Disclaimer: ditto all the other chapters!
Catherine waited outside the room, stunned by the intimacy they obviously shared. How do they work together and keep all that at bay. She shook her head just as Grissom emerged from Sara's room, "I've got to find someone to clean her up. This is terrible."
Catherine rolled her eyes and nodded in agreement, "I'll wait till you get back, and then I probably should head in."
When Catherine entered the room, Sara motioned for her to come near. "Catherine," her voice trailed off, searching for words. As if reading Catherine's mind, "I wanted so badly to tell you about us."
"I wish you had," she replied, honestly.
"Gil and I promised each other, and I couldn't bear to be the one to break it."
"But, why? Why the secrecy, don't you both know you could trust the team with your lives, so certainly with this vital part of it."
"A lot of reasons actually. We revisited it so many times, but each time we reminded ourselves of why we needed to keep our relationship out of the lab. I could never tell a bold face lie to anyone on the team, lucky for me, nobody came out and asked." She gave a slight chuckle and continued, "The biggest reasons by far were the ramifications of violating lab policy and all the potential innuendos of motivation with a supervisor/subordinate relationship, sexual harassment for him, sleeping your way up for me. Gil probably had more at stake than I, but…"
Catherine opened her mouth to say something, but Sara continued, "I know you all would have been fine with it, but Gil knew it would be a distraction. Every little assignment or evaluation he made would be viewed through the veil of the relationship. Add to that, the team would be watching us with that in mind, distracting everyone. The performance of the team is so important to him; he didn't want to mess with that chemistry. Besides, we didn't want anyone to have to lie for us, if it came to that. It could have jeopardized more careers, collateral damage."
Sara checked her expression, trying to read it. Catherine gazed off, deep in thought, and silent.
"Then if we came forward formally, they would have split us up; we'd never get to work together, and hardly see each other."
Still no response. "These aren't small reasons, Cath. Those same reasons kept us apart for years." Her eyes misting again, "years we can't have back."
She finally looked up, winced, and reluctantly nodded. She didn't want them to have a valid reason, but they did, sort of. "So, with all that against the relationship, how did it ever happen?" Catherine couldn't believe the opening, the chance to check out Grissom's version, but she leapt through it.
Sara just pulled one corner of her mouth back in a grin and shook her head, "I can't, Cath."
Grissom was right on the money, she is one tough nut to crack. "Sure you can, besides, the way I see it, you owe me."
"Huh!" Sara guffawed, "And just how do you see that!"
"You let me blabber along about Grissom and Lady Heather like an idiot, the whole time you're seeing him yourself."
Sara winced.
"And how many little white lies did you tell me to cover things up, they add up, you know?"
"Well, maybe someday, it's a long story though, and Gil will be back once he finds the nurse."
"Yes, Gil is back," he chimed in as he entered the room, "No luck yet, evidently your nurse is busy."
"Damn," Catherine murmured.
"Catherine, are you really that concerned about Sara's hygiene?" Looking at the two women, grinning widely, "Ok, that's obviously not it, now what's going on?"
"Well, Sara was just about to tell me how you two got together," and then frowning, "when you walked in."
"Oh, really," he said grinning, "Well, maybe you should continue, Sara, I'd kind of like to hear this too."
"What!" both women shrieked in unison.
"That's right, dear, if you recall….." he moved in closer, "you put me through the Spanish inquisition before you'd agree to that first date, but you never revealed your journey to that point." Catherine has all the highlights already, so what could it possibly hurt. Grissom not being too savvy in the 'pouring your heart out' area, never considered maybe he would be in for a surprise or two. Catherine meanwhile, smiled and got more comfortable in her chair.
Sara now with a confused look, "You're not serious?" She squinted, "Are you?"
"I am," as he folded his arms, and also got comfortable on the foot of the bed.
"I don't think I can do this."
"Sure you can….we met…." And Gil waved his hand over to her to continue.
"Are you sure you want to hear this? Now? You want Catherine to hear this?"
"Just play like you're telling a story, like we're not even here. I've always neglected your side of it; I wrestled so with mine for so long. And," looking to Catherine, "she's been there for me, for us, for a long time, she deserves to know how we got together." Catherine choked up a bit on that last statement, but felt the truth of it.
Sara simply closed her eyes in thought, blocked out the two of them there, and thought about the journey. She thought of all the ups and downs, the hurt, the confusion, and finally the resolution of all that into the most blissful time of her life. She began to speak, to no one in particular, like the narrator of a story, staring off into space.
"We met at the Forensic Academy Conference in San Francisco. I attended Grissom's lecture and was completely taken in, his eyes, his demeanor, his mind. I had this overwhelming urge to get to know more, so I tried to strike up a conversation over Anthropology questions. He seemed interested as well, so we started communicating. Mostly professionally, a few personal topics were covered, maybe a little flirting. I really couldn't tell where it was headed; I couldn't read him at all. When he called me to Vegas to help on a case I was thrilled. When he asked me to stay on, I was captivated by him; partly hoping for romance, and partly content to be mentored and taught by him. But, even professionally he became so distant; I filed the paperwork to leave. He sent me a plant. How smitten was I! I stayed for a plant."
