"

"She thinks you're chasing her," Remus said with a nod.

James still wasn't sure what to make of this but he remembered how Lily acted every time she was pregnant. "Do you need to-?"

"I'd rather not right now," Remus admitted.

James couldn't help but to snigger at his best friend.

"I'm glad I amuse you."

"I'm sorry, Remus," James apologized. He was still in shock that Remus was going to have a baby with Bellatrix Black. "So did you just wake up one morning and say, 'Today, I think I want eggs, toast, and to have a baby with a Death Eater. Maybe some bacon too.'"

Remus noticed James had been subtly changing as well. He grinned as he realized reverting would be a more accurate description. "I kind of got suckered into it," Remus took a moment to ponder his accidental double entendre. "And she's not a Death Eater. In fact, this is why she left them. She wanted to have a child and be free of the Dark Lord's influence."

"With you?" James added the most surprising part.

Remus shrugged. "She swore loyalty to Harry and Sirius and wants them to recognize her child as a Black. They weren't going to knock her up so they tricked me into volunteering."

James stood up straighter, assuming a firmer stance. "Did they force you? Dose you somehow?"

"James," Remus said with a frown.

"Did they?"

"Prongs," Remus meaningfully answered.

James knew Remus never used his old nickname lightly and paused. He sighed. "You've been calling me that quite a bit lately."

"You've deserved it quite a bit lately," Remus replied. He saw his friend was showing genuine concern. "No, of course they didn't dose me or force me. They just… have you seen Bellatrix lately?"

James whistled softly and nodded. "Understood. Well, not really, but if it makes sense to you."

"I don't know what I'm doing," Remus admitted with a shrug. "But I'm kind of happy doing it."

"That part I do understand," James said slapping his friend on the shoulder. "So she's pregnant? I thought her breasts looked fuller than usual."

"Tell me about it," Remus agreed with an appreciative nod. "The wolf in me adores the birthing hips."

"Okay," James replied, thinking the conversation just got weird.

"Bellatrix tells me I've started purring in my sleep."

"I'm officially uncomfortable now," James stated calmly.

"Right," Remus grinned weakly and pointed down the aisle. "I should be…"

"Yeah," James agreed and pointed the other way. "I need to…"

"Good luck with your…" Remus paused unsure how to finish other than with "bath?"

James just waved at Remus as he walked away the other direction.

"Alright," Remus said turning back to his list. "Marshmallows and… snausages? God dammit Sirius what have you been doing to that poor woman?"

"Well," Ginny drew out the word as she wiggled happily in place. "Yes, ghosts can go through the motions of eating, but it doesn't taste right."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked uncomfortably holding the ghost onto his lap.

"That sounds like another question," Ginny said angling her cheek up towards Harry.

Harry maintained his forced smile and leaned forward to kiss Ginny on the cheek.

Ginny giggled in happiness at the small smooch. "It tastes bad. Just unpleasant. But foods more closely related to death and the macabre, like maggots, have a kick. You won't get full or eat for nourishment, but the crunching and wiggling can make for a pleasurable experience."

Harry felt ill at the idea.

"Think of it as exercise for your jaw because consumption simply isn't a part of ghost life," Ginny continued.

"But how do you even chew up the maggots when you can't consciously touch solid objects?"

Ginny wiggled her bum on Harry's lap again. "That's a pretty complicated question. I figure that one's worth at least a shag."

"No," Harry said, reluctantly entering another negotiation.

"Enough over the clothes action to bring me to a-"

"No," Harry interrupted.

"Hmm," Ginny harrumphed. "Fine two kisses and a foot rub. Final offer."

Harry weighed the offer in his head. "Deal."

Ginny closed her eyes, and ever so slightly puckered her lips towards Harry.

Harry ducked left and then right placing chaste kisses on each cheek. "Two kisses," he happily announced lifting Ginny up and depositing her halfway down the couch. Her ghostly feet remained in his lap and he pulled her shoes off. "Start talking."

She held a frown for a split second before grinning brightly in happiness at the thought of her soul mate flirting so playfully. "Ooh," she murmured as Harry started to massage her feet.

Harry frowned as a lump formed in the back of his throat. "Chewing solid objects?"

"Maggots, right," Ginny recalled. "Yeah, the thing about solid objects is that most can't touch them, but there are all kinds of exceptions."

Harry nodded, keeping his head turned so he wouldn't have to watch his shameful hands.

"Some ghosts' reasons for staying behind can include specific items," Ginny explained as her ghostly body hummed in contentment. "Probably the most common are young children with a favorite toy or opening and closing doors."

