The Freedom Fighters arrived back in Knothole just as the sun started to set. Everyone went their own way, with Antoine making his way over to Dr. Quack's office. Sonic went straight for his room, where he sat down in his favorite chair upon arrival. He put his feet up and began to doze off when he heard his door open.
"You ever heard of knockin asshole?" Sonic asked as he opened his eyes, surprised to find Knuckles there.
"Sorry mate, but I couldn't hold this back. Looks like Quack found out about the money while we were gone. He told Antoine while his was playin with his balls. Sally called a meetin over it. What are we gonna do, mate?"
"It's all part of the plan," Sonic responded. "We gave him fake money in the first place, so I can't say we didn't expect something like this. But while you're here talking to me, we're missing all the fuckin good stuff. Let's bust out of here and get to that meeting." Sonic and Knuckles rushed over to the meeting room, finding everybody waiting there.
"So do you have anything to say for yourselves?" Sally asked as they sat down at the table.
"What about? Knuckles told me there was some sort of meeting, but I didn't get any specifics," Sonic responded.
"Oh come off it Sonic, I've got the goods on you. Dr. Quack told us all about the forged tests. Why would you joke about such a serious situation?" Sally asked.
"I don't seem to have any memory of forged tests. I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."
"Dr. Quack said you paid him a large sum of money to forge Tails' medical tests…"
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did."
"No I didn't."
"You can't just argue with me by saying 'no I didn't'."
"Yes I can."
"No you can't."
"In order for this to be an argument, I must take up the contrary position."
"Damn it, Sonic. He found out that the money you gave him was fake, therefore he relayed the story to Antoine."
"And you'll take a Nazi's word over my own?" Sonic questioned. "He was probably pissed off because he had to bandage Antoine's balls."
"He's not a Nazi Sonic, he just speaks a little German."
"That son of a bitch heils Hitler every night, and you can quote me on it."
"Sonic, would you stop denying the inevitable. Knuckles already explained his part of it. Now just fess up."
"Fucker."
"Assbag," Knuckles responded to Sonic.
"Well, Hun, I want to hear this too," Bunnie said, frowning at Sonic.
"If the Nazi and Knuckles talked to you already, what is it you want from me?"
"We would like to know why you did it. Why would you make a little boy think he's going to die?" Sally asked.
"Uh, for some humor," Sonic replied, looking around the room. "Not even a smirk? C'mon it was a pretty good gag."
"We're not fucking laughing Sonic!" Sally yelled.
"Actually, it was pretty funny now that I think about it," Rotor put in. Sally shot Rotor the stare of death, then fixed her glare on Sonic.
"You risked all of our lives just for the sake of a dumbass joke?" Sally interrogated.
"The Douchenator wasn't all that dangerous was it?" Sonic asked.
"You had something to do with that thing?!"
"No, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Douche what?"
"You better start talking," Sally fumed.
"Well, there are these couple, three things. I had these aspirations of pulling off the greatest gag of all time. I thought of a marvelous idea and shared it with Knuckles. We agreed that it would be hilarious, so the plan went into action. I bribed the Nazi, and to be honest hilarity ensued. It was really just an opportunity for Sonic the Hedgehog to show his quality."
"Well it certainly proved without a doubt that you're a complete asshole. I really don't know what to do with you," Sally sighed.
"What you don't know could fill a book," Sonic responded.
"What?"
"Yes?"
"Sonic?"
"What?"
"What did you say?" Sally asked again.
"Yes?"
"That's it, I refuse to talk to him. Someone else want to try?" Sally asked flustered.
"Yeah sure, Hun," Bunnie replied. "Do you have something you want to tell Tails?"
"No," Sonic responded. Bunnie just stared at him, until he spoke up again. "Tails, you're not going to die, it was a joke. Huzzah!"
"Huzzah!" Rotor recited.
"Shut up, Sugar," Bunnie told Rotor. "What else do you have to say to Tails, maybe an apology?
"Did I miss something?"
"You can't answer a question with a question, Sugar."
"I just did, how does it feel?"
"How does what feel? I just want you to put this situation to a rest by apologizing."
"I'm not listening."
"Don't you think it's the least you can do, Hun?"
