I blinked again, searching the dark room for him

I blinked again, searching the dark room for him. Even though I was with Jacob now, there are certain things a girl can't let go. Edward's intoxicating presence was one of them. Don't get me wrong- Jacob is great. He's reliable, sensitive when needed, and he cares a lot about me. He also happened to be gorgeous- in his own way, and a huge help in not dwelling on Edward's second betrayal.

I shook myself out of my thoughts, and realized I was still in Jacob's arms, with him giving me a weird look. "Oh…" I replied. "No, nothing's wrong.. just thought I recognized someone." I thought I saw a flash of concern in his eyes, but it could have been the light.

I nuzzled my face into the corner of Jacob's shoulder. The slow realization that it couldn't have been Edward (Jacob would have known) comforted me. As much as I was enjoying my "new" self-governing personality, I wasn't sure if I could emotionally handle seeing Edward so soon. Jacob's warm comfort was no match for my body's response to Edward's presence. Even now, when I was almost completely happy with my relationship with Jacob, I longed for that piece of me that was present when Edward was around.

I think Jacob noticed that I was drifting off, because his hands tightened a little around my waist, gripping me out of my daydream. I looked softly up at him, and noticed the greenish tint in his eyes had faded into brown, as they often did when he was getting serious. "Is something wrong Bella? Don't lie to me; I'll know."

I've never been really good at lying, but that doesn't stop me from trying. Something about the ease of the action allowed the untruths to slip from my tongue. "No, nothing's wrong. I was just zoning out.. you know how I can be."

He smiled, that upward curl of the lips that I loved to see on Jacob's face, but I could tell his eyes were still worried. But there's no way I would be able to talk to Jacob about Edward- that was one problem I would have to worry about on my own. We had tried before, with only the result of Jacob getting frustrated. I placed my hands on Jacob's shoulders, took in his cedar scent, and tried to enjoy the rest of the night, my mind drifting off somewhere into the music.

Jacob and I got back late to my dorm, and I just wanted to pass out. Funny how the thought of Edward being around makes it harder for me to give all my attention to Jacob. Not for his lack of trying.

Jacob's warm mouth engulfed mine, his tougue tasting mine eagerly. I returned the sentiment, and felt his grasp tighten on me. For several moments, we just stood in my dark room, passionately kissing. I broke the kiss off, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm tired."

Maybe he was disappointed, but even if he was he wouldn't let me know. He softly kissed me on the lips, and left without a word. I sighed to myself as a plopped on the bed. What was I doing?

I cried at first thinking of Edward, and then subsequently because I wasn't thinking about Jacob. I had tried, for the past two months, to convince myself that dating a vampire wasn't worth the heartbreak. That Jacob was the realistic, no, the only choice.

I'm a horrible person. But how could I make myself choose loneliness over warm, reassuring, rugged Jacob?

That's when I knew someone was bound to get hurt.

And then someone knocked on my door.

Thanks for reading.. and please please please review!! this chap was all fluff and angst, but edward makes his return next chapter and lots of accompanying drama/romance(?)

luv you all,

lb