Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters

A/N: I would like to say a big THANK YOU to my Beta buttercupgalaxy who has been a great support.

I couldn't reply directly to Kelly & PassionInsanity but I would like to say thank you to for your reviews, it is really appreciated.

SN

As Dean moved further into the room he could see that although his brother was awake and sitting up, he looked a little groggy.

"How you feeling Sammy?" He asked as he took up Bobby's previous position in the chair beside Sam's bed.

"Tired." Sam replied as he turned his head looking at the clock and shaking his head. "Although I'm not sure why, I mean I've had a couple hours sleep."

"Yeah, about that Sammy, I might have an idea about why you're still feeling tired. I ah, sorta put some sleeping tablets in your juice earlier." Dean told Sam, raising his eyebrows, while shrugging his shoulders.

"Ya did what? God Dean, what the hell were you thinking?" Sam said, getting defensive straight away.

"I was thinking that you needed some rest and you hadn't been able to manage it on your own so far so I thought what was the harm? How was I to know that you would end up taking more on top of it?" Dean said as he watched Sam's face change from anger to resignation.

"Anyway we should look on the bright side."

"There's a bright side?" Sam snorted.

"Well yeah, I'd say we should just be happy that Bobby didn't have the same idea as me and stick some in the soup or your ass would be at the hospital right now."

Dean watched as his brother began to smile, and let out a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Dean, you shouldn't have to be looking out for me. I promise I'll get it together, I wont be a burden any more." Sam said as he turned to look at his brother.

"Sam, I don't understand you man, when have I ever said you were a burden?" Dean replied, feeling a little frustrated as the voice inside his head kept asking "haven't we been over this already". However that voice soon went away when he saw the defeated look in his little brother's eyes as he looked at him.

"I heard you Dean. I heard you down stairs talking to Bobby, you said that I'm different to you and Dad, and you are right I am, I wish I wasn't but I can change Dean, I know I can. I promise I'll get my shit together and I'll help you find Dad."

"Why do you think that you have to be like me and Dad to be part of this family Sam? Don't you realise that our family hasn't always consisted of three people?" Dean said as he moved to sit on the side of Sam's bed. He watched as realisation of what he was saying registered with his brother.

"Mom" he whispered.

"God you really never considered the fact that you take after her. I'm sorry Sammy I thought you knew but I suppose looking back on it Dad and me never gave you a whole lot to go on, did we?"

"You really think I take after Mom, you're not just saying that Dean?"

"Sam I swear to you man, I see her in you everyday." He smiled as he looked at his brother, needing him to understand what he was telling him.

"You think that's why Dad and I fight so much because I remind him of her and he finds it hard?"

"Hell no! You and Dad fight so much because you inherited Dad's stubbornness and when you two go at it it's like a clash of the titans!" Dean smirked as he watched Sam give him the evil eye, well his best attempt anyway.

"Seriously though Sam, just because you argue doesn't mean he doesn't care!"

"Do you think he'll forgive me for leaving?" Sam asked and Dean realised that Sam's expression was one of hope.

"No, cause there is nothing to forgive Sam, there never was. He didn't mean it when he told you that if you left you couldn't come back, but once he said it the John Winchester stubborn streak wouldn't let him take it back and the Sam Winchester stubborn streak in you wasn't going to budge either."

"I really thought he meant it Dean, if I didn't I would have stayed in touch, I swear." Sam's voice seemed to be pleading with Dean to understand.

"That maybe true Sam but your beef was with Dad so why I didn't hear from you?" It was a question that he had always wanted to ask his brother, needing an answer for why there had been such a void in their relation for so long.

"For a while I think it was because I thought you felt the same way as Dad. You didn't say anything to me when I left Dean and you always follow Dads orders so I thought you agreed with him. Then after awhile I thought it was for the best cause I realised how bad Dad and me were to you, how selfish we both had been. Dean in every fight Dad and I had, both of us would drag you into it, demanding you take sides and taking it out on you when you chose the other side. I thought you finally you had some peace and if I contacted you then you would either have to tell Dad, which would have more than likely caused a row between you and him or you would keep it from him and I didn't want to put you in that position."