"Muggleborns who didn't know magic was real and haunt their old homes," Harry offered. "And since their muggle families can't see ghosts…"

"Exactly," Ginny agreed. "Other exceptions are occasionally acquired with age. Like Myrtle can touch almost anything in her bathroom now but I don't think any of the other Hogwarts ghosts have strong affinities."

"I'd wondered why she splashed in her toilet but didn't splash me in the bath," Harry commented.

"Excuse me," Ginny warned dangerously crossing her arms. She was allowing Harry some leeway while he was still acclimating to their relationship, but she was not going to allow another ghost in her territory.

"It was a long time ago," Harry assured her tiredly. "You were a third year. She helped me with the second task of the tournament."

"Doesn't mean you have to keep talking about it," Ginny pouted.

"Sorry."

"Kiss?"

"No," Harry said. "I'm still rubbing your feet because there are more exceptions."

Ginny frowned for a second and burst into another brilliant smile. "Right. The other exceptions are dependent on objects more than the ghosts. Some times of the year or locations like graveyards can factor in. Some artifacts and specific things, like the creepy crawlies chex mix, can be touched. Sometimes it takes a large gathering of ghosts to push the collective afterlife close enough to interact with the living world. And then there are the magics that can affect ghosts. Family manors can be protected by their own legacy this way, traps that ghosts can trigger, magical sealings and defenses."

"I don't suppose you know any of those spells?"

"That's another question," Ginny happily answered sticking her cheek out.

Harry pulled her towards him and sighed as he kissed her quickly.

Ginny giggled and grabbed Harry in a hug.

He considered not allowing her to feel his physical form, but knew he had to play nice. With an awkward pat, he hugged her back.

Ginny squeezed him tighter and replied. "Nope. I don't know any of the spells."

Harry's spirits deflated and he let Ginny fall through his body.

"Sweetie," Ginny begged as her translucent body fell into the couch.

Harry stood to leave the room. "You've used me enough for today."

Ginny floated up looking hopeful and innocent. "Do you feel dirty? Do you, do you need a shower?"

Harry grimaced at the average Gryffindor amount of subtlety. He looked over at the ghost who was deftly avoiding his eyes. "Yeah, okay," Harry conceded without care. "But you're scrubbing my back."

A ghostly squeal was heard as Ginny did a loop in the air and zoomed down the hall towards Harry's bathroom.

Tonks heard the shower running and snuck into Harry's bathroom. She saw Ginny unconsciously rubbing a circle into Harry's back with her gaze firmly fixed on his freakishly pale bum. Tonks' entrance to the bathroom had gone unnoticed and she was feeling mischievous.

The sound of the sliding glass door opening alerted Harry and Ginny to the newcomer.

They stared in surprise as a completely nude, shy Ginny Weasley clasped her hands together, trying to cover her embarrassment. A blush covered her body as she met both the ghost's and young man's eyes. A soft, gentle voice dared to ask, "Mind if I join you?"

Harry wasn't quite sure how to respond but didn't have to as Ginny's gasping breaths made him look over his shoulder.

Ginny stared at the very real and solid human form of her own body. Dozens of her dreams and fantasies were within her grasp. She was hyperventilating happily, gasping as the smile on her face threatened to split her face in half.

Tonks held on tight to her metamorphmagus form but worriedly took a step towards the ghost. "Ginny?"

Ginny just nodded stupidly, breathing faster, and more frantically as her smile started to fade. She couldn't control herself as her eyes rolled up into her head, and the ghost collapsed in a dead faint.

"Huh," Tonks said looking down at the ghost lying on the floor.

"Yeah," Harry agreed.

"You don't think I killed her, did I?" Tonks said, shifting herself back to a blue-haired version of her base form.

"I'm not that lucky," Harry said, rolling the ghost over to the back of the large shower.

Tonks let the water cascade down her naked body, running her hands through her hair, slicking it back and out of her eyes. She flashed a predatory grin at Harry. "Let's see about getting you luckier then."

"Okay," Harry helplessly agreed. "But it could take a lot of work."

"Harry," Tonks said pulling him closer. "I know you've never had a real job-"

"Oi!"

"-but that's really not a lot of work."

"I suppose not," Harry grumbled to himself. "If your part is to lay there like a dead fish."

Tonks was about retort when a pair of invisible hands grabbed her ankles, flipped her upside-down, and held her in place, floating in the gentle shower stream.

Harry spun Tonks slowly in pace, admiring her body and waiting for her to proclaim his greatness.

The blood was rushing to her head, but she still maintained a straight face as she licked her lips and asked, "Got any fish food?"

