Chapter 11: Wishing For Bravery

James was cut off by Lily, who kissed him passionately on the lips. We all inhaled a breath of shock and when she parted away from him, we were all speechless with surprise.

"Are we going to stand here gawking or are we going to sit down and eat whatever's left of the Christmas feast?" she asked us, with a hint of a smirk on her face. I exchanged surprised glances with Lora and walked over to James. Remus was already patting him on the back with a congratulations and I noticed a smile on James that I had never seen before.

We then walked over to the Gryffindor table and joined our lady friends (and Jack) to eat the remains of the feast.

-11-

"I can't believe it! I just can't believe that I kissed her!" James said loudly as he strode down the now-warmer corridor with Remus and me in tow. Lily and Lora had gone to help McGonnagall with grading some paperwork and we decided to explore the school a bit.

"I think it was Lily that kissed you, mate," I laughed as James hit me on the back of my head with his glove.

"I bet she was delusional when she did. I mean, Lily kissing James? It's about as likely as Sirius ever getting turned down by a girl," Remus joked.

"Oh," replied James. His high spirits had clearly been grounded by Remus' joke. I laughed as Remus had to reassure James that he was just kidding and that obviously Lily now had a thing for him.

"Are you going to ask her out now that you know she's feelin' you?" I asked James curiously. I knew that it wouldn't exactly be the first time he had asked out Lily but I was still curious as to what his plan on this was. I mean, you don't just kiss a girl and then not ask her out. I kissed Lora but never asked her out… I silently cursed myself for thinking this and listened to James' reply.

"I think I will. I mean, I sent her a few owls while she was away for Christmas and she actually replied. She was cool in her letters too," he said casually. Remus and I exchanged shocked glances and started bombarding Prongs with questions.

"You talked to her?"

"She actually replied!?"

"What'd you talk about?"

"Did you ask her out or something?"

"Did she tell you that she liked you?"

"What did you two talk about?"

James laughed at our questions and shook his head.

"We just talked about normal things. How our studies are going, professors, Winter Break, music, nothing major. We just talked," he turned a corner so that we would make our way back to the Gryffindor common room.

I tuned out Remus and James as we walked down the barren and gray hallways. Look how old we're all getting, I thought to myself. I mean, I remember the day when James first told me that he had a thing for Lily. I remember the first time he ever asked her out and I remember being there and seeing her say no. He was crushed but he never gave up. He kept asking her and he kept showing how much he cared for her. Now look at them, Lily's kissed him and it's entirely possible that she'll say yes when he does ask her out this time.

If only I had the same bravery as James. Then I could tell Lor how much I cared for her. What if she did want to date me? What if I have already lost my chance? She's probably already moved on and left all feelings that she could have ever had for me behind. In Lor's mind, I'm probably nothing but some guy that won't stop hanging around her. Or maybe I'm like a brother to her. I would hate it if I ever asked her out and she told me no because I was like a brother to her. I guess it's just better to keep my feelings to myself.

I hated myself for thinking that. I mean, I'm Sirius Black. I've never been turned down by a girl in my whole life. Yet, a simple crush on my best mate was twisting me all up and taking over my last year at Hogwarts. I'm supposed to be the poster boy for Gryffindor, the house of bravery, yet here I am, cowering back whenever I work up the nerve to tell some girl how I feel. Not just some girl, the girl. I hated myself for letting this get to me so badly. I want the old days back, where the only thing I thought about Lora was how good of a friend she was. Back then, my dreams every night weren't filled with telling her how I feel and watching us settle down together. Back then, I could talk to her without worrying that I sounded stupid. I didn't get jealous whenever I saw her talking to another guy. I didn't catch myself staring at her and wondering how someone could be that amazing and not even know it. I never went the extra mile to impress her and I never wished on every shooting star and every birthday candle that one day she would be mine. That I could say that she was my Lora and no one else's. Back then, I could still breathe and my heart rate was normal whenever I felt her hand brush by mine. Before these feelings came, she was never at the forefront of my mind all the time. I never used to snatch up every opportunity to hold her in my arms.

At the same time though, these feelings were the best thing that ever happened to me. It's like, everything was a big puzzle and those feelings I have for Lora are the missing piece that makes it complete. Lora makes me complete. I wake up every morning yenning to see her, hear her, feel her. Holding her in my arms just makes everything so clear. As if someone had screwed up my focus on the world but Lora was the trigger to making everything so simple and incredible again. Ever since these feelings came, I have noticed so much more about Lor than I had ever known before. I always knew that she was sweet, but lately, I had been seeing just how compassionate towards others she was. I see her vulnerable too, waiting for someone to come and take care of her. She's scared to graduate Hogwarts. I want to be the one to protect her, to keep her safe from all of the awful things going on outside of this stone haven that we are enclosed in.

I stepped up though the portrait door into the toasty and warm common room. The shadows from the fireplace danced off of the walls and furniture, making the entire red and gold room look as if it was enflamed in the fires that danced along across the room.

I saw Lora and Lily sitting on the floor in front of the burning embers, playing with Jack. I watched as they held a scarf up over his head and watched him jump for it. They would rub his stomach and pat him on the head if she managed to bite onto the jumping scarf. They would feed him snacks too, if he did a really good job.

"What are you two doing back so soon?" asked Remus, sitting down in the large, red velvet armchair next to the fireplace.

"Minerva didn't want Jack in her classroom for some reason, so we decided not to grade papers. She said she had other work to attend to anyway," replied Lora, glancing up at me with her stunning blue eyes. I couldn't help but melt on the inside as she gave me a smile that rivaled the warmth of the fireplace next to her. She patted the carpet next to her, urging me to sit down. I walked over and took my place next to her. I leaned back and balanced myself upon my elbows. Jack skipped over to me, licking my face and climbing onto my stomach. He stepped around a few times in a circle, to make himself comfortable, and then settled in and fell asleep on my abs. I didn't disturb him. Instead, I just let him stay were he was.

"Hey Lily, can I talk to you for a moment?" piped up James, who was still standing near the portrait door. I saw him wringing his hands, obviously a bit nervous for what he was about to ask Lily.

I watched Lily and Lora exchange glances. They seemed to be debating through their eye contact. Lily finally got up and followed James out of the common room, into the holiday-themed hallways.

We sat in silence, straining our eyes for any glimpse of the conversation that was taking place outside of our sitting room. Nothing penetrated through the walls though, so we were left wondering in silence whether or not James had gone through with it; and if he did, what was Lily's answer?

After what seemed like years of silence in our common room, the portrait door finally opened and James helped Lily step through. Her cheeks matched the color of her fiery hair. We turned to James and he had this stupid, goofy grin on his face.

"Well?" Remus mouthed to him as James walked past. I already had a pretty good feeling as to what the answer as but I watched in anticipation as he settled down on the floor next to Lily.

He gave us a quick nod and the rested his arm behind Lily. She gave him a some what coy smile and then giggled to Lora. I looked up and saw her roll her eyes. When I looked closer though, I saw a pang of what closely resembled sadness in her eyes also. My heart ached for Lora as I shook my hair in my face, leaned back on the soft carpeting and listened to my friends joke around, all the while still wishing that maybe one day, I could be as brave as him and ask out the girl of my dreams also.