RULES FOR ACADEMY STUDENTS

ACADEMY STUDENTS are not technically considered to be shinobi. Instead they are a race of IRRITABLE WHINERS who enjoy nothing better than annoying BIG BAD NINJA. They exist only to harass INNOCENT MURDERS with their immature whinging and are actually in fact, the SPAWN OF SATAN himself.

EVERY ACADEMY STUDENT is expected to have an ANGST FILLED LIFE which commonly includes no parents, mental problems or providing a home to the local friendly DEMON.

THERE ARE SEVERAL RULES which every academy student is expected to follow. This includes (but is not limited to):

· All Academy students must randomly choose a stranger off the street and make it their goal in life to become the stranger's double. One must talk, eat and even blink in the same way as their role model. It is each Academy student's dream to one day match their icon in a fight and in doing so, become the reincarnate of the now deceased idol.

· An Academy student must always get his or her own way. There are no exceptions and an Academy student must bite, gnaw, flap, whine, scream and poo until they have gotten their own way.

· It is required that all Academy students become secret spies that enjoy stalking and hunting hormonal teenagers that are also shinobi.

· There must be an elected hot bad ass Academy student that every straight female and orange wearing male must worship. All academy students must take it in turns to steal kisses from the bad ass and ignore all death threats from said hottie. Any violation of this rule means instant death and condemnation forever more.

FOR ANY academy student reading this handbook, we wish to advise you on the truth of all shinobi. When a shinobi tells you to "keep up the good work, I'm sure that next time you'll hit the target with your kunai and not my leg" he is lying. In retaliation to these deceitful fibs it is best to smile sweetly and mention that you did hit your target. That should shut the LYING BASTARD up.

OTHER LIES SHINOBI TELL:

"Of course I don't care that you CUT MY LEG OFF. We all make mistakes, right?"

"I don't mind that you call me a WHITE-EYED FREAK you lovely child, you. Yes, please pull on my lovely long girl hair. I really like it when you do."

"Please continue to use my body as a training dummy. What's a few BROKEN LIMBS when it helps the greater good?"

"Oh, go on, then. Throw up in my weapons pouch again. I really enjoy the smell, y'know?"

WHEN DEALING WITH stoic, angsty Academy students it is absolutely necessary that you at least ATTEMPT to make said unemotional child GIGGLE. To achieve such a task we suggest you become practiced in the fine arts of torture as such children are all SADIST AVENGERS that take pleasure in OTHER PEOPLE'S PAIN.

IN EVERY CLASS there is an idiot who believes that he is funnier than CURDLED MILK. In reality, he is LONELY and wishes for FRIENDSHIP. However, this child is EVIL and should be HARASSED and TORMENTED. We also suggest that you use the power of STONING to your advantage. That's right! We will make the world a better place with our KIND and PEACEFUL ways.

EVERY ACADEMY STUDENT goes through a stage of believing they are something which they are not. This can include believing themselves to be hungry ponies, batman, a rainbow, Uchiha Sasuke and in some rare cases, a rare breed of llama. During this stage of their lives, it is best to be SUPPORTIVE and UNDERSTANDING by telling the child that they are going to MCDONALDS and not in fact a MEANTAL ASYLUM.

NOTE ON ACADEMY STUDENTS: AVOID ASSOCIATION AND CONTINUOUSLY DENY THE FACT THAT YOU EVER WHERE ONE.