Author's Note: I realized that last time I forgot the disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the plot line.
Reviews are welcome with constructive criticism!
Enjoy!
"For example" I continued, feeling much more at ease. "The emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…"
I grimaced. I was having a flashback to the day when that vile Mike Newton asked my Bella to the dance. It took all my self control not to reach out and break something. If Bella was not sitting right beside me I probably would have. That worthless slug of a teenaged boy seemed very appetizing at times, and sometimes I was almost willing to break my vegetarian streak just for him.
"Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?" I asked Bella.
"The day you started talking to me again." She nodded and looked at me questioningly.
I began to explain. "I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury that I felt—I didn't recognize it at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for you friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.
"And then the line started forming" I chuckled, and Bella scowled. Even with a pout on her face, she was still the most exquisite thing I had ever laid eyes on…
"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure. That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike," (Boy was I ever glad she didn't. It sickened me, to think of me and Bella and what we did this afternoon…her incredibly warm lips pressed against mine…only with Mike in my place…another wave of anger momentarily washed over me) "Or someone like him. It made me angry."
I flashbacked to that first night that I spent with my beloved Bella, and I began to whisper. "And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly at first I thought you had woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."
I was silent for a while, listening to the erratic pounding of Bella's heart against her ribcage, and letting her absorb what I just told her. What I had just confessed to Bella was more than I had ever confessed to anyone in all my years of existence, and surprisingly enough, it made me feel strangely liberated and free. I continued with my monologue.
"But jealousy…it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" I shook my head angrily as unwanted images of Bella and Mike passed through my mind.
"I should have known you would be listening" Bella groaned. Duh I would be listening. What else was there to do but revolve my life around the single most wonderful thing on earth?
"Of course" I replied, a smile threatening to cross my features.
"That made you feel jealous, though, really?"
"I'm new at this;" I admitted. "You're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."
"But honestly" Bella teased. "For that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie—Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie—was meant for you. Emmet or no Emmet, how can I compete with that?"
Silly Bella. Did she not know how beautiful she was?
"There's no competition." I said, speaking the absolute truth. I drew Bella's trapped hands around my back holding Bella to my chest. Gosh, she was so fragile…and so warm. How I longed to just stay like this forever, inhaling her sweet smell and touching her and maybe going even further…?
Stop! I shouted to myself. I was a disgrace! Thinking about a woman, and a woman as wonderful and important as Bella, in such a manner was disgusting. I was becoming as vile as Mike Newton. I almost shuddered at the thought.
"I know there's no competition," Bella mumbled. "That's the problem."
How on earth was I ever going to convince Bella that she was so much more beautiful than Rosalie?
"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmet didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me. For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."
"It hardly seems fair" Bella whispered, he warmth breath cascading across my chest creating a sensation I never experienced. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?" The things that Bella said sometimes were truly amusing. Just another of the many mysteries I have yet to solve about my precious Bella. I decided to play along.
"You're right." I agreed. "I should make this harder for you, definitely." I began to stroke Bella's wet hair. How beautiful it was, and it smelled so wonderful, almost as wonderful as Bella herself. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity…what's that worth?" Though I tried not to show it, Bella had no idea how serious I was being.
"Very little—I don't feel deprived of anything."
"Not yet." I replied, unable to hide the seriousness any longer.
Suddenly I caught a snitch of Charlie's thoughts that I had been tuning out for the past hour. Alright, game's over. Better head upstairs…Oh, wait! What if Bella snuck out? Isn't that the typical teenage thing to do? I better hurry up and check on her!
"What—" Bella started to ask. I hadn't realized that I was holding her wrists so tightly in my hand. Before she could say anything else I released her and disappeared into the darkness of her room.
Bella looked momentarily stunned and I was worried that Charlie (who was seconds away from opening the door) would catch her in her sitting position, her hands still out as if they were still being held in my iron grasp. "Lie down!" I hissed at her.
Bella quickly rolled under the quilt balling up on the side. I suppressed a groan. If Charlie knew anything about his daughter, he would definitely know that she slept spread eagled on her back and not curled up like a toddler. I held my breath, unsure of whether or not Charlie would buy Bella's feeble attempt at looking like she was asleep.
The door cracked open and Charlie poked his head into the room. There's my Bella. I knew I could trust her—she would never do anything to disappoint me. But I could swear she would be sneaking out tonight; it was Saturday! Oh well, I guess none of the boys in town really are her type…
I chuckled to myself—too low a sound for human ears—as Charlie silently closed the door. Boy was he in for a surprise. I let out a silent sigh of relief once he left. I was so worried that we would be caught. But I guess Charlie is as clueless as any father would be.