Birdman Coast to Coast
Birdman Goes to London
(Cut to the Birdman crew on a plane.)
Birdman: Book your dentist appointments London, because me, Birdman and the gang are heading to merry old England for a special on-location taping!
(Opening credits.)
Phil: Tonight on Birdman Coast to Coast, British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Kenneth Williams, star of many "Carry On" movies and "Mr. Bean" himself, Rowan Atkinson!
(Cut to the gang waiting at the airport as Space Spectre (from the old Space Ghost cartoons) walks up to them.)
Space Spectre: Hello Birdman, Phil, Peanut, Lokar, Jan, Jace and Avenger. I'm Space Spectre, I'll be your burglar for today.
Birdman: Burglar? We don't want no burglar.
Space Spectre: It's a hold-up okay!
Birdman: Hold-up? Right...
Space Spectre: It's true.
Birdman: Oh really, where's your gun?
Phil: Or your pocket knife?
Peanut: Or your confetti hotplate?
Space Spectre: Well, the police con...what's a confetti hotplate?
Peanut: Never mind.
Space Spectre: Okay, I must do Plan B...my impression of Mentok the Mindtaker.
Phil: Why are you doing to do that?
Space Spectre: Because, so I can rob you! God, can you guys just listen to me?
Lokar: Who's Space Spectre?
Jan: God, Space Spectre...you sunk a new low.
Space Spectre: God, can you just shut up, I'm trying to rob you here!
Jace: Rob us of what?
Space Spectre: Your dignity, no YOUR COLD HARD CASH!
Peanut: Okay, whatever you loser.
Space Spectre: Okay, if you won't play fair then...look a flying dolphin is heading towards tackling Osama bin Laden during an NFL game!
Birdman: Where?
(Everyone turns around as Space Spectre takes their money and runs off.)
Birdman: Oh hell, what the Hell is going on?
(The monitor floats up with Tony Blair on it.)
Birdman: It's our first guest Tony Blair.
Tony: Hello Birdman, welcome to England.
Birdman: What's chips?
Phil: You've never heard of Erik Estrada?
Birdman: No...fish and CHIPS!
Tony: Well chips are what you call French fries back in the US.
Birdman: Let's walk...
(The gang start walking.)
Tony: You can walk around Britain, there are a lot of great cities and sites to see, especially my hometown.
Birdman: Which is?
Tony: Not telling.
Birdman: C'mon, I'll tell you my hometown...
Phil: Do you know old I am Birdman...38...
Birdman: I thought you were in your hundreds?
Tony: Whoa...
Phil: Don't listen to him Tony, my age is 38 and his 40.
Peanut: I think I'm 16...
Lokar: How could you be 16 if you were born in...
Peanut: Wisconsin, yes I heard about the terrible fungus thing that caused all the citizens to rapidly age, but...who's counting?
Birdman: What's your hometown, Mr. Tony Blair?
Tony: Birdman, I am the Prime Minster of England.
Birdman: Yes, I know you are. What hometown were you born in?
Tony: Well Birdman, what's your hometown...
Birdman: Don't turn the questioning around.
Tony: Yes?
(Pause as everyone stops walking.)
Birdman: Nantucket, Tony.
Tony: Nantucket?
(Phil grabs out a British magazine called "Down Below Waist Weekly".)
Phil: Everything's all different in England...
Birdman: Actually my hometown isn't Nantucket; it was Massachusetts, the witch burning state.
Peanut: Do I expect to see kiss-ass Canadians while I'm here in London?
Tony: There are lots of wonderful people to see in England.
Peanut: Any of them Canadian hosers?
Lokar: I'm leaving, this episode sucks.
Jan: Me too.
(Lokar and Jan walk off.)
Jace: Lokar and Jan walked off!
Tony: Maybe some Canadians...
Birdman: Tony, have you either swam on The English Channel?
Tony: The English Channel, Birdman? You can't swim in it, it's not a television station.
Birdman: Then why is it a "channel"?
Tony: I didn't name the place...
Birdman: Yes you did...
(Pause.)
Tony: Geez Birdman, you sure are changing lanes.
Birdman: Uh, that's when you're wrong...
Phil: Birdman can drive faster on the carpool lane, do they have carpool lanes in London?
Tony: That's a bit ridiculous Birdman, for a car to have its own pool.
