Bonjourno and salutations to all my faithful reviewers. I was sitting at the computer, twirling around in the chair, stuck for ideas for a new chapter. Then an evil idea hit me. Yes I know, Barty has been in a lot of chapters already but hey, everyone likes him, so why not star him in another? For all you British readers and reviewers out there, (I don't think it's been shown in America yet but apologise if it has. Anyone who knows please tell me,) at precisely 7:15 tonight, the first episode of the new Doctor Who series is being shown on BBC1. I am watching it of course, and Barty stars in it. Well he's not really Barty, but he's David Tennant anyway, so I thought I'd have some fun with the evil idea that Barty has access to time and space. This cannot be good.
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Barty has access to time and space
Lord Voldemort was in the living room on his own. He was standing on a step ladder and was carefully putting the finishing touches to his huge card castle. Empty packets of cards were strewn on the floor and there was a notice on the door saying Do not enter on pain of death. Voldemort was trying to break the record for the tallest card castle, and all he needed to do was put the last card on, take his camera beside him and take a picture of it.
He had been working on this for eight days, and it was nearly finished.
He gave an emotional sniff as he put the last card on the top and got down from the step ladder to pick up his camera. He wound on the film, and put the lens to his eyes. He focused the camera and pressed the button, just as a tremendously loud whirring siren sounded from outside the house, collapsing his castle. He looked at the picture as it came out, hoping with all his might that he had managed to take the picture in time. He gave a scream of frustration as he realised that instead of taking a picture of the biggest card castle in the world, he had taken a picture of the biggest collapsed pile of cards in the world.
He threw the camera aside and stomped across the room, flung open the door and marched outside, determined to find the source of that evil noise and punish whoever was responsible. He was a little taken aback as he saw what had materialised in the front garden. It was a deep blue police box, with a blue light on the top.
Furious, he marched up to it and banged on the door.
"Open up!" He cried, as the rest of the Death Eaters poured out of the house onto the lawn. "OPEN UP!" Nobody answered.
"Alohomora!" He cried, and the door flung open. He stormed inside and jumped. The supposedly tiny police box was massive. He had walked into some sort of control room, and standing on the other side of the room in a brown jacket and a pinstripe suit, was Barty.
"Hello my lord," Barty smirked. "So nice of you to drop in."
"What are you wearing?" Voldemort asked. "You don't need glasses! What is this place? Who is SHE?"
He glared at a blond girl who had just come out of a room.
Barty blushed.
"Er, no one," he said, looking at his shoes.
"Oh ho!" Voldemort cried triumphantly. "Going after muggle girls now are we? Now the penny drops! Honestly, a pure blood like yourself, with a-a-muggle!"
Barty had gone bright red.
"And you are…" The girl asked.
"I am Lord Voldemort, ruler of the world!" Voldemort replied.
"O-kay…" she said. "I'm Rose Tyler, pleased to meet you."
"Well I am NOT pleased to meet you," Voldemort snapped. "This is MY minion, and I would thank you to leave him alone."
"What is this place anyway?" Dolohov asked.
"It's called the TARDIS," Barty replied, glad to change the subject. "It stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space."
"It stands for 'plotting behind your master's back' to me," Voldemort glared.
"That's right!" Wormtail said. "Punish him m'lord."
"Shut up Wormtail," Voldemort said, kicking him over. "Now what are we going to do about this. I'll tell you what." He stormed over and slammed his hand down on a big red button.
"Out! All of you!" He ordered, and, grabbing Barty by his ear, dragged him outside and kicked the door shut.
"Rose!" Barty cried as the TARDIS disappeared.
"Rose!" Voldemort mimicked. "You, Bartemius Crouch Junior, are grounded. No more TARDIS, no more plotting, no more TV, and DEFINITELY no more girls. Now get inside!"
"But my lord!" Barty protested. "You can't ground me, I'm not a kid!"
"No buts, Barty, two weeks in your room should give you time to think about what you have done.
"But my father-"
"Would feel the damn same way," The dark lord snapped. "Now get upstairs!"
The other Death Eaters were standing, shell shocked in the garden.
"What just happened?" Dolohov asked.
"Dunno," Lucius replied. "Cookie?"
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Mwa ha ha! I hoped you enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it! And does anyone know if Doctor Who is on TV in America? It would be interesting to find out.
Chao bambinos.