I'm still deciding who all the guests will be, but I definitely know who the final two are and also how this will end. Now, for a bit of Ron and Hermione banter: D

Disclaimer: J.K? Jellybean-kitty? Yes, we may share the same first two initials but unfortunately that is the only thing of hers I own:(

Rona and Hermione Weasley

Voldemort couldn't say he was in the least bit intimidated by the dark gaze he was getting from the mudblood who had – for reasons beyond him – agreed to be a guest on his show along with her husband. He had to admit, her looks had improved vastly since he had last seen her. Her hair had been sweeped into a neat French roll and shone with a healthy glow that – as far as he was aware – wasn't magical at all. Muggles had obviously found some natural way to improve their shampoos. Then again, there were rumours that in the pharmaceutical industry they had wizards and witches working. Who could tell? Obviously not Hermione Weasley, who, in her line of work, should have known better.

Aside from her hair, Hermione had also discovered the wonders of make-up and had had no reservations for the studio's make-up wizardry to paint her face with their wands. As a result, she looked quite pretty. The clothes she wore were no longer frumpy but tailored to fit and Voldemort noticed that she had obviously been taking care of her figure too.

Beside her, not being quite so brave as his wife since he looked like he was expecting some one to shout 'surprise' at any moment'and bombard him with killing curses, sat Ron Weasley. He hadn't changed a bit since Voldemort had last seen him apart from he had filled out in places that allowed him to grow into his awkwardness he had had as a teenager. His red hair was still as unkempt and stuck out in all the same places though it was clear some effort (probably at the insistence of his wife) had been made it have been futile. Voldemort's hand went up to his own non-existent mop and decided her had no right to comment.

"Welcome," Voldemort said suddenly and Ron visibly jumped, earning him a scathing look from his wife. Voldemort would just kill to see Monday mornings in that household. Although she was wearing a skirt today, he had the feeling that it was Hermione who wore the trousers. He had always admired that in a woman, especially in his female henchmen. One in particular came to mind; one he had been particularly fond of. Fonder, perhaps, than what he should have allowed himself to be. Then again, sometimes emotions stood in the way. In his years of perfecting himself he had been able to destroy them but after Harry Potter had become a Horcrux of his...He believed that it was Potter who had enforced the compassion and feelings he had begun to feel (privately) before his death. Potter was to blame for everything. In some sneaky way it was probably his fault they didn't have world peace either, not that he particularly desired such a thing. What's life without a bloody war?

Hermione sniffed, her nose sticking slightly in the air as if trying to rise against a bad smell. Voldemort made a mental note to check his aftershave at the break. "Well we are not happy to be here, are we Ronald?" Ronald made no indication he heard her but instead kept a fearful eye on Voldemort's wand pocket. "Ronald?" She asked again, elbowing him sharply in the ribs.

"Uh-yes. Delighted," Ron stammered, obviously unaware of the question. In response, Hermione snorted and raised her eyes to the heavens. Theirs was a happy home, Voldemort imagined.

He cleared his throat. "Yes. Well. Jolly good. Let's move on to our chat, shall we? I'll start with you Hermione since etiquette demands that ladies should be first. Am I to understand that you are the first female of any species ever to be made head of the Magical Law Enforcement in the Ministry?"

The pride was clearly evident on her face as she smiled. "Yes. I am. The post has traditionally been filled by men since back when females weren't actually allowed in the Ministry. I have never been one for keep traditions. Of course I didn't start at a high. I had to work my way up."

"But at such a young age, that is still an achievement to be proud of. Still, for all those young woman who aspire to be like you, why don't you share with us your story?" Ron groaned and rolled his eyes. This story wasn't new to him, it seemed.

"Well," Hermione began, smiling happily. "I don't suppose you've ever heard of the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare?" Voldemort shook his head.

"What about S.P.E.W?" Ron asked helpfully although Hermione gave him a dark look that indicated it wasn't particularly helpful.

"S.P.E.W?" Voldemort repeated. "Yes, I've heard of that."

Hermione forced a smile onto her face. "Anyway, it was an organisation I started up during my fourth year in Hogwarts when I saw the horrific treatment of house elves. After I left Hogwarts I decided that I wanted to continue on with the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare so I concluded that the best way for me to do that would be to join the Ministry of Magic. So I did. I joined the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and from there I was able to gain support-"

"By support she means a pimply nerd who just wanted in her pants," Ron interjected.

"I was able to gain support," she continued, kicking Ron discreetly, "and before long I had been able to pass a few laws that greatly improved the living conditions of elves everywhere, giving them rights no one had ever thought they should have been given."