Harry was still toweling his hair dry when he spotted a pouting Sirius. Knowing exactly what was bothering his godfather, Harry felt he had a duty. "Sex, sex, sex. It's like even when I'm not really in the mood, I figure why not? Let's have some more sex."

Sirius just growled and turned the volume up a notch on the telly.

"Oh I'm sorry, Sirius," Harry said without a drop of sincerity. "How inconsiderate of me. Don't worry about it though. These last two weeks have flown by, I'm sure."

"It's only been eleven days, you," Sirius resisted the urge to use the term wanker. "You orphan."

Harry suppressed his glee. "Really? Eleven? So you're not even halfway done yet?"

Sirius took out his frustration on the remote and pushed really hard changing the channel.

"Whenever they remove your ban, if you need someone to catch you up on the new rules and the rules that have changed, you just let me know."

Sirius just ignored Harry.

"So I had sex this morning," Harry began.

"That's it," Sirius snapped, digging his hand into his pocket. "I told myself I wouldn't do this, but you brought this on yourself." Sirius thrust his hand out with a marble held between his thumb and forefinger. "Bwah!"

Harry hadn't moved but looked at the marble curiously.

"Bwah!" Sirius tried again wiggling the marble. "Bwah?"

Harry sounded like a babysitter that just caught her charge with his hand in the cookie jar. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing?" Sirius said, looking at his apparently faulty marble. "I thought marbles were your greatest fear?"

Harry blinked. "What?"

"I saw that boggart nest attack you." Sirius saw the confusion on Harry's face. "In the tomb? About three rooms before we got to the cup?"

Harry chuckled. "Those weren't marbles, Sirius."

"Well they weren't dementors either," Sirius retorted. "Which is what our old Moony said your boggart turned into."

"It used to turn into a dementor," Harry explained. "But that was more a fear of fear than a fear of the creatures. After I took Voldemort down, I pretty much conquered that one. Now I can't stand the idea of not having any control in my own life."

Sirius thought back to what he'd mistakenly assumed were marbles. "Those were Imperius bubbles?"

"No," Harry replied in confusion. "Those were prophecy spheres. What the hell is an Imperius bubble? And you really thought I was afraid of marbles?"

Sirius shrugged. "Because prophecy spheres is that much better?"

Harry knew he didn't have any defense for that one. "Hey! You were trying to torture me with my worst fear. You're a mean bastard."

Sirius waved Harry off. "I knew you weren't scared of marbles."

"No, you didn't."

"Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe," Sirius said redirecting the conversation. "So have you just been stepping up your game to rub it in my face?"

"I haven't been stepping up-"

"Nine different girls in eleven days is a significant increase in production for you," Sirius retorted. "Assuming this morning's is another new one."

Tonks was towel drying her own hair and stuck her head in the room. "Am I interrupting?"

"Okay, not a new one," Sirius corrected, addressing Harry. "Still, eight's pretty high."

"Yeah," Harry said waving Tonks over. "About that…"

Sirius let his remote control arm drop and looked at Harry and Tonks curiously.

"Just show him," Harry urged Tonks. "It'll be easier."

Tonks' form shifted into a face and body that Sirius recognized from the day before. She morphed her way through a dozen different forms, half of which Sirius had seen in just the past eleven days.

"No different girls," Harry told him. "It's always been Tonks."

Sirius frowned as Tonks pressed up next to Harry. "But why would you hide that from… oh."

"We're in love," Tonks said with a helpless shrug.

"Yup, love," Harry said especially enthusiastically.

"But… I mean…" Sirius was clearly struggling to deal with this revelation. His face looked like he was about to burst into unhappy tears. "That's great."

Harry visibly relaxed. "I'm so glad you think so. Because I asked Tonks to marry me, and she said yes!"

Sirius whimpered as if he'd been struck.

Harry swung an arm over Tonks' shoulder, pulling her closer. "So much love."

Sirius looked away and finally seemed to accept the situation. "Harry? You know I only care about your happiness, right?"

Tonks mumbled out the corner of her mouth. "There was a 'hap' in there, right?"

Harry ignored Tonks and decided to humor Sirius. "I'll say yes."

"And you know I'd never," Sirius emphatically repeated, "never interfere in your life or tell you how to live, right?"

Harry suspected the truth was not the answer to use here. "Right."

"I forbid this," Sirius said waving his hands wildly at Tonks and Harry. "It's not allowed. Meaningless sex is fine. But sex with meaning? That's, that's, that's not sex at all. It's just… dirty."

"God dammit," Tonks swore pushing away from Harry. She turned to leave the room, cursing Sirius' existence. "One day? You couldn't fake it for one day? This is Harry's happiness."

