A/N: Well, I must say, I'm pleased with the way this fic is turning out. And I hope you enjoy it too. I will try my best to update sooner and not make it as confusing.

Also, I changed my mind about something I said in an earlier author's note. But I'm not going to tell you what that is yet.

Disclaimer: I do not own GX.

Chapter 7: Decision

Alexis lay in bed, staring at the rain falling outside her window. It had been three days since Sartorius had struck her, three days since the memories had begun to haunt her…three days locked in her room. Even now, when she felt as though her heart would burst, she would not allow herself to leave her room. Truth be told, she was far more afraid of what was outside than living a life completely isolated.

Chazz had come by a few times, trying to convince her to come out; however, not once had she even acknowledged that she was inside and alive. She hoped that he'd give up eventually. As of this point, he had not. His attempts were futile, though. She was not coming out any time soon.

Depression hung over her like a dark cloud. She was completely enshrouded by it; it controlled every aspect of her pitiful existence. Never had she been so overtaken by a simple emotion, yet, however simple it might be, it was enough to bring her down to her knees.

Sitting upright, she glanced around the room with nervous anxiety. Silence met her alerted ears. Slowly, cautiously, she stood up and wandered about the room. Her feet brought her to the window. She peered outside through the drapes, taking care as to not let anyone see her silhouette. Squinting her eyes, she tried to make sense of the figure standing beneath her. At first, she couldn't quite tell who it was. Perhaps it was…could it really be…?

"Atticus," She breathed, catching hold of the curtains. The name surprised her. Was he real? Did she even know him?

She watched as he circled around to the front and began to ascend the steps. He wasn't really trying to enter the White Dorm, now, was he? Apparently, he was. She watched as he stepped inside, then disappeared from her sight.

As she stepped back from the window, letting the curtain fall back in place, she became aware of her rapidly beating heart. Trembling, she collapsed to the floor. Why was she so weak? This wasn't like her at all. What was troubling her so?

At that moment, there was a knock on the door. She gritted her teeth, silently commanding herself to stay quiet. She would not give any indication that she was in the room. Whoever was on the other side would have to leave sometime.

"Sissy?" Came a concerned voice, "Are you in there?"

Even though she'd been determined to remain quiet, she found herself almost choking on her tears, almost ready to give in. "Atticus," The name escaped her lips in a hoarse whisper before she had time to catch it, "Atticus…I need you." She lifted her hand to her mouth. Had she really spoken his name? No, she did not know him. She never had.

"Sissy! You're alive!" His voice was flooded with relief. "Please, let me in so I can see if you're all right…I heard what happened. Aster told me."

"Aster..." She breathed, almost in a daze. The name was unfamiliar to her; already she had forgotten about him completely.

"Yes, now, can I come in?"

Numbly, she rose to her feet. She automatically started to undo the deadbolts on her door, then opened it a crack. Her brother's chocolate eyes met her golden ones, and in one brief moment, her entire past came flooding back to her. Immediately, she flew into his arms, hurting and, for once in her life, utterly helpless.

He said nothing for a moment, only held her and pat her back, rubbing it. Then, he led her back into her room and shut the door, locking it behind him.

"We can't let anyone know I'm in here with you," He whispered, "Otherwise, they'll kick me out. Understand?"

She nodded, seating herself comfortably amongst the cushions of the plush couch. He followed suit after barricading the door with a chest of drawers. Propping his cheek on his hand, he stared into her eyes, a mournful expression drawing his face.

"Lex, you need to let this cult go."

Silence filled the room in a most uncomfortable manner. How was she to answer to such an unexpected comment? And such an arguable one at that. He had dared to tread upon the Society's turf, talk unfavorably about her beliefs, and defy Master Sartorius in one day? This was too much; however, strangely, she did not become overly upset. Rather, she was calm and relieved. In a sense, her reaction alarmed her. Why was she so accepting of this visit? Why was she so complacent now? So greatly unperturbed by his views of such a controversial topic? It made absolutely no sense to her.

"Cult?" She could barely choke the word out. It hung heavy in the air, bringing back a sense of tension.

"Yes, that's what I said. Can't you tell you're being taken advantage of? Can't you see what it's doing to you?"
"Cult?" She breathed the word again, her mouth turning sharply downward. "How dare you!"

