Okay... I'd like to say this took so long because of something easy like Homework- but that's only part of it. My laptop crashed with 2 completed chapters on it, I wrote this up orriginally as a filler when I had time, but I know know my laptop is unrepairable, and some of the data may be impossible to retrieve. I'll try my best to get the next replacement up, but I make no promises. Believe me- this WILL all make sense and come together. Promise.

Enjoy!

The things that stay

Prowl drove close to Bumblebee, discreetly glancing at Zilla inside, her head on the window as if she were about to nap, the nearly frighteningly calm look on her face as she dozed made his spark skip a pulse, even the purse in her lips reminded him of what he lost; his Shadow.

A loud chime made me bolt upright in my seat, I hadn't fallen into recharge, not really, but I had never been quite found mechanics, it wasn't the most interesting of endeavors to me, if the basic knowledge of it wasn't required, I likely wouldn't have even bothered with the course. I glanced around as the other young bots picked themselves and their friends up from the boredom of the lecture, the superiorly older mech we called Supervisor Coax (or Dictator when we felt he was being unfair) at the opposite side of the room frowning in annoyance with us, his students, but turning back to prepare for the next group of victims.

I glanced down at the still recharging black femme bot to my side, her head buried in her arms and her hands over her head, I stood up and shook her arm, "Shadow, class is over; we have to go."

But I only got a distinctive growl and my hand swatted away; I know I smirked like a sparkling as I knelt next to her, "Come on now Shadow; don't make me carry you to our next class like you're a youngling."

Her head raised and very dark blue optics glared up at me, "I hate you sometimes." I knew she was just grumpy, so I helped her to her feet and handed her the data-pads that had been trapped under her head, she glowered at me for getting them, "Oh wonderful."

I pulled her free hand close to my chest as the data pads disappeared into her sub-space, I made my expression as gentle as I could muster with her grouchy, "How long has it been since you got a full re-charge in?"

Her face went to puzzlement as we left the room, heading down a corridor, finally her optics turned back to me, "I thing since we started taking war history. Those stories don't really sit well with me."

I shook my head, I was almost sure it was something else, "Oh? And I suppose it has nothing to do with the fact that you feel guilty."

Shadow's piercing optics could've burned me, sometimes I wondered why I could never quite get the concept of not upsetting a femme, not that it stopped me from making her mad, "What exactly is that supposed to mean?!"

I gently rested my arm across her shoulders; I just wanted to be close to her, "Well, around that time was also when you started sneaking away from the femme quarters to recharge in my bunk with me…"

Her head shook in annoyance, clearly not for from knocking me on my skid-plate, "Shh! Keep quiet before you get both of us in trouble! And it isn't exactly like we do a ton of recharging in your bunk!"

I rested my head on hers, almost nuzzling her, it always helped calm her down "It's okay Shadow; I'm sorry I brought it up. I was just wondering-"

"How could I be ashamed of or feel guilty for finding my one!" Every time her words snared me with that one; when an Autobot says, or is said to that they've found their one, you never will listen to anything against who is yours, and who you are. Shadow nuzzled me right back, were it possible my spark would've liquefied. But her point had to be made, so her words continued, "I just don't want us to get in trouble for breaking the rules again is all: we've been in enough trouble for one course cycle!" I knew what was coming next, the horrible thing she would bring up, but I knew Shadow needed to say it, "…Mostly because of a certain mech who can't hold his high-grade!" I could tell that my fairly large optics narrowed into speck, I've never liked talking about my mistakes, but I knew Shadow would still continue, "Need I remind you again that you aren't, nor have you ever been, a seeker!"

Her momentary fuming lasted for a few clicks before I looked her in the optic again, "Are you finished?" The huff that was let out of her sounded like steam but her head still nodded before slamming it against my torso, I gently rubbed her helmet, "You need to find your place of peace Shadow."

Her optics flickered off momentarily, then glowed again as a whisper emanated from her vocalizer, "All I need is a dark place and you Prowl: then I'm fine." I smiled, back then I didn't know why Shadow liked the dark so much: back then I thought that was more of a Decepticon thing, not that that stopped me from knowing I was hers, and visa-versa.