Birdman: While we're talking about blank-pool, what's up with Liverpool? Is it full of talking livers?
Tony: Precisely.
(Pause.)
Tony: How long are your legs?
Birdman: Not too short, not too long.
Tony: Maybe...maybe you should get a ruler and...measure how long your legs are.
Birdman: Or I can inviso out and cut off everyone else's legs, use it measure how long my leg is and presto!
Tony: Gosh Birdman, I can see England will enjoy your company over here...
Birdman: In good company, eh Tony? Good movie.
Phil: But...
Birdman: But I've never seen it...what's sort of name is Topher, Tony?
Tony: Tofu food?
Birdman: No, Topher...Topher Grace.
Peanut: Dennis Quaid, where have I seen him in.
Tony: Birdman, Topher...is a pretty unusual name.
Birdman: Yes, very unusual...how long is your spinal colon?
Tony: Spinal colon?
Birdman: Yes, measure it.
Tony: Um...you sure this isn't going fast for anyone.
Jace: I'd like to say...that Jan and Lokar ran off.
Phil: Ha, ha...si-curious.
Tony: Bi-curious, you mean?
Birdman: You calling me Bi-sexual Mr. Tony Blair?
Tony: Maybe yes, maybe no.
Birdman: Maybe yes, maybe on eh?
Tony: Yes, exactly.
Birdman: Cut your body open and make your spinal fluids fall out and put in a jar and let me give it to Avenger for him to drink.
Avenger: Caw...
Birdman: Tony, Avenger's really a thirsty bird.
Avenger: Caw...
Birdman: He'd even settle for blood.
Tony: I don't think it's not reasonable to drink someone's blood.
Birdman: He'll settle for anything because his my bird.
Tony: Your bird?
Birdman: My pet eagle...
Avenger: Caw...
Birdman: Avenger's getting angry, Peanut...give him your blood.
Tony: The Tower of London is here somewhere...
Birdman: Uh, yes...The Tower of London, they're bound to have blood there.
Avenger: CAW!
Birdman: Okay Tony, where's this tower thing?
Tony: The Goodies?
Birdman: Is that a name of pot brownies?
Tony: No.
Birdman: Because drugs are bad.
Tony: Yes, I know...
Birdman: Drugs are so bad, I hardly recommend them.
Tony: The number #1 British movie to see is...I forgot, let me refresh my memory.
Birdman: The Tower of London, Tony...Avenger needs a drink and fast.
Tony: The Tower of London is on...which street again?
Birdman: You're a very unthinkable person, aren't you?
Tony: It started years ago when...
Birdman: The Tower of London is near the north of London isn't it?
Tony: Maybe...
(Pause. Cut to Lokar and Jan walking into an orchestra as a rich man wearing a fancy suit, monocle and a fancy top hat walks up to Lokar.)
Rich Man: Hello, I'm Mr. Rich...I'm the investor of this orchestra.
Lokar: Hello Mr...
Mr. Rich: Call me Dirk...Dirk Rich...
(Dramatic sting. Cut to commercial. Act 2. Cut to Birdman and the gang (except Lokar and Jan) in a pub with Tony Blair still on the monitor.)
Birdman: So we're in a British bar, Tony?
Tony: Well in Britain, it's called a "pub".
Birdman: A pub?
Phil: They better serve scotch!
Bartender: What will it be?
Phil: Scotch!
Bartender: And?
Phil: More scotch.
Bartender: And?
Phil: Lots more scotch.
Bartender: We don't serve scotch here.
Phil: What?
Bartender: You have a choice of beer, Cranberry Schnapps' or wine.
Phil: I'll have wine then.
Birdman: I'll have non-alcoholic alcohol with shrimp.
Jace: I'll have a Cranberry Schnapps.
Birdman: Hey, Jace...why in the first season...you acted weird.
Jace: What?
Phil: Yeah, you acted funny.
Peanut: As if you were homosexual.
Jace: Oh that, all my girly-type things...I don't know, I suppose I was hanging out with Jan too much.
Birdman: Really?
Bartender: Holy Virgin Mary of the Satanic Catholic church, it's Tony Blair, prime minister of England...would you like some scotch Mr. Blair.
Tony: Certainly.
Phil: Hey!
Bartender: Oh man, the prime minister is here...I better get fancy!