"You're not happy, Alexis. I can tell. You're always so miserable. Just admit it already. You're hurting, you're in pain. Since you've joined, you haven't been yourself at all. It's almost like you're a different person. It scares me."

She swallowed hard, her eyes glued to the floor. Tears blurred her vision. Why was she so hurt? Why did she feel as though she'd been cold her entire life? She should be happy in the Society; that was its purpose, wasn't it? To bring joy back to the world? Why, then, was it having the opposite effect on her? Squeezing her eyes shut, she breathed deeply and asked with much difficulty, "Why is it…that everyone has told me these same words which you speak to me now? Even Chazz, who is a fellow member, has warned me and advised escape. The hypocrite!"

"Perhaps you should take his advice. After all, he does understand what he's talking about. And he's Sartorius right hand man. He, of all the members of the Society, knows what's going on deeper, down to the very politics behind it. Don't you see? This isn't about religion, it's not about peace and prosperity; rather, it's about economical and political gain! And Sartorius, this pitiful mortal which you regard as master, is nothing more than a pawn of a greater, unperceivable power, far beyond the reaches of human comprehension. Just think about it. Isn't it true?"

"Just shut up!" Alexis commanded, sinking deeper into the couch cushions, holding her aching head in her hands, "I never wanted things to end up so badly…I was just trying…I just wanted to do what was best…I just wanted him to…think favorably of me too."

"What are you talking about now? Get out before it's too late! Forget about your feelings. This Society is going to go down, and when it does, it's not going easily. And it will bring you down with it! You need to leave now, before it's too late. I know even Chazz wants you too. I met him down in the hall. He's awfully worried about you; he encouraged this discussion we're having now. Alexis, Chazz wants you to leave the Society."

"But--"

Atticus placed a finger on her lips to silence her, then leaned forward and said quietly, "As much as he loves to have you by his side, he understands the risk you're taking. He told me that you shouldn't worry; he'll take care of everything for you. All right? He'll handle the Society and your duties; any matters of importance. All he asks--no, commands--is that you get out and leave now while you can."

She gasped sharply at his words. Could it really be true? Did Chazz really want her to leave? No, it couldn't be true. The words that he spoke were lies. Narrowing her eyes, she seethed through her teeth, "Chazz would never say such a thing. I don't take too kindly to your dishonestly. The Society does not believe in keeping things in the dark or deceiving others. I suggest you get out."

Atticus' eyes narrowed as well. "Alexis," He said quietly, yet with a sense of authority, "Sartorius says that so that you won't suspect that he is practicing that which he preaches against. He's the hypocrite. And so are you."

"What do you mean?" Alexis snapped, her face reddening with anger.

"You claim to be able to care for yourself and make decisions of your own; however, here you are allowing Sartorius and a set of established rules to dictate every move you make, every bite you eat, every bit of clothing on your back. You can't take care of yourself. You can't live for yourself. You let the Society decide everything for you. What a shame and a disgrace. The old Alexis would never have stood for it."

"The old Alexis is gone!" She spat, the words echoing off the walls. Then, dropping her voice to a near whisper, "I do not allow others to choose for me. I choose for myself. I chose this path, and I shall continue down it. You're just trying to get me to stray from my beliefs. Well, I'll have you know that it's not working. And no I won't leave the Society. You can forget about that. Why don't you just go on? Why can't you just accept it? As much as I love you, I don't think I want you here if you're going to be preaching to me about how wrong I am in every choice I make."

"But that's just it," He protested, "It's NOT your choice. None of this was. Don't you see that Chazz--"

"Shut up! Be gone. I wish for you to leave." She stood and held the door open for him. "Get out."

Atticus did not budge. Their eyes remained locked as they stared one another down. The tension grew heavier, so much so that she found it hard to breathe. Still, she kept to her ground and refused to be moved.

"Alexis…" Atticus said quietly, "I want you to leave. Please. Do it for me."

She opened her mouth then shut it several times, unable to form any comprehensible words. She bit her lip, uncertain of what she should do. Part of her was telling her to leave, part of her was telling her to stay.

"Do you really think you're doing Sartorius a favor," Atticus asked, "by staying in the Society? He needs your help. If you really love him, you'll leave and you'll save him. If you really care, you'll abandon him in order to save him."

