A/N: Well, last chapter wasn't quite expected, eh? Well, I hadn't planned for that to happen either. It just happened. Anyway, I'm having some trouble so any and all ideas would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks for your time.

Disclaimer: I do not own GX.

Chapter 6: Memories

The world was filled with white wonder. Falling gently from the sky like frozen tears, it alighted itself in featherlike quiet on tender skin. In the distance, dark pools of water lay still, frozen in time. Alexis knew she was not awake.

This world was far too pleasant. Why were there no worries? No thoughts of the future, no tomorrow? Alas, there was no tomorrow if events kept playing out the way in which they had been. She must be dreaming, no, it couldn't be real. Why then, did she have that curious cold, wet sensation on her skin? Why did it tingle and burn like she remembered it had? Perhaps she was awakening in a sense.

Closing her eyes, she drifted back through the fabric of time. Years and years and years…it melted away in a vast swirling vortex that moved slowly, almost as though drowsy. Her eyelids felt heavier. Now she felt it. She was becoming drowsy. Sleep…no, she must fight it off. She had duties to carry out, people to see. How could she even think of sleeping at a crucial time like this? Off in the distance, she heard the soft pitter-patter of rain and the murmur of voices.

Was that really what rain sounded like?

For as long as she had remembered, which wasn't very long if her perception was correct, she had been unable to accurately comprehend even the smallest of concepts. Rain was a prime example. How did they know that it was really what they thought it to be? In her past experiences, she'd found appearances to be deceiving. Now, she was suspicious of everything. Perhaps nonliving elements and concepts really could lie…

Wait…had she heard something? Had that been the laughter of her brother? No, she didn't have a brother…it couldn't have been.

"Hey, sis, come look at this!" The laughter plagued her.

A younger vision of herself passed before her unseeing eyes. She looked so…so naïve, too much like Jaden, even. "Wow, Atticus, where'd you find that?"

"Behind the shed. Isn't it pretty?" A vague vision of Atticus materialized in front of her. He was holding a rose out to her younger counterpart. "Look, it hasn't completely opened yet."

"It's still pretty. I wish we had a rosebush. I wonder…where did it come from?"

"Well, sis," Atticus told her, taking her hands, "Sometimes, God sends us gifts as a message. Do you want to know what I think about this one?"

"What?"

"I think that the rose represents you. You haven't fully bloomed yet, but you're still beautiful. One day, you'll be as lovely as this rose."

"Really?"

"Really."

The memory faded away, taking the warmth of the moment with it. Alexis shivered in the cold and rubbed her arms. She felt trapped in her own mind. Why was it so cold and devoid of color? Why was it so blank and empty? Something was missing.

Even though the moment had been rather childish, rather foolish, there had been a certain charm to it that she could not place her finger on. What was she missing? What was her life lacking?

Family. The word held little meaning to her. What did it mean? Was her family Chazz and Sartorius? Maybe the Society was her family. If it was, why did it feel so cold and impersonal? What did it feel like to have a family? Was that strangely satisfying warmth what it felt like?

Her head hurt. A strange throbbing pain came into her mind, a choking sensation in her throat. A few hot, wet, salty drops fell from her eyes, glistening like crystal. Why did she feel so agonizingly cold? Why did she have this piercing pain through her heart? There was no protection against it, no way to stop it.

The wind blew her golden hair around, whipping it against her damp cheeks. Shivering, she pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged herself for warmth. It did little good. This cold was inside, overtaking her soul.

"Lex, hey, Lex, are ya there?"

Her head turned sharply, her amber eyes desperately searching for the owner of the voice. How many times she had agonized over that unseen yet frequently heard voice! Who was he again…an old friend? No, he couldn't be a friend of hers. Not him.

"Lex? You ok"

Though she parted her lips, the wind took her voice away. She was unable to speak. Tears streamed down her face as she mouthed the words, but they would not be heard. Over and over in her mind…over and over into the wind…

"Lex…Lex…Lex…"

Then, there it was, almost like a brick hanging in the air, a name that she had not spoken or heard in eons. "Jaden…"

The name was agreeable on her tongue. It tasted lovely, almost like hot chocolate. Something that was warm AND sweet. Why must she speak of him now? He was enemy to the Society, yet…

It was that late summer evening that he'd first stolen her heart. Standing on the boats in the water, rocking back and forth, ebbing like the quality of life, she faced him. He was not like the others. He was different, something special. Her heart beat fast seeing him.