Sirius was immensely confused. "Huh?"

Harry grinned victoriously as Tonks stalked away. "She thought you'd be able to hold your tongue for at least a day. I bet we wouldn't even finish the conversation. You didn't even give me a chance to ask you to be my Best Man."

"So," Sirius strove for clarification. "So you're not…?"

"In love? Getting married?" Harry repeated with a scoff. "More gullible than the first year Gryffindor Seamus convinced was dating Hermione and that he'd been obliviated by Snape?"

"So the last few days haven't been just Tonks?"

"Eight different, Sirius," Harry assured. "And knowing it would annoy you actually made the sex a little bit better. Tonks is just a very cool girl with apparently too much faith in you."

Sirius snickered at how pissed Tonks had been when she left the room. "What did you bet?"

"Next three meals at Grimmauld Place, she's eating on the floor," Harry explained. "Food in a food bowl, drink in a water bowl, and absolutely no hands or magic at all."

Sirius looked at Harry in disappointment. "You don't bet sexual favors?"

Harry shook his head. "Embarrassment causes more lasting damage."

"True enough," Sirius agreed. "Speaking of lasting damage, Bellatrix sent the letter to Narcissa. You think you're going to be able to handle this?"

Harry nodded. "No sweat. I've got my eyes on the prize. I can hold my tongue and play a role. The only real danger would be an accidental magic killing curse."

Sirius pursed his lips in thought. "Could that happen?"

Harry shrugged. "I doubt it. But he is really annoying."

"Annoying? He's only annoying if you're lucky," Sirius commiserated.

Harry grinned. "I've been working on that actually."

"I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met," Lucius said, dripping with faux sincerity.

"I'm Benjamin Franklin, Lord Malfoy," the severely hunched over and heavily disguised Harry said extending his hand.

"Salutations, Mr. Franklin," Lucius replied shaking hands with a distasteful look on his face.

"Are you familiar with the unfortunate situation that has led me to you, Lord Malfoy?"

Lucius shook his head, watching the aged wizard in front of him for signs of treachery.

"Brighton," Harry exclaimed with a rasping cough. "The elf that has served my family since before I was born is perilously close to earning his permanent retirement, if you will."

Lucius looked at the perfectly stoic and proud standing elf behind Harry. "It looks healthy."

"That's not Brighton," Harry explained. "That's Kreacher. I asked Brighton to pick and train his successor. Kreacher here was purchased a couple weeks ago from the Lords Black. Are you familiar with them?"

Lucius' lips curled in disgust. "A pair of more worthless people would be hard to find."

Harry broke into an exaggerated and guttural laugh. "You won't hear any argument from me. They felt it was wrong owning the creatures and wanted to get rid of theirs. Even made me swear not to beat the little fucker. I should have suspected something with the price so low, but as it turns out, Kreacher here is hereditary bound to the Black line."

"I fail to see why you're wasting my time," Lucius said in mild irritation.

"I have no use for an elf born and bred for another family. His spawn will also be inclined to serve the Blacks. The Lords Black refused to take him back. Bellatrix Black was difficult to locate, but she replied negatively to my letter. She appears to only take orders from her Lords, but she did suggest her sister was married to you Lord Malfoy, a family name I knew well."

"You're trying to sell me your elf?" Lucius clarified. "I have one already and am not inclined to give to charity that dirties my front door."

"I understand, Lord Malfoy, I really do," Harry said. "And I'm not looking to sell you Kreacher. I was hoping to trade Kreacher for another able house elf as my family still needs an elf."

"Why should I do this favor for you?" Lucius inquired. "My current elf is a faithful and able servant."

Harry had a strong feeling that he doubted that but kept piling it on. "Kreacher here is most useful to those of Black descent. If you and I cannot reach an accord, then I'm requesting your permission to take this offer to your heir, Draco. I always approach the Lord first, and given who the elf's previous owners were, perhaps this elf is of… special value to you."

Lucius blinked, only then realizing the elf may very well contain the secrets of the Lord Blacks.

"I care not for its past, Lord Malfoy," Harry said with a happy snarl. "I just need an elf that can serve my family." He saw he had hooked Lucius and needed to reel him in. "I realize trading elves would be doing me a favor and can offer Kreacher and five hundred galleons for a healthy, unattached elf."

"Make it a thousand galleons and we can do business."

Harry stared at Lucius for a long time, contemplating whether to haggle over the price before remembering how much stature mattered to Lucius. "A thousand is acceptable, Lord Malfoy."

"Dobby!" Lucius beckoned.

