Hello strange people. What type of specimens are you anyway?

This one's for The choco-holic, who had a smashing idea concerning Dolohov and his famous wardrobe escapades. And it is also for Ariel Copper and her friends, whose review had me laughing non stop. (I'm assuming that your name is Ariel, BTW, dude. Sorry if it's wrong, but I need some sort of name.)

I may get round to describing what happens in the wardrobe at some point, but really, just guessing and never knowing is better, I think.

----

Dolohov goes missing.

"Do you guys believe in alternate universes?" Barty asked. The Death Eaters were gathered in the living room, spending the afternoon discussing what were supposed to be interesting chats, but had turned out to be nothing but boring so far.

"What do you mean?" Lucius asked.

"Like, a world exactly the same as this," Barty said, trying to put his complicated Time Lord knowledge into speech that his fellow Death Eaters would understand. "Except something was a little different. As if the world was a result of different choices that we could have made at some point."

"Riiight," Bellatrix said. "All I believe is that you've finally lost it, Crouch."

"And there are people exactly like us, except different, they could have different names, different personalities, anything. They could even be different genders."

"I concur," Bellatrix said. "You're off your rocker."

"But don't you feel it?" Barty said, getting up and going into his 'Doctor-is-trying-to-make-a-point-to-someone-who-just-really-isn't-getting-it-except-having-to-get-the-message-across-by-being-hyperactive-and-dramatic' mode. "I know this is going to sound weird, but I've been to one, and I met three strange girls, who were exactly like me, Rodolphus and Dolohov."

"You mean they looked exactly like us," Rodolphus said in disgust. "Those must be some weird looking girls."

"No," Barty sighed. "I mean they acted liked us."

"What were they called?" Rodolphus asked.

"Oh come on," Bellatrix sighed. "You're not actually buying into his stupid joke are you?"

Barty ignored her.

"There was one just like you," he said to Rodolphus. "Called Agnes. And one just like Dolohov called Sophia. And the one like me was called Ariel. Weird, huh?"

There was silence.

"I'm beginning to agree with Bella," Rabastan said. "You're nuts."

Barty sighed. He could handle 'Lumic', but not a bunch od stupid Death Eaters.

"Father," he muttered angrily, remembering 'Lumic'. "Couldn't help but try and delete me, could you?" He grinned in the knowledge that his father had not only failed to 'delete' him, but had also been forced into one of those sweaty metal Cybermen suits.

"Loser," he sniggered to himself.

"Where's Dolohov?" Lucius asked. They had been ignoring Barty's ramblings to himself about 'Cybermen' and 'deletion', whatever that meant.

"Dunno," Rodolphus said. "In fact, I haven't seen him for hours."

"Shall we look for him?" Lucius asked.

"Life is pointless," Snape said from beside him, shrugging his shoulders, as if to say: 'why not, there's nothing better to do.'

"DOLOHOV!" Rodolphus yelled at the top of his voice, and then sighed. "Where on earth is he now?"

Dolohov had been missing for several hours now, and the Death Eaters had started to get worried. They had ruled out his strange wardrobe, because Voldemort had switched that with his own wardrobe in chapter thirteen, little did they know that in the dead of night he had switched it right back, using a carefully executed levitation charm.

So now there was a full search party for him, all of the Death Eaters were searching the house top to bottom, apart from Voldemort who said that he had better things to do.

They had all split up, thinking that Dolohov wouldn't have gone out of the house, let alone the garden, but, just in case, Rodolphus had been assigned the position of garden search. A role that he had found so far, to be utterly pointless as it was quite obvious that Dolohov was not in the garden.

Bellatrix, deciding that beauty was much more important than a missing comrade, had not moved at all, apart from to sit in the comfy chair and file her nails.

Lucius was looking in the kitchen, in every drawer, cupboard and upturned teacup.

Wormtail had decided to transform, and was looking for him in the floorboards.

Barty was checking the bedrooms, Snape had retired to his room, saying the the search was 'pointless' and they might as well 'prepare for the end of the world instead of looking for someone who's probably already dead anyway.'

Voldemort?

"Hah! Got you, you little annoying blob," he cackled, slamming his free hand down on the desk as he shot a little blue blob whilst fiddled around with a Doctor Who game. "That'll teach you to shoot me. Hmm, that guy looks a lot like Crouch... oh well. Hah! Take that, blob!"

What about Rabastan?

"Argh!" Rodolphus cried, as he walked casually past the lily pond to find his brother sitting in it, with a pair of goggles on his face and a snorkel in his mouth. "Rabastan, what are you doing?"

Rabastan removed the snorkel from his mouth before talking.

"I'm looking for Dolohov," he said, as though it was obvious.

