A metafiction by Brian Randall
Disclaimer: Original source is Ranma 1/2, which is the property and creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Her paints, my easel, and the brush is borrowed without permission (hence this disclaimer) from Kenko and Chris Jones, as this metafic is inspired by 'Fair Warning' and 'The Tomboy Solution'.
Note: Fans of the above fics will probably not enjoy the effects of this one. Consider yourselves warned. Divergence. You'll know it when you see it.
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"Where is Ranma?" Shampoo asked, trying to adjust her broken arm to a slightly less aggravating position. The thing itched incessantly no matter where she put it, and she tried to simply ignore it, but the demanding itch kept returning.
"Tofu tells me he's been put to sleep for a while," Cologne answered after a moment, glancing out the door and down the hallway. "Do you realize how lucky you are, Shampoo?"
"Lucky that Ranma still will challenge me?" she asked. "Yes. Shampoo very lucky."
"No," Cologne countered with a grimace. "I know that you'd dearly love to beat Akane senseless-"
"Always! Kitchen-destroyer does not deserve Ranma. Ranma deserves better."
The old woman nodded. "That may be true. But she was merely a slip of a girl, not a warrior. It's fortunate that she attacked you before you were made to attack her. Ranma is furious with the Tendo girl ... and regardless of their admissions, I know he was deeply in love with her. More so than with you."
Shampoo flinched, the itching sensation forgotten.
"Imagine for a moment, my dear great-granddaughter, how upset he would be if you had beaten and abandoned Akane."
"Ranma very angry," she admitted quietly after a moment. "Is very lucky Akane make mistake before Shampoo. Is also lucky that Ranma angry at Akane, not Shampoo. But Shampoo never do such a thing."
"Very true," Cologne sighed. "But you're also lucky you weren't hurt as badly as those other girls."
"Joketsuzoku warriors is strong! Is no luck, is-"
"Luck," Cologne repeated with a scowl. "If you weren't the first person Akane had challenged, I'd be willing to bet that you'd be worse off. Perhaps greatly so."
"Shampoo is lucky," she murmured quietly, looking towards the window and wishing she could escape the hospital sooner.
"Yes. Now, Son-in-law is going to be staying with us until I send Mousse away. Seeing how he's taken this, I expect he's likely also going to ask me to show him enough about medicinal herbs to help Kodachi, and possibly Ukyou. So bearing in mind your fortune, shall we offer assistance, or shall we trick him into poisoning her?"
Shampoo blinked, considering. It was true that it was a rare opportunity -- Ukyou was already injured, so it could go unnoticed that they'd given Ranma poor advice on how to treat her. And Cologne was quite skilled, so could devise... But... "No," she said, shaking her head. "Shampoo very lucky. Not push that."
"Good," Cologne said, smiling. "I'd have been disappointed if you said yes."
"Not as much as Ranma," Shampoo muttered.
"Ah, excellent. I was confident that you would grasp the real importance of this. Now try and take a nap -- perhaps when you wake up, it will be time for Ranma to take you back home."
"Yes," Shampoo sighed, closing her eyes. "That will be nice."
-1-
After waking blearily at Kodachi's side, Ranma had straightened out the rumpled clothes he hadn't changed since he'd fought Akane, brushed the girl's hair from her sleeping face, and then squinted at the doctor. "Tofu?" he asked suspiciously. "Was that a sleep-spot?"
"You needed it," the doctor said unapologetically. "Now, I've woken you up as promised; Shampoo's going to be released in about thirty minutes."
After another glance at Kodachi's slumbering form he nodded, rising to his feet and pushing the chair quietly back into a corner. "I thought they'd kick me out of here," he mumbled.
"I pulled some strings," Tofu assured him.
Grunting, Ranma strode down the hallways at the doctor's side, rousing slowly on the walk. By the time they reached Shampoo's room he'd estimated he was as awake as he'd get, given that his body was still recovering from the blows Akane had landed, the lack of adequate sleep, and the blood-loss.
"Hey," he said, nodding to the purple-tressed girl sitting in her bed, leaning against a stack of pillows and tiredly flipping through a Chinese newspaper. "You feelin' okay?"
"Stupid sudoku is too easy," she said, tossing the papers away. "Ranma! I is okay. You?"
