I do apologise about the large space of time it has taken me to update, I have been stuck underneath a rather large garden shed lately, eventually managing to chew my way out
I also apologise in advance for the excessive use of 'Omigod' in the speech of certain new characters in this chapter, I thought it looked slightly more realistic than 'oh my god', which to me sounds a bit too much like Janice for my liking.
Anyway, here is the next chapter!
--
The Death Eaters get attacked by fan girls
It was a fairly quiet day at the local supermarket. Well, as quiet as it got on a Saturday morning. The usual monotonous trail of people made their way around the aisles on their weekly food shop, the monotony occasionally punctuated by the odd old lady causing unrest by whizzing around in a shopping trolley.
All in all, it was a fairly normal day.
Roger, the young counter attendant, found himself falling half asleep as the time ticked on and he began to dream about when the next pay cheque was due, and how he really needed to think about moving out of his parents house soon, and how he needed to go to the upcoming Star Trek convention, which was being hosted in that very town, and how annoying that incessant giggling was…
Roger turned his blank gaze to find the source of the giggling, and his eyes came to rest upon a group of teenage girls who were gathered around the magazine rack.
"Omigod, Emerson is soooo hot," one of them was saying.
"Omigod, no he isn't," one of her friends said. "Jamie is sooo much hotter."
"You can only hear his voice on Mugglecast!" Another friend piped up.
"So?" The other girl retorted. "It's a hot voice!"
Roger pulled his chewing gum out of his mouth and stuck it on the till, before pulling another strip out of his grubby trouser pocket, popping it into his mouth and beginning to chew, whilst vaguely wondering what 'Mugglecast' was.
Presently, as the hour turned to eleven, a slight unrest filled the supermarket, and everyone fell silent.
The shoppers, including the giggling girls at the magazine rack, turned to the doors, and watched with varying degrees of interest, apprehension, and disturbed curiosity as the automatic doors swung open to reveal nine figures, all in black, and one with no nose and pushing a trolley.
"I don't see why it was necessary to bring everyone along, my Lord," a tall, greasy haired, hooked nose man muttered.
"Because," the noseless one replied, in a lowered voice. "I need all the help I can get loading all of this jam into a trolley and getting out of here as quickly as possible. You know I don't like to make a scene."
"Of course you don't, my Lord," Snape replied dryly.
Voldemort ignored the poorly disguised streak of sarcasm in his minion's voice and glanced around at the muggles watching him.
"What are you all looking at?" he snapped.
The crowd of shoppers quickly looked away, resumed their shopping, and the usual buzz of voices continued.
"So," Voldemort said. "Everyone to the jam aisle at once, and grab as many jars as you can carry. Of strawberry jam, mind!"
His minions rushed off, and Voldemort glanced casually around him, before picking up a copy of 'Cosmo Girl' and flicking through it.
It was not long before Lord Voldemort heard a chorus of giggling behind him. He dropped the magazine and spun around to see the group of teenage girls, all looking at him.
Voldemort gave them his trademark glare, and swept off.
-
"Now what type of strawberry jam do you want, my Lord?" Dolohov asked. "They have ones with bits in, or ones without."
"I don't care," Voldemort replied. "Just fill up that trolley! I want enough strawberry jam to last until Christmas!"
"Yes, my Lord."
Voldemort watched as his Death Eaters went about taking every jar of strawberry jam off the shelves and putting them into his trolley, whilst trying to work out a way of getting past all of the shop staff and out of the supermarket, trolley and all, without being seen.
He was not aware that he and his minions were being watched, by the group of teenage girls, peering through the gaps in the shelves from the aisle next door.
"Omigod," whispered one. "It's the Death Eaters. I don't actually believe it!"
"Look at Voldiekins!" whispered another. "He looks so much hotter in real life!"
Her friends gave her a variety of odd looks, before they turned their attention back to the Death Eaters.