(The bartender puts on a top hat.)
Phil: I wanted a scotch!
Peanut: Or was that you were acting like a...
(Cut to Judge Mentok in a kiddie pool with a floatie thing doing his "dingling-a-ling" thing.)
Jace: Stop accusing me Peanut and Birdman!
Phil: Hey, the service here sucks.
Bartender: Well, Tony Blair was here, he asked for a scotch and I shall give it to him.
Tony: Yes, that's true.
Phil: No, you asked him and he said "yes".
Tony: Not exactly.
Phil: What do you mean "not exactly".
Tony: I actually said "certainly".
Phil: Big whoop, I'm out of here!
(Phil walks out the bar.)
Jace: Hey guys, Phil just left.
Birdman: What then?
Jace: OKAY, I ADMIT IT! I LOVE JAN!
(Pause.)
Birdman: I wasn't expecting that.
Peanut: Me neither...
(Peanut stares over at the stool were Phil was sitting.)
Peanut: Hey, Phil, Jan and Lokar are gone!
Birdman: They are!
Jace: That's what I was saying before!
Birdman: Were you?
Tony: Yes, well in England, it's very customary to...give a tip.
Birdman: Give a tip?
Tony: Yes, give a tip?
Birdman: You want to plug something don't you?
Tony: Yes.
(Pause.)
Birdman: Okay.
Tony: Give me a tip.
(Pause.)
Birdman: Okay...politics is a big important position so put in a good word for...
Peanut:(popping in): Pie!
Tony: I'll think about it.
(Cut to a slice of pie lying on a podium with posters plastered all over the walls saying "Vote for Pie".)
Audience: FOUR MORE YEARS OF PIE! FOUR MORE YEARS OF PIE! FOUR MORE YEARS OF PIE!
(Cut back to the pub.)
Tony: But...I was thinking about getting some money...
(Pause.)
Birdman: Um...uh, oh you're fired.
(Tony spontaneously combusts.)
Birdman: Holy stolen lava from a volcano across the street!
(Cut to Phil walking into "Down Below Waist Strip Clubs".)
Phil: Oh my God, it's like I died I went into Heaven, and then they found out all the threesomes I've had over the past 115 years so they sent me to Hell and Hell was this place.
(A ugly old stripper walks up to Phil.)
Ugly Old Stripper: Want me to make you horny, governor?
Phil: I'm no governor...
Ugly Old Stripper: That's too bad, because the girls here dig governors.
(Phil stares at all the other "pretty" strippers.)
Phil: Well...I am the governor of the greatest country in the world...
Ugly Old Stripper: Australia?
(Pause.)
Phil: No USA.
(Cut to Lokar sitting with Jan and Dirk Rich.)
Lokar: So Dirk, you own this orchestra?
Dirk: Well I just purchased it with some money I found on the ground.
Lokar: Jolly good, yes, jolly good...my ancestry originated in England.
Dirk: Well my father was British and in the '60s...I was a...hard working man and by the end in the middle '70s after I got laid off I moved here.
Lokar: You moved in the orchestra? I could've sworn you said you only had bought this place where dreams are made today?
Dirk: Yeah, I mean I moved here, here is England and I was living like a poor person for years.
Lokar: When where you born?
Dirk: I cannot say.
Lokar: Why not? C'mon...
Dirk: No.
Lokar: Well this is my girlfriend of two weeks, Jan.
Jan: Hi.
Lokar: She's a jolly good sport...before I met her...I was gay.
(Pause.)
Dirk: Well, either way you're a jolly good fellow.
Lokar: Thank you.
(Cut to Peanut, Jace, Birdman & Kenneth Williams (on monitor) in the streets.)
Peanut: So...you like Jan huh, Jace?
Jace: What? Oh, I just blurted that out.
Birdman: Leave him alone Peanut; he can't say he has feelings for her until he knows that she does as well.
Jace: His with Lokar now, that's it.
Birdman: Okay.
Kenneth Williams: Do I get introduced?
Birdman: Probably.
Jace: Why did you act weird in the first season Birdman?
Birdman: Like what you mean?
Jace: The whole...constant swearing, the whole rock music video thing in "Voices", you just acted weird.
Birdman: Didn't you see episode 10 "Pills", it was the medication I took that made me act odd.
Jace: I thought "Pills" was episode 12?