"Been better," he admitted after a moment.
Tofu nodded at him, stepping out of the room and turning back from the hallway. "I'll take care of filing Cologne's paperwork," he said, closing the door.
"You ... win against ugly costume?" Shampoo asked warily.
"It's wrapped up in a towel," he said after a moment. "Well, the pieces are. I sealed it with a couple dozen ofuda. Tofu's got it somewhere -- I'll give it to Cologne to destroy forever at the Neko-Hanten."
"Good," she decided, nodding. "Now Tendo girl admits she is no warrior, and Shampoo no have to act on kiss of death."
"She'll do that," Ranma said quietly. "Anyway. I think Cologne is gonna send Mousse away to China."
"Also good!"
He snorted, offering a weak smile. "Probably," he admitted. "I never thought Akane'd make herself an enemy like him."
"Can we no talk about her?" Shampoo asked dully. "Ranma hardly ever talks to Shampoo."
"Yeah," he said, scrubbing his hands through his hair. "I'm probably gonna pass out again when we get back to the Neko-Hanten. Sorry, I've been kinda busy."
"Shampoo know," she assured him, smiling wryly. "You is ... worried for Shampoo?"
"Yeah," he admitted. "I didn't know what Akane was gonna do with that damned... I mean, yeah. I was worried for all of you."
Shampoo frowned and looked away. "Oh. You is going back to her, then." Her voice was oddly flat.
"No, no... I don't... I can't." He slumped, pulling the room's single chair closer to the bed before sinking into it. "I haven't really had time to think about things. But I thought Akane was a very different girl from the one she really is." He stared silently for a long minute, then sighed, leaning back in his chair. "This is crazy."
"Is so," she said softly. "What you do now?"
"I'm gonna ask if I can stay with you," he mumbled. "I want to help you out and keep an eye on Mousse until he's gone. That's when Ucchan gets out of the hospital, too."
"Ranma take care of Shampoo?"
"Is so," he said with a smirk. "On my honor as a martial artist, I'll take care of ya."
"Shampoo happy!" she said, eyes closing briefly.
She beamed a smile at him, and he hastily amended, "I mean, at least until I can challenge you again, like I promised."
The door opened then, Tofu peering in and offering a warm smile. "You're free to go," he said quietly. "Cologne's already taken Mousse -- they're looking for some herbs that they said you'd want."
"Herbs?" Ranma asked, frowning. "Huh. Wouldn't put it past the old ghoul to figure that out. Well, anyway, you ready to get outta here, Shampoo?"
"Yes!" the girl said eagerly, eyes lighting up. "We go now?"
"In a bit," Ranma said, rising from his chair and going to the bag of possessions that Cologne had left for her. "You get dressed, and then I want to check in on Ucchan and Kodachi before we leave." He paused and glanced to Tofu. "If that's okay?"
"Certainly," the doctor agreed. "Why don't we give Shampoo some privacy to change?"
"Yes," she said, nodding. "Doctor outside, Ranma stay here."
The boy blinked. "Huh?"
Tofu snickered and grabbed the back of Ranma's collar, hauling him out of the room. "No fair!" Shampoo protested, climbing laboriously out of the bed.
The door shut then, and Ranma glanced down the hallways. "Am I screwin' up, Sensei?" he asked anxiously. "You said I wasn't judging things so good."
"I think that while your judgment may not be perfect, your heart is honestly in the right place," the doctor said after a moment. "But the truth is a powerful weapon. For what it's worth, letting Shampoo see the condition that the other girls are in should calm her down a little."
"Calm her down? She don't seem that bad," Ranma mumbled.
"Ah ... never mind. She's probably finished changing by now, why don't you go and check on her?" The doctor knocked loudly on the door, counted to ten, then opened it and pushed Ranma through before closing it again.
He wobbled unsteadily and glanced up, relieved to see that Shampoo had gotten her pantsuit on, and was struggling to adjust the ties on her shirt with one hand. "Let me help," he said reflexively, striding to her side and swiftly knotting the cords. "There we go."
"Thank you," she murmured, leaning into him. He started to reflexively leap away before he remembered her condition and forced himself to hold still, letting the girl put her good arm around his waist to use him as support. "We go see Kodachi and Ukyou now?"
