Yet again, I am bored, having watched New Earth again (and sniggered a lot at Barty being possessed), I decided to write an exceedingly pointless chapter in which everyone will be confused. So here we are.
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The Death Eaters fall into another dimension
"Why is it so necessary to get all of the strawberry jam?" Dolohov asked as he and the rest of the Death Eaters gathered around the fireplace where Voldemort was standing addressing them.
"Because," Voldemort replied, shooting an angry glare at his minion. "Last time we ran out of jam, an exceedingly incompetent fool went to retrieve some more, and it was blackberry.
Wormtail blushed and scuffed his shoes on the ground.
"So this time, we're ALL going," he said. "Well, not Barty, he's grounded, but the rest of us anyway."
"He's been grounded for three weeks now," Rodolphus piped up timidly. "Don't you think he's suffered enough?"
Voldemort fumed.
"What," he said. "After he put that-that-THING on the front lawn, collapsing my tower of cards?"
"And had a muggle with him," Wormtail added.
"Shut up." Voldemort snapped, kicking him over. "AND had a muggle with him. So no, he can jolly well stay there. Now, are we all ready to go? Remember. We're going to the preserve shop. All right?"
The others nodded.
"Right," Voldemort said, stepping into the fire place and taking a pinch of floo powder. "Patsy's Preserves." He said clearly, and vanished.
Voldemort stepped out of the fireplace, brushed off the soot and looked around. At merely a first glance, he could confirm fairly accurately that he was not inside 'Patsy's Preserves.'
Dolohov tumbled onto the hearth behind him.
"Whoa," he said. "Where are we?"
Voldemort was staring around, a little confused. They were not in any particular room. They weren't in anything, to be precise. Surrounding them was just darkness, although it was quite easy to see.
They were in something that resembled space, but with no stars, moons, or planets. Although there was no particular floor, the two confused wizards seemed to be standing perfectly well.
At that moment, Bellatrix appeared, followed by the others. At last, Rodolphus appeared, tripped over the grate and crashed into his wife, sending her flying.
"RODOLPHUS!" She cried. "I BROKE A NAIL! How COULD you?"
She flew at him in a rage, but he was too quick, drew out his wand and cried,
"Stupefy!" Nothing happened. "STUPEFY!" Still nothing happened. "STUPEFY DAMMIT!"
It was too late, he threw his wand aside in frustration and stared in terror at his advancing wife, fists raised.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Barty crept down the stairs. He peered around the door of the living room and his heart leapt. They were gone. Yes!
He walked over to the fireplace and looked at the pot of floo powder. Yup, they had definitely used it. He grinned.
For, unbeknownced to his fellow Death Eaters, he had crept downstairs in the middle of the night and replaced the normal floo powder with 'Other Dimension Powder' courtesy of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.
Instead of transporting the victim to wherever they wanted, it transported them to another dimension, in which magic did not work.
Why, you ask? Well, you'll find out soon.
Barty gave another evil grin and swept out of the room to change from his black robes into something a little more fitting.
"Calm down," Voldemort said. "Just breath deeply. Count to ten, come on."
He and Dolohov were restraining Bellatrix. She had just suceeded in knocking Rodolphus unconcious.
"Is he breathing?" Voldemort asked Rabastan who was pressing his ear against his brothers chest.
"Yeah," Rabastan replied. "He's fine. But there's one thing I don't get. His wand didn't work. Why was that?"
Voldemort took out a lemon drop from his pocket, held it in his hand and drew out his wand.
"Wingardium Leviosa," he said. The lemon drop did not move.
"Wingardium Leviosa." He said again, still nothing. "Wingardium Leviosa." He said firmly and commandingly, as if daring the lemon drop not to move. However it still remained perfectly motionless.
"Magic doesn't work here," he said. "Curses. Come on, back to the fireplace."
They turned around, but the fireplace was gone.
"NOOOO!" Voldemort cried.
The doorbell rang back at the house. Barty ran to the door, his heart racing. The 'Other Dimension Powder' was guaranteed to keep victims trapped for over two hours. More than he would need.
He glanced at himself in the hall mirror. He was wearing his pinstriped jacket and large brown overcoat again, complete with white trainers. He had just enough time to check his teeth and fix his hair before flinging open the door with a beaming grin.
"Hello!" He said to the visitor. Rose Tyler smiled back. She looked a little warily around him at the hall behind.
"Where's that Voldything guy?" She asked.
"He's out," he said. "They all are. Won't be back for two hours at least."
"Oh."
There was an akward silence between them. He looked at his fingernails and she looked casually around the garden.
"So..." he said. "Tea? I've got those little china teacups you like."
"OK," Rose replied, and stepped into the house.
She followed Barty through the house, looking nervously at the pictures of the Death Eaters and various family outings that they had had. She stepped into the kitchen, where various cooking medals belonging to Lucius were hanging.