Alexis' eyes filled with tears. "No," She whispered, sinking to the floor, "No…"

Atticus stepped closer to her. "Listen to me; do you think Sartorius would want this? That he'd want for you to be so hurt? It's obvious he cares about you deep inside. However, he's unable to do a thing because he's possessed. You need to stop him. You're the only one who can."

Alexis shook her head. "I--"

"Don't." Atticus held up a hand. "Don't protest any more. Just do what's right. Do it for his sake. I know that you want to stay by his side because you care…well, sometimes you have to abandon a person in order to wake them up. You hurt them because you love them."

She bit her lip and pondered this. Deep inside, she knew his words were true. For a moment, she debated with herself. She tried to think of how she wanted to handle this. Should she…?

"I've got to talk to Chazz," She murmured, opening the door, "I'm sorry, Atticus, but this is really important."

"I understand." Atticus said softly, watching as she rushed down the hall.

---------------------------------------------------------

Alexis wrung her hands nervously as she approached the beach, looking for Chazz. Just as she'd predicted, there he was, sitting in the sand and watching the tide go in and out. Slowly, she stepped over to him, though he didn't notice her yet. He sighed heavily and pulled his knees closer to his chest, looking downcast.

"Chazz," She whispered very softly, sitting next to him, "Can I talk to you?"

He jumped a bit, startled. "Oh, yeah, of course."

She leaned against his shoulder, shivering. "I…I'm thinking about leaving the Society."

For the first time since she'd arrived, he looked at her. His steel gray gaze cut through her; however, it was not in an uncomfortable manner. Relief washed over his features. "Good. Please do."

"So you really want me to leave?" She blinked, taken aback.

"Of course I do! This is no place for a lady such as you. You've already been humbled…by that I mean what Sartorius did to you--everything he did to you. I don't want him to hurt you like that. I want you to get out. I know it's a little late but…I promise to take care of everything for you."

"Thanks," She murmured, then fell silent for a moment, debating on whether she should ask the question that was lingering in her mind. Finally: "Chazzy?"

He looked back down at her, surprised by the nickname. "What is it?"

She clutched his jacket, drawing neared to him. "Do you hate him--or me--for what happened between us? Do you hate that he stole my virginity?"

Chazz squeezed his eyes shut, as though he were in pain. He spoke, his voice shaking. "He did WHAT?!"

Alexis grimaced. She'd forgotten that she hadn't told him that part of the story. "Well, I, um…"

She let out a little cry of surprise as he engulfed her in his arms, holding her tight against his chest. "Now you REALLY have to leave. I can't have him playing with you like that."

"But I--"

"NO!" Chazz clutched her tighter to him, "How could he? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Well, I…um…it's not exactly any of your business…"

"What?! Alexis, I love you to pieces! It's my responsibility to keep you safe. I promised Atticus that nothing like this would happen! I promised myself! And now…"

"Well, it's MY decision," She said bitterly, feeling indignation rising in her throat, "I was the one who told him he could."
"Only because he made you feel like you had to! Do you really think he loves you? If he treats you like that?" His eyes entreated her as they began to fill with tears.

She bit her lip hard, her own eyes filling with tears. "I…guess not," Her voice wavered, disappointment and hurt washing over her. "Well, if he doesn't love me, then I don't want to live."

"No, Lex, I didn't mean…I never meant for you to…I'm just saying."

"Are you trying to kill me?" She hissed, now overcome by anger, "Do you want me to be hurt? Or are you just being selfish, wanting me for yourself?"

"I care about you!" He snapped, "And yes, I did want to be your first time but…I knew it wasn't going to happen. I just never thought that you'd allow yourself to get so caught up in emotion that you'd make such a silly mistake!"

"Is that what this is now? A silly mistake?"

"Yes." He dropped his voice again, looking drained. "You know what? Nevermind. Maybe I'm the fool. Maybe I care too much." He rose to his feet and started to walk away.

"Wait!" Alexis grabbed the edge of his jacket, her eyes pleading with him. "Chazz, I don't know what to do. You can't just leave me now! You have to help me."

"Do you really want my help?" He asked, throwing an angry glance over his shoulder, "Because if you don't…I don't understand you at all. Just a second ago you were mad at me. You thought I was wrong. And now…"

"So I'm fickle, Ok? Can you blame me for being indecisive or scared?"

"I guess not."

"Please…help me." She gripped the edge of his jacket harder, and whispered again, "Please…tell me what I should do."