Had I known then how much pain Shadow felt every moment before she told me, I'd held so much tighter, made sure that my love for her was known to her; that I wouldn't be wavered. Had I known then that I would lose her less than a solar-cycle later, I would've never let her leave my sight.

I would've been there.

I don't remember what compelled me to fight about it with her, I didn't even want to talk about it but it was so important to her, if I had just listened, maybe Shadow wouldn't have been there.

It wasn't the first time the conversation had come up between us, it always started with a conversation about what fields we were planning on going into; I was still wondering, I was leaning toward enforcement, and her hopes were to work with sparklings- and that was how the arguments started. Once we started talking about her working with sparklings, Shadow would always steer our conversation towards our future, and when we would bond.

It wasn't that I didn't want to bond with her, it wasn't like that at all; but the idea of linking our very lives together, having our sparks in perfect synch rather than just longing to be so, risking her deactivation if something happened to me, I couldn't have lived with that knowledge- that I could cause her destruction. It was even worse if sparklings themselves came up: even when I was a sparkling I didn't really get along with them, and I was always terrified that if the two of us tried to obtain a sparkling, we would fail, or it wouldn't be fit to survive- my creators had almost given up when they received me- they had received several sparklings before whose sparks faded away before there was even a chance to place them in a body; her creators had it even worse, not even receiving any for what seemed like eons before her and her brother were sparked, and they were both unstable for a long time.

I couldn't imagine the pain of going through that myself, or watching her go through it- not that if we were lucky enough to get one that I wouldn't have been thrilled, I just didn't want to get our hopes up; that was all.

I'll never forget how that argument ended; because it shouldn't have ended that way; I shouldn't have said what I said. Her optics told me of her rage but I didn't pay attention, I didn't even wonder why it was suddenly the most important part of the conversation, I just felt her hand hit my face, and heard her tempered voice in my audios, "Why are you being so selfish about this Prowl! It's partially my decision too! How can you not even consider-"

I don't know why I said it, maybe her temper was wearing me down, but I wish to Primus that I hadn't said it, I hope she knew I didn't mean it, not like that, "I don't think you even deserve a sparkling!" I had meant that I didn't thing we were lucky enough to have that blessing, that so few bot's deserve sparklings and even fewer get them… but no, it had to say it like if we never got one that it was her fault.

Her hand hit my face, far harder that time, much harder and she'd have broken my optic, "You're wrong!" I wish I had understood at that moment what she meant, "You should know that your wrong- that your already wrong!" Her spark sent me so many messages in one angry burst I couldn't sort them all out. All I could really feel from her clearly was the sadness, like I had betrayed her. Shadow continued, further ripping the tear that had opened between us, "I thought you were as certain that I was your one as I thought I was sure you were mine!"

That was when she rushed off; it was several cycles before I realized what she meant, and why the idea of sparklings had suddenly become such a factor. I hurried after her a few clicks later, a few clicks short.

That was when I saw her destroyed, ripped to shreds by a rouge Decepticon. I would have been able to save her, I think anyway, if a piece of rubble hadn't blocked my way. I got to what was left of her, it was so hard to look her in the optics as Shadow de-activated, I don't remember exactly what I said, I was too distraught, I was watching my entire future go away, with the flick of a Decepticon's blade.

I suddenly understood everything, why Shadow had been so firm in wanting us to bond, because if one of us went the other shouldn't have to lose our one. I tried to explain it to her, but I think I failed; the medic on the scene pulled her away from me for only a brief moment, glanced over her wounds and the medic injected her with what I can only assume was something to numb the pain.

The medic shook her head to some other medics with her, and rested her hand on my arm, "I'm sorry." The medic then headed over to another injured civilian.

I held her as close to my spark as I could, her meck fluid seemed to me to be everywhere, I glanced down to see her spark glowing through the hole in her chest, I covered the hole futilely with my hand, knowing it would do no good anyway, but not standing knowing how soon she would go. Her optics glowed darkly and her hand reached up to brush my face, her leaking helm resting on mine as her head swayed.

I opened my mouth before Shadow could, hysterically whispering something like, "Don't try to talk, please don't." her head shook, and her hand clenched mine, her vocalizers made a horrible sound I can't describe, and I shook my head again "Please…"

Shadow turned her head so her mouth was closer to my audio receptors and, clearly struggling managed to say, "Don't… blame yourself." I felt horrible, I wanted to tell her so much, had no time to, and the last thing I heard from her was that she was worried about me; that still eats away at me sometimes; keeps me from recharging, keeps me from living.