"Yeah," he said, nodding. He was distracted by how gentle and subdued she seemed, just holding him and leaning into his side. He couldn't help but compare it to Akane; if Akane had been injured, he thought he would end up carrying her. If she'd let him help at all. He bit his lip to keep himself from sighing; Shampoo had an arm wrapped around him and wouldn't miss that. And the last thing he wanted to do was discuss the one girl with the other. He didn't even want to think about anything until he could sleep.
Tofu was waiting for them in the hallway, muttering darkly to himself as he studied a clipboard. Ranma glanced at it, but saw only the katakana spelling for a foreign doctor's name. "Who's Chrono-sensei?" he asked, trying to distract himself from his current chain of thought.
"A former associate," Tofu said quietly. "I need to look him up to ... discuss something. It's not terribly relevant, so don't worry about it." Clearing his throat abruptly, Tofu continued, "We're off official visiting hours, so let's see to your friends."
Ranma put his arm over Shampoo's shoulder, behind her back. She stepped confidently, only limping into him slightly, and in short order they reached Ukyou's room.
The okonomiyaki chef was staring at the television with a combined look of interest and disgust. "'Alez cuizine' my butt," she grumped, shaking her head. "If the Iron Chef wins this one, I know it's rigged-- Ranchan!" She broke off mid-complaint and shot him a bright grin before it froze and melted to a look of warring dread and false cheer.
Shampoo shifted slightly in Ranma's grip, and said, "Um... Hello, Ukyou. Akane ... put you here?"
"Yeah," she said, features fading to disappointment and regret as she stared out the window.
"Is not so bad," Shampoo said, releasing Ranma and hobbling to the seat beside Ukyou's bed. "Great-Grandmother knows many herbs. Shampoo almost get worse scar once."
"R...really?" Ukyou asked in surprise, her free hand reflexively going to the healing wound across her cheek. "W...why would..." She trailed off and managed an awkward smile for the Chinese girl. "Um... Thanks, Shampoo."
"They let you out in two weeks?" Shampoo asked.
Ukyou grimaced and nodded. "If I'm lucky. They said that'd be the earliest, and it might be months. I can't move much until my hip sets," she explained. "They don't want to leave so many pins in when they send me home. But at least I'm not in traction. One of the nurses was telling me there's a girl here who can't move at all because of some spinal injuries. She's being kept immobilized until they can replace three crushed vertebrae."
"Is not as bad as could be, then," Shampoo said nodding.
Ranma flinched and said, "That other girl is Kodachi."
Ukyou and Shampoo both blinked before wincing. "Ouch," Ukyou finally said. "Is she ... okay?"
"She pulled through," he allowed with a sigh. "Oh, man. Principal Kuno flipped out and is gonna sue the Tendo family for assault. Akane got expelled, too. Kodachi's gonna try and talk him out of the suing part, but I didn't ... feel right askin' to have her not be expelled. Seemed like I was kind of pushing things already."
"Wow." Ukyou stared for a minute, then shook her head, fumbling with the remote and turning the television off. "I don't know what to say."
"Me neither," Ranma said. "Ah ... I'm takin' Shampoo back to the Neko-Hanten, but I'll come by tomorrow to see you and Kodachi."
"Okay," she replied. "Um, are you still going to..." She trailed off apprehensively, and glanced at Shampoo.
"Yeah, yeah," he said, shaking his head. "I wasn't gonna stop takin' care of ya, Ucchan. Once Shampoo gets better they'll probably be lettin' you out."
"Ironic timing," Tofu noted with a grimace, checking his notepad again.
"Huh?"
"I think Kodachi will be awake soon," the doctor said, turning the clipboard away from Ranma's view. "We've switched her medication away from morphine, since she didn't like it. She'll be in more pain, but also more lucid." He frowned at that. "Though, she seemed remarkably alert for someone under such heavy sedation."
"Practice makes perfect," Ranma mumbled. "I guess we should see if she's up." He helped Shampoo to her feet, but she insisted on shambling through to the hall on her own before accepting any other assistance. "Don't you want me to help?" he asked, frowning.
"Yes," she said, wincing before his arm slipped around her back and she leaned against him heavily, catching her breath. "But not want to make Ukyou feel bad to see you walk away with me while she stuck in bed."
