The Call

Part Four: Enough

Maddie Drake had been a true, classic beauty. An All-American girl with long, curly brown hair and eyes as big as her heart; it wasn't hard to figure out how she had inevitably tamed the infamous bachelor, Dr. Noah Drake. But the allure didn't stop with her looks, which was what made her so mesmerizing. The small town, southern girl was incredibly generous, and kind to any creature that she crossed paths with. But still, she wasn't all sugar and sweetness. She was a fighter. She was courageous. And just as quick as she'd blow you a kiss or pat you on the back for a job well done, she'd give you a swift kick in the ass for an act of stupidity or disrespect. A force to be reckoned with, Patrick's mother was beloved, and remembered, by many.

At thirty years old, Patrick had only loved two women in his life. Maddie had been one of them; Robin the other. Not a day goes by that he doesn't think of her…miss her. Thinking about her now, in this moment…tears fill his eyes. Perhaps it was foolish of him, but more than a decade after her passing, he was still mourning the loss. Then again, he never truly got to do so back then. He'd been too concerned with playing into his drunken father's disappearing act, then picking up the pieces, locking them inside himself…the shattered fragments of his world tucked away, like a newly sharpened knife, waiting to strike at unsuspecting victims at anytime. A cocky smile and a personality that spoke volumes of how much he didn't care about anyone or anything but himself was a mere mask, hiding the person that was broken and bleeding…if someone, anyone…would dare to look. Really look. Up until two years ago, no one had. Until then, he'd walked around a shell of his former self, desperately seeking distraction from his miserable, lonely assistance. Until Robin…

"Patrick?"

He hadn't realized how quiet he had been, or for how long, until the sound of Robin's voice came through amidst his thoughts…thoughts she had inspired. She wanted him to talk about his mother. It was only fair, he reckoned. He had asked her about Jason and Carly. And it was high time they stopped dancing around their tortured pasts and figured out a way to move on from them. Clear the air, and make peace.

"I wish you could have known her…"

"Your mother?"

"Yeah."

"Me too," she admits, softly.

"When I told you before, that you reminded me of her…I meant it. You two would have gotten along so good…"

"She'd approve?"

"Most definitely. I can't tell you how easy it is to imagine you ganging up on me with her. And you would have."

"Probably," she laughs.

"She was a waitress at a restaurant on Bourbon Street in New Orleans. My dad was down there for the weekend, partying with some old college buddies during Mardi Gras -"

"Sounds strangely familiar," she drawls, causing Patrick to roll his eyes, good-naturedly.

"Do you want to hear this story or not?"

"Sorry. I couldn't resist."

"I'll bet," he chuckles. "Anyway - he went in there, she waited on him, he flirted, she called him a jerk, he flirted some more, and she ended up pouring a pitcher of beer over his head."

"Oh, yeah. Your mother and I would have gotten along tremendously well. You do realize I did the same thing to your father when we first met? Well, almost."

Patrick was absolutely stunned. "You poured a pitcher of beer over my father's head?!"

"Not beer - water. And it was only because he was passed out on -"

"Of course," Patrick sneers.

"Stop that right now, Patrick Drake! Your father is sober now. That's what matters."

"You make it sound so simple," he remarks, dumbfounded, shaking his head in disbelief.

"That's because it is, Patrick. At least your father is here now. Mine's off on some mission - God knows where - anywhere but here with me, after pretending to be dead for half of my life. You'd think he'd be here, trying to make up for some things, but he's not, now is he? But your father is. He wants to make things right, and I know that you do, too. Don't waste the time that you have being bitter and unforgiving. You need him, and he needs you."

Robin was right, but it still wasn't an easy thing for him to admit. "I know…" he whispers, gruffly.

"So, what happened? How did they end up together?"

Taken aback at the quick change of subject on her part, Patrick recovers in record time, clearing his throat and continuing his story. "They fired my mother - right there, right then, in front of my father. He tried to talk them out of it, but it was too late. She was out the door, cursing under her breath the entire way. He followed her out and managed to get her to stop long enough to kick him in the shin."

"Oh my God! I love your mother!"

Half amused, and half concerned, Patrick gulps. "Does this mean I should expect you to kick me in the shin in the future?"

"Trust me, if I was going to kick you in the shin, I would have done it by now. There's been plenty of opportunities." They both laugh. "So, how did they meet up again?"