Voldemort grimaced. "So that was you? I'm sorry, but the idea of a house elf trade union still makes me shudder. The next thing you know giants will be demanding free dental care."

Her eyebrows flew high into the air at such a speed both men thought they might have flew of her face altogether and took off like a rocket. "Some people obviously are too ignorant to look to the future. But I'll continue with my story. I was able to help the elves in the Ministry and before long my efforts had been noticed by the head of department who informed me that the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was going to retire and he had put my name through for the post. Well, obviously I was delighted and didn't expect much to come from it but experience. But I was asked to go for an interview and during it they just offered me the job."

"Did you never consider a job in teaching at Hogwarts? Surely knowledge like yours deserves to be parted with the younger generations?"

A discreet gesture of laying her hand over her relatively flat stomach told Voldemort that she was soon to have a younger generation of her own. "Teaching has never really appealed to me. If I'm to teach anyone, I'd rather it be my own children who I'm sure will come along in due time. Perhaps in around six months."

To his annoyance, Voldemort smiled at the sweetness in that statement. He made a mental note to what every gory film ever created that night to harden him up again. "Is that a roundabout way of saying that you're pregnant?"

Ron and Hermione looked at each other and beamed widely. "Yes, Ronald and I are now expecting our first of what we hope to be many."

"We're very excited," Ron added.

"Well isn't that great," Voldemort said to the ever entranced audience. "Let's give them a round of applause." He could see the two of them trying not to blush as they were cheered then decided it was time to let Ron speak out for a little bit. "Ron, I think it's time I interrogated you." Ron's face went an unnatural shade of white which Voldemort found highly amusing and was glad he had used that specific word choice. "What would you describe as your finest hour?"

Hesitantly, he went into his pocket and produced a card. "Have you ever eaten a chocolate frog? Well in them you get these cards, see, that have some great wizard on it. New ones are introduced all the time and, well," He flipped the card over to show Voldemort his picture printed on it. "They made me into one too. I've been collecting these things since I was a kid and I'd never even dreamed that one day they would put my face onto one."

"Why do you think they did that?"

Ron shrugged. "So as not to discriminate against gingers, I think."

Voldemort wondered how on earth this boy had been able to be part of the trio that had brought him down. Surely he must find some sort of inner courage. It was impossible for some one who was considered a hero to be as modest as he was. In fact, it wasn't modesty at all It was just plain low self esteem. But that was understandable. He always had been seen to be living in the shadow of his male counterpart, Harry and now that his wife too was being evermore successful it would be difficult not to think of yourself as beneath everybody in the entire world. A deep feeling of empathy washed over him.

"Don't you think it's because you were one of the heroes who quashed my bid for power? As far as I'm aware, it's only you and Harry who have been given that honour and wasn't it the two of you who made the most significant contribution to bringing me down?" Hermione guffawed and Voldemort ignore it. "I mean, out of everyone I remember battling it's you two that I have a cleared memory of. And your mother who murdered Bellatrix..."

"And good riddance. Bellatrix was an evil, twisted, psychopath-" Hermione stopped her tirade as the studio went dark. Nervously she looked up at Voldemort's whose face was thunder. A heavy wind began to blow in her direction and she felt very real fear.

"Bellatrix may have been evil and yes, she may have been twisted. Both of which are very good and, may I add, common, qualities in woman. She was not, however, a psychopath, insane, looneytunes or whatever else you may call her. Is that clear?!" Hermione nodded quickly, her eyes wide in fear, shock and surprise. After a few seconds the indoor storm died down and everything returned to as normal as things could be with a resurrected tyrannical wizard hosting a chat show with two of his former enemies as invited guests. "I'm glad we have an understanding."

"What's with the defensive on Bellatrix?" Ron questioned. "Did you have feelings for her or something?"

Voldemort gave him a cold hard stare and then replied, "That is neither here nor there. And we're not here to discuss me, we're here to discuss you. If I wanted to talk about myself I'd go on the Oprah show or hire a psychiatrist." Ron's eyebrows raised slightly but he said nothing more on the subject. His feelings for Voldemort were obviously still undecided and he would make no attempt to irritate the great wizard. "I think it's time we called this interview to a close, don't you? Before we all say some things we'll all regret."

Ron looked at his muggle made watch and frowned. "But it's not time up yet."

Closing his eyes in irritation, Voldemort sighed. "Either its the shows time up or yours. Your choice. Either way I get rid of the pair of you, which, I assure you, will be no great loss to any of us."

Flushing a particularly scarlet shade of red, Ron cleared his throat. "I guess there'll be an overload of adverts, huh?"

"You guess right," Voldemort replied.

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