Ok, people, thank you SO MUCH for reviewing! OMG I can't believe that I actually got so many. I usually get like none at first. Lol but this is awesome I got so many. I'm so glad you all like this. Ok, and also, I'm updating and it's only been like ONE DAY so you all better be really greatful to me and give me...more reviews! Lol. :):) I would really appreciate it. I know, I know, I'm getting greedy, but I really did update quickly, because I just suddenly found the perfect song and had to write the next chappie. Aren't you glad? And I seriously mean it, thank you for the reviews and the love of this fic!
And yeah, I know I could have used this song in a way that ended the entire fic, but I didn't want to end it that quickly. I also promised this would be at least a three-shot, so I didn't want to, like, break my promise to you and myself. Lol. I want to find a really perfect song to end this thing with. But enjoy this chapter! It's not as sad as the last one, definitely! And the next will be even happier, promise!
Oh, I can't believe I forgot to mention this in the last chappie, for those who haven't heard the songs. The last one was "Time For Me To Fly" by REO Speedwagon. This one is "Far Away" by Nickelback. I'm just guessing here, but I bet a lot more people on here will know Far Away than Time For Me To Fly. Lol, but I love both of them. Hm, actually, I can't remember if I mentioned what song it was in the last chap and I am too lazy to go look, so you may have gotten it twice. Oh who cares. Lol. I'm so weird. But it IS 3:30 am now, so that's understandable, right? lol.
Ok, so enjoy, review, got it? And this is in Max's POV. (p.s. sorry for the huge Author's Note, but I'm really tired and rambly and random right now)
Far Away
It only took me a moment to recognize it from the air.
This time, this place
I landed in the clearing, cautiously folding my wings. It was the same clearing where he left. He. Fang.
Misused, mistakes
I was alone; I'd left the others at the house. Yeah, the house. We had one.
I should probably get you back up to date, but not much has happened. Fang left, I read his note. After the shock wore off, realization set in and I immediately tried to find him. He couldn't really think I didn't need him, could he?
He could. And it was my fault. I used him, leaned on him, took him for granted. I never thanked him, or told him how much that meant to me. Just tried to keep things status quo.
Too long, too late
I didn't even realize I loved him until it was too late—much too late. I might never have if he hadn't left that note. I'd waited too long to say it, to do anything. I pushed him away without thinking. I was so freaking stupid.
Who was I to make you wait?
It wasn't Fang's fault, either. He tried to tell me, tried to kiss me even. He was always there for me. I just couldn't return the favor, could I? Nope, that's me, the great Max Ride, can't even muster up the courage to tell the boy who helped her through half her life of horrors that she loved him. Just forced him to wait; forced him to leave.
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
Yeah, I pretty much hated myself. My old self. But I'd changed in the three years since he'd left. I got another house for the flock, so they wouldn't have to follow me as I searched everywhere for my right-hand man. They could try to lead some semblance of a normal life, like they truly deserved.
Because who knew how long we had left? It was honestly amazing us hybrids had lasted this long. They deserved to be normal. Fang deserved more than I ever gave him. That's why I needed to find him now, if it wasn't too late.
'Cause you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
Did he even know I loved him?
By now I was talking out loud. Maybe searching had driven me insane, but I'd long ago started talking to myself out loud. It helped drive away the sinking feelings and thoughts that this was all futile and Fang might be dead by now. That I might die any minute.
"Did he ever know I loved him?" I asked myself out loud as I sank to my knees. I'd come back to this spot a million times, who knows why. This was where it all started, where he left me the note. I still carried it with me.
"I loved him the entire time, and was just too much of an idiot to say it. Did he know, is that why he left? Or did he not know, and that's why he left?"
On one hand, I wished I could stop talking to myself. On the other, no one was around, so what the heck. And on a third hand, an imaginary one, I didn't want to stop because I knew I might go insane. And on a fourth one that I chose to ignore, I knew I might already be insane.
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
"Oh, Fang, I miss you. I bet he didn't count on that. He figured I didn't care, that I wouldn't miss him. But oh were you wrong. I miss you, so much."
