Hello odd people. In this chapter, the Death eaters go on a camping holiday, and, as predicted by a reviewer, Lucius and Bellatrix ARE going to have problems without electricity and plumbing.

I would like to thank Louise, who had the ingenious idea of the tents collapsing. Rock on dude.

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The Death Eaters go on Holiday

"My Lord," Dolohov said over breakfast. "Not to criticise your ideas, but judging by the many failed attempts of family bonding already, why do you want us all to go on a camping holiday?"

The Death Eaters were eating their breakfast one Saturday morning. Hoping for a relatively normal weekend, but then Voldemort had announced that they were going camping somewhere in the countryside.

"Because," Lord Voldemort replied. "All happy families go on holiday. And that's what we are. A-"

"Happy Death Eater family," The others chorused glumly.

"That's the spirit!"

Half an hour later, and the Death Eaters were piling into the mini van, with the usual problems.

"Lucius honestly," Voldemort was saying. "You do not need that many shoes."

"Shoes are essential," Lucius Malfoy insisted, piling what looked like half of his wardrobe into the boot. "Accessories are everything."

"He's right you know," Bellatrix said. She had two bags full of what looked like make up and clothes. She stuffed them into the boot of the mini van.

Voldemort sighed. Getting the Death Eaters ready to go on small trips took forever. To get ready to go on a two day holiday would take even longer.

"Has anyone seen Dolohov?" He asked. The Death Eaters who were there shook their heads. Voldemort felt like pulling out his hair with frustration, if he had any hair, which he didn't, so instead he kicked the tyre of the mini van, which left him only with a bruised foot and an even worse temper. He spun around to see Barty sneaking across the lawn.

"What are you doing?" He snapped.

"Nothing!"

"A likely story!" Voldemort snarled. "Come here!"

Barty walked over sheepishly. Voldemort paced around hi slowly, looking at him suspiciously.

"Empty your pockets," he ordered. Barty did. "What is this?" He picked up a strange stick like thing with a blue light on the end.

"My Sonic-" Barty began, and broke off.

"Your Sonic what?"

"Screwdriver," he mumbled.

"Your Sonic Screwdriver?" Voldemort said, his eyebrows raised. "This wouldn't have anything to do with that blue thing that appeared on the lawn would it?"

But before Barty could reply, Dolohov appeared from the house, and Voldemort's attention was diverted. Breathing a sigh of relief, Barty pocketed the Sonic Screwdriver and climbed into the mini van.

"Where have you been?" Voldemort asked, turning on Dolohov who, although it was nearly July, had snow in his hair.

"Nowhere," Dolohov replied, brushing it out. "Er, Rodolphus was in the kitchen, I think he broke your best tea set."

"WHAT!"

It was a long laborious process, but eventually all of the Death Eaters were piled into the mini van, all of their stuff was in the boot and they were finally trundling along the road.

"We're all going on a, summer holiday," Rabastan sang. "No more worries for a week or two."

"Rabastan," Voldemort said. "Is there some sort of law that you always have to sing when we go somewhere?"

"Er, no," Rabastan replied.

"Good. Then shut up."

Snape was in the passenger seat looking at the muggle maps.

"You have to take a left here," he said. "And then a right here, and then straight on and take a second left..."

"I think I can handle it," Voldemort said, beginning to lose his temper after two hours.

"Good," Snape replied. "Because we should be here, right about now."

They turned up a small track and into a field full of tents. Voldemort parked the mini van next to some tents with a sign next to them saying: 'Mr Riddle.'

They got out of the mini van and started unloading their things.

"Everyone pick a tent and two tent buddies," Voldemort said. "Wormtail, Snape, you can come with me."

Rabastan, Rodolphus and Bellatrix had the tent next to them, and Dolohov, Barty and Lucius had the other tent.

As soon as they had finished unpacking, they had a look around.

"This is what pioneering is all about!" Voldemort said, looking around at the campsite. "Away from it all, no Harry Potter, no Dumbledore, no irritating neighbours."

"Tom!" Came a voice from behind them, they spun around, and Voldemort felt as though he was going to be sick.

Mrs Mallory and her son Stewart were standing outside the tent next to them.

"Oh hell no," Voldemort moaned.

"What was that?" Mrs Mallory asked.

"I said, oh hello! How nice to see you here!"

"Stewart's never been camping before, have you darling?" Mrs Mallory said to the little six year old. "I thought it might be a nice experience for him. Character building you know."

"Yes, well, of course-"

"You know Tom," Mrs Mallory said. "He had such a nice time at your house, perhaps you could look after him this evening. There's a bingo game at the local pub and I thought I would have an evening to myself."

"Er, actually," Voldemort said. "We were planning on going to that as well…" he had no idea what bingo was, but it couldn't be worse than looking after Stewart Mallory again.

"Oh," Mrs Mallory said. "Well I suppose I could just bring him with me."

"No!" the Death Eaters cried.

"Er, well," Voldemort stammered. "What we mean is, there's a crèche somewhere on the campsite, I'm sure you could leave him there. He'd make some new friends."

"You're absolutely right," Mrs Mallory smiled. "I think I'll go and ask about it now."

And she walked off, holding Stewart's hand. However she didn't see her son turn around as they walked away and give the Death Eaters a very evil grin. They shuddered, and, as soon as Mrs Mallory and her demon son were out of site, they began to talk.