Zilla glanced out bumblebee's window, she listened briefly to Blaze's chat with Sari, the little girl trying to get out of him any information possible about her mother, and blaze cooperated, with many of the questions, occasionally saying that it wasn't his place to say anything more, then continuing to give her tid-bits; like her gentle voice and peaceful smile. Bumblebee occasionally interjected, mostly with questions as per what some things meant, which made all the humans smile.

Zilla glanced at the quickly forming scars Blaze had sealed just a few minutes before, they stung a little, but she was glad to not have to worry about infection. She was also un-amused by the little joke fate had played, having the slices over her birthmarks, so that in a year no one would even realize anything was different about her skin. But she was glad that Prowl had intervened; had her final birthmark had the same slash, her heart would have been sliced almost in two, killing her.

Her eyes fell to the lines flashing past on the ground, she closed her eyes, she just wanted to know…

Kole held his head in the waiting room, a man dressed in yellow to his side, "Kole; you have to realize that this was a major risk…"

Kole shook his head, "Thor, you and Oriel took three different chances with the same risks, why are all three of your boys healthy."

The bitterness in Kole's voice was not lost on Thor, who shrugged and nodded down the hallway to the other waiting room, "Don't forget Kole; Nerio spent most of his first two years in here." At that, Kole's shoulders slumped, making Thor shake his head, "Not the best thing to bring up huh?"

Kole bit his lip, "Darkness can only survive in the light for so long- why didn't I think about that…"

Thor shook his head, "Why are you so sure the one that takes after you is the one that… is being saved…" He didn't want to make things worse. Kole just shook his head, and Thor sighed, "I know its hard Kole, but I'm sure she'll be alright. If she really is her fathers daughter anyway." He saw several doctors rush into the room- and turned to Kole again, "But you do have to realize the possibility… that she'll die before her first breath."

Kole clobbered him, he didn't really think about it; but the idea that his little girl was already dead… He didn't want to hear it. Thor held his chin painfully, "Don't you dare Thor! Don't you dare!"

Still no crying, only the sound of machines and doctors. Thor shook his head, "I'm sorry Kole but you have to face facts- either of them surviving will be a miracle!"

Inside the ward, a doctor lifted his watch, glanced down and whispered, "Time born, 6:57, died 7:10."

A twenty-or-so year old Lillian let go of the mother's hand, handing her over to a red-headed woman next to her. Lillian walked over and held the legally dead baby's hand, she whispered quietly, "Come on little one, breathe… just one breath… open your eyes…" She gripped her closely, breathing silently on the baby, "Your daddy's waiting for you- don't you want to see him? And your mommy- she'd really like to hold you I think… please…"

The red-headed woman glanced across the room, "Some times you're meant to stay dead Lillian."

Lillian shook her head, "No Oriel, not a baby…"

Oriel shook her head, "Sometimes even babies. Now get over here- give the other one a chance!"

Lillian put the baby down, sniffling, "I'm sorry, I wish I could… There's nothing that can be done for you… why didn't you just breathe?" She turned away, a little flicker, probably from the lamp, caught her eye, and then a little whimper.

Instantly the doctors rushed to the baby, "I hear a heartbeat!" The closest doctor said, "I don't think she's breathing, hurry! Get her on a resparator!"

The blonde woman on the bed glanced up, "Is she going to be okay?!"

Another doctor told her, "Let's just focus on getting the other one out now."

Zilla glanced over to Blaze, his lips flapping with little meaning, making her wish desperately for aspirin. She glanced down at the watch on her wrist; hoping beyond hope time would start to speed up. It was pretty late in the afternoon, most people would be getting ready for a family diner, the mere thought made her eyes water; and she closed her eyes and hoped for her sister not to notice her new scars. She could see Sumdac's research facility and home just ahead, she groaned silently and whispered, "Here we go…"

Alright, I hope you liked that chapter, as I said it was orriginally a time filler, but...

I hope no one's looked up the meaning of any of my characters names- it might ruin the joke/suprise. let me know what you think, and I'll try to be quicker with the replacement chapter, but I make no promises.

thank you.