"The next night, they ran into each other - literally - at a club. My father told me once that he was already in love with her at that point, as crazy as it seemed. He claimed it was love at first sight. And he wasn't about to let her go. He wore her down enough to buy her a drink, and they ended up dancing and talking all night. They closed the place down."

"How romantic," Robin gushes.

"My mom said she fell in love with him that night. It just seemed natural for her to pack what little possessions she had and move back to New York with my father. Shortly after, they got married and had me."

"And they were happy?"

It was an answer she already knew, as he had told her about the way they were, what they were to one another as he was growing up. "In every sense of the word. I mean, they fought. He spent some nights on the sofa. But there was never a doubt in my mind…they were it for each other. The way he looked at her…it was like she was the one thing he would ever really need…that mattered. The way I imagine I look at you…"

"It makes my heart stop. The way you look at me…no one else has ever looked at me like that. It's like you can see everything…inside and out…even the things I try so hard to hide."

"I want to make you that happy, Robin. I don't want you to be afraid. I don't want to be afraid. But I am. We are. And I hate it. I just…want you so damned much."

"I want you, too, Patrick. So much that I wish I could forget how much I want to have a baby with you. But when I see you…think about you…when we talk to each other like we are now…I only want it more. I wish you did, too…I wish…"

Listening to her words, thick with pain and regret, Patrick sighs. Reaching for his wallet on the counter beside him, he thumbs through the photos inside, until he finds the one he had managed to keep with him for the past decade. The one of himself at the age of five, in his mother's arms…his mother in his father's. Glancing at the photo adjacent to that one, he sees a much older version of himself, embracing Robin in much the same way. And for a moment, he envisions a little girl with Robin's eyes, freckles and smile, in her mother's arms…their little girl, in Robin's arms…

"Robin, I -"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I just -" He hears her sigh into the speaker. "Nevermind. You wanted to hear about Jason. What all do you want to know? Or should I just start from the beginning?"

"From the beginning," he answers, without hesitation. He'd waited a long time for this, and he wanted it all.

"I knew Jason before his accident - when he was still Jason Quartermaine. I had a crush on him, actually. But nothing ever came of it." She pauses, seemingly collecting herself for the emotional story ahead. "After Stone died, I was…devastated. I knew that I had HIV, and at the time…it was hopeless. The protocol didn't exist at that point. I felt alone and scared and…I felt like I had nothing to live for. And Jason…Morgan saved my life."

Curiosity peeked, Patrick raises an eyebrow and asks, "How?"

"I was going to jump off the bridge. And he saved me. And for a while, we were friends. Then we became lovers…and it was beautiful. Alan told me about the protocol and I decided to go to Yale. Just before I went away…I found out that Jason had been sleeping with Carly."

Patrick is torn between wanting to shake Jason's hand for saving Robin's life once upon a time, and wanting to knock him into next week for betraying her and breaking her heart. "That bastard…"

"He didn't know any better -"

"Come on, Robin. The guy might be brain damaged, but he had you! He didn't need to be with anyone else! For that matter, why would he want to?"

"Because I wasn't having sex with him. I was afraid to. And…he's a man. You of all people should understand that."

At this point, all he feels is rage. "Don't defend that horse's ass to me! What he did was wrong, Robin."

"I guess it's not easy to understand how I could understand, but…" Pausing, Robin dismisses the topic. "Nevermind. I got over it, he promised he wouldn't do it again, and I went to school. I visited whenever I could, and during one of those visits…Jason got shot. I was with him. I wanted him to quit the business, but…he refused. So, we broke up, and I moved to Paris."

"But you came back."

"Yes. Brenda was sick and needed me…she was there when I needed her. I didn't plan on staying, but one thing led to another and pretty soon…I was back for good. There was a misunderstanding between Brenda and Jason because of Sonny and it led to me going to Jason, and him telling me that Carly had came to him and asked him to lie for her. She had slept with Jason's brother - AJ Quartermaine - and gotten pregnant. But she didn't want AJ to know about it, because he was an alcoholic. He was my friend, and because of my love for Jason, I had to lie to him about the most important thing that ever happened to him."

"I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you…"

"It was terrible. And things only got worse when another man - the man that Carly also lied to about being the father of her baby - Tony Jones -"

"Dr. Tony Jones?!"