With a cocky grin he told her he was in love. Although she assumed he wasn't serious, her heart jumped. She could not help but hope. Something about those brown eyes, that messy mop of hair, that cheeky almost smirk of his…it drove her absolutely mad. And when he won…he walked away with more than just victory, with more than just Syrus. He had her heart.

And she had loved him desperately from that day forward, until…until…

When had she stopped?

Gripping her head in frustration, she tried to understand where all these thoughts were coming from. Why did they feel so familiar? The places, the emotions, the faces…all mixed together in a mass of confusion. Her head spun and throbbed harder. She toppled over on her side, trembling. It hurt her deep inside; she felt as though someone had taken a knife and was ripping away at her heart.

"Lexi!"

Her head snapped up. That voice! She knew that voice! Relief flooded over her. Finally, someone had come to rescue her from this nightmare.

He stood in front of her, his black trench coat blowing in the wind from the ocean. He wore a duel disk on his left arm. On the field in front of him were the three Ojamas, his favorite monsters. At the moment, he was proclaiming his everlasting love for her. In the background, Atticus cheered him on while the rest of the group seemed disgusted. And there, in the middle, was her love, Jaden.

She wanted to tell him how she felt. Her heart ached with eternal pain, eternal longing. However, she had to bite it back. She had to keep her mouth shut. How she wished to cry the bitter tears that stung her eyes! But no, she must keep a brave face. She couldn't let him know, not now in front of all these people and Chazz! Taking a deep breath and swallowing the sick, she continued as she'd brought herself up to--hardened and seemingly indifferent.

Before she knew what had happened, Chazz was on his knees, sobbing. He was hurting. She told him they could be friends…was that enough to suffice the everlasting burning he felt? Her eyes widened as she realized that this raven haired boy was just as lovestruck as she was. He could understand, he could sympathize, that is, if he knew. She could only smile and appear cheerful on the outside. It was all she could do; her gift to Jaden and herself. Sparing them the hurt was the least she could do.

Was that really what it had been like? Why must these thoughts torment her so? She felt confused, alone, cold. Her heart ached until she thought it'd burst. Unconsciously, she gripped her chest, her breaths ragged and uneven. The glow around her grew brighter and brighter. It was so intense, it hurt. She parted her lips once more, a scream escaping. For a brief moment, all was still. Suddenly, her scream broke the element of seclusion. Everything began to come back into perspective. The spell was broken.

Moaning, she cracked her eyes open. Blinking a bit, she found herself pressed between clean white linen sheets and staring up at white fluorescent lights. She sat up quickly, causing her head to spin once more. White…white was everywhere! The walls were white, the floor was white…White. White. White. She knew of nothing else but white! Feeling overwhelmed, she groaned and pulled the covers over her head. She must hide!

For the first time in what seemed like forever, she heard a real voice. Unlike the others, this was sharp, clear, close. "Alexis?"

Reluctantly, she peeked above the sheets to see Chazz sitting by her bedside. Her cheeks flushed red in shame as she remembered her vision. Had that really been true? No, it must have been the delusions of fever. She still felt hot, and there was sweat beaded on her forehead. It must have been from sickness.

"Are you all right?" Chazz asked in concern.

Numbly, she stood up. She became aware that her legs felt like jelly, they failed to hold her up. She fell into his open arms, trembling and weak.

"What's…happening to me?" She gasped, growing limp. She was too sick and drained to stand or move anymore.

"You're going to be all right." He assured her, placing her back in bed. "You just got a little sick. And…"

He gently touched her cheek. She winced a bit at the pain. Her face still hurt from being smacked so violently.

"That hurts," She whispered, "Stop."

"Aster says Sartorius hit you," Chazz said quietly, running his cool hand over her hot forehead, "Is that true?"

"Aster?" She murmured, her eyes shutting again, "He said that? Why would…" She trailed off, unable to lie. Hurt and sorrow rose in her throat, causing it to tighten.

"Well?"

"Master…it was an accident. It wasn't his fault."

Chazz's usually harsh onyx eyes softened. He regarded her with tender sympathy. "I'm sorry, love," He murmured, leaning down and brushing his lips to her forehead. "You've been through a lot today. Go back to sleep, Ok?"

She grimaced. "Please…don't…just take me back to my room. I just want to go back to my room."