Birdman: "Second Pilot" and "Sad Times" don't count because they were special presentations, so the order actually goes in the first season "Voices", "Lawyer Stuff", "Breakdown", "Gunfire n' Stuff", "Avenger-Proof Security", "Send in the Birdmen", "Spanish Music", "Peanut and the Galaxy Trio", "XXX", "Pills", "Unaired" and "Halloween".
Jace: I thought "Unaired" was a special presentation? And I thought "Halloween" was before "Unaired"
Birdman: Oh jeez does it really matter?
Jace: I suppose not.
Kenneth Williams: Have you seen all of the "Carry On" movies?
(Pause.)
Birdman: Oh right, I forgot to introduce you...ladies and gentlemen, second guest of the night, er...day, please say welcome to Kenneth Williams.
Kenneth Williams: Glad to be here.
Birdman: That's great.
Kenneth Williams: Have you seen all of the "Carry On" movies, Birdman?
Birdman: I skipped through, like...ten of them, how many "Carry On" movies are their...26?
Kenneth Williams: I think so, yes.
Birdman: Oh...and the series of "Carry On" movies started...when?
Kenneth Williams: 60s.
Birdman: And ended when?
Kenneth Williams: 70s, 80s, 90s...I'm not quite sure enough.
Birdman: Probably 70s and 80s.
Kenneth Williams: Probably yes.
Birdman: Aren't you the guy from those "Austin Powers" movies as well.
Kenneth Williams: Yes, you are right on that account.
Birdman: What account?
Peanut: Bank account.
Birdman: I'm right on that bank account? What am I right...about?
Peanut: I don't know what're your right on?
(An agent walks by and stops to talk to Peanut.)
Agent: Honey baby, do you know who I am?
Peanut: I don't know.
Agent: Well what matters is, I know who you are and I can make you rich, and I mean stupid rich.
Peanut: Well...what will I be doing?
Agent: Acting.
Peanut: I can't do acting.
Agent: Hey, you're acting like you like this guy.
(Agent points to Birdman.)
Birdman: Peanut likes me.
Agent: Yeah, I know he likes me...because I'm planning to make him richer then Richie Rich.
Peanut: Wait, wait...will I be doing movies or shows.
Agent: Movies.
Peanut: Okay, movies...
Agent: Your co-star will be Kenneth Williams.
Kenneth Williams: Did something say my name?
Agent: And your other co-star is Space Ghost.
Peanut: Okay, who else is in it?
Agent: Blue Falcone.
Peanut: I'm in, what about you Kenneth?
Kenneth Williams: I'll come with you.
(The Agent walks off with Peanut and Kenneth on the monitor.)
Birdman: Where do you think you're all going? Mm, first Jan and Lokar leave...
(Cut back to the orchestra.)
Lokar: Dirk, how come you're not telling me about your past?
Dirk: Because, my past isn't that important.
Jan: Did you do something terrible in your past?
Dirk: No! But my past ain't important!
(Cut back to Birdman.)
Birdman: Then Phil leaves.
(Cut back to the strip club. Phil is wearing an American flag while women dance around.)
Phil: I'm Governor Phil Ken Sebben...of the America...ha, ha patriotism.
(Cut back to Birdman.)
Birdman: Then Peanut and Kenneth leave for some movie part...
(Cut to the studio where Peanut, Kenneth (on monitor) and Space Ghost are on the set.)
Cameraman: In three, guys.
Space Ghost: Who am I reading with?
(Cut back to Birdman.)
Birdman: Either everyone hates me, or is going great things while I'm stuck interviewing some British actor guys I've never heard of, well you know what...I'm am going to get my face on TV!
(Dramatic music sting. Pause.)
Birdman: Who am I talking to?
(Cut to commercial. Act 3. Birdman is walking down the street on the footpath.)
Birdman: I'm going to go to the BBC and ask them for my own show in Britain, yeah that's what I'm going to do and when the guys lose all their things, they'll be crawling back to me...God, I have been acting weird lately. Too much pills.
Homeless Man:(walking past): Who are you talking to?
Birdman: Myself.
(Birdman walks off.)
Homeless Man: Man he is crazy, he even admitted he was talking to himself, oh God...who am I talking to? Okay, okay...if people ask, I'm talking to Rowan Atkinson.