"You're the least I could do," Sonic retorted.
"Oh, sick burn," Rotor proclaimed.
"I think it would be for the best if you didn't stay here tonight," Sally said quietly.
"I'm not following your logic here. I'm failing to see why that would be for the best. Care to enlighten me?"
"So I don't stab you in the middle of the night."
"That's a bit strong, isn't it?" Sonic countered.
"I'm being serious here, Sonic. I really don't want you around here right now."
"If you don't want me here anymore, well that just breaks my heart, but I'm not fuckin leavin," Sonic replied sarcastically.
"Why do you have to make everything so difficult?" Sally asked. "Fine stay here, I don't give a shit. You better keep your distance, that's all I'm going to say," she said as she stormed out of the room.
"That went better than expected," Sonic laughed.
"Better?" Rotor questioned.
"Shit, I half expected her to cut my junk off…"
"Wait just a tic, mate. You thought you'd lose your nibblets, Green Giant calls 'em nibblets, but went on with your shenanigans anyway?" Knuckles inquired.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"You just ascended into god status, mate. Puttin your pills on the line like that really shows your quality."
"All I know is you'd better start kissing Sally's ass, Sugar. That's the last thing we need is her all pissed off," Bunnie acknowledged.
"You know me better than that. You think I just thought of a joke and no way to rectify the situation?" Sonic asked.
"Rectum?" Tails questioned.
"You see that?" Sonic countered. "The cruelest part of this joke is me knowing I'm gonna have to live with that dumbass. Why the fuck would I say rectum, Tails?"
"Well, Auntie Bunnie was talking about kissing Auntie Sally's ass," Tails answered.
"At least he has an idea where the rectum is," Rotor replied.
"Oh wow, the kid has a bright future now," Sonic said sarcastically. "I fail to see the fucking logic here."
"Are you really going to kiss Auntie Sally's ass, Sonic? I think that would be, like, kind of dirty," Tails brought up.
"Maybe, maybe not, maybe fuck yourself."
"What was zat?" Antoine asked looking around, completely clueless.
"Oh, so you've decided to add something to the fucking proceedings, huh?" Sonic questioned.
"I am ze sorry, huh huh. My mind has been not here. I have been having ze feeling like someone plays ze ping-pong wis my balls."
"That shit is etched into my brain now, thanks for that," Rotor said, shaking his head in disgust.
"So Bunnie, Sweet Cheeks, what are you doing later tonight?" Sonic asked, winking at Bunnie.
"Really? After you said I was the least you could do?"
"Well yeah, it was really just a ploy to piss Sally off. You can't get any better time than this to Van Dyke," Sonic said, shrugging.
"You know," Knuckles broke in, ignoring Sonic, "I've been meanin to ask you somethin, Bunnie. I asked Sonic once, but he had his head up his ass. Why do you wear a shirt and panties, when Sally goes around buck ass naked?"
"I don't want to show off my goods like a two-bit whore," Bunnie replied.
"Slut," Sonic corrected.
"What?"
"Slut is the correct term. I've never been charged once," Sonic answered.
"Auntie Sally is a slut?" Tails asked.
"No Hun, that's not what I meant…"
"I heard she blows for quarters, but I don't have any spare change," Rotor chuckled. "Oh, I heard she eats muff for the same price," he said looking at Bunnie.
"Haha Sugar, you're a barrel of fuckin laughs," Bunnie responded, glaring at Rotor.
"Muff?" Tails inquired.
"This, you not knowing shit, it's getting pretty old. Yeah muff, look it up in a fucking dictionary if you can't figure it out," Sonic scolded. "Look, it's a fuckin joke. Besides, don't go melt what's left of your brain over it. So Bunnie, you want to go back to my room, and discuss this matter further?"
"The muff diving? Because you know, Sugar, I don't…"
"Not the muff diving," Sonic sighed, squeezing his head in irritation. "We'll discuss my plan for damage control."
"Okay Hun, but no funny business," Bunnie answered. Sonic gave her an innocent look, and then the two of them left for his room.
"I don't know how he does it, mate," Knuckles said in awe.
"Probably without pants on," Rotor replied, and then he got up and left.