Mann, I can't wait for the next chapter! It's going to be maybe unexpected or completely predictable. Whatever, I can't wait for it! Hope you enjoy this one!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Had he not lost the function of his sweat glands in his rebirth, Voldemort was certain that his perspirations would have match those of an athletes or a criminal about to be trialled for death row. The latter comparison would have suited him better, sports never being his forte. This potential perspiration wasn't a result of overtaxing himself physically but it was more due to his nerves being shattered. He was about to go on air live and he still didn't know who he was about to go on air with. How was he expected to involve himself in conversation with some one he might not even have heard off and wouldn't have had time to research? Even common conversation required forward planning on his part.

However, at the present moment he had nothing. Nada. Zilch. As much data as a crashed computer. And it unnerved him to the fullest. He was directly in the public eye. A single mistake could sink his entire career before it had really started and he could see that there would be many more than just a single mistake being made. He quite liked this job. He didn't want it to end so abruptly. Well, he at the moment he didn't think he did. Who knew what would happen after the next episode fulfilled his contract? He certainly didn't and his producers wouldn't either. He was the Dark Lord, after all. Unpredictable was his middle name. Well, it was actually Humphrey but he had never told anyone that and wasn't planning on telling anyone either.

The light's went up and he knew it was time to go on stage and take his place in the chair. He turned around to glare at Larry for not giving him a warning. Then his heart began to pound harder than he'd ever felt it do so before. Really, it was unreasonable for him to be so worried. Foolish, really. He could give himself a corony or worse. Besides, what was the worst thing that could happen? Worst case scenario his guest is the dullest man alive in which case surely it would be their reputation and not his that suffered? One could only hope. He could easily get by with the life saving 'So tell me about yourself'. That would work every time.

There. He was saved. Nothing to worry about now. Find out the basics and then he could work from there. He was, afterall, a mastermind. What was a silly little interview when he had almost succeeded in global domination? The two didn't even compare to each other.

"Good evening my faithful viewers. I'm delighted to have you with me here tonight. I would say you were in for one heck of a show but since I don't know who my guest actually is I may be lying." There was laughter which confused him. He hadn't been joking. "They should be apparating in a few-"

A loud crack sounded through the air and his guest appeared, sitting comfortably in the chair with a smirk.

"Hello, master," Bellatrix Lestrange purred, sliding her hand easily over the arm of her chair. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Voldemort swallowed hard, not quite believing what his snake eyes were seeing. But, as real as he was, Bellatrix Lestrange was sitting across from him, dawning her usual all black attire and her hair slightly askew. Her smouldering eyes scorched his very soul as she watched him carefully, waiting for his first words. Licking his lips, he said, "So tell me about yourself?"

She giggled and then smiled. "Surely I don't need to tell you anything about me. I doubt there's anything you wouldn't know from the day of my birth to the day of my death."

"No, you're quite right. But, erm, you look...well, alive. How did that happen?"

Shrugging, Bellatrix replied, "Something about your past shows and my being interesting. I suppose thats what they say about pale people, right? Pale and interesting. That's me easily."

"You forgot deadly, sadistic and evil. However those are only some of your strong points," Voldemort reminded her with a slight quirk of his eyebrows. "You always were one of my most loyal and praised death eaters, though I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. What, with you finishing off many enemies of mine with delightful cruelty to mix."

"Sure," She agreed, her voice pouty and slightly indignant, "until that vile Weasley woman killed me off just because I might have murdered one of her kids. I don't see what the problem was. She had plenty more to spare. I don't know if she and her husband are humans or rabbits the rate they reproduce. Personally I think she overreacted."

"Well, who are we to judge? Neither of us ever reproduced offspring. Apparently you become quite attached to the little creatures. Think about that Lily Potter. She was to fond of her Harry she died for him. Silly people, parents. If they wanted something to care for an nurture I don't see why they couldn't just buy a plant or a goldfish. You hardly become attached to either of them the rate they crop it and are easily replaceable. With children you have to wait another nine months and if you don't like it you can't exchange it for another one."

Bellatrix tutted. "Waste of time. Only good for carrying on your family name but even then you get the black sheep like Sirius Black who refuse to act according to the family rules and decide to prevent the dark arts instead of embracing them."

Voldemort smiled sympathetically. "Luckily for me, I didn't have much of a family name apart from the horrendous Riddle family. Thankfully I quickly disposed of them without too much trouble. Unfortunately, I have no heirs. Not that they have much of a legacy to carry on but could you imagine being the son or daughter of the Dark Lord?"

"Or spouse..." Bellatrix whispered softly, looking at Voldemort. "I always did admire you, you know. I loved how you looked to your goals and nothing, not attractions, not attachments would stand in the way of it. Even your soul was a worthy sacrificed. To be that dedicated really is something of a gift, though it's not a secret that you were a very gifted wizard, especially for one who wasn't pure blood."