"I'm a big boy Sam, I can make my own decisions." Dean said, trying to remember what Bobby told him, listen to what Sam had to say and respect the fact that that was what he felt or believed to be true.

"I know that Dean, but I though if you wanted me in your life you would have called."

Dean began to laugh and saw his brother squinting his eyes at him in confusion.

"I was never out of your life Sam, never and in fact neither was Dad."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked looking more confused now than ever.

"Dad and I used to drop by Stanford every chance we could to check you on ya. The night I came to get you wasn't the first time I saw Jess or spoke to her even."

"Sammy I watched you and her going to the movies, to the library and all the time all I could think was my little brother had been taking notes from his big brother to get someone who was totally out of his league."

"You're kidding right?"

"Nope! I even asked her out on a date – lucky for you she turned me down, can't remember the last time that happened."

"Dude you asked my girlfriend out, what the hell?" Sam asked as he began to shout.

"Wow easy tiger. You bet I asked her. I needed to make sure that she wasn't playing you Sammy. I knew you had moved in together, so I knew that for you she was the real deal and I wanted to make sure she was on the level."

"Why Dean, why after all that time apart did it matter?"

"Sam it is my job, my responsibility to make sure you are ok and whether we're talking or not talking I'm still going to do my job. You're my little brother Sammy and I'll always look out for you and I'll admit I haven't been doing a good job of it lately but I'll do better, I promise."

Sam began to smile.

"I can't believe you asked Jess out, dude you were taking your life in your hands cause she was pretty feisty and she had a black belt in karate so she could have really kicked you ass."

"You tell me that now! Anyway she shot me down and believe me when I say it was really bad. I had used my best lines on her and everything. It was the best feeling in the world."

Sam looked at Dean, again in utter confusion.

"How was Dean Winchesters macho pride getting dented "the best feeling in the world"?"

"Cause I knew that it meant that there was someone in your life that would look out for you when I wasn't there. It was the first time I ever asked anyone out and was hoping that they'd say no – we except for that time we were in Texas and I lost that bet, you remember that waitress?"

"Yeah dude, that was bad." Sam laughed. Then the moment seem to pass as a wave of grief passed over his brother.

"I feel so lost Dean." Sam replied as he looked at Dean, his puppy dog eyes seeming to be pleading with Dean to make everything better.

"And that's fine Sam, you have every right to feel like that as long as you remember that you're not alone in it, that I'm here and I'll help you find your way." Dean said, his hand reaching out and finding a resting place on Sam's shoulder.

"I'll get you through this Sam, but you got to trust me and stop second guessing what I am thinking or how I'm going to react if you tell me something. I want you to promise that you'll come to me when you feel like your not coping, if there is something on your mind cause Sam I can only help you if I know what's going on inside your head."

After a moment's hesitation, Sam nodded.

"Do you really think I take after Mom?" Sam asked looking hopeful.

"Yeah dude definitely. I remember Dad told me one time that Mom couldn't hold her drink either, give her two beers and she'd be singing karaoke!" Dean said as his trademark smirk reappeared on his face.

"Anyway Sasquatch I think you need to get some more sleep. I'll be down stairs if you need me." Dean said as he got off the bed, watching as his brother lay back down and his eyes started to drift close. Moving to the door Dean was surprised to hear his brother's soft voice.

"Thanks Dean."

Turning to see Sam's eyes closed, he smiled.

"Anytime Sam."

As he closed the door behind him and stepped out into the hall, Dean stopped and leaned back into the door. Letting out a sigh, he couldn't believe how drained he felt – God this "emo" stuff really wore you down, how the hell did Sammy do this the whole time. Shaking his head, he moved away from the door in search of Bobby and more importantly a bottle of beer.

Tbc...

Please read and review – the feedback is much appreciated. Think just an epilogue left to finish this story.