A sharp crack announced the arrival of the elf. Dobby turned towards Harry curiously before looking back at Lucius. "Master?"

"Fetch me a piece of clothing," Lucius ordered without even looking down at the elf.

"Your elf is uncollared?" Harry questioned as Dobby disappeared momentarily. "You allow the creature to think for itself?"

"I don't need a collar to keep my elf from thinking for itself," Lucius snapped, desperate not to show his ignorance.

Harry conjured a piece of string and tied it like a leash over Kreacher. "I assumed we'd simply trade elves without releasing them from their collars, but I refuse to include a Kovnott collar with Kreacher and receive none in return."

"Keep your collar then," Lucius instructed as Dobby reappeared with a sweaty headband.

Dobby saw the collar around Kreacher's neck and gasped.

Lucius saw the motion and kicked Dobby down the few stairs at the door. "That'll be your collar soon enough, elf."

Dobby pleaded with Lucius. "Dobby is sorry! Dobby promises to serve Master well."

Lucius held up the headband Dobby had brought him and grinned at the creature's fear. "I'm not going to be your Master."

Dobby whimpered as he turned towards Harry.

Harry unsnapped the collar from Kreacher and held tightly onto the string. Kreacher exploded in a flurry of action, trying to run away, choking himself against the leash.

Harry yanked on his string and ripped Kreacher through the air falling to the ground in front of him. Harry leaned down into the elf's face and shouted loud enough to scare all the birds in the area away. "Behave!"

Kreacher was struggling in place and twitchy. A polar opposite from the cool, calm, and collected elf he had been with the collar on.

Harry pulled out a glove from his pocket and held up the string tied around Kreacher's neck. "I am ready. Any last commands you wish to give Dobby before the transfer of ownership?"

Lucius was suddenly having doubts about Kreacher's ability to serve. "Your elf is rabid. How do you expect that thing to replace my elf?"

Harry put a foot on Kreacher pushing him down while he pulled the string around his neck taut. "An elf is an elf, Lord Malfoy. I do not know how it is done around here, but all respectable families in America keep their elves collared. Your elf even recognizes the significance."

"Yes," Lucius commented, trying to reaffirm control of this deal. "Why is it that he recognizes that collar?"

"You could ask him," Harry suggested, resisting the urge to really antagonize Lucius.

"I do not want a history lesson from an elf," Lucius snapped. "I was asking you, Mister Franklin." He added the emphasis to remind the other man of his place.

"Of course, Lord Malfoy," Harry agreed. "Kovnott collars were how the creatures were first tamed and sold as objects from the goblins that created them. The collars made them into completely subservient but highly magical beings and protectors. It was only after they were sufficiently tamed that the older and less useful creatures traded in their collars and received clothes. All of today's house elves descend from the unworthy and incapable elves. The warrior elves served until they died in battle, while the house elves retired to menial labor."

Lucius sneered at Dobby, who obediently stood there with his head down.

Harry continued to do what he called 'pulling a Hermione' by piling on more information than necessary. "Millennia ago, when house elves were all that remained of the goblins' creation, Kovnott collars were worth a hundred house elves. But when Hogwarts was founded and the concept of a wizard lessened, the creatures became a status symbol of history. The value of a single elf continued to grow-"

"I asked for an answer, not a lecture," Lucius interrupted.

"My apologies, Lord Malfoy," Harry said with a bowed head.

"Why is the collar so important to you then?"

Harry fought the urge to smile and explained, "Because, Lord Malfoy, a collared elf can be spelled into the family manor's magics. Within the home, the Master of the manor has full control over the elf though usually the manor keeps the elf aware of all the manor's needs. Disobedience is handled by the collar, and in the event of a betrayal or the Master's wish, the collar will cleanly behead the elf instantaneously."

Dobby whimpered at the explanation and Harry felt like hugging him.

"In the case of hereditary bound elves," Harry said with a nod towards Kreacher, "The collar will immediately enslave and bring the next elf in line into service. For that reason alone, I would advise you to locate a Kovnott collar for Kreacher."

Lucius had reached a decision. "No. The deal is off unless you include the collar."

"Lord Malfoy," Harry snapped. "This collar is worth as much as the elf and I will not trade a collared elf for an uncollared one. Let alone give you an additional thousand galleons."

"Another negotiation, then?" Lucius smirked. "How much?"

"The collar on its own is worth almost seven thousand galleons," Harry stated as he snapped it back around Kreacher's neck. The elf stood up obediently and calmly waited by Harry's side. "By the terms of our previous agreement, I'm willing to take your elf and six thousand galleons for Kreacher and the collar."