I said this to myself over and over. Every time I came here. I told him I missed him, I loved him, but nothing came of it, obviously.
"It doesn't matter how far away you are, or how long it takes," I continued my ever-present monologue, "I will find you."
But my heart didn't seem to be behind the words anymore; they were barely a whisper, carried away by the breeze.
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
I dreamt of Fang so often. Every night. Every night that I slept, anyway. Always that he came back, that we were in love at long last, that he never left again and I never forced him too. Always a happy ending. Always breaking my heart.
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
"Oh God, what if I never see him again?" I asked myself, eyes closed, still on my knees, leaning against a tree.
"What if he's gone forever?" I never let myself think this, but I was ready to give up. "The flock's doing ok by themselves . . ." I knew where this was headed. Suicide. But could I suicide without knowing for certain Fang wasn't coming back?
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
No. Came a firm, insistent thought, rising up from the back of my mind, the part that was the old me, before the horrors (not the everyday ones, the newer version of the Jeb-related ones), before the searching, past the insanity. The original Max.
No. I'm not giving up. Anything but that. I refuse.
'Cause you know,
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
"No," I repeated out loud. "No, I might have been out of it for way too long, made him wait way too long, but I will find him and get him back. I love him, and that's never going to change. No matter what happens, I will find him and make him see that he broke through and let me see . . ."
The spark faded but never completely stopped as I laid there against the tree. My mind was made up but it hadn't yet convinced my body. Maybe I'd just stay here until morning, then.
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
I dreamed of him, of Fang. He came back. I was in the clearing and he came up behind me. I was asleep in my dream. Obviously, but you get what I mean. Fang came up behind me and put his jacket over me, 'cause I was shivering. It woke me up, though, and I turned, seeing him for the first time in three years.
It was a slightly different dream than I normally had of him. He knelt next to me and without a word just held me. We didn't say anything, I just hung there in that moment, in his embrace. It was so beautifully warm . . . and then he disappeared.
Then I woke up. In that moment I wanted to just die, to stop breathing, to go to the ultimate sleep, where maybe I could have the ultimate dream and never have Fang leave me again.
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
But I didn't. I just sat up, pulled the jacket off my shoulders, and stretched. Dawn was just breaking. Time to leave again. The dream was gone, the dream-Fang was gone, and I had to head out. I'd gathered the last of my old self while I was here and I didn't need to let it drift away.
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
I stood and stretched again, shivering a bit. I swung the jacket over my shoulders and a scent rose from it, triggering the rest of the dream that I hadn't known I'd forgotten.
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
Fang, in my dream, hadn't been completely silent. He'd whispered to me in broken sentences all through the night until I woke up and ended the perfection of it all.
"I love you, Max."
"I still love you and always have. Never stop believing that."
"Don't beat yourself up over the past. We all make mistakes."
"I forgive you. Remember that."
"I forgive you. I forgave you before you ever did anything."
"You're back now, and everything will be ok."
Tears sprang to my eyes. His voice—it sounded so real. I wanted it to be real. Would it ever be? Would I find him? Would he forgive me, still love me? Did I even deserve it?
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
The jacket was half-on, my wings half-extended, when I heard the footstep intrude on my thoughts.
Oh, God. I held my breath, waiting for something to happen. Whoever-it-was would have seen my wings by now.
If I spun fast I could catch them off-guard . . . but if it was a hunter and he had a gun and an itchy trigger-finger . . .
What the heck, I thought. Getting shot couldn't be worse than living without Fang, now, could it?
So I spun, didn't get shot, and let out my breath all in a rush when I saw who it was.
Those of you who are smarter than me and noticed that I didn't have a jacket when I first came to the clearing know who it was, had been all along.
Believe it
Could it really be? I wasn't dreaming?
Hold onto me, never let me go
He smirked. I gaped.
Hold onto me, never let me go
"Thought you could leave without saying hello?" Fang asked.
Hold onto me, never let me go