"That's the one," Robin affirms, as-a-matter-of-factly. "Tony had a breakdown and ended up kidnapping Michael. I accidentally found out about it, and decided to try and fix the situation myself…I thought I could talk him into letting Michael go. But he ended up keeping me there instead. I got pneumonia, and Jason found out where we were just as I was starting to get really bad. When I recovered, I testified at the trial, and defended Tony's actions. Carly shot him in the courtroom."

Patrick couldn't believe what he was hearing, yet, somehow…it didn't surprise him all that much. "Did she go to prison?"

"They sent her to a mental institution. Not very long after that, Brenda and Jason were in a plane crash. It made me reevaluate things. When they were rescued, I went to him and told him that I could accept his life, that I loved him, and wanted to be with him. We stayed together for several months…raising Michael…and we were happy. I moved in with him. There was an…incident with a car bomb and Jason left the business temporarily. We even moved into a house, without bullet proof glass. I went to PCU. Jason worked in a shop."

"Hard to imagine," Patrick huffs, hating the images of domestic bliss of Robin and another man that had invaded his mind at her recollections.

"Well, it didn't last. Carly came home, and she wanted me gone. She wanted everything that was mine - including Jason. She lived with us for a while at the cottage, until Jason went back into the mob and we moved back into the penthouse. He got Carly her own place, which he seemed to stay at more than ours. It was all for Michael, he said. Meanwhile, Carly's either trying to redecorate my house or seduce my boyfriend - and he's just letting it happen. I couldn't do it anymore."

"So, you left him," Patrick concludes, with obvious satisfaction.

"Yes. But I also decided that I couldn't stand playing a role in covering up the truth about Michael any longer either. So, I went to AJ, and I told him the truth. I knew that Carly and Jason never would have. They would have kept on lying forever. Jason loved that baby too much, and Carly…well, she's Carly."

"And how did Jason take the news?"

"Not good. I told him, and he was furious. He…yelled a lot. He swept our picture off the mantel and onto the floor…he…he told me it would be easier if he never saw my face again."

"He told you WHAT?"

"You heard me, Patrick."

"Oh, Robin…"

"This is the part where you agree, and you say that you would have been just as angry. That I was manipulative and spiteful and wanted to get back at Carly -"

"I said it once before, and I'll say it again, Robin - I.am.not.Jason."

"I know that…"

All the sudden, Patrick feels ill. His stomach is tied up in tight knots, the bile starting to rise up in his throat. He couldn't be more ashamed of himself if he tried. "I'm an asshole."

"No, you're not," Robin protests vehemently, as if she knows exactly what he's referring to.

"I played into Carly's games. I didn't even bother to ask you why you hated her so much. I should have known better."

"Patrick, how could you have possibly known? Carly is a master at twisting things around and making others look like the bad guy."

"That's no excuse, Robin. All this time I thought that it was something so much simpler, and the two of you were just blowing it out of proportion. I mean, I knew about Michael, to an extent, but…I didn't know that you had to carry that around, and put up with another woman in your house. And one that hated you at that."

"I came out of it okay. For a long time…I didn't think I would be. Hell, I even let myself believe that I was wrong to tell the truth for a while. The entire world was against me it seemed…but then, I realized, the only thing I had done wrong was allow the secret to go on for as long as I did. What we did was wrong."

"Yeah, well, I bet you're the only one that will admit to that. It just goes to show what an amazing woman you are." Patrick felt protective of her in the moment, wanting to shield her from all the Jason's and Carly's of the world. "Don't ever let Carly or anyone else tell you different, Robin. You're better than her. And I'm sorry for ever allowing her to come between us…"

"Well, compared to Jason -"

"It doesn't matter, Robin. I still used her to play games with you. And to think I accused YOU of being childish," Patrick scoffs. "What a damned joke."

"It was a long time ago, Patrick. And I suppose I should move on from it, but I just can't stand to see her do the same things to other people. Carly has never learned from her mistakes, and she never will."

"And Jason?"

"What about him?"

Patrick couldn't bare of think it, but he had to say it. To ask her. "Do you…still love him? Even after all of that?"

"Honestly? For all the awful things that happened back then, I can't forget the good. I might not be here right now if it weren't for Jason. But…we're cut from two different cloths. I thought I could make him into the person I wanted him to be…but I was wrong. No one should have to change who they are for someone else. Believe me, I know - I tried to do it when I went to Jason that day and told him I could live in a life where violence was always lurking around us."

