"Hahaha. I realize that you want to bring me down, but this is just going to far. A rabbit is NOT going to help my skills develop. All this is going to do is make us have rabbit stew for dinner one night. Very soon, in fact."
Here, Boogle Bunny!
Recap: Boogle is annoying Itachi. End of story. Oh, and Boogle likes Deidara more than Itachi. Bah.
Genre: Humor
Disclaimer: Do you think Pein in canon would ACTUALLY own a bunny called Boogle?
By aBoOm-Un
Night of Day 1
After Boogle had ran underneath the bed again, after about 2 hours, Itachi gave up once more and Deidara got Boogle out from under the bed and into its hutch, which was conveniently placed in Itachi's room.
…And it stunk like poop.
Kisame wrinkled his nose in disgust, while Deidara made a slight gagging noise and recoiled. Itachi scowled and said slowly, "…Why is it kept in my room?"
"'Cause you have to take care of it, un," Deidara mumbled, holding his nose. "Would it make sense putting it in my room, un?"
"Probably. Because, y'know about Itachi going blind and crap because of the Mange? His smell is enhanced, and it makes it at least five times worse…" Kisame trailed off when he saw the look on Itachi's face. Deidara blinked twice.
"…Weasel is blind?" He grinned slightly. "Holy crap, I'd PAY to see him blind for a day, un. Do it!"
"No." Itachi said firmly, folding his arms. "I refuse."
"B-But, c'mon! My birthday is soon-"
"Do you really think I'd care about your birthday?"
Deidara snuffled slightly. Kisame coughed nervously. "Anyway… Itachi-san can take care of the rabbit, can't he?"
Deidara and Kisame observed the Konoha Missing-Nin, who was currently glaring full intensity at the rabbit, who sniffed its surroundings.
Then crapped on the floor of its hutch.
Deidara giggled hysterically, while Kisame smirked slightly. Itachi twitched as a putrid smell wafted around the room. HIS room.
He grabbed a can of air-freshener off of the bedside table and sprayed it wildly around the room, hoping to drown out the stench.
Itachi coughed slightly, squinting into the foggy abyss of fumes that filled the room. He wasn't used to it. Fume intolerance skipped a generation.
FAR, FAR AWAY IN KONOHA
Sasuke's nose twitched slightly, and he sneezed quietly. Tugging the towel a bit further up his waist, he popped the lid off of his hair-spray can, held up his hair and sprayed wildly, filling the room with a purple, hazy abyss.
It's the way he keeps his haircut the same way, children.
BACK TO THE LOVELY AKATSUKI GENTLEMEN…
"Itachi… How much air-freshener do you need?" Kisame coughed, frantically waving the fumes away. Itachi stared blankly at Kisame.
"Enough to keep the stench away."
"I don't exactly blame him, un," Deidara coughed. He squinted at the rabbit. "That thing can make a stench, un." Itachi frowned slightly, but then sighed.
"We'll leave for a bit. Leave the rabbit alone."
"B-But I like the bunny, un!"
"Too bad."
Itachi pulled Deidara out of the door, Kisame following after them. Meanwhile, Boogle sniffed the air, and frantically scratched at her nose.
Itachi staggered into his room and made a huffing noise, and then walked over to the rabbits hutch over in the corner of his room. Boogle was lying down on the floor of the hutch, her brown eyes staring into Itachi's charcoal orbs. The two stared at each other for a moment, until Itachi blinked and tossed his head slightly.
Bah. What was he talking about, anyway? It was a rabbit. A RABBIT.
It wouldn't cause him any trouble.
Infact, it was kinda… Fluffy.
Kinda very fluffy…
Itachi held his hand into the hutch, where Boogle sniffed it slightly. Her velvety noise touched Itachi's fingertips, making Itachi flinch slightly.
…The hell? He doesn't flinch by a rabbit.
It'll all be over soon…
After the quiet moment between the bunny and Itachi, the temperature had risen by at least 10°C. The temperature was now about 45°C, much to Kisame's horror. In response to Kisame's horror, the Akatsuki lair began to smell of cooking fish, much to all of their disgust. Needless to say, Kisame took a very long, very cold shower, and went off to his bedroom not long after. So really, Itachi was stuck in a room with Deidara and Tobi.
"Hey, hey, weasel. I'm bored, un."
"Wanna play cards, un?"
"…No."
"I'll play cards, Deidara-sempai!!"
"Shut up Tobi, un!!"
Itachi, bored out of his brains, got up from the chair, mopped his forehead, and turned to leave.
"Hey, hey! Weasel, where do you think you're going, un?!"
"Taking a shower." Itachi groaned, as he left Deidara and Tobi behind, Deidara blinking slowly while his palm-mouths licked the cards, while Tobi hung onto Deidara's shoulder, examining him like he was some animal in a zoo.
