50 STROKES.
50 Strokes, it's always 50 strokes. I rarely give it a second thought these days, it's just something he has always done. I'm sitting up in bed watching his reflection in the mirror, he doesn't know I'm watching, so intent is he on his task.
I wonder what he thinks about as he pulls his long blonde hair over his right shoulder and brushes. Wonder if this will be a tied back night? He always ties it back when he wants to have sex with me. We always have sex, Lucius doesn't make love. He likes to watch my face as he pushes himself into me, sometimes he likes me to get on top and he gets angry if I accidentally trap his hair with my hand or my knees.
Wonder if he ties it back when he beds any of the other women he sleeps with.? He seems to have one in particular at the moment, sometimes I can smell the lingering smell of her horrible floral perfume on him and it turns my stomach.
What am I going to do? Leave him.? I almost laugh out loud at the thought. He would never allow it and besides, I love him. He's cold, vain and arrogant he can be cruel and hurtful but I love him.
I think he does love me, and perhaps I'm being unfair. He denies me nothing in the material sense, I have everything a woman could want and some of the jewelery he has presented me with has taken my breath away.
I wish he would say it, just once. He has never said it, never ever. Not even on our wedding night when I cried. It was the first time I had ever made love. I was A Virgin, I was innocent and frightened. I don't think it was his first time. I think he enjoyed hurting me. He smiled at the tears I shed and the blood on the sheets, he didn't comfort me and he never said "I love you Narcissa."
My Parents were thrilled at the prospect of being related to the Malfoy's even if it was only through being able to marry off either Me or my sister Bella to Lucius. I get the impression that Lucius was glad it was me. Bella is...is.. too unrestrained. Maybe that's why she is where she is now.
Ive been allowed to visit her. Lucius wouldn't come but I went. I held her hand and talked to her of when we were children. I think that horrible place has driven her out of her mind. "The Dark Lord will come soon" She kept saying. She adores him. Voldemort. Lucius slapped me last time I said the name out loud. Bella loves Voldemort more then she ever did poor Rodulphus.
She helped me dress for my wedding. I asked her if she was jealous of my becoming A Malfoy. She laughed her shrill loud laugh and said when she married she would marry someone who was man enough for her.
I don't think Bella was a virgin when she married Rodulphus, and despite her protestations to the contrary, I think she has slept with My Husband.
Severus Snape has a thing for me. Lucius told me. He laughed! "My dear, he looks at you like a love sick schoolboy." He told me after the last party we held at The Manor. He may have laughed it off but later, I could tell by the tenth stroke how angry he was. He took the Black Tie from the drawer and pulled his hair back, he threw the bed clothes on the floor and ripped my nightdress off and raped me. I screamed and cried. I was bloodied and bruised and I ached inside for ages.
I am a possession that he owns. He guards his most precious possession's with powerful magic. Maybe this is why I stay. He bought me a Ruby Necklace with a Black Onyx Heart attached to it after the party. I take it out sometimes and look at it. Blood and Bruises. It is a constant reminder and that is why he insists I wear it to every party we attend now.
I am always careful not to talk to Severus for very long. I can feel Lucius watching me.
If I'm truthful, sometimes I think I am doing things to provoke him. If I can't have his declared love his possessive passion will do.
"Narcissa! What are you looking at?"
Ive been lost in thought and I haven't noticed him watching me watching him. "Nothing!" I smile.
He tilts his head slightly and I see the look in his eyes.
"Undress!" He commands me as he opens the drawer for the Black Tie. I do as he asks and let the Black Satin Nightdress slip with a whisper onto the floor. He slips his naked cold body into bed and gets on top of me forcing my legs apart with his. I rake my nails down his back and he bites my neck hard enough to make me cry out and taste my blood and at the same time pushing himself into me.
When he has satisfied himself he pulls the tie from his hair and turns his back on me. I don't mind, I like to curl around him and smell my perfume on him. He smells like me now, he smells like mine, at least until morning.