"I'll give you one thousand," Lucius countered.

"One thousand?" Harry said shaking his head. "Five thousand is more than generous, even for a Lord."

"In that case my answer is no," Lucius added. "You may not approach my heir with your offer."

Harry sighed. "I'm sorry, Lord Malfoy, but I'm better off selling Kreacher to someone else interested in the Lord Blacks' secrets and just purchasing a new elf. My apologies for wasting your time."

Harry turned to walk away and feared he might have made a colossal mistake.

"Three thousand galleons and that's my final offer," Lucius called out as the man began to lead his elf away.

"Three thousand?" Harry repeated, turning around. "I could still probably make more, but you would spare me the effort of finding an elf for sale."

"Not a knut over three thousand," Lucius insisted. "And the offer only stands for another minute."

Harry wobbled his hunched form over and looked right into Dobby's eyes. "This elf will behave properly until I can purchase another collar?"

Lucius kicked Dobby in the back and assured. "He's behaved this long without one but if you are unable to handle a house elf…"

Dobby got back up to his feet and stared at Harry. "Dobby needs no collar to know how to be a good elf. Dobby is a good elf."

Harry grinned at Dobby before looking up at Lucius. "We have an accord."

Lucius held out the headband signifying ownership of Dobby. "Let's finish this. We have wasted enough of my time as it is."

Harry accepted the headband and handed the glove symbolizing Kreacher to Lucius. "Agreed." A flash of magic permeated through the air and Kreacher and Dobby both felt the pull of new Masters. "Now there's only the matter of the money."

Lucius reached inside his robe and withdrew a leather pocketbook. He proceeded to scribble out a bank draft for three thousand galleons.

Harry bound Dobby to him, as the elf accepted the magic from his new Master. "Thank you, Lord Malfoy," Harry said accepting the slip of paper stamped with the Malfoy seal. "Do you need any help binding Kreacher to your manor?"

"No, Mr. Franklin," Lucius snidely remarked. "If I need any help, I'll look it up. But if I need a lecture… well, I'd probably find someone more attractive than you to give it. Good day."

Harry watched Lucius order Kreacher inside and followed after the elf.

"What a dick," Harry grumbled. "Follow me, Dobby."

They walked outside the manor grounds, and once they were far enough they apparated away.

Dobby appeared in the middle of Grimmauld Place next to Harry and looked around curiously. "This is the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black," Dobby commented looking up at Harry curiously.

"It is," Harry agreed. "And I've got an offer for you." Harry held up the headband. "If you want this, it's yours."

"Master just got Dobby," Dobby noted. "Master wishes to free Dobby?"

"Not particularly," Harry said. "But I'm giving you the option for freedom. It'll come with a small memory charm, but if you wanted you could go to Hogwarts and work there. I bet you could even talk the Headmaster into paying you to work for him."

"Master knows how to memory charm house elves?" Dobby asked doubtfully.

Harry nodded. "I do."

Dobby frowned and then smiled. "Master must be a very good Master for a house elf to have taught Master that."

Harry grinned knowing that the knowledge couldn't be passed on to others. It was something only a house elf could give a person. "He was a very remarkable house elf and I'd love to tell you about him, but not if you'd rather freedom. My secrets are too important to risk."

"Master memory charmed Kreacher!" Dobby exclaimed in surprise.

Harry shrugged. "He still remembers his name and being born."

Dobby frowned warily. "But why?"

"Sorry. I can't answer that and then later give you this," Harry said shaking the headband.

"Dobby knows," Dobby said. "Dobby is a good house elf and will serve good Master. But Dobby is wondering who taught Master to memory charm house elves."

Harry pulled off the medallion Sirius had given him and his proper appearance returned. "Feel free to call me Harry or Master or whatever the hell you want. I really don't care. And since you asked, I'll tell you that it was an extremely brave elf named Dobby that taught me how to memory charm house elves."

"Dobby did?" Dobby asked in awe.

"Not you, not exactly," Harry added. "A different elf named Dobby though it was kind of you."

"That's what Dobby said," Dobby clarified. "Dobby said Dobby did."

"Right, I just… I mean…" Harry sighed. "This could get confusing real quick."

"Dobby doesn't mind if Master pretends Dobby is Dobby. Dobby doubts Dobby minds either if Dobby is a good elf. Dobby is a good elf," Dobby rattled off with a grin.

"Right," Harry uncertainly agreed. "Maybe I should explain this and Dobby should stay quiet."

"Dobby is here?" Dobby asked looking around. "Dobby is confused."

Harry was starting to remember why he offered Dobby freedom in the first place.