"I cannot believe it," Voldemort said. "I thought we were rid of him."

"I am NOT breaking any more nails," Bellatrix added.

"And I am not having him wrecking all of my shoes again," Lucius said.

"Look," Voldemort said. "We are going to get through this weekend. We are not going to let a six year old boy ruin our holiday. Now we are going to go out this evening and do this 'bingo' thing that Mrs Mallory was talking about."

The Death Eaters nodded uncertainly. They had a bad feeling about this.

That evening, the Death Eaters gathered at the front of the tents.

"Stewart safely in the crèche?" Voldemort asked Mrs Mallory.

"Yes," she replied. "He's making friends already."

(Meanwhile, at the crèche…)

The other children were cowering in the corner of the playroom. The attendant had stepped out to get a cup of coffee and Stewart was being Stewart.

"You," he said to one little boy with ginger hair and freckle. "Give me your crayons."

The trembling little boy handed Stewart the wax crayons. Stewart threw them on the floor and stamped on them determinedly.

The little boy began to cry.

"Oh shut up," Stewart glared. "Now I'm going to get out of here. If the attendant comes back, tell him my mother came to pick me up. Got it?"

The children nodded.

"And if anyone tells him that I've run away, you'll have more than crayons to cry about."

They nodded again, and Stewart walked out.

(While all this was going on…)

"BINGO!" Lucius cried for the fifth time. He was surrounded by the numerous fluffy toys he had won, and Voldemort was getting rather fed up.

"Oh for heavens sake," he said. "Isn't it time to go home yet?"

"Not until I've won that big blue bear," Lucius replied, gazing at the large stuffed animal on the top table.

"Oh forget the bear," Voldemort said impatiently. "Let's go. I'm exhausted."

"You're just jealous that I've got more numbers than you." Lucius smirked. Voldemort shot him a murderous glare. "Fine," Lucius sighed. "We'll go."

They arrived back at the campsite ten minutes later, got into their pyjamas and climbed into their sleeping bags.

"I don't like the dark," Rabastan whispered to his brother.

"It's just dark, Rabastan," Rodolphus replied sleepily. "Go to sleep."

"But what if the monsters get me?" Rabastan asked.

"The only monster you have to worry about is me without my beauty sleep," Bellatrix hissed. "Now go to sleep or else."

Rabastan lay down, and froze as he saw a shadow pass by their tent.

"What was that?" he asked, grabbing his pillow.

"Just an owl," Rodolphus replied.

A few more minutes past, Rabastan was sure that he could hear something scrabbling around near the tent outside, but he didn't want Bellatrix to yell at him, so passed it off as a mouse.

However he realised just how wrong he was as, just as he was dropping off to sleep, the tent roof collapsed, falling on his head.

"AAARRRGGHHH!" He screamed.

"AAARRRGGHHH!" Rodolphus yelled.

"AAARRRGGHHH!" Bellatrix shrieked.

"What's going on?" Rabastan heard Rodolphus ask from somewhere under the canvas.

"This is all YOUR fault!" He heard Bellatrix say.

(Meanwhile, in the tent next to them…)

"Let's tell spooky stories," Barty said, sitting up with his torch.

"Er, I don't know," Lucius said uncertainly.

"Scared of spooky stories are you?" Barty smirked.

"No," Lucius replied quickly. "I'm fine. Hang on; I'll just get Mr Teddy."

"Whatever," Dolohov said. "I'll start." He cleared his throat and began. "It was a warm summers night at the campsite," he said. "All was quiet, and the camper called...Lucius, was fast asleep. To start with..." he glanced at Lucius who was staring at him wide eyed. "As Lucius's watch struck midnight, a shadow passed over the tent. He woke up.

There was a crash from somewhere outside his tent, he unzipped the front and looked out. Nobody was there. Suddenly, he heard heavy breathing behind him, and footsteps getting closer and closer. He turned around and-"

"AAARRGGGHHH!"

The three of them screamed as the tent collapsed onto their heads.

Two tents away, Lord Voldemort woke with a start. He had felt certain he had heard someone scuffling around near the tent pegs. Passing it off as an animal, he lay back down.

There was another, louder scuffling noise near his corner of the tent and somebody sneezed.

Voldemort sat up so quickly that time he woke the other two.

"My Lord, what time is it?" Snape said drowsily.

"Shh!"

"What?" Wormtail asked, rubbing his eyes.

"I heard something," Voldemort whispered.

They listened.

"I can't hear anything," Snape said irritably. "Go to sleep."

Voldemort lay down uncertainly, and, just as he was about to drop off, the tent collapsed and fell on his head.

"WORMTAIL!" He yelled.

"I didn't do it my lord!"

When the Death Eaters had finally all scrambled out of their tents, the cogs began turning in their tiny little Death Eater brains, and they finally realised who had caused this.

"Stewart Mallory!" They all said at once.

"Someone say my name?" Said a voice. They turned around and saw Stewart Mallory, standing there, flanked by the children from the creche who he had obviously employed as an army.

"RUN!" Voldemort yelled, and, without being told twice, the Death Eaters hurried into the mini van and drove off as fast as they could.

"Never again." Rodolphus said. "And I mean it! That is the last time we do family bonding!"

That's what he thought.

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The return of Stewart Mallory. Had to happen. Can't leave the Death Eaters untormented now can we?