He shifted uncomfortably, not willing himself to look at her. His dark charcoal eyes stared out to the ocean, burning with rage. Slowly, he offered his hand to her.

Confused, she took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet. Still, he avoided her gaze. However, he did not release her hand, only allowed it to drop by his side as he began to lead her away. Taking a deep breath, she squeezed his hand, wondering what he would decide. She was leaving it completely up to him now. She trusted him enough. After all, he was her only true friend in the Society. He would have to take care of her when she needed his help.

"It's getting late," He murmured, his voice sounding a little bitter, "We should go back to the dorm."

Throwing a glance back at the sunset, she nodded. She kept her mouth shut as she followed him down the hall. Then, just before the reached her room, she stopped.

"What's wrong now?" He asked, sighing heavily.

"I can't go back," She told him, determined, "I just can't do it."

"Can't go back….?"

"Take me to the Slifer dorm."

"I can't do that. We'd be caught. What do you think you'd accomplish?"

"Well, it's not the White dorm. It's not where Sart--"

He held up a hand to silence her. Voices were approaching from down the hall. Quickly, he jerked her around the corner and into a nearby closet. He could only crack the door for fear that it'd make too much noise being closed.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you making me?" Sartorius' voice came.

"It's only part of the plan. You have no other choice."

Alexis looked up at Chazz, confused. Why was Sartorius talking to himself? Did he have some sort of split personality?

"There must be another way. You can't do this."

"It seems as though I am. Peace, dear friend."

"You are no friend of mine. Be gone!"

"Silence you wretched fool. It seems as though you have no choice. You must allow me to inhabit you. After all, I am in control of your mind and body at this moment."

"Yes, but I--"

"Wait; do you sense another's presence?"

"We are in a dorm…"

"No, a presence lingering nearby…listening…"

The silence that followed was terrible. It seemed to last forever. Alexis clung tighter to Chazz, squeezing her eyes shut and hoping with all her heart that he would not open the door. Footsteps approached the closet. Right before he could push the door open, however, there was a new voice.

"Master Sartorius," Bastion called, "You are needed in the main room. Aster has requested to see you."

"Very well," Sartorius growled, "I suppose I have to oblige." That having been said, he walked away, his footsteps fading as he walked down the hall.

Alexis breathed a sigh of relief. "That was too close."

Chazz only nodded and peered out the door. Seeing that it was, indeed, safe, he led Alexis out of the closet and down the hall again. "Still want to go to the Slifer dorm?"

She shook her head. "Truthfully, I'm too afraid."

"Well, then, where will you go? Back to your room?"

Once more, she shook her head. "No…I think…I want to go back to your room."

His eyes widened. "What?"

She took a deep breath. "Chazz, I love Sartorius but…I'm afraid of him. I can't stand to spend the night on my own. I know he knows I was in the closet. There's no telling what he'll do to me. I need you to make sure he doesn't kill me or something."

"Then he doesn't love you."

"What do you mean?"

"If he really loved you, then you wouldn't have to worry about him hurting you. You'd trust him and be able to go to him for protection. Instead, you have to come to me."

"But that's because you…" She trailed off, realization entering her fogged brain. Her hand flew to her mouth as she began to tremble. "Oh no…"

"I'm sorry but…it's true."

Her eyes darted around the hall. Then, she looked back up at him. "In that case, it really doesn't matter anymore. I'm sorry I gave so much to him. If he doesn't really love me…then it doesn't matter what I do now. Come."

He didn't question her, only followed her back to his room. She shut the door and sat on his bed, biting her lip.

"Chazz, I won't stay a second longer. I'm leaving the Society. I can't stand it anymore; it hurts too much."

His eyes softened. "That a girl. But…is there anything I can do to make the pain lessen?"

She took a deep breath, then nodded. "I'm so sick of white. Please, let's just rid of these wretched garments."

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting that we…"

"Just this once. Please." Her eyes begged him. "Just take them off. We don't have to look. I just don't want you to wear them anymore."

"You want me to leave the Society?"

She shook her head, her eyes on the floor. "No, not yet."

"Lex…I get the feeling that this is not all you want me to do. Just spit it out."

She gripped his sheets, squeezing her eyes shut, bitterness flooding her soul. "Every time I've made love to him," She seethed through her teeth, "I gave a part of myself to him…and a part of me died. Do you understand? He killed me! He hates me. I don't want to be treated like that. I love him so much…but…I wish that he hadn't stolen my virginity. I rather wish you had instead. At least the experience wouldn't have been so painful."