Barty had set the table for two people, with a quaint china teaset belonging to Voldemort. He would go mad if he knew that Barty was using it, but he wouldn't be back for two hours. He'd never find out.
"Custard cream?" Barty offered after he and Rose had sat down. She took one tentively.
"Thanks," she said, taking a nervous nibble out of it.
Barty tried to control his breathing. Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out.
"What are you doing?" Rose asked. Barty jumped and realising that he had been very noisy about his inhaling and exhaling.
"Just, you know, practising my breathing," he said, turning red. "Soon I'll be ready to turn pro!"
"Riiight," she said.
"Rodolphus," Voldemort said loudly. "CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
Rodolphus sat up groggily. He rubbed his head, and then remembered. He stood up and glared at Bellatrix.
"You." He said angrily.
"Now now," Voldemort said. "Let's not start this again. Ahem. Rodolphus, don't you have something to say to Bellatrix?" There was a minute of silence in which Rodolphus looked defiantly at his wife, and Bellatrix looked at her nails casually.
"I'm sorry," he said grudgingly.
"Good!" Voldemort smiled. "Now Bellatrix, have you got something to say to your, dear husband?"
"I'm sorry I knocked you out," she replied.
"Good!" Voldemort said again. "Now. Can we please find a way out of here. Firstly, does anyone know how we got here?"
"Ooo! Ooo! Pick me!" Wormtail said, bouncing up and down with his hand in the air.
"Yes, Wormtail," Voldemort sighed.
"It was Barty!" Wormtail said.
"Oh please," Voldemort said. "You'd blame the Earth's orbit on Barty."
"No really!" Wormtail insisted. "It was! I saw him sneaking downstairs last night with 'Other Dimension Powder', and he threatened me not to tell you!"
"Why would he do this exactly?" Voldemort asked. "Did he tell you."
"Yes he did!" Wormtail beamed proudly. "He's having that muggle girl, Rose, over for tea."
"WHAT!" Voldemort exploded.
"With your special china teaset," Wormtail added with a smirk.
"Right," Voldemort said angrily. "I don't care how damn difficult it is, I AM getting out of here."
"Er, that's just it," Wormtail continued. "You can't. The powder lasts for two hours."
"Damn!" Voldemort cursed. Then, gave an evil grin. He drew out a mobile phone from his pocket and began to dial a number.
"Hello," he said to the voice on the other end of the line. "This is Lord Voldemort. Can I please have the SWAT team to my house now? Thanks. Yeah, it's him again. So sorry for the inconvinience. OK, bye."
He smiled nastily and clicked his phone shut. Meanwhile...
"Are you all right Doctor?" Rose asked, as Barty lifted up his teacup. His hand was shaking so badly that tea was sploshing everywhere.
"I'm fine," he said. "Just, checking it's... earthquake resistant."
"We're in Britain," Rose replied flatly. "We don't get earthquakes here."
"Can't be too careful," Barty replied. "You never know."
"I'm beginning to think you're getting paranoid," Rose said.
"No," Barty sighed, putting down his teacup. "I'm not paranoid, I just really-"
Just at that moment, the door crashed down, Barty knocked over his teacup in fright, and at least seven men dressed in black with rifles burst into the room.
"I didn't do it!" Barty cried.
"What is going on?" Rose asked.
"Oh I'll tell you what's going on," said a dangerously quiet voice. Barty turned around slowly and saw Lord Voldemort glaring at him.
"Busted." Wormtail sneered at him.
"May I enquire as to why you are dressed like that?" Voldemort asked. "Why we were stuck in another dimension for over two hours? Why you are using my best teaset? And why this muggle girl is here again?"
"Those are all really complicated questions," Barty said, forcing a grin. "And I'm sure I could answer them with a cup of tea for everyone!"
"Bartemius Crouch Junior," Voldemort said. "You have just earned yourself another four weeks of solitary confinement."
"I'm sorry, what did he just call you?" Rose asked, speaking up for the first time. "I thought you were the Doctor."
"I am!" Barty insisted. "That's just my...nickname!"
"Yeah right!" Rose said. "You've been lying to me! I can't believe I was stupid enough to fall for it as well! I liked you! I thought you liked me too."
She stormed out of the room.
"No, wait Rose!" Barty said. "I do like you, I-" The front door slammed.
There was silence in the house.
"Oh how touching," Voldemort said. "You! Upstairs! Now!"
Wormtail sniggered as Barty stomped upstairs. And for once, Barty didn't get his revenge.
"Hi guys," the SWAT team said. The Death Eaters nodded curtly.
"They've been eating my cupcakes!" Lucius said in horror, descending on a plate of half eaten fairy cakes.
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Hope that was random enough for you. Poor Barty, I almost feel sorry for the guy. Stay tuned!