Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from the slightly crazy plot

Thanks for the response for chapter 1 : )

Providing the inspiration doesn't disappear then this will be a fairly regular update.

This was written on fuel of Budweiser and chocolate cake, and for the consequences I can only apologise... !!

Same deal as last chap with italics as 'flash forwards'.

Chapter 2: The Subtle Art of Warfare

Preparing the cheese dip was a big responsibility, she had assured him.

Simply being overjoyed that Lily was now talking to him again he had not questioned her words, but now James was beginning to suspect his wife of exacting her own special brand of revenge.

If you thought (hard) about it, then it did have a twisted kind of logic:

'Your husband shoots his mouth off so stick him in front of a boiling hot stove and make sure he stinks of cheese for the rest of the evening.'

Damn his insanely logical wife.

She was going to be in for a bit of a shock when she found out what his idea of good cheese dip entailed though...

James sniggered to himself as he placed the dusty bottle of port back on its shelf

Can't cook, won't cook?

...More like can't cook, will never be cooking again after this...

..."Well that explains why I feel drunk," Sirius announced triumphantly...

"I've got it!" James exclaimed enthusiastically as the doorbell rang. He was feeling mightily starved of male contact –

No, he was feeling mightily starved of human contact due to the fact that his wife was acting like the Creature from the Deep at the moment.

He hoped it was Sirius or Remus at the door.

He like Padfoot and Moony –

Padfoot and Moony didn't glare at him or withhold sexual privileges when angry...

James paused at this rather odd statement that had entered his head, leaving his dear darling Creature from the Deep enough time to side step around him and answer the door herself.

This turned out to be a good thing as it turned out that neither Sirius nor Remus was at the door.

No, all those years ago back when he first started Hogwarts James had to have befriended eleven year old boys with no sense of timing.

Lily seemed to have managed fine though because the Longbottoms were at the door.

"Hi!" Lily greeted happily, pulling Alice into a tight hug whilst Frank stood on the threshold looking awkward.

James had issues with Frank.

Obviously he understood completely that in no way did he have a monopoly on marriage and that people other than himself and Lily had the right to undertake the ceremony. He was completely fine with that – really, he was.

It was just that –

Well –...

Frank had usurped his position as a married man.

There, he said it. James Potter was still childish and tended to think of things in terms of playground games and Frank Longbottom was his rival.

Okay, back to reality James. He tried to concentrate.

Lily was furiously inclining her head towards said usurper. Figuring that she was not simply pioneering a new form of interpretive dance and she was actually trying to signal to him, James took the hint and turned to Frank with a shamelessly forced smile.

He's always assumed that from the moment they said 'I do', married couples acquired a kind of telepathy with each other, whereby they were able to become like one person and channel each other's thoughts. This wasn't true and James was now beginning to wonder if he would ever figure out what Lily was thinking.

"Can I take your coat, mate?" he eventually managed to spit out to a grimacing Frank.

Like two men facing off in battle that would decide the entire fate of human kind James reached forward for his mortal enemy's coat, and fought back a giggle when Alice announced that she had brought round Scrabble.

Games Night? This was going to be fun.

"That's why you don't like Frank?" Sirius questioned, incredulous. "I thought it was because you wished you had married Alice."

"Shut up Sirius."

By the way, anyone currently following my main multi-chap story 'Getting over You' will see that my teenage Sirius is very different from my adult Sirius. There is a reason for this and accordingly you could take this fic to be part of the same 'universe' as Getting Over You. Anyway, please read and review!! I'd love to know what you think of this.