Yo dudes. This chapter is dedicated to Severus Snape, everyone's least favourite potions master! (Special guest appearance, Albus Dumbledore!)
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Snape gets e-mails
Severus Snape sat at the desk in his office, marking the third year homework, writing large and florescent 'F's' on Harry Potter and Ron Weasley's homework with an evil grin.
He was just grudgingly writing an 'A' on Hermione Granger's work, void of any potential mark spoilers, when there was an irritating beeping noise coming from the metal box in the corner of his room.
Muttering crossly, Snape walked over to it. It was a computer, Lord Voldemort had insisted that one should be installed in all of his Death Eater's houses, whether they liked it or not.
Snape saw that Voldemort had sent him an email. He read it.
Where are the extra pots of jam?
Snape sighed and replied.
I don't know, ask Wormtail.
Wormtail's gone mad, I can't ask him anything.
What do you mean 'he's gone mad?'
He's nuts! He won't listen to me or anyone! He's even keeping owls in his room.
Oh great, well you know what's happening don't you.
No, what?
It's because of Barty. He's been in his room the whole time so isn't there to push Wormtail around; as a result, Wormtail's gone mental.
Look, I don't care. I just want my jam; can you pick some up on your way home?
I'm at Hogwarts, I can't come home.
Fine, I'll ask Lucius.
I wouldn't, he'll insist on making it himself.
Good point, I'll just look for it myself. Oh damn.
What?
I don't suppose your email address is sherbertlemonhogwarts is it?
No, that's Dumbledore's, why?
Because I accidentally sent this entire email to him.
WHAT? He's bound to know that I'm working for you now!
Wait! He sent me an email!
Voldemort read Dumbledore's email:
Dear Tom
I am delighted to see that you have decided to appreciate the sheer genius of this muggle invention, and use it for socialising with my staff. I must however express my slight astonishment that young master Crouch is alive and well, up until now it was to my belief that he died in Azkaban. But no matter, I was dreadfully sorry to hear about your strawberry jam predicament and I will send you some more with an owl immediately.
Please write soon
Albus Dumbledore.
Voldemort finished reading the email. Great, now Dumbledore knew his email address. Suddenly, an owl flew in at the window with a large pot of strawberry jam.
Snape had sent him an email.
What happened? What did he say?
Voldemort took the jam and replied.
I'll bounce it to you. Found the jam.
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Next chapter is dedicated to Dolohov! Coming soon!