Author's Note: Sorry the second chapter was shorter than expected…here's what happens next!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything!!
I crept over to Bella, still pretending to be asleep. Gosh, she was so beautiful, and smelled so incredibly good! I mustered up all the strength I had to control the two completely different urges battling inside of me. I slipped underneath the quilt and wrapped my cold arm around Bella's beautifully warm body, my lips as at ear and whispered "You are a terrible actress—I'd say that career path is out for you."
The moment I opened my mouth Bella shivered; her heart sped up, beating unevenly in fast bursts, crashing against her chest. I smiled to myself—so incredibly glad that I had this effect on her, and that what I did around her was right. Never in my century of existence could I have ever thought that I would be here, lying on a bed, with the most extraordinary being in existence in my arms. I subconsciously began to hum; it was the lullaby I had been working on for Bella ever since I met her. It suited her so perfectly. It was her.
I suddenly realized that it was getting late. I paused in my humming, remembering that Bella still needed her sleep. "Should I sing you to sleep?" I asked.
Bella began to laugh. "Right, like I could sleep with you here!"
Silly Bella. Every night she's been sleeping with me there. Only tonight, she got to be in my arms…
"You do it all the time."
"But I didn't know you were here." She pointed out.
"So if you don't want to sleep…?" The man inside me stirred. I'm sure he could think of many ideas of what to do if she didn't want to sleep…Stop it Edward! Once again, I resisted the urge to punch myself. If my mother knew what I was thinking…
"If I don't want to sleep…?" Was that…hope, in her eyes?
"What do you want to do then?" I chuckled.
Bella hesitated, then finally said, "I'm not sure"
"Tell me when you decide." All was silent for a moment. With nothing else to focus on, I found myself inhaling Bella's scent. The sweet-smelling aroma filling my head, making me slightly dizzy—but I was addicted. I smelled her neck, my nose lightly touching her jaw. "I thought you were desensitized" She said.
"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet. "I whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia." I noted. "It's mouth-watering." And indeed it was; the most incredible smell I have ever experienced. The monster within me seemed very threatening all of a sudden.
"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."
I chuckled, and then sighed. There was another moment of silence.
Then Bella spoke again. "I've decided what I want to do. I want to hear more about you."
"Ask me anything" I wanted her to know that she could trust me entirely, and I also happened to be extremely curious.
"Why do you do it?" She asked. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you…are. Please don't misunderstand; of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."
Wow. That was unexpected. "That's a good question." I finally said. "and you are not the first to ask it. The others—the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot—they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been…dealt at certain hand…it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above—to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."
She didn't respond…or even react for that matter. I thought for a minute that I had put to sleep. "Did you fall asleep?"
"No."
"Is that all you were curious about?" I was burning to know what went on inside that head of hers. I was still getting used to not hearing her thoughts.
"Not quite."
"What else do you want to know?"
"Why can you read minds—why only you? And Alice, seeing the future…why does that happen?" She asked. This question I was somewhat expecting.
I shrugged, and then replied, "We don't really know. Carlisle had a theory…he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified—like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, whatever that was."
"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"
"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmet brought his strength, Rosalie her…tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness" I chuckled. Rosalie was my favourite sister to make fun of as I usually got the best reaction from her. I continued, "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him—calm down a room of angry people for example or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."
A thoughtful look plastered itself on Bella's face, and I waited patiently while she thought. On the outside I tried to appear calm, but on the inside I was struggling. Not hearing her thoughts was becoming almost unbearable.
"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"
"Well where did you come from?" I replied, relieved that she had spoken. "Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal with the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"
"Let me get this straight—I'm the baby seal right?"
"Right." I laughed, and, daringly and softly, I pressed my cool lips to her hair, inhaling the intoxicating scent. I stayed like this for a minute or two, but she didn't respond. A split second of fear spread through me, wondering if I had pushed her too far.
"Are you ready to sleep?" I asked, interrupting the silence. "Or do you have any more questions?"
"Only a million or two."
"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I reminded her.
"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical after all."
"I won't leave you." Did she actually think I wanted to leave? What a silly girl.
"One more, then, tonight…" Suddenly, I felt the skin around her face begin to heat up. Could it be? Bella was…blushing?"
"What is it?" I asked cautiously.
"No, forget it. I changed my mind."
"Bella, you can ask me anything" But she didn't answer me. I groaned in frustration. Not knowing what she was thinking—it was killing me. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."
"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."
"Please?" I asked again. She shook her head. I suppressed another groan.
"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is." I threatened. "Please?"
"Well,"
"Yes" I didn't want to sound agitated, but Bella was making this an ever-difficult task.
"You said that Rosalie and Emmet will be getting married soon…Is that…marriage the same as it is for humans?"
Oh. Wow. My Bella, my innocent, sweet, Bella was asking me about this? I laughed. "Is that what you're getting at?"
Bella didn't answer, but fidgeted slightly.
"Yes I suppose it is much the same" he said. "I told you, most of the human desires are there, hidden behind more powerful desires." Bella only knew about one of these desires. Little did she know that the desires I had about her (one much more recent than the other) were beginning to battle for dominance. I internally scolded myself again.
"Oh." Was all she said.
"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" Even though I knew it was wrong, and probably impossible for me and Bella, I wanted to hear her say it.
"Well, I did wonder…about you and me…someday…" Part of me cheered with joy, but the other part grew incredibly serious as the breeze coming though the window enhanced Bella's scent and I was momentarily stunned, and I came to the realization of how good she smelled to me, and of how incredibly breakable she would be. Despite the fact that I wanted this probably as much as she did, I would never put Bella in that kind of danger.
"I don't think that…that…would be possible for us."
"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that…close?"
"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident." I hesitated, not wanting to scare her. I softly moved my icy palm to rest against her cheek. "If I was too hasty…if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never, afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."
When she didn't respond my heat sunk a little. She was probably terrified of me by now, and wanted nothing to do with me. "Are you scared?"
"No I'm fine."
Silence once again. My mind wandered slightly. She sounded disappointed that we wouldn't be able to...well, do that…I wondered if perhaps she was used to being able to be that…ahem…close to her boyfriends? Was that all she seeked in relationships? If that was the case, then I would not be able to give her much. I hope she would not be disappointed. The thought of someone else touching my Bella made me shudder slightly. More images of that disgusting Mike filled my mind again, but I couldn't imagine my Bella, my innocent Bella doing that kind of thing. But wait! I was jumping to conclusions here. I didn't even know if she's had boyfriends in the past.
"I'm curious now, though. Have you ever…?"
The blush crept up to Bella's cheeks again. "Of course not. I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."
"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."
"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all." Bella sighed.
"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I let out a silent sigh of relief. She was just as inexperienced with love and lust as I was.
"Your human instincts…" She began. "Do you find me attractive, in that way at all?"
I merely laughed and rumpled her hair. If only she knew what was going on inside of my head. "I may not a human, but I am a man" I assured her.
Bella yawned. Boy it was really getting late. "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep" I insisted.
"I'm not sure if I can"
"Do you want me to leave" I asked with reluctance. I was begging that her answer would be…
"No!" She practically yelled, and then I laughed, relieved that she wanted me next to her as much as I wanted to be there. I began to hum her lullaby once more into her ear, and soon enough, my beautiful angel was fast asleep in my arms.
That's all for now, but stay tuned for Edward's dilemma once Bella is asleep!!