"Omigod, it's Severus Snape!" One of the girls breathed, eyes resting on Snape, who was giving a strawberry jam jar a disdainful look.
One of the girls looked around, spotted one of the Death Eaters, and her jaw dropped.
"Omigod," she said. "Omigod, omigod, omigod!"
"What?" the others asked.
"Is that…" she said. "Barty Crouch Junior?"
"WHERE!?"
There was a slightly vicious scramble as the girls pushed each other out of the way to see through to the jam aisle. And indeed, there stood Barty, holding an open jam jar and attempting to pour some down the back of Wormtail's neck.
"I'm actually going to die!" sighed one of the girls.
Barty, on hearing this little exclamation, stopped what he was doing to glance around in search of the source of the noise, eyes eventually resting on the group of girls, all staring at him, one drooling slightly.
"Omigod, he's looking right at me!" sighed one of the girls. "With those gorgeous eyes…"
Barty raised an eyebrow.
"My Lord!" he cried. "We're being spied on!"
The girls gave a collective frightened gasp and ducked out of the way, so that when Voldemort came over and looked at where his minion was directing him, he saw nothing and no one.
"No one's there, Crouch," the Dark Lord said. "Stop wasting time. Now what goes best with jam?"
The Death Eaters shrugged. Voldemort gave an irate sigh.
"Well what do we put jam on?" he tried.
"Wormtail's head?" Barty suggested.
"No," Voldemort replied. "Bread! Everyone, to the bread section. Follow me!"
"They're going to the bread section," whispered one of the girls. "Follow them, quick!"
-
Even though his master had assured him several times that no one was there, Barty couldn't shake the constant feeling that they were being watched as they dutifully loaded loaves of bread into the trolley.
He glanced around suspiciously, on the verge of digging in his pocket for his wand.
"Crouch, get back to work!" Voldemort called over to him. "Emmerdale is on in twenty minutes and I want to get back in time to watch it!"
Barty rolled his eyes and walked back over to the bread shelves.
The girls, meanwhile, were watching the Death Eaters intently from behind the shelves of the aisle next to them.
"I love what Bella's done with her hair," one of them whispered.
"Yeah," another nodded. "I wonder how she does it."
"We should ask!"
"No!" one of them whispered. "We wait until they're all laden down with shopping bags, then we attack."
"Oh," one of them sighed. "I think I'm dreaming…"
The others glanced over at where she was looking, and saw Barty, back facing them, bending over to get some bread from the bottom shelf."
One of them pulled a pair of binoculars out of her pocket.
"Oh yes," she said. "Thank God for tight robes…"
"Let me see!" cried one of her comrades, as she snatched for the binoculars.
"No, let me see! It was my idea to come here!"
"No let me!"
Soon a violent struggle had erupted over the binoculars, and, as involved as Voldemort was with trying to get as much bread in the trolley as possible, even he couldn't fail to notice that Barty was right, they were indeed being spied on.
The Death Eaters temporarily abandoned their bread collecting to go and see what was going on. They turned the corner of the aisle, and regarded the group of girls, all battling for the binoculars, with nothing less than disdain and slight disturbance.
"Can we help you?" Voldemort asked.
The girls all stopped their struggling and looked up at the Death Eaters.
"Omigod…" one of them said, and started to fan herself.
"Breathe, Tiffany," one of her friends said.
"I think…" she said, tottering dazedly over to Barty. "I think I'm going to f-f…" she swooned and promptly collapsed on him.
"Ow!" Barty cried as he fell to the floor, 'fainted' fan girl on top of him. "My Lord! There's a muggle on me! Get it off!"
Voldemort gave the rest of the girls a dangerous look.
"I don't know who you are," he said. "Or what you want from us, but we would appreciate it if you were to leave us alone."
"We're fans of yours," one of the girls piped up. The others nodded eagerly.
"We love Death Eaters!" another agreed. "Can we join you?"