"You hate violence," Patrick mutters.

"Yes, I do."

"And he wouldn't give it up? Even if it meant being with you?"

"Would you give up being a surgeon, if I needed you to?"

"Of course -"

"Don't finish that sentence, Patrick. We both know it would be a lie. And even if it wasn't, I wouldn't be happy about it. It's who you are, Patrick. It's part of the reason I fell in love with you. Your brilliance…what you do to help people -"

"It's not really a fair question to ask, anyway, Robin. Jason Morgan represents everything we're against. His actions are what bring patients into my OR. It's wrong. And it's not the same thing."

"It's what he was taught."

"Yeah, well, meanwhile, twelve years later - he's still doing the same thing. He's worked for the mob long enough to decide for himself whether or not it's worth risking innocent lives, including the people he supposedly loves."

"You're right, Patrick. Jason hasn't changed. And like Carly, he probably never will. And that's why I'm not with him."

"It's his loss, Robin. And my gain," he says, unthinkingly.

"Not anymore," she whispers, sadly. "Right now, it's nobody's gain."

"Robin…" his voice trails off, his heart stung from her words that seemed to lash at him like a whip. "I don't ever want to do that to you. I never want to make you change who you are…even if it means being away from you. I don't want to be the reason why you pack up and leave for Paris again. I just…I just want to fix this."

"How are we supposed to do that without changing, Patrick? I want children - and you don't. One of us is going to have to give up what we want if we want to be together. It's just like Jason all over again -"

It was the truth, but he denied it. "NO! No, Robin. Don't you dare say that. It's NOT the same!"

"Yes, it is Patrick! I wasn't good enough for Jason to give up being in the mob with Sonny, and I'm not good enough for you to make you want to become a father!"

What the hell was he doing to her? How could he make her believe such bullshit? "It's not you, Robin! It's me! God, please, don't say these things. You can't possibly believe -"

"Well, you know what, Patrick? I do! There. That's the ugly truth, out there for you to see. I'm not enough for anyone! Least of all you!"

"You ARE enough Robin! And you're too damned good for me, don't you get it? I'm damaged goods! Who the hell wants that in a husband? A father?"

"And what does that make me, Patrick? My parents supposedly died when I was a teenager, and just when I had managed to grow up and get used to the idea of living without them - they both showed up - alive! You don't think that's done something to me inside? You don't think I'm damaged? That I'm just as broken as you?"

They had so many things in common, especially the things they both wanted so desperately to forget. "I don't want to hurt you, Robin -"

"No! You don't want to hurt yourself! You're selfish, and you're a coward! Why can't you just take a chance for once in your life? Why can't you just have a little faith and trust me? Trust yourself for that matter?"

"Oh you mean like you have faith in me? Like you trust me? I'm paying for Jason Morgan's mistakes! I'm paying for your parents mistakes!"

"Yeah, well, SO AM I!!!!!!!"

Rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand, Patrick drops his head in agony, listening to the torturous sounds of her sobs. It didn't occur to him that he was crying, too. Maybe because it didn't matter…Robin was all that mattered. And he was hurting her. "I'm sorry…I….don't want…I never want to hurt you. God, baby, I just…I just want to…I just want to love you. Take care of you. And you never let me…"

"I know," Robin chokes out, her breath shaking as she utters her confession. "I know I've punished you. I know I didn't give you all of me...but I'm scared…I'm afraid you'll see what they saw…that you'll leave me, too. So, I left you instead."

"We left each other," he sniffs, not bothering to swipe away the tears smearing his lips, wet and salty to taste and touch. "But I haven't let you go, Robin. I can't. And maybe…I don't know. Maybe I've spent my whole life running from something that might be the best thing to ever happen to me."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you're right. I am a selfish coward. I've been so busy focusing on what happened to my father when my mother left us that I've almost forgotten why he fell apart so tragically."

"Why?"

"Because he loved her, more than he loved himself. The way I love you. And even though he lost her, they still had a life. They had me. And for many years, they had it all. They were happy. They were…complete."

"I want that with you, Patrick," Robin tells him, her voice soft and loving.

Like an epiphany, a light bulb seems to go off in his head, shedding light on everything that had been lingering in the dark. He was making a decision, choosing to take that leap…dive into the deep end…for her, for them. "So do I…"

to be continued...

THANKS FOR READING!!!!!!!!