"Yes, well, fortune favours the brave and all that. Tell me, just out of curiosity, are you still slightly mentally unstable or has that been cured during your rebirth?"

A twinkle in her eyes told him more than words ever could. "I guess only time will tell," she said with an air of mystery that Voldemort had always found entrancing. She smiled sweetly. "I have only been on earth again for around an hour. The only thing I really do know for sure is that you're here and following in steps I never thought would belong to you."

"Thems the breaks. Are you contracted?"

"Mmm. Only for this episode. After this its my decision whether I stay here or class it as getting up from eternal slumber only as a toilet trip."

He shifted position in his chair to get himself in a comfier posture. "What do you think you'll do?"

"I think I'll see what's going on up here. It's all so dull and dreary after a while when you're dead. It'd be nice to be able to do a little bit of maiming to be honest. I've missed that."

Regretfully, Voldemort said, "It's illegal to maim people. You get arrested for it."

Bellatrix's eyes widened in surprise. "No! Is this a new thing?"

"No. Apparently it was illegal even during our rise to power. I tell you, they really should make these things clear. I mean the law today! If you don't sit down and research it it's just going to jump up and bite you when you least expect it. Do you know you can't even practice the darks arts on another person without a license?"

"What's the world coming to?" Bellatrix asked, shaking her head.

"I know," Voldemort agreed sympathetically. "It's unfortunate. There's just no place for people like us in this world. It's far too civilized for our pseudo-savage ways. What, with no public executions, corporal punishment, children's movies where if you say the word 'blasted' you get arrested, one can only imagine how kid's nowadays keep themselves entertained."

"Or don't, which is probably the case. Children are fat now. Did you see the porkers outside? Get rid of the ridiculous laws and you'll give them something to do again. After all, I remember back when I was just a little girl. I was thrilled at the very though of seeing a hanging. I would sprint all the way to the gallows and then sprint all the way back. It was healthy."

Both sighing, they looked at each other. "There's just no place in this unjust world for people like us," Voldemort said ruefully. "Let's face it. People always do shun the great. We should just be grateful that its the brainless crowd don't know any better. They're just too thick to be able to process our ways." Remembering where he way, he quickly added, "Of course, it goes without saying that this is excepting my viewers. They obviously have some worldly savvy about them.

A sly smile spread across Bellatrix's blood red lips. "Maybe they just need people to re-educate them. Teach them about the old ways, maybe even demonstrate them."

There was a brief mental image of the old days. He was sitting at the head of a table with all his deatheaters around him, Bellatrix at his right hand side as always, smiling secretly to herself as if she knew something no one else did. Whenever it came to using action she would always be the first to get her hands dirty and gladly so. Nothing pleased her better than striking fear into the hearts of those who opposed them and causing suffering to those who stood against them. She really was quite devoted that way.

"Should we really be talking about this on live television?" Voldemort questioned. "After all, I'm sure you're aware that many of our old enemies watch faithfully and I'm not quite sure its because of the entertainment I provide."

"They're probably just jealous. I mean, what are all those little sprogs in Dumblesnore's Army doing with their lives now? Aurors, teachers, Ministry workers. Your typical mundane jobs. But you! You were back on the earth for less than five minutes and you already had your own talk show, you're a household name and everyone loves you. In fact, you've probably gotten yourself more supporters now than when you did back in the Deatheater days!" Her eyes widened as she realised something. "In fact, I'll bet they're every bit as faithful as Deatheaters and then some, if you catch my drift."

There was a huge uproar of applause to prove that what Bellatrix had said was entirely true. Whistles and whoops rang through the air, causing Voldemort to beam with pride. Those noises were made for him, to support him. Never had his name been so cheered in all his life.

"Bellatrix, I think you may just be on to something. Even after a years of lying under the soil you're mind is just as twisted and conniving as it had been when you were alive."

She giggled like a school girl. "Oh stop. You'll make me blush."

"No, I'm serious. You know I don't kid." She did know he didn't kid. The last time some one had accused him of doing so the man had been vaporised in the blink of an eye. She always had loved the smell of burning flesh in the morning. Just as much as she liked the smell of daisies.

"So then, Master," She recrossed her legs and leaned in closer to him. "What do you have in mind?"

He grinned coyly. "How about we make like trees and leave this place. After which we'll congregate in mine. We have things to talk about, you and I."

"Indeed."

Voldemort stood up, faced his audience and rubbed his hands together. "Ladies, gentlemen and all magical creatures present. I regret to inform you that due to dastardly schemes being concocted in both my partner and I's heads, we'll have to call this show to a close early tonight. I will return next week and I guarantee you that it will blow your minds." Without wasting a second, he and Bellatrix disapperated in the flick of a wand leaving nothing behind them but two empty chairs and a contagious sense of scheming.

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