"Are you--?"

"Chazz!" Her face twisted in distress, "Please!"

"Ok, ok," He sighed heavily and scooped her helpless body in his arms, "I'll take you back. Don't you worry; I'm going to take care of you, I promise."

She held her tears in again. "I can't…"

"Can't what?"

"I can't go on like this." She admitted, clutching the sleeves of his white jacket, "Something deep inside hurts…something aches like it needs to surface, but I can't figure out what it is."

He looked down at her, puzzled. "I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"I don't either." She whimpered, "Nevermind. Just hurry up. I'm in so much pain."

"Don't worry, we're almost there. I promise."

The tears refused to be held back. They surfaced to her beautiful amber eyes. Desperately, she tried to hide her face by turning her head. He mustn't know.

He looked down at her with a curious expression written on his face, however, he kept his mouth shut until they reached her room. Once inside, he set her delicately on the bed, and covered her with the sheets. She sighed in relief, feeling the darkness envelop her.

"Are you Ok now?"

She looked up, the moonlight creeping from between the blinds and highlighting her golden eyes. "Well…"

"You're not Ok are you?"

"No."

He sat on the edge of the bed. "What's wrong? Are you still thinking about what happened?"

Biting her lip, she nodded. "I can't help it. I'm hurt. Why would he do this? I'm confused."

"It's all right. I understand how you feel." He placed a hand on the top of her head, tousling her hair.

"Chazz…" She sniffed before continuing, "My necklace…"

"Oh, I almost forgot." He reached into his pocket and produced the necklace, which he had repaired. He gently reached around her thin neck and clasped it, watching as it fell upon her soft breasts. "I fixed it for you. I'm sorry about what happened. What exactly has been going on between you and Sartorius? I know you wouldn't tell me last time but…will you tell me now?"

She took a deep breath. Finally, she nodded, squeezing her eyes shut. "Chazz…the truth is…I love him. More than the rest of the Society members. In fact, I'm in love with him, deeply in love with him. I don't know what it is about him…I just love him. To tell the truth, I love him as much as I used to love Jaden--" She stopped, swallowing her words. She had just revealed to him a piece of information that she had not even wanted to admit to herself, much less to him. That information was meant to be locked in her heart for all of eternity.

His eyes widened. "Jaden?" He whispered, "Slacker? You loved…him? You were in love with Jaden Yuki?"

"Jaden Yuki," She whispered, tasting the words. Even now, under the strong veil of the Light, the words still fell lightly and sweetly from her tongue like honey. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. It's just an old…thing of mine and I don't feel that way…anymore." She paused and swallowed hard. The words were painful for her to hear, much less speak, "You weren't supposed to know. I wanted to keep it to myself forever. I didn't want to hurt you, nor did I want to make anyone uncomfortable. That's why I kept this, as well as my love for Master Sartorius, a secret. And you mustn't tell anyone."

"I won't."
There was a long silence. Finally, "Chazz, you believe me when I say I love Master, right?"

Chazz nodded.

"And do you believe he really meant that slap?"

"No," Chazz said softly, "He probably feels badly about it. Don't worry. All will be better in the morning." He rose to his feet, his eyes on the floor. "I must be going now. Sartorius will need me shortly."

"All right."

"Will you be fine on your own?"

She nodded, even though her heart was saying no. She wouldn't be all right. She needed him to stay and reassure her.

Even though he knew, of this she was sure, he headed for the door. Slowly, he turned and cast her a sorrowful gaze. "Alexis, since we're being so honest here…I still love you."

Her heart sank. "Oh, Chazz," She whispered, her eyes softening, filled with compassion, "Why do we all have to feel like this? Why must it hurt?"

"That's life," He muttered, shrugging it off, "But just know, if you ever need anything, I'm here. I know you will never feel the same about me…but don't hesitate to come to me. I'll take care of you if no one else will, no matter what."

"You'd do that?" She blinked in disbelief, "Oh, Chazz, why?"

"Because," He whispered, his eyes filling with tears that he tried desperately to hold back, "I love you. You're my friend. You're like family, only closer. I would do anything for you."

Her throat tightened again as he shut the door. "Family," She said softly to herself, "Family…"

A/N: Well, that made little sense. I mean, I like it, but I'm not sure if you'll get it…I might have made myself less than clear again. Sorry for that. T.T