Chapter 4

Shiinmaru-dono: Yo! I thought I would go through life and never see a Black Widow spider; I was sorely mistaken. #shivers# I hope I never have to get that close to one again. Anyway, I need people to vote on what they want for an ending (epilogue).

The choices are:

A lemon (in concurrence with the story, i.e. no time warp)

An article about Artemis publicly advocating gay rights (four year time warp)

An article about Artemis getting married (four year time warp)

A wedding with a lemony honey moon (four year time warp)

Decide the fate of the story! The power is at your fingertips!

Sho-dono: Hey ppls I'm back from my cruise and man was it fun. Turns out stingrays feel and look a lot like really big portabella (sp?) mushrooms. And baked snails aren't as bad as ppl make them out to be. Damn now I want more. Anyway, we do not own Artemis Fowl in any way shape or form. And this story is yaoi so if you don't like don't read mahn. I love Jamaica.

Shiinmaru-dono: That's great...Now, on with the fic!

Artemis awoke to the sound of a very loud and annoying bell ringing. His head was resting on his arms and everyone was getting up to leave as the teacher yelled out a homework assignment. "What happened? I got so tired and then what happened?" he mumbled as his piercing blue eyes settled on the figure sitting next to him, Liam. "Wha? What did you do to me?"

"I didn't do anything. You were tired and fell asleep; I'll fill you in on what you missed after school." Liam replied.

"After school?" Artemis was torn; he was angry at Liam for somehow making him fall asleep, yet he was elated at the prospect of spending time alone with Liam. Perhaps I can get him to open up to me about his past? Artemis thought.

Liam beamed one of his beautiful smiles at Artemis, "Yeah, we'll go to my place and I'll fill you in and help you with homework." Hook. Line. And sinker.

"Sounds good. Where do you live anyway?" Artemis couldn't help but ask.

"At the orphanage a couple blocks from here." Liam replied as he stood up, bag on his shoulder. "Come on. Let's get to A.P. literature before the teacher goes mental on my ass again." Liam stretched, exposing some of his harden six-pack; apparently, Liam was purely muscle. Artemis could only nod dumbly at Liam and quickly pack his things.

As the two teens moved down the hallway Liam began to sing a soft song, and it took Artemis a moment to figure out what the words were:

" Alone, all alone, by the wave-washed strand
All alone in a crowded hall.
The hall it is gay and the waves they are grand
But my heart is not here at all.
It flies far away, by night and by day,
To the time and the joys that are gone.
And I never can forget the sweet maiden I met,
In the valley near Slievenamon.

"It was not the grace of her queenly air
Nor her cheek of the rose's glow.
Nor her soft black eyes, not her flowing hair
Nor was it her lily-white brow.
'Twas the soul of truth and of melting ruth,
And the smile of summer's dawn
That stole my heart away, one mild summer day,
In the valley near Slievenamon.

"In the festive hall, by the star-watched shore
My restless spirit cries: my love,
Oh my love, shall I ne're see you more,
And my land will you ever uprise.
By night and by day I ever, ever pray,
While lonely my life flows on
To our flag unrolled and my true love to enfold,
In the valley near Slievenamon."

Artemis was entranced; he had never before heard such a heavenly voice. Artemis felt peaceful, yet he had not stolen anything, nor had he helped out Holly.

"We're here," Liam said gesturing toward a door decorated with long dead writers.

"Odd sense of decoration," Artemis commented idly. He followed Liam into the classroom and was immediately affronted by images of Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow. "Why does she decorate her room with Jack Sparrow?"

"Captain Jack Sparrow!!!" thirty different voices corrected him.

"O…k" he said with an anime style sweat-dropped. Liam chuckled at Artemis' confused face.

"It's an American thing; it's best if you go along with it or Teach will attack." Artemis nodded dumbly, though his curiosity was piqued.

"Who is this teacher? They sound rather barbaric if you ask me," Artemis inquired haughtily.

"Naw, Teach ain't barbaric. Just a little…emotional, is all," a brown haired boy from the front of the class proffered. His accent resembled Jack–no–Captain Jack Sparrow almost exactly. Too bad "Teach" decided to walk in at that moment.

"Ay 'ear that ay've a new student. Show yoorself, whelp!" "Teach" bellowed. "Teach" was an Irish woman of extremely short stature (no taller than four feet two inches) and spoke with a thick, old Dublin, Ireland accent. She had a shocking mane of red hair, a stubborn chin, and petit nose. "Teach" also had striking green eyes that missed nothing (no note passing went unnoticed) and a mischievous curve to her smirk. Artemis shrank down in his seat immediately intimidated by the woman.

"Here he is, Teach." Liam called pointing to Artemis. "I think you scared him though." That comment caused the class to burst out laughing.

"She did not scare me," Artemis hissed as he stood to show the teacher who he was.

"Hmm, ah beet scrahwny, awren't yoo," Teach stated, giving him a once over. "Ah, weel; to thee lessoon then." Teach turned to the board; Artemis forgotten and focus immediately circled the board. Students' backs straitened; notes, porn, and books were put within bags; all traces of sleepiness vanished and eyes focused on what Teach was writing. Artemis was astounded by the sudden change in his fellow classmates; Liam grinned.

Shiinmaru-dono: I have no ownership over the song above; the song is an old Irish folk song called Slievenamon. To save you all the trouble of flaming me over the fact that though both Artemis and Teach are from Ireland they have different degrees of accents. Clarification is needed (according to Zanza anyway…) #closes eyes and takes a meditative breath# Teach came from the poor side of Dublin (lower class), Artemis is from a higher class of society and had an education courtesy of teachers with some English/American based nationality. #takes deep breath# More will be told about Teach in another chapter. (I'm certain that you will find her past entertaining and what future role she shall play in this fanfic.)

Sho-dono: ok this was fun. But right now it's 10:30 PM and I have to get up in 6 hours with a shit load of makeup work done. O joy to me. Sho-dono out!
Shiinmaru-dono: That's my line, wench! #cracks whip at slave# Shiinmaru-dono out! #hears whimpering in background