Harry still wasn't sure if Dobby understood it, but the elf was eager to help him gather his gear. Sirius and Harry had already spent 68 hundred galleons on the Kovnott collar they jinxed and another 15 thousand galleons to buy a special acid.

To utilize the full power of the collar, Lucius needed to key the collar into the wards as opposed to the keying in the elf. The stronger the manor wards, the stronger the connection. The success of the evening's work hinged on whether Lucius had located accurate instructions.

Sirius had been put into an enchanted sleep, set to wear off after eighteen hours. He was then transfigured into one of the jewels encrusted on the collar. When the sleep enchantment wore off around three in the morning, Sirius would transform into his dog form, reversing the transfiguration on him. Then he had to prepare for Harry's arrival, knowing he'd be apparating to him at the proper time.

Harry nodded at Dobby and covered himself in an invisibility cloak. His watch beeped once, indicating 3:30 A.M. and with a soft pop he apparated straight to Sirius' side.

Harry saw Sirius pouring magic into a keystone and whipped his cloak off. "I'm here."

"Oh thank Merlin," Sirius said letting his magic relax. "I couldn't actively change the wards without drawing attention, but I figured if I just held them open without changing anything you could power through."

Harry looked at the stunned and unmoving Kreacher on the floor. "You realize the sort of life we're condemning Kreacher…" Harry trailed off at the look Sirius was giving him and proceeded to obliviate the last half hour from the elf. "Right. Never mind. So what's the status on Malfoy?"

"We gotta stay quiet," Sirius said accepting his backpack from Harry. "Lucius and Narcissa are asleep and both wearing Malfoy rings, so no direct magic on them. I thought about silencing their bedroom door, but figured it might be a risk."

"Shit," Harry swore. "As much as I'd like to ransack the place, let's just hit drawing room floor and blood-warded safe."

"Alright," Sirius agreed. "But I'm still going to crap on their carpet."

Harry nodded and the pair stealthily made their way through Malfoy manor and towards the drawing room.

"Did you bring the stuff for a Fidelius?"

"I've always got stuff for one," Harry said. "But I'm not keyed into the wards. So the best I can do is just a chunk in the middle of the room. And more than likely he will feel that."

"You think we can do this quiet enough for three hours or however long the acid takes?"

Harry saw how energized Sirius was and how vulnerable they'd be for a long time. "Good point. Go take your crap real quick, because once the Fidelius is up, we're not crossing it."

Sirius nodded and walked down to the middle of the hall and squatted.

Harry put the finishing touches on the anchor stone placement. "I thought you were going to transform?"

"I didn't want dog shit on his floor," Sirius explained. "I wanted people shit."

"Well are you done?" Harry asked. "Because you know he's probably going to wake up."

"Let's do it," Sirius said hopping inside the small warded square.

Harry quickly flooded the stones with magic and sealed the charm, locking them in. "That'll hold," he said in exhaustion before noticing Sirius had already pulled out the first bottle of acid. "Be careful with that."

"I know," Sirius said. He'd rolled the carpet over and revealed the large floor safe and door on top. "This stupid thing better be in here."

"Whatever's in here is ours," Harry assured him. "And is important enough to the Malfoys to keep in a safe. But it'll be here."

Sirius took out one of the glimmering mesh balls and handed the other to Harry. "Start your scrubbing."

Harry dropped to his knees next to Sirius. Together the pair of them rubbed the shine off the large empty front of the door, below the Malfoy crest. They couldn't use magic, and had enlisted the help of the Weasley twins in creating what they called diamond wool. It was similar to steel wool but with a little more kick. Fred and George only knew it had to be completely non-magical, even if manipulating the materials to make it was a magical process. Any magic on the safe and they wouldn't be able to get in.

They'd only been scrubbing for a couple of minutes before they saw Lucius Malfoy running down the hall with his wand up.

They glanced at each other and went back to their scrubbing, this time a little quieter than before.

"What is it?" Narcissa called out as she pulled her night robe tighter. She saw her husband crouched down to something. "Did someone… defecate?"

Lucius looked up and around, his eyes passing right over the Fidelius protected square without pause. "Something's going on."

"Has someone broken in?" she asked.

"No," Lucius replied. "No intruders at least."

"If you don't know what, then it was probably an ally passing the Dark Lord's wards to the public areas."

"Those triggering don't even wake me," Lucius retorted. "This was something different." Lucius sniffed the air as he got a nose full of the present left in the hallway. "Something personal."

Narcissa rolled her eyes and turned away from her husband. "You probably just upset Draco again. I'm going back to bed."