Grissom looked hurt, What's wrong with a plant? Catherine smiled, remembering how he fumbled around trying to figure out what to do before settling on a plant.
"Gradually, I realized I was falling hard for him, but when it didn't look like romance was going to happen, I started to look elsewhere." She cleared her throat, "Hank."
Grissom winced.
"But, that wasn't the answer, and eventually, the hope for a real relationship with Grissom took over. Too many times I read the same hope in him, but when I brought it up, he made it clear he was not going there. I was confused and hurt."
Grissom sat there, feeling like a voyeur, hearing himself talked about in the third person. He was having serious second thoughts over this whole thing, not sure if he could stomach hearing how he had hurt Sara over the years. What the hell was I thinking, telling her to do this! Meanwhile, Catherine was practically drooling, this was some great stuff.
"The worst moment for me came on the case where one of the victims looked a little like me." Grissom inhaled audibly, and hung his head, dreading what he would hear next. "I don't know what possessed me, but I went to PD to watch the interview of the doctor, the suspect; I just wanted to see him get nailed for it. I guess I identified with that victim, for obvious reasons. Anyway, Brass and Grissom couldn't get him, the man had ice water in his veins, but as he was leaving, Grissom began to talk about us! He compared himself to the doctor, but summarized that he couldn't risk everything he's work for up to now, like the doctor had, for a life with a younger woman. I was devastated. I really took a downward spiral, threw myself into work, had a few too many beers at times, lost my temper more than I should, and not a day went by that I didn't tell myself I needed to leave. But, it was like I was held by a magic spell; I was unable to extradite myself from this impossible, destructive situation."
By now, Gil was feeling almost ill. If he did know just how deep she had sunk after his rejections, he had been in denial about it. Catherine was on the edge of her seat, so much of Sara's behavior now made sense. It was obvious Sara had some connection with Grissom all this time, but who knew she had been so in love with him for years while he cast her aside. She was truly amazed Sara didn't leave. But now, she wondered with baited breath, if Sara would reveal the watershed event; what ultimately brought them together. Gil had left that out of his version.
"Ultimately, the counseling I had after my near DUI helped put my feelings in prospective for Grissom. I had all that under control, but I snapped again, actually over something else, completely different. He began to check up on me, make sure I was ok, and we started to spend time together. Not romance, but friendship really. It was wonderful in fact. We talked about everything, effortlessly. I thought maybe this is where we were meant to be. I readied myself to be content with his friendship, and perhaps start exploring romance elsewhere. I actually started dating a bit."
Grissom's head shot up, Dating! Who was she with when I was unable to get her out of my mind!
Catherine couldn't help but notice, Well, obviously that was news to him. She also realized how skillfully Sara had skipped over the deep, dark secret she revealed to Grissom. Darn! She would still have to wonder about that one.
"Then, out of the clear blue, that's when he hit me with it. He asked me out on a date! An old fashioned date. He would pick me up, take me out, and there was hope of romance as he promised a good night kiss, at least. After all he'd put me through I thought it was surely a joke. I began to learn he was serious. We talked for hours about his fears, what kept us apart, what kept him away from me. He finally convinced me his feelings were bigger than his fears at that point, and I nervously agreed. I was scared to death. I was so afraid he'd push me away, again. He picked me up, and took me out all right, right to his place! Cooked dinner for me, flowers, wine, candlelight, music, all wonderfully romantic by the way," she sighed, and smiling she added, "And, he was making love to me before dessert."
Grissom blushed. Catherine's mouth dropped open.
"That was about two years ago, and we've been together ever since." She inhaled deeply, finally looked down to catch the stunned expressions on her company, and sarcastically added, "Ta, dah! There, I did it. Happy, now?"
Silence filled the room. Finally, Catherine smacked Grissom playfully across the arm, "What in the world took you so long!" The levity helped bring Grissom back from the brink of wanting to slit his wrists over the pain he had caused Sara.
"I suck at romance," he meekly replied.
"Not once you get it in gear, Dear," Sara said with a smile. "You're actually quite irresistible."
Grissom turned a deeper shade of crimson.
"All right you two, I've got one final question," Catherine sighed in exasperation, "Just how did you keep from showing your feelings at work for that time, with all the stress we face? Wasn't that hard?"
Gil still looked like a deer in the headlights, so Sara answered for them, "It's just about being professional. But, I'll admit, there were times, that I wasn't sure I had the restraint I needed," giggling a little.
Catherine smiled, and then turned a bit serious, "I must admit, you're right about the chemistry changing with the team knowing about you two. The guys all wanted to come up here as soon as they got back, but they're holding back for the "all clear." I'm sure the boss and his girlfriend is a bit different than just seeing Sara."
"Well, I'm glad you didn't wait. I'm really glad I got to clear the air. And tell the guys to get their butts up here," she said, then adjusting her gown, "that is whenever they get me clean!"
TBC…..
A/N: Poor Sara, the secrets are just pouring out of her now! I think she needs a little break, a little chapter with some fluff and fun thrown in, before she comes face to face with her doctor on his morning rounds...