KSSST...

Bwip.

(Otacon.) "What? Meryl inserted via the sewers. How could that be taken in a perverted context?"

(Snake.) "... Inserted?"

(Meryl.) "Can we not make this into a bigger deal than it really is?"

(Raiden.) "Yeah, Meryl has her pants down and inserts things all the ti- OW!"

(Meryl.) "Whoops, my finger slipped."

(Raiden.) "Finger my ass! You kicked me!"

(Snake.) "Do what to your ass?"

(Raiden.) "..."

(Meryl.) "..."

(Otacon.) "Even I'm not dense enough to touch that one."

(Snake.) "Touch what?"

(Raiden.) "So then."

(Meryl.) "Ye-ah."

(Otacon.) "..."

(Snake.) "Were you talking about his a-"

(Raiden.) "Metal Gear!"

(Snake.) "Metal Gear?"

(Otacon.) "Oh, not this gag again..."

(Meryl.) "You want to keep talking about Blondie's ass?"

(Otacon.) "..."

(Snake.) "Who's a-"

(Otacon.) "Sigh. Yes Snake, Metal Gear."

(Snake.) "Metal Gear?"

(Otacon.) "Look, just... Open the door, alright?"

(Snake.) "I can't."

(Otacon.) "What? Why not?"

(Snake.) "I don't have the right card."

(Raiden.) "What?"

(Meryl.) "What?"

(Otacon.) "What?"

(Snake.) "Yeah. The door says 'Card 7' and my cards only go up to five."

(Raiden.) "Didn't we just get card five a few minutes ago?"

(Meryl.) "Don't you mean six months ago?"

(Otacon.) "Six months? Why would you say so- wait..."

(Meryl.) "Well, that's what it says on the memor-"

(Raiden.) "Can't you go five minutes without raping a joke?"

(Meryl.) "..."

(Raiden.) "OW!"

(Meryl.) "Oops! My fing- OW!"

(Raiden.) "So did mine."

(Otacon.) "If you BOTH don't stop screwing around, MGS4 will come out before before you even get through the door, and we'll have to start a whole new parody."

(Snake.) "... I don't think anyone wants that. Stick to the script."

(Raiden.) "Didn't we just get card five a few minutes ago?"

(Meryl.) "That's what it says on- wait, hang on. I lost my place."

(Otacon.) "Action related scenes are on red."

(Raiden.) "I thought that was Boss battles?"

(Otacon.) "No, those are on gold."

(Raiden.) "Right. What's green again?"

(Otacon.) "Codec calls."

(Raiden.) "Shouldn't the whole scrip-"

(Otacon.) "Everyone saw that coming a mile away, you realize."

(Raiden.) "Oh."

(Snake.) "I didn't."

(Otacon.) "What?"

(Snake.) "I saw it coming TWO miles away."

(Raiden.) "Ha ha ha. Wise guy."

(Meryl.) "Found it!"

(Raiden.) "Finally. Ahem. Didn't we just get card five a few minutes ago?"

(Meryl.) "You mean from the double Harrier train roof battle?"

(Raiden.) "Man that was an epic battle. I think we blew through half the special effects budget there."

(Meryl.) "I can't believe Snake took down a Harrier on his own, with just a combat knife."

(Snake.) "Yeah, I was a little worried when my arm got sucked into the intake, but, you know how it went."

(Otacon.) "..."

(Raiden.) "And when it crashed into all those armored soldiers, and the RPGs went off."

(Meryl.) "Don't forget the tank convoy attack."

(Snake.) "Yeah, that was a once in a lifetime battle. Anyone who missed that fight doesn't have a reason to live anymore."

(Otacon.) "..."

(Meryl.) "Speaking of that, where did you go Otacon? I don't remember you talking through the entire fight."

(Raiden.) "Uh..."

(Otacon.) "...I was in the bathroom."

(Snake.) "Oooh..."

(Otacon.) "Yeah..."

(Snake.) "Well, since we don't have card seven, we'll just have to backtrack to find it. I'm sure we'll have an even BIGGER fight, with twice the explosions."

(Meryl.) "How do you figure?"

(Snake.) "It's the only way to keep the fans of the series from murdering everyone who worked on the game for making them backtrack so damn much for such stupid reasons."

(Meryl.) "Like getting a sniper rifle, after passing it up for no good reason."

(Snake.) "Exactly. Now, let's move."

(Raiden.) "What th- Snake! What the hell man?"

(Snake.) "What?"

(Raiden.) "That's not a seven."

(Snake.) "Yes it is, check out the funky slash at the top."

(Raiden.) "Yeah, but it's also got a dash across the bottom."

(Snake.) "?"

(Meryl.) "What?! It's a figgin' ONE?!"

(Snake.) "!"

(Raiden.) "Yup."

(Meryl.) "You're telling me we blew the whole damn fic, because of a level one door?"

(Otacon.) "Looks like."

(Snake.) "Come on, it was an honest mistake."

(Raiden.) "Try telling that to the fans. They're gonna be pissed."

(Meryl.) "We're gonna get lynched."

(Raiden.) "I know how this'll end."

(Snake.) "What for?"

(Otacon.) "Do you know how long they've been waiting to finally see the new Metal Gear?"

(Snake.) "Metal Gear?"

(Raiden.) "Called it!"

-

(Liquid.) "What did I tell you? Six bloody months just to get through the door!"

(Ocelot.) "Actually, they haven't gotten around to opening the door yet."

(Liquid.) "AGH!"