Lucius was still sitting there musing over what had happened. "Kreacher!"

The elf appeared with a pop. "Master?"

"Clean this up," Lucius ordered.

Lucius stalked by the entrance to the drawing room and continued right on past.

Kreacher could be heard mumbling in the distance. "Bad Master, bad."

Sirius and Harry's arms were burning and Harry let up his furious scrubbing. "That might be enough."

Sirius carefully pulled his hand back, and looked at all the small cuts from the diamond wool. "It better be."

Harry leaned down and blew the stone dust and shavings away from a central circle, about a half meter in diameter.

Together the pair of Lord Blacks, each took a bottle of the acid and began to trace the edge of the hole they were making. It sizzled and steamed on contact but was clearly eating away at the obsidian.

"You're sure this is going to work?" Sirius asked vanishing the steam collecting inside the Fidelius charm.

"It should," Harry explained. "The magic of the safe is never tampered with. We just destroy the physical aspects of it, leaving the magic intact."

"And the gloves and sheets?"

"The magic muting gloves allow us to reach in, wrap the items in the sheets, and lift the wrapped items through the physical hole."

"It sounds like it will work," Sirius said drizzling more acid along his lines. "I just find it hard to believe you managed to crack a safe that's been considered uncrackable for centuries."

Harry was layering in the acid and vanishing steam periodically. "Says the man whose subconscious came up with a plan where he was the stud on a house elf's collar?"

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "But I'm a genius."

"No," Harry retorted knowing they were going to be applying acid for a couple of hours. "I'm a genius." And just like that the game was afoot to see who had the stamina to out-annoy the other.

Somehow in the midst of their marathon game, they managed to discuss Dobby and Kreacher, Quidditch, Remus and Bellatrix, Tonks, the Potters, life, love and happiness.

"My genius is so thick and meaty," Sirius argued. "Female kelpies-"

"Stop!" Harry cried out. He remembered he was supposed to be quiet and whispered harshly. "Stop!"

"You recognize my genius?" Sirius clarified, lifting his nearly empty acid bottle.

"No," Harry explained and pointed down. "We're through. You're dripping acid on our goodies now."

"Shit," Sirius said placing the acid to the side. He slipped on one of the extra long special gloves. Just in time to see Harry punch hard on the remaining chunk of wall that hadn't been eaten through.

"Oww," Harry yelped pulling his hand back.

Sirius moved into place and using his gloved arm punched in the same place Harry did. "Oww."

The remaining pieces of obsidian bent inwards in a way that normal stone could never bend.

Harry grabbed a large cloth of magic muting material and stuck his arm as far in as he safely could. He grabbed onto a stack of ledgers and wrapped them up in the cloth. He slowly extracted the tightly wound objects pulled them through the active magical protections of the safe. "See? I'm a genius."

Sirius accepted the bundle and unwrapped the magic muting cloth. He quickly flipped through the stack of documents and personal books. "There's no diary here."

"Stuff that in your bag. We're taking everything from this safe," Harry said, having spotted the diary and reaching for it. He grabbed an extra magic muting cloth and wrapped it around his upper arm, so he could reach deeper into the safe. "Got it."

Harry slowly withdrew diary, wrapped in another magic muting cloth. He handed the diary to Sirius and grabbed all the rest of the cloths. "Let me clear the rest of this out. You bag it up."

Sirius nodded, carefully revealing the book, doing his best to not physically touch the horcrux.

Harry had a system going of just loosely wrapping, extracting, and dumping items on the floor. Harry saw Sirius staring at the open diary. "Don't start writing in that thing. We can play with it later."

"Harry," Sirius weakly said interrupting Harry's pattern. "Harry, I think you better take a look at this."

Harry reassessed their surroundings knowing they hadn't seen Lucius in a while. He took the diary from Sirius and realized he felt not a drop of magic from the thing. The pages were yellowed indicating its age, but a clearly newer fresh piece of parchment was stuck on top. It had been spelled so that only certain people could read it. The most damning part was that the letter had been spelled specifically for Harry and Sirius.

Dear Sirs,

Do you prefer Death Eater Bandits or the Lords Black?

I suspect I've caught your attention enough that you don't care how I refer to you but I do hope we can become allies. Or at the least avoid becoming enemies.

I know what you were expecting this to be, just like I know why you broke into Alan Weston's home. I've been wondering just what other places and treasures you have uncovered.

We need to discuss this in person. There is a hidden cellar underneath the Shrieking Shack between Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. Men of your talents should have no problem getting in there. I'll know when you arrive and will meet you there within an hour.

Harry glanced up at Sirius who was looking very pale. "Fuck."