He sat next to her. "Oh, Lexi, how I wish I could've been your first, too. I've already told you that."

"I've never had a pleasant experience with that man." She swallowed hard, shaking violently from fury. "He's done nothing but hurt me."

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

She looked up at him, her amber eyes meeting his charcoal ones. "Please, undo the damage done. Fix it."

"How can I do that?" He asked, his brow furrowing in absolute frustration. "I can't do a thing! I don't know what to do."

"Chazz, please, just this once…"

"Just this once what?"

"Don't think I'm a bad person. Don't blame me."

"No one's blaming you."

"Don't tell!"

"What are you even talking about? How can I tell if I don't understand you?"

"Just promise you won't tell a soul!" She demanded, growing angrier.

"All right, all right, sheesh. I won't tell."

"Good." She seemed satisfied. "I wish to regain my dignity."

"And how exactly are you going to do that? I'm kind of lost here."

"I don't want to be reduced to someone's sex kitten!" She spat, "I want to mean something to someone. I want to be able to mean it."

"Well, go right ahead. Nothing's in your way." He looked a bit annoyed with her.

"Chazzy…" She rolled her eyes. "Don't you get it?"

"Not really. You're being less than clear."

"I want to have sex with someone who really cares about me!" She snapped, "And who means it! And who loves me…" Her eyes dropped to the floor, her arms crossed over her chest in self-consciousness. "What am I talking about? I'm sorry…I shouldn't be saying such things around you." Here, she gave a little laugh, "You probably think I'm teasing you."

"Well, I'm sure you don't mean it." He told her, laying a hand on her shoulder.

"Chazz…"

"What?"

"I…" She paused, as though in a great deal of agony. Her inner battle raged on, her indecisiveness waxed.

He watched as she stood and paced for a moment, then stepped over to the window and looked out at the moon. A small smile came to her face at the sight of the night sky.

"The darkness…it's so beautiful." Laughing softly, she shut the drapes. "I'm so sick of daylight. I'm so sick of white. I'm so sick of these clothes and the burden that's been placed on me."

He raised an eyebrow questioningly. In response, she unsnapped the button on her jacket and opened it. He eyed her suspiciously as she tossed it aside.

"Is this some sort of test?"

"No," She answered, taking her boots off, then her shirt, a little hastily. "I can't stand these clothes…"

Feeling sicker, she ripped her skirt off and threw it aside as well, almost as though she were afraid of it. Shivering, she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to cover up a bit. Now, she felt slightly self conscious again.

Slowly, he began to understand. Blushing, he removed his jacket, then his shirt. She looked at him as though to encourage him to continue. Begrudgingly, he unbuckled his belt and let his pants fall at his feet.

"There. Better?" He asked, kicking the unwanted clothing beneath the bed.

She nodded and stepped over to him. She looked up into his face, her eyes now filled with fright.

"You were so wild," He muttered, "And now look at you! Reduced to a little puddle…are you really that scared to be even partly undressed with me?"

She averted her eyes, her cheeks flushing with red. "I suppose…"

"Well, you don't have to. Here." He offered her a T-shirt from his closet.

She shook her head. "No. Please, just do what I want you to."

"And that would be…?"

Shyly, she tugged at his boxers. His eyes widened. At first, he seemed too startled to react. However, he soon relaxed and allowed her to pull them down. Blushing, he reached around her back and unhooked her bra. She buried her face in his shoulder, beginning to question whether or not she really wanted him to. As his hands moved to her hips to remove her panties, she grabbed his wrists.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked, confused.

She squeezed his wrists, her nails digging into his skin. Finally, she shook her head. "Just be kind to me about it, Ok? And don't tell anyone. And don't expect this again. I just need you to help me. I need you to assure me that I can trust you with anything."

He failed to respond to her comment, only slipped her panties down. He looked surprised again as he gazed upon her unclothed figure. She, however, refused to look at him for the moment.

"Don't be shy," He told her, stroking her cheek. "You can look at me."

She shook her head. "I'm violating you. I'm taking what should belong to your future wife…"

"Then why are you doing this?" He asked, bewildered, "You're not making much sense now. If it really bothers you that much…" He reached down and picked up his boxers. She seized his wrist, stopping him.