"…Sempai?"
"What is it Tobi. un?"
"…Why doesn't Itachi-san like the bunny?"
Deidara snorted slightly. "Because he's an arrogant snotrag, that's why."
"Oh."
The room was silent for a couple of moments.
"…Sempai?"
"What is it Tobi, un?!" Deidara's voice was laced with impatience.
Tobi flinched slightly, but then mumbled, "…When did Leader-sama choose Itachi-san to take care of the bunny?"
"I dunno. What am I, supergeek, un?!"
"N-No, sempai!!"
Meanwhile, Itachi has slowly trudged to his room, twitching when Deidara or Tobi's loud voices flooded his already-flooded brain.
Many hours later. Itachi was lying in his bed, the blankets half-thrown across his legs. His chest fell with a steady rhythm as he slowly inhaled and exhaled, his long black hair strewn across his face and across his pillow. His eyes were peacefully shut, and he was so deep in his sleep, he didn't rouse when Deidara and Tobi quietly sneaked into his room.
"Tobi, keep quiet, un."
"Sure thing, sempai."
TWACK.
"Owie…"
"Tobi, what the hell did you do, un?!"
Tobi was hopping around on one foot. "I stubbed my toe."
Deidara sighed in exasperation, and hissed at Tobi, "No idiocy, Tobi. We need to be quiet and not wake weasel, un."
"…Why are we doing this anyway, sempai?"
"Because," Deidara snickered slightly. "It would be funny, un. I want to see the look on weasel's face, un." Deidara snuck over to Boogle's hutch and picked her up out of her cage. She made no protest, so Deidara whispered, "Now, Tobi. When I give a signal, we get out, un. Kapiche?"
"Erm…Kapiche, sempai." Tobi mumbled, edging towards the door. Deidara didn't notice, however.
Deidara snuck quietly over to Itachi's bed, where he still lay in deep sleep; highly rare for the Uchiha. Deidara carefully placed Boogle upon Itachi's chest, where she sat down, soft paws laying upon his bare skin.
"Go Tobi, un! Go go go!!" Deidara whispered hurriedly, ushering Tobi out the door. When Tobi got out, he took one final look at Itachi, smirked slightly and flipped him off, and then followed Tobi out of the room.
Boogle sniffed at her surroundings, looked at Itachi's peaceful sleeping face, chewed on a bit of his hair, then (quite foolishly) burrowed herself into Itachi's loosely-tied pants.
…Crap.
There was something furry, fat and warm lying on top of Itachi, but he has no idea what.
"Hnuh?" Itachi mumbled, sitting up slightly. "What's going on?" He only just woke up, and was still groggy. "Is that you, Kisa-"
He stopped dead in what he was saying. A furry, rabbit face was sticking out of the waistband of his pants, staring at him.
The two stared at each other for a moment, until Boogle began quietly chewing on the elastic of the clothing.
Itachi's face once peaceful face morphed into one of murder, as he yelled so loudly Sasuke probably heard all the way in Konoha…
"DEIDARA!!"
"Yes?" Deidara chirped, flouncing into Itachi's room, a large grin plastered onto his face. Tobi followed behind, looking sheepish.
Itachi's eye was twitching. He viciously grabbed the rabbit by the ears (Tobi squeaked slightly, and his hands flew up to his face), and held her up to them. "Does THIS little…THING ring-a-bell?!" He said in a icy cold tone, shaking her slightly.
Oh, if only looks could kill.
Deidara burst into laughter and slumped over on the floor, making no attempt to stifle his laughter, despite it being about six am.
Tobi burst into a teary babble, "Oh, I'm-so-sorry-Itachi-san-I-tried-to-stop-him-but-he-wouldn't-listen-and-oh-I'm-so-sorry!!"
Tobi (literally) got down on his knees and placed his hands in a prayer pose up at Itachi. "PLEASE DON'T BLAME ME!!" Tobi said tearfully, praying to the gods available that Itachi wouldn't murder him and the bunny.
Itachi twitched once more, Boogle still dangling by her ears. She made a grunting noise and swing around to bite at Itachi. He simply dropped her, and she landed with a splat on the floor. She made a break for it, but couldn't because Tobi picked her up lovingly in his arms and crooned, "She didn't mean it."
Itachi said in a fake pleasant tone, "Oh, I'm SURE she didn't mean it."
Deidara made a choking noise on the ground, tears of laughter running down his face. "W-weasel, you-you're face w-was…TOO F-FUNNY!!" He let out an unrestrained howl of laughter and pounded the floor with his fist, cackling with glee.
Tobi was crooning to the rabbit still, Deidara was laughing still, and Itachi just flopped down on the bed, his eyes tightly squeezed shut.
What a way to start the week with the rabbit.