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Draco and Lucius Malfoy

It had been a surprise. A complete surprise. Well, almost. Last week's premièring show had been a major hit all over the country and he had scored the headlines in almost every newspaper and magazine, except – and no surprise here – the Quibbler which had failed to mention the editor had appeared on the show at all. Voldemort held no contempt at this. The woman was quite clearly insane. Perhaps soon criminally. He had, after all, been criminally insane in the past and knew the signs. Even greater news had been that his ratings had been the highest for any other chat show that week and most programmes excepting Witchenders, Pals and Blue County. He had watched these without much interest after he had learned they'd had higher ratings and couldn't say he was to impressed by them. Soaps, sitcoms and the like didn't hold much interest for him.

The guests for this week sat on his sofa somewhat fearfully as if at any moment he might whip out his wand and vaporise then without so much as a grimace. Voldemort took some pleasure in this. After all the years in the ground, he still had it; the fear factor, as he liked to call it. The very essence of a being that allowed him total control over the other. Fear. It was a very handy thing sometimes. It was the thing that made Larry get him a butterbeer whenever the whim for one should arise, most often in the middle of the night when he had no intention of drinking one but really of watching the fat oaf sweat as he rushed to supply him with one. It was a small form of entertainment but entertainment nonetheless. Except of course the smell of Larry sweat which had a tendency to waft from his underarms but he'd been able to conjure a scent mask whenever he was around. Still that didn't compare to his Avada Kedavra curse.

"Welcome Draco and Lucius," he smiled at his guests, not caring that smiling at them in his way was probably more intimidating than any other facial expression. They offered him weak smiles in return, but probably only because the camera was on them. The father and son obviously hadn't forgotten the torture and emotional stress he had put on them those many years ago. Neither had he. It had been quite enjoyable. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Yes, I'm sure you are," Lucius said with slight sarcasm that always had come hand and hand with Lucius Malfoy.

Voldemort chose to ignore the tone. "And you, young Malfoy. Well, younger anyway," he added, making a point of looking objectively at the receding hairline. "Well the entire world is almost squirming to find out what two of my ex-henchmen are doing since I stepped from the role of evil tyrant. Care to divulge?"

"Well," Draco said, getting into the swing of the interview, "I've recently gotten married to a pure blood witch from the Ministry where we both work in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

"Doesn't that mean you're working underneath a mudblood?" Voldemort asked with a slight smile. The word last week had caused scandal in the best way possible. A lot of muggle-born wizards had wrote to the Ministry claiming that the word wasn't offensive at all and had, in fact, became a fond nickname for themselves.

Draco's face flushed and angry red. "I don't see what your point is!"

"I don't have one. I'm not commenting, merely stating a fact. You shouldn't rise to anger so easily. It could cause severe stress with your wand hand and cause wizarthritis. With you working in law enforcement I think that could be very damaging to any promotional prospects you may have. Then again, given the horror you put Hermione Granger through during my last bid for global domination I wouldn't be in the least surprised if you got demoted instead."

The youngest Malfoy rose to his feet in indignation. "But-but it was under your orders that I did that! You threatened to hurt my family! I had no choice!"

Raising a bony finger to his cheek, Voldemort mimicked confused thought. "Are you sure? My memory is quite accurate and I don't remember asking you to target a Hermione Granger at all."

"You asked me to target Harry Potter's mudblood friend," Draco replied through gritted teeth.

"Ahh," Voldmort said, with a great pretence the audience lapped up like sugar. "That request. Yes well I didn't mean Hermione Granger. I mean his other mudblood friend. You must have jumped to conclusions."

"Don't turn this on me you-"

Draco's mouth snapped shut mid sentence and he looked at Voldemort in anger as the legendary wizard put his wand back into the pocket of his robes. "I'm sorry, but this is a family show. We can't have any cursing here."

"What about magical cursing?"

"Strictly prohibited. I don't have the license for Public Cursing for Entertainment Purposes."

"Oh," Draco said with a slight slump of disappointment. "Pity. If your contract gets extended you should look into getting one. I was watching Saturday Night Liveliness and the wizard presenter on that used the levitating spell in a sketch. Got his ratings right up. Incidently, all the most popular shows have them. I know because I'm the one who issues the license." The last part Draco said with a slight smirk which Voltaire noticed with disdain.

"I shall indeed look into it should I continue. Now, Lucius! One of my most favored henchmen. Favored at least until a very fatal slip-up. In fact, a few very fatal slip-ups. What are you doing with yourself at the moment?"

Lucius sneered. "I can't imagine why it is of your interest to know. A few years ago you would have gladly killed me."

Voldemort chuckled. "Lucius, how you jest. A few years ago I would have gladly killedanyone, not just you."

Lucius, aware of the audience presence, heaved a great sigh. "Very well. I retired from the Ministry last year and now I spend most of time at home with my wife, occasionally babysitting for Scorpius when Draco needs it."

"Ahhh, Scorpius. Is he like his father?"

"Not at all. Looks wise perhaps. But he has his mother's nature. Not much like a Malfoy at all, actually."

"What a relief," Voldemort muttered audibly.

"We've also invested in a holiday home in Spain."

"Are you aware that that's a favorite retirement for muggles?"

"I don't imagine that muggles have castles on clouds for their retirement homes," Lucius replied indignantly.

"Not imagining always was a problem with you," Voldemort said with a pleasant smile. "I'm sure you won't disagree. You could have been great if you would have taken initiative once in a while. I daresay that we possibly would have won the battle against Potter and his allies. Nevertheless, one shouldn't look back. Looking back all the time will always give you an unpleasant view of your backside."

"I have a question for you. What will you do now that you've been reborn? Meaning after you finish your ridiculous stint as a chat show host. And while we're on the subject, why ever did you choose to pursue this profession? What are you aims?"

"When you used the phrase 'a question', Lucius, I assumed you only meant one. However, I'll answer them all. Now that I'm reborn – and looked much younger, I'm sure I don't need to point out – I'll probably try and live a normal life if its at all possible, which I'm not sure it will be. In answer to your second question, I didn't choose this profession. I was, in fact, contracted into it when I was resurrected. And thirdly, my aim is to fulfill the contract and then go directly to answer number one."

"Why do I not believe you?"

"Because you're a skeptic, cynical old fart and unfortunately that's time up. I'd like to to thank my guests for this evening. They've been great, haven't they? Join me next week for more chat and chaff. Until then, this is the Smashed Pumpkins playing their current number one. Thank you!"

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