(Rowan floats past the Homeless Man in the monitor.)
Rowan: Birdman, wait!
Homeless Man: Well bye, bye Rowan Atkinson, oh man I'm still talking to myself, I'M CRAZY! WAAAAAAAAAA! Chicka-a-chicka whoop, whoop! Chicka-a-chicka whoop, whoop! I'm a funny man sailor, I own a robot tailor! Oh man, I'm gone crazy, I've gone nuts! Hahaha, nuts. Oh God, I'm still crazy! Wait a moment, crazy people don't talk to themselves, right...that means I'm not crazy, oh God who am I kidding, I am crazy! God, I'm crazy! I'm crazy! I'm crazy! God, I'm crazy, and I'm talking to myself! Crazy people don't talk to themselves, but I'm not crazy, or am I crazy I don't know I'm so crazy I don't even know what I'm doing here, gah! I'm crazier then that guy off that '80s show with the black van that had a red stripe! God! I'm still talking to myself! Someone please help, think of the children. Think of the children Homeless Man, think of the children, think of the homeless children in Africa, who are suffering because I've gone crazy! Gah! I'm still talking to myself but I'm not crazy, I'm so crazy I don't even understand a word that I'm saying! I can't believe the gibberish that is spouting out of my mouth! God, it's like a rollercoaster full of words, gah! Rollercoaster! I'm scared of roller coasters! Gah! I keep saying "gah" a lot don't I, God, hey...I say God a lot as well. Shut up Homeless Man, no you shut up mouth, no you shut up, I asked first, did not, I'm going crazy! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(Homeless Man spontaneously combusts. Cut to the orchestra.)
Dirk: Do you like velvet ropes.
Lokar: I loved Velvet Soup.
Dirk: I asked about velvet ropes.
Lokar: Oh velvet ropes are a delightful romp.
Jan: Why you guys talk, why don't I look around the place.
Dirk: Okay sure.
Lokar: Tar, tar lover.
Jan: Tar, tar.
(Jan walks off.)
Lokar: I sleep with her...in my velvet bed.
Dirk: Velvet bed, that's dumb.
Lokar: Velvet Soup, now that's dumb.
Dirk: Oh yeah.
(Jan is looking in the kitchen.)
Jan: I don't care if his past is unimportant, I'm going to have a look for myself.
(Jan is shuffling in the kitchen when she grabs hold of a yellow piece of paper and reads.)
Jan:(reading) Mr. Spectre, please note the court has approved of changing you name from Space Spectre to Dirk Rich!
(Dramatic chord.)
Jan: Space Spectre, he robbed us when we got off the plane! That means he must've lied about trying to get his daughter to go shopping with me.
(Dirk (or Space Spectre) walks from the shadows behind Jan in his Space Spectre costume.)
Space Spectre (or Dirk): Tsk, tsk Jan, I tried telling you my past was unimportant and you went sleuthing anyway, just like Nancy Drew well just so you won't blab to the police I'll have to do something so drastic...
Jan: Have sex with me, right?
Space Spectre: Damn, read me like a book...okay, I'll kidnap you and lover bug back in the main room!
(Lokar walked in.)
Lokar: I smelt a Nancy Drew mentioning, what's going on...Space Spectre! Wha...where's Dirk?
Space Spectre: Ask Sleuthly McSleuth over there.
Jan: Space Spectre IS Dirk; he changed his name and put on a fancy outfit so he can change his personality and his going to...
(Space Spectre puts Lokar and Jan in a dodgeball sack and runs off. Cut back to the strip club.)
Phil: Everyone as the Governor of the United States I say that we shall...
(The REAL Governor walks in.)
Governor: I'm the Governor of the United States, howdy you do everyone.
Blonde Stripper: Wait how could you be the Governor, when Phil's the governor?
Phil: Okay everyone, I lied...I'm not the actual Governor.
Brunette Stripper: Why didn't you say so?
Phil: So you're not mad at me!
Blonde Stripper: Of course we are, you lied to us for 18 minutes, girls, let's kick him out!
(Phil is thrown out on to the footpath.)
Phil: Well, that was a pretty good 18 minutes or so; I wonder where the rest are.
(Phil walks off. Cut back to the movie studio.)
Space Ghost:(trying to do British accent) Okay, fellas'...
Director: Cut!
Peanut: What now?