"My Lord," Snape said, gliding over to Voldemort. "Don't you think we have better things to do than listen to these young ladies, whose minds have been…" he glanced in disdain at the fan girl on top of Barty. "Clearly addled."
"She has NOT fainted!" Barty cried suddenly. "Her hand moved! Into a place that isn't that easy to reach by accident!"
Voldemort turned to the fan girls.
"Would it be too much trouble if you could tell your friend to stop molesting my minion?" he asked dryly.
"Tiffany, give it up," one of the fan girls obliged.
"Oh, ruin my fun why don't you, Penny," 'Tiffany' sighed and reluctantly stood up, winking at Barty, who jumped to his feet at once and brushed his robes down.
"I feel so violated," he shuddered, and hid behind Rodolphus.
"Thank you," Voldemort said. "Now if you don't mind, we were doing some shopping."
"Not any more, you're not," 'Penny' said.
Voldemort shot her an irritable look.
"And why not?"
"Because we've got your trolley." The fan girls smirked at the Death Eaters triumphantly, as one of their comrades appeared at the top of the aisle, with what was undeniably the Death Eater's trolley.
"You give that back RIGHT now!"
"One one condition!" Penny said.
"And what might that be?" Voldemort said through gritted teeth.
"We get Barty!" cried Tiffany.
"No, we get Snape!" cried another fan girl.
"No, Lucius!"
"No, Draco!"
The fan girls paused.
"Where is Draco?"
Penny sighed.
"The condition being…" she shot a dangerous look at her friends. " That you let us become Death Eaters."
"Absolutely not!" Voldemort cried. "That is the worst idea since blackberry jam!"
The girl shrugged.
"Fine, then there'll be no jam sandwiches for you!" and with that, the fan girls turned and dashed off up the aisle to where their comrade was standing with the trolley, and, trolley and all, ran off.
"AFTER THEM!" Voldemort cried, and the Death Eaters shot off in hot pursuit.
The fan girls ran as fast as they could with a heavily laden trolley, spinning round a corner and hurtling off down the cereal aisle.
The Death Eaters followed, Voldemort livid with fury.
"Natalie," Penny ordered. "Execute plan B1!"
Her comrade nodded, turned and knocked a whole row of cereal boxes off the shelf in a cardboard avalanche, blocking the way from their pursuers, before grinning at the Death Eaters and running off after the other fan girls.
"CURSES!" Voldemort cried, as the Death Eaters skidded to a stop in front of the cereal box mountain. "NOW what are we going to do?"
"Cut them off by the frozen food section!" Wormtail squeaked.
"Don't talk such nonsense, Wormtail," Voldemort said. "We need a sensible plan."
There was silence.
"Cut them off by the frozen food section!" Dolohov suggested.
"Brilliant idea, Dolohov!" Voldemort cried. "Onwards!"
-
The fan girls slowed beside the frozen food section, panting, and looked about them.
"Do you think we lost them?" One of them asked.
"Losing them isn't the idea," Penny said. "We need to evade them for long enough that they get desperate. You know how much Voldie loves his jam."
Tiffany leant against the trolley for support.
"Oh, I touched him…" she sighed. "I actually touched Barty Crouch Junior. Why can't we trade the trolley for him?"
"Because we don't want Barty!" cried Penny.
Her comrades gave a collective gasp and identical shocked and injured expressions appeared on their faces. Penny's eyes widened.
"I didn't mean that," she said reassuringly. "I just mean that if we can persuade Voldie to let us become Death Eaters, then not only do we get to see Barty the whole time, we also get to see the others. Natalie, don't you want to know how Bella does her hair?" Natalie gave a slow nod. "And Steph, wouldn't it be nice to be able to be with Snape every day?" 'Steph' inclined her head in agreement. "Well then. We have been planning for this moment for so long, are you really going to let our united dream slip away now, when it's so close we can almost touch it?"
"No," came the murmured reply.
"You're right, Penny," Tiffany said. "I'm sorry, I just got a bit carried away. It's just, he's so hot…"
Penny nodded and patted her friend on the shoulder.