"I shall ask no more," Rodolphus sighed.

"Oh come on," Barty sighed, peering round various bedroom doors. "Where are you?"

He looked into Wormtail's room. It was extremely boring, but Barty had looked everywhere and deserved a break. Snooping around in Wormtail's room would be fun.

But Wormtail's bedroom was so boring that it was rather depressing really. The walls were painted brown, in flaking paint, there wasn't a carpet, the brass bed looked creaky and old and was covered in tidy white sheets. A bedside table held a small assortment of books.

"Mulctuary Money Management?" He read from one of the titles. "Why on earth would Wormtail have that?" He flicked through the boring pages, until he came to a picture of the staff at the named bank.

Barty looked closely at the black and white picture. There was a short man with a bowler hat near the front row. He looked remarkably like Wormtail.

Barty shrugged. Maybe they were related.

He sighed and walked out of the room, rather glumly. Wormtail's unaturally tidy, boring room depressed him a lot.

"Found him yet?" Asked Lucius who was passing.

"Life is pointless," Barty shrugged. Lucius stared. Barty's eyes widened, he turned around and hurried off in the opposite direction.

"You are not Snape," Barty said to himself. "You are Bartemius Crouch Junior, aka the Doctor. You are not a greasy haired long nosed git."

"You are not what?" Asked a dangerously smooth voice from behind him. Barty spun around.

"A greasy haired long nosed git?" Barty tried.

Snape looked at him down his ridiculously long nose with an air of disdain.

"I don't like you," he said.

"Get in line." Barty replied, and walked off.

Dolohov's bedroom was quiet. Barty hadn't expected him to be in here. He walked in, perhaps there was a clue as to where he might be.

He peered at the floor. There was snow at the bottom of the wardrobe. He frowned, and walked over.

There seemed to be only one source of this snow. That wardrobe.

He opened the door cautiously and stepped into it. It was cold in the wardrobe, and he didn't like it much.

Walking to the back, Barty caught a glimpse of a dim light.

A little unnerved, he walked towards it, and stepped out into the snow.

"D-Dolohov?" He chattered. What on earth was going on? It was August!

"Can I help you sir?" Said a voice. Barty spun around and saw a strange man with what looked like the legs of a goat, carrying a pile of parcels.

"Who the hell are you?" Barty asked.

"I am Mr Tumnus," the creature replied. "Are you a son of Adam?"

"No, I'm a son of Barty," Barty replied. "Where am I?"

"You are in Narnia," Mr Tumnus said. "The White Witch has made it winter here, always winter, but never Christmas. Isn't that awful? I just await the return of Aslan, the talking lion so it can finally be spring again."

There was a pause.

"All right Dolohov, joke's over," Barty said at last. "Come out of that costume."

He strode over to Mr Tumnus and began tugging at his beard.

"Get off!" Mr Tumnus yelped, dropping his parcels. "Get off!"

"It's not funny any more," Barty said through gritted teeth as he yanked at the poor fawn's beard and hair. "Why won't this fake beard come off?"

"It's not fake!" Snapped Mr Tumnus, gasping in pain. "It's perfectly real! Now get off!"

"Barty!" Came a shout from behind them. Barty stopped what he was doing and turned around to see Dolohov, watching them in shock. "What are you doing?"

"But," Barty said, very confused. "If that's you over there, then who's..." he took a few steps away from Mr Tumnus, who shot him a very dirty look, brushed himself down, picked up his parcels and stalked away.

"What on earth are you doing here?" Dolohov asked when the fawn had gone.

"What are you doing here?" Barty replied. "This is so confusing. I need some tea."

"Yes," Dolohov said sympathetically. "You come back home and we'll fix you a nice pot of English tea. You're just hallucinating."

"By the way," Barty said. "Who was the woman in the picture in your room?"

"What picture?" Dolohov said stiffly.

"You know," Barty said. "The picture with the woman in it dressed in white with little hearts around it."

"Oh, that picture," Dolohov said. "No one."

When they had got back home, and Barty was having some tea, Dolohov slipped upstairs and scribbled something in his diary.

'Remember to hide pictures of White Witch.'

----

Oooh! I've got a fantastic idea! I'll do a competition!

OK, the question is: 'Based on clues in this story, who do think Wormtail is when he isn't being a Death Eater?

The first person to give me the answer in a review wins. The prize is that you get to make up an idea for the next chapter, it can be anything, no matter how ridiculous. You can give me the title too if you want.

I'll send a message to the winner and if you reply with your ideas, then I'll write it and update as soon as possible. Good luck!

Reddy.

P.S. Sorry to you dudes who don't read ASOUE, I'll do a more Harry Potterish competition later.