"No, wait…please…"

"What do you want from me? Are you just playing with me?"

"No, I…I want to…I've already been spoiled but you…"

"Yes, I'm a virgin," He said dryly.

"Don't you want to save it?" She bit her lip anxiously.

"You're REALLY confusing me," He told her, "You're saying one thing but…you're doing the opposite." He looked down at her hand, which was still clutching his wrist. "Please make up your mind. What if you're my future wife?"

"No amount of consolation will do," She murmured, "We both know that we're not going to get married. We both know that this is nothing but a-a…"

"One night stand?" He whispered, drawing nearer to her.

She nodded, closing her eyes tightly. "That sounds so bad. I can't do this knowing that we're not going to do it again…"

"But we can do it again," He insisted.

"I don't know if I have the guts. This is so slutty…"

"No, it's not," He assured her, "Relax."

"Oh, to hell with it all." She whimpered, "Just do it."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," She choked out, holding back the tears.

"You're hurting so badly…" He muttered, touching her cheek again.

"Just get it over with!" She begged, "Please don't drag this out any longer. It's so unbearable. Just do what you want to me!"

"How can I take advantage of you like that?" He demanded, his arms slipping around her waist. "You don't know what you want. You're going to regret this."

"I know I will," She whispered, "Which is why I won't give myself the chance to regret it."

"What the…that makes even less sense than--"

She cut him off by throwing her arms around his neck and gluing her mouth to his. A few tears spilled over; her face twisted in pain. At first, he seemed hesitant to show her the same amount of affection. However, once he grew accustomed to it, he began to return her kiss. She pushed him down to the bed, feeling as though she were almost about to rape him. Surely he was unwilling after all that she'd confessed to him. Contrary to her belief, though, he did not put up a struggle. He seemed guilty but he did nothing to stop her.

They kissed feverishly for several long minutes. Then, he pulled the sheets up over them, covering their exposed bodies. He planted kisses down her neck, stopping just above her breasts. She gave him a little nod, permitting him to go further. He gently touched his lips to her nipple. Her body jolted in response, her heart thumped harder. Gingerly, he took her nipple in his mouth and sucked on it. She allowed her hands to go into his hair, pressing his face closer. She stared up at the ceiling, overtaken by fear. However, she did not stop him.

He kissed her down to her stomach, stopping at her navel. He glanced up at her as though to ask permission to keep going. She nodded in affirmation once more. Shyly, he continued to kiss down her body. The way he treated her, she decided, would be the real test.

When his lips brushed against her womanhood, she almost hit him. She almost told him to stop. Nevertheless, she only gritted her teeth and let him kiss her. Seeing that he was gentle, she figured she could trust him. Giving his face a little smack, she tried to call his attention.

Confused, he looked up at her. "Did I do something wrong?"

She shook her head. "No, but…I want you to stop."

"What?" He stared at her. "After all this?"

She nodded. "Can he do it?" She wondered, biting her lip.

Looking as though it were quite difficult and as though it pained him greatly, he sat up. Slowly, he reached for the T-shirt that he'd offered her and started to pull it on. She watched for a moment, then felt sorry for him.

"I'm such a jerk."

He looked over at her, all the more puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I'm playing with you. Sorry," She grumbled, taking hold of his shirt. "I wanted to see if you really cared. Since you seem to care more than I thought…go ahead."

He frowned. "Would you stop testing me? Stop playing with me! I won't go through with it, Ok? Because I know you're just going to tell me to knock it off."

"Have I pushed it too far?" She wondered, growing worried. Seeing his annoyed expression, she realized she had. There had to be some way that she could make up for it. Already, he had finished dressing in his T-shirt and boxers, and was reaching for another shirt for her. Desperate, she climbed onto his lap and grinded against his erection.

"What are you doing?!"

She blushed. "Please, I'm sorry. Just do it. I'll let you this time. I swear."

He growled something under his breath, yet remained unmoved. It was apparent that he wasn't going to listen to her. He didn't believe her.

Growing more desperate, she let her hand slide into his boxers. She grasped his length, causing him to jolt. He glared at her warningly, yet seemed more docile. She gently squeezed, causing him to give a small moan. He lay back on the bed, allowing her to touch him.

"There. Isn't that better?"

"I guess," He grumbled, his face red.

