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Bella's breathing became slower and slower with every breath she took. I snuggled as close as possible to her, so that our bodies were completely touching. I loved Bella so dearly; I couldn't bear the space between us. It was incredible, the way our bodies fit together. Every one of her curves fit beside mine perfectly. Like matching puzzle pieces. We were each other's half.
I wrapped my arms more tightly around her, hugging my Bella as close to me as possible without crushing her delicate little body. Wow, it was amazing how delicate she was. I stared down at her beautiful face; its perfection. Her rosy cheeks that blushed that beautiful colour, her wonderful, pouty lips that I longed to kiss again…
I had to learn to keep a better control over my thoughts. But oh, how much I loved her. I had never felt this way before. It was completely overwhelming. This was all so new to me. A year ago, I would have never believed that one day I would feel like this. A year ago, I did not think it was possible to feel like this. This new found love, and lust—not bloodlust, but lust, for goodness sake—was incredible. If Jasper were here he would definitely have a difficult time calming me down. But then again, if Jasper were here, he would have a difficult time remaining alive on my account.
Bella's breathing was at a steady pace by now, and I knew it was only a matter of time before she spoke. How I wished I could know what she was thinking. But part of me knew that this was probably for the best. I wanted to respect her privacy, but at the same time a part of me desperately wanted to hear her thoughts, especially during the precious time when she is asleep.
I rested my nose on her neck, inhaling her scent. I traced her jaw line, with my nose, feeling the heat off her skin. I inhaled the intoxicating smell of her hair. Feeling extremely daring, I leaned my head slightly closer, and gently pressed my cool lips to her cheek. It was so warm.
Suddenly, Bella uttered a soft mumble—too soft for human ears, but a sound my vampire hearing could make out easily. I pulled back slightly, momentarily thinking I had woken her. But she was as sound asleep as ever. She mumbled again, this time something comprehensible—my name. "Edward" she whispered, so softly.
The same feeling that had shot through me every single night when she said my name, coursed through me once more. I felt incredible at that point. I felt wonderful. I smiled down at my precious Bella. I reached out and stroked her cheek, loving the warmth. She shivered slightly at my touch, but remained deeply asleep.
The love I had for Bella was—for want of a better word—extraordinary. I was about to burst with all the emotion I was feeling right now. The other nights, I was able to watch my Bella sleep, able to love her from a distance. But tonight she was beside me, her every curve matching up with mine. I was positive that Jasper could feel me from the house.
"Edward" she mumbled once again. And then three or four more times over the next couple of hours. I could never tire of hearing her angelic voice, or of being by her side, holding her close to my once existing heart.
Then, there was a pause in her mumblings. How I desperately wished I could hear what was going on inside her head. Who, or what, else was she dreaming of? And then she spoke again, but slightly more hesitantly. "Ed…ward?" She asked softly.
I stared intently at her face, wondering if she had woken up. I waited for her to continue. "Edward, I…" But once again, she paused.
It was agonizing, not hearing what she was thinking about, what she was planning on saying in her sleep. I half wanted to simply wake her up and ask her, but she needed her sleep. She let out a slow sigh, and then whispered, "I love you, Edward Cullen."
Electric shocks coursed through my body. Though I already suspected it, and it was quite clear based on the events earlier this afternoon, it was still so good to hear her say it, and to know for sure that she felt the same way about me that I did about her. "I love you too, Isabella Marie Swan"
Love rushed through me and I still could not believe that I was actually here with my Bella. I touched her lips with my fingertips, and traced their outline. How I desperately wanted to kiss those full lips. I wanted to feel their warmth and their softness. But I did not. I needed to respect my Bella, as my mother taught me to respect all women. But oh, how I desperately wanted to kiss her, to hold her beautiful face in my hands…
Stop it, Edward, I scolded myself. A part of me knew how wrong this was; the part of me pounded into me by my mother who always taught me to respect women. But the other part wanted to go further. I kept looking at my Bella's beautiful face. The hands that were stroking her cheek and wrapped so tightly around her waist desperately wanted to go elsewhere.
Bella shifted slightly in her sleep, and part of her shirt rode up underneath my grasp, so that part of her skin was exposed. It looked so soft, and so smooth. I longed to touch it, like I was doing on her cheek. I longed to see more of her skin, and to feel it. But I didn't, because it was so terribly wrong. However, the other part of me argued, and I found myself with an internal conflict.
At school, when I tuned into the other boys' thoughts (that I usually tuned out), it was practically all they thought about. It wasn't that bad then was it? But I couldn't be sure, and I didn't want to make a mistake.
But Bella was just so exquisitely—for want of a better word—beautiful. How could I not think about this? Her body was the nicest I had ever seen. I thought about earlier that evening when she asked me about whether or not one day we could…well, do that. Right now it didn't seem like that bad a possibility. But then I remembered what I am.
I am a vampire, who could kill Bella. Kill, the most beautiful creature on earth, the human that I had completely fallen for. Kill my Bella. And I would never forgive, nor would I be able to live with, myself for being the one to cause her demise. Though I was upset with myself for becoming so attached to Bella, I couldn't help it. She was undoubtedly the most incredible and extraordinary being to ever set foot on this earth, and she deserved someone so much better than me.
Bella shifted once again. I felt her ever line of her body against mine. It felt so right…
And then suddenly an overwhelming rush of lust surged through me. I swiftly, but reluctantly, let go of my Bella and leaped out her window, faster than the blink of the human eye, before the rush of emotion could take over. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, even though I didn't need the oxygen. Where was Jasper when you needed him?
I began to run home now, upset with myself that I had almost been overcome by this new and almost unrecognizable feeling. Why did I let this happen? What the hell was wrong with me? I slapped myself across the face, punishing myself (able to now that I was out of Bella's room).
I ran, leaving behind the unfamiliar emotions. But as I was running, I realized something and my heart leapt with joy. Though I was still disappointed and upset with myself, it wasn't because I was attracted to Bella's blood. I was running away from her, yes, but not because of bloodlust, not because I craved her blood, but because of something almost entirely normal for a (theoretical) teenage boy obsessively in love with his girlfriend.
With that thought, I leapt with joy and yelled into the cool breeze that rushed past me as I ran home.
Sorry, it wasn't as good as I meant it to be.
Stay tuned for when Edward gets back to the Cullen household.