Director: Space Ghost, why don't you just put a little more in your British acting?
Space Ghost: I can't act British Mr. Director, I'm a Ghost Planetoidal.
Director: C'mon, just try a little harder.
Space Ghost: That's it, I can't work under these conditions, the green room's actually brown, the trailers are just remote homes, the dressing rooms aren't rooms dressing up, I can't take this! I quit!
(Space Ghost walks off.)
Director: Oh boy.
Peanut: We can still do the movie without him alright?
Kenneth Williams: Yeah, c'mon.
Director: Well the movie's nothing without Space Ghost, in fact it's called "Space Ghost Goes England" and what, rename it to "Peanut and Kenneth Williams Go England", I don't think so.
Peanut: Well that's the end of my acting career before it even started, well...see ya Kenneth.
(Peanut walks off. Birdman walks into BBC Studios.)
Birdman: Hi, may I speak to the person in charge of the BBC?
Receptionist: Do you have an appointment Mr...
Birdman: Birdman...Harvey Birdman.
Receptionist: Harvey Birdman, host of that terrible talk show in America?
Birdman: The very one.
Receptionist: The same Harvey Birdman who has that show were his a lawyer?
Birdman: Yep...what?
Receptionist: Eh, what's your business?
(Rowan Atkinson floats up to Birdman in the monitor.)
Birdman: Oh I almost forgot last guest of the night er, day Rowan Atkinson he plays Mr. Bean.
Rowan Atkinson: Pitching a show hey, Birdman. Why wasn't I invited?
Receptionist: You got Mr. Bean to be on the show you're going to pitch.
Birdman: Uh, yeah...
Receptionist: Rejected.
Birdman: Excuse me?
Receptionist: Rejected, you heard me.
(Birdman and Rowan walk (or float) out the BBC as everyone meets up (except Jan and Lokar.)
Birdman: Phil, Peanut! Jace, what happened to you?
(Jace walks in with bruises and cuts all over him.)
Jace: You left me with that homeless man while I was sleeping on that pole! And he was a CRAZY homeless man, he combusted, true story.
Birdman: Everyone's here now oh man...I was going to pitch a show to BBC so I do something exciting, like you guys were supposedly doing...wait a minute, where is Jan and Lokar?
(Space Spectre runs on the street with the dodgeball sack.)
Birdman: Look who it is, Mr. McRobs Us for Our Money.
Lokar:(V.O): HELP US!
Space Spectre: Shut up in there!
Birdman: Lokar's in that sack, that ultimately means Jan is in there as well! We need to follow them...
(Pause.)
Phil: Well you can fly.
Birdman: There's a motorcycle!
(Birdman sits on the motorcycle.)
Birdman: Get on Rowan.
(Rowan hovers on as Birdman drives off as he follows Space Spectre as he is running faster.)
Space Spectre: I don't have your two rats in here, stop following me!
Birdman: Never!
(Birdman drives through a street corner while Space Spectre continues running as he passes by a police car.)
Policeman: Isn't that Space Spectre.
Policeman #2: Better go check.
(The police begin to follow Space Spectre.)
Jan:(V.O): Let us go!
Space Spectre: Not until "Survivor" gets cancelled!
Lokar:(V.O): That'll be forever!
(Birdman catches up to Space Spectre and runs him down as several police cars stop and they all come out.)
Birdman: Space Spectre, we all know you have Lokar and Jan in the sack.
Space Spectre: Okay, you can have them back, I didn't want them anyway.
(Lokar and Jan walk out of the dodgeball sack.)
Policeman: Space Spectre, you're under the arrest for kidnapping.
Birdman: And robbing us too.
Policeman: And you robbed this people, man you are low...
(Policeman handcuff Space Spectre and put him in the car and drive off.)
Birdman: C'mon everyone, let's go home.
(Pause.)
Birdman: Well?
(Everyone walks off.)
Everyone: Yeah, yeah we're going.
(Cut to them flying in the plane.)
Birdman: What a great vacation, pity it only lasted 30 minutes.
Phil: Will we could all say we did at least one thing in London that we liked.
Jace: I didn't.
Phil: That's because no-one likes you.
(Everyone laughs.)
Birdman: I couldn't help but forget someone.
(Cut to Rowan on the motorcycle.)
Rowan: Hello?
(End credits.)