She gave him a pleading look. "Are you still mad at me?"

"No."

"Then will you…"

"Fine." His face turned redder as he once more discarded his clothing. "Don't be a tease this time. Otherwise, I'll kick you out for being mean to me."

"You wouldn't really would you?"

"No." He admitted, sulking.

She lay back, pulling him down with her. Slowly, he eased on top of her. Then, looking straight into her eyes and seeing that she didn't mind, he started to enter her. She winced a bit, more from fear than from any pain. Awkwardly, he began to move, trying to thrust gently yet still at a steady pace. Deciding to help him out a bit, she began to move as well, trying to pleasure him as payment for what he was doing for her. Guilt flooded over her as she thought about Sartorius. How could she have betrayed him? Maybe because he had betrayed her first.

Chazz moaned softly as she pressed harder against him. She ran her hands down his back, her eyes half closing. It did feel good to have him do this and mean it. However, it didn't feel good knowing what she had to do afterwards. She clenched her teeth, feeling her heart break.

Trying to ease her pain, she rolled him over so that she was on top. She was in control. It did little good, though. The guilt overwhelmed her. She had to finish what she'd started though. She could only hope that he'd climax soon.

Finally, unable to stand it any longer: "Oh, please hurry up!"

He looked injured. "Is it really that unpleasant?"

"The guilt is suffocating me!" She told him, beginning to cry. "I'm so sorry, Chazz. I'm SO sorry. I should have never…"

"Shhh," He tried to hush her. "It's all right. It's Ok. I don't blame you. I understood why you did it from the start, yet I still agreed to it. It's my fault."

"No," She wailed, "It's NOT your fault. I tempted you. I'm SO sorry."

"It's Ok, it's Ok. I'm not mad." He stroked her hair and rubbed her back, trying to soothe her. "I don't mind doing this for you."

"But," She protested, "You lost your virginity. Will anyone forgive you for that? Will anyone want you for that?" She didn't stop to think about how hurtful her words were.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Even if I don't find anyone because of it, it's Ok anyway."

"But you're not helping me. You're hurting me!"

He froze. "I'm sorry…" Swallowing hard, he started to pull out and push her away. His eyes grew colder as he did so.

She grasped his wrists again. "No, just finish. Please just finish." She struggled with him until he gave in.

Silence filled the room again as they resumed. However, it was less than pleasant. Both were stressed and anxious. They even began to grow a bit rough with each other as their worry increased.

She gasped and began to call out his name as she felt her body giving in. He tensed up as his body reacted as well. They clung tightly to one another as he finally came.

They lay still for a moment, panting. Finally, she shoved him away and jumped up, still tangled in the sheet. She simply ripped the sheet from the bed as she hurried towards the window. Confused, he followed her. She shoved him away.

"No."

Opening the window, she carefully stepped out onto the ledge. His eyes widened. "Alexis…"

Ignoring him, she balanced herself on the edge of the roof and began to walk along it, as though she were oblivious to the fact that she could fall and die. The wind whipped the sheet around her thin frame, outlining it. She continued to step along the roof, now in a daze. She did not know where her feet were taking her.

"Alexis, please stop," He called, stepping out after her. It didn't matter to him that he was still undressed; all that mattered to him was that he saved her.

Still oblivious to him, she stopped at the end of the roof and looked down. The ground seemed far beneath her, so far away…Trembling, she lifted her foot and held it over the edge, beginning to step over the side. Chazz lunged just as she began to fall and caught her around the waist. He barely managed to save her from certain death.

"Alexis…" He gasped, horrified, "You did that on purpose!"

She smiled sickly up at him. "So what if I did? I've sinned against love. I've done an unspeakable deed. Sartorius would never forgive me. After all, he doesn't love me. And if he doesn't love me, then I don't want to live."

Chazz pulled her back on the roof, hugging her tightly. He cried as he clung to her, begging her to change her mind. Numbly, she melted in his arms. She couldn't hurt him, now could she? He was her only friend in the world, the only one who loved her more than his own life. If that were the case, then what was she really supposed to do? Should she live, or should she die? Feeling sicker, she realized that it was not in her place to make that decision anymore.

A/N: Well, I guess things did get sexual between them. That's what I changed my mind about. --;; But believe me, despite that, they're more or less just friends. She still loves Sartorius obviously. She just made a big mistake…yay drama?