"Be strong, Tiffany," she said. "If we play our cards right, we'll be in their ranks before you can say 'Death Eaters are sexy'."
"Oh will you now?"
The fan girls turned around on hearing the voice from behind them, and saw Voldemort, flanked by his minions, arms folded, giving the girls a look which would have struck fear into the hearts of many a man.
"Hand over the trolley… now." Voldemort said in his most menacingly calm voice.
"Not unless you let us become Death Eaters!" Penny replied resolvedly.
"My Lord," Rodolphus said timidly. "May I suggest just getting some more bread and jam?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Lestrange," Voldemort spat. "All of the bread and jam in this supermarket is in that trolley, Emmerdale is on in five minutes and I will not be messed around by these muggles any longer!" he turned to the fan girls. "You give me that trolley, and you can have…" he looked about him thoughtfully. "Wormtail."
Wormtail looked up at his master in horror.
"Eeeeeww!" the fan girls said.
Voldemort glared at them, temper swiftly running thin.
"Look, just give me the trolley now!" he said.
"No!"
"I'll get it back for you my Lord," Rabastan said, stepping forward, brandishing his wand. "Accio trolley!"
Rodolphus's eyes widened.
"Rabastan, NO!"
But it was too late. The Death Eaters only just had enough time to jump out of the way, before the effects of Rabastan's spell caused the trolley to come zooming, full pelt towards him, and poor, well meaning Rabastan was quite knocked off his feet as he and the trolley went speeding out of the double doors, crashed into a pedestrian pillar and toppled over, right on top of the unfortunate Death Eater.
If the security guards hadn't been alerted by the trolley travelling at such an unauthorised speed around the shop, they certainly were now the alarms had been set off at unpaid for bread and jam leaving the premises. The security guards hurried to the scene as fast as they could, and saw nine robed people all gathered around an identically clad man stuck under the trolley, bread and jam scattered around them.
The fan girls strolled casually out of the supermarket. The security guards turned to them.
"One of our counter attendants informs us that you four were spotted with these shoplifters before the incident occurred. Do you know them?"
Penny took one look at the Death Eaters, and then back at the security guard.
"Never seen them before in our lives," she said calmly, and with that, they walked away. Before they could go, Tiffany dashed over to Barty, handed him a piece of paper with a phone number on and kissed him on the cheek.
"Call me," she said, and hurried off.
A disgusted look plastered itself over Barty's face.
"Urgh!" he exclaimed, wiping his cheek viciously.
"Rabastan!" Rodolphus said, taking his brother's hand. "Speak to me!"
Rabastan opened his eyes dazedly.
"Did… we get the trolley back?" he asked.
Rodolphus looked around at the thick set security guards, the mess of bread and jam around them and at his master who looked as though he was on the verge of tears, before giving his brother a smile.
"Yes we did," he said. "Good job, bro."
Rabastan smiled.
Snape sidled over to Voldemort, looking incredibly unphased, as usual.
"What were you saying about not liking to make a scene, my Lord?" he asked flatly.
"Oh, shut up Snape," Voldemort said through gritted teeth.
--
Deary me. Just when they had gotten rid of Stewart and all. :D
Never mind, eh?
I also apologise if any of you were offended about me taking the mick out of fan girls. I know for a fact that some of you are insanely obsessed with certain Death Eaters, and I don't have anything against that at all, honest! All I do is find things that I can turn into humour, and the stereotype of 'fan girl' seemed like quite a good one to try out. :)
Anyway, please review, I know this probably wasn't my best chapter, but give me your thoughts whatever they may be!
Ah, now here's a question, should the fan girls become recurring characters like Stewart was? What do you all think?
xx
PS. I actually cross my heart and hope to die stick a needle in my eye (I know, how old am I?) that I will most certainly not take nine months to update this fanfic again, I still feel insanely guilty about taking so long to write this one.
Blessings,
Red Gnome.