Don't own Harry Potter. If I did I wouldn't be here.

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The Death Eaters open a hotel

"Tell me," Snape said. "Why are we doing this again?"

"What?" Voldemort asked.

"Opening a hotel." Snape replied.

"Because," Voldemort replied calmly. "It will be a five star hotel. All of the great wizards will come flocking to it! Then once they're inside, WHAMO!" He crushed one of Lucius Malfoy's cookies.

"Do you really think," Snape said, picking up an engraved golden plaque. "That famous wizards will visit a hotel entitled 'The Voldemort hotel, we give our guests a proper greeting' ?"

"Well if you're going to pick holes in every little detail…"

"Our secretary is Wormtail?" Snape said, astounded.

"No one else wanted the job." Voldemort shrugged.

Snape sighed and walked away.

"Presenting," Voldemort said. "The Voldemort hotel!" He cut the ribbon and the Death Eaters all clapped loudly.

"How exactly did you turn this into a hotel?" Snape asked, gesturing at the Riddle house in front of them.

"I'm the dark lord," Voldemort replied. "I can do anything! Now everyone to work!"

The Death Eaters ran into the house followed by Snape who hadn't been assigned any particular position, so decided to explore the house. Deciding to start with the bottom floor, he walked into the cloakroom that had been transformed magically into a secretary's office. Peter Pettigrew was sitting at a computer typing away.

"What are you doing?" Snape asked.

"I'm making fliers for the hotel!" Peter replied, printing one out. "Could you take this to the dark lord to make sure that he approves?"

Snape sighed, took the colourful piece of paper and left the room, wondering why on earth they had a computer anyway.

He had not gone far when he heard a terrible screeching noise coming from behind a nearby door. He opened it and took a moment to take in the horrible sight that lay before him.

Dolohov, Rabastan, Crabbe, Goyle and Macnair were all attempting to play the violin, and none of them were very good at it. Crabbe had his the wrong way round, Goyle was sniffing his suspiciously, Macnair was hacking at his with his bow and Rabastan was using his as a guitar.

The only one in the room who vaguely seemed to have the right idea was Dolohov, who was holding it correctly, but whose playing was terrible.

"Oh, hi Snape!" Dolohov said, stopping his playing.

"Do you know where the dark lord's office is?" Snape asked.

"Yeah," Dolohov replied. "Take the second left from here; carry on until you come to a set of stairs. Go up the stairs and take a right and then a left then the second right then the third left and then turn right. You can't miss it."

"Er, thanks." Snape said, and walked off. He hadn't gone far when he saw a sign indicating a kitchen. Feeling peckish he walked in.

"Lucius!" He cried, seeing Lucius Malfoy in an apron and hat. "You're our cook?"

"Yes!" Lucius replied joyfully. "Cookie?"

Snape left the room quickly and carried on with his search, trying to remember what Dolohov had said. He saw the set of stairs, walked up the stairs, took a right then a left, somewhere he must have gone wrong, which was hardly surprising, because he ended up at another set of stairs and pushed open the door.

He came into a very dark tower room, by the sound of his own footsteps, the room was tall. He groped around in the dark for the light switch and turned it on. He looked around and realised he was in an owlery.

"Oh God." He said, realising whose room this was.

"Hello Sevvy," came a voice. Barty Crouch Jr walked out of the shadows and grinned.

"Why," Snape said. "Do you have such an unhealthy obsession with owls?"

Barty shrugged, he took one of the fliers.

"'The Voldemort hotel,'" he read. "'We give our guests a proper greeting.' What kind of catchphrase is that? And shouldn't it be the Death Eater hotel?"

"Apparently not," Snape said. "Do you know the way to the dark lord's office?"

But before Barty could reply, there came a shout from downstairs. Barty and Snape ran downstairs to find the kitchen ransacked, the dining room destroyed, and several stupefied Death Eaters scattered on the floor.

Voldemort was shaking his fist at three aurors who were sprinting away from the house.

"What happened?" Snape asked.

"Those three miscreants came in and destroyed the place!" Voldemort said. "We're going home! Help me with the others. I don't understand how they knew we were here anyway."

"Maybe it had something to do with the e-mails you sent to the others advertising it?" Snape said flatly as the three of them levitated their comrades into the air and began the long walk back home.

"I knew we should have called it the Death Eater hotel." Said Barty.

"Shut up Crouch." Voldemort replied.

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There you go, many more misadventures! Read and review! Why do the Death Eaters have computers? You may well ask.