"Oh," he said quietly. "I didn't think of that."
"That because you is stupid about girls," she noted.
"Hey!" he protested. "That ain't true!"
"If it not true, you marry me by now."
Tofu snickered, leading the way to Kodachi's room.
Ranma grimaced, shaking his head. "You gonna want to walk in here by yourself, too?"
"Aire-" She coughed, grimacing. "I get better soon and you challenge again, yes?"
"Uh ... yeah," he said, nodding slowly. "That's what I said."
"Good. Ranma want Shampoo to get along with Ukyou and Kodachi? Then Shampoo try not to make them jealous."
"Hey," he said weakly, "don't go gettin' the wrong idea!"
"What wrong idea?" she asked. "You promise to challenge Shampoo to..." She trailed off, blinking. "You plan to throw fight?"
"Huh," he said, frowning. "You know, I didn't think of that. Nah, I don't throw fights -- you know that."
"Is so," she said, returning his frown. "But you is just planning to defeat Shampoo, and then not marry, like before?"
"W...well, I dunno," he said uncertainly. "I mean, I got other obligations, you know. There's Ucchan, and I gotta take care of Kodachi, too."
"And she may need months of assistance before she fully recovers," Tofu warned.
Shampoo sighed at that. "Joketsuzoku law says that..." She trailed off with a grimace, shaking her head and momentarily stopping, leaning against Ranma even more heavily, and pulling him closer with her unbroken arm. "Okay. For you, I not complain."
"Thanks," Ranma said, leaning far enough away to show her a warm smile before pulling her close again. When he looked up, he realized he recognized the room number before him. "Hey, this is Kodachi's room. You want me to get you a, uh, chair or something?"
"Humph," she snorted, rolling her eyes. "Shampoo is stronger than that!"
He nodded, letting her step away from him as Tofu opened the door to the room. Kodachi lay within, still in the traction cast from before. She, too, was watching television, though her eyes immediately went to the doorway.
"Ranma-sama," she greeted neutrally, raising an eyebrow at Shampoo.
After a moment of hesitation, Ranma moved to the foot of the bed; the immobilized girl could turn her eyes but not move her head, and he reasoned she would see him more easily there. "Kodachi," he said back, offering a weak smile. "I'm, uh, just checkin' in on you. Tofu says they got you on new medicine?"
"Indeed," she said, blinking. "I do not yet know what they have given me; the effects are fascinating, if they don't really do anything to relieve the tedium."
"Aiyah," Shampoo groaned, working her way to the chair beside Kodachi's bed and sinking into it with a wince. "Shampoo is sorry that this happened."
"Ah," Kodachi said, frowning slightly. "Shampoo. I hadn't realized you were here until I saw you at the doorway."
There was a moment of awkward silence before Ranma offered, "Akane managed to pick a fight with all three of ya on the same day." He shook his head and turned to look out the window.
Tofu unobtrusively wheeled the chair Shampoo had chosen closer to Ranma, putting the Chinese girl into Kodachi's field of vision.
The immobilized girl winced. "Well, aren't you a mess," she observed.
Shampoo frowned, her right hand rising to the tape across her nose. "I is," she agreed with a sigh, glancing at Ranma. "Maybe not worst mess, though."
"You may have a point," Kodachi mused.
Ranma glanced back to the two girls. "I think you got the worst of it, Kodachi," he said apologetically. "I'm gonna do what I can to help."
"It will be some time before they even allow me the freedom of my arms," she said with disgust, rolling her eyes at the television, which was showing news reports. The closed captioning had been turned on, and the sound was off. "I eagerly await the day I can emerge from this confining chrysalis and walk at your side on our date."
Shampoo blinked at this, eyeing Ranma thoughtfully.
"That'd, uh, be nice," he said uneasily. "I'd just be glad to see you run again. You don't..." He bowed his head. "You don't belong in a place like this."
"How queer," Kodachi mused. "So many have voiced the opinion that I should be confined and on medication in a hospital. It warms me to know that you are not one of them."
He chuckled at that, shaking his head. "I don't know if I got that," he admitted. "But nah, you ain't as crazy as some people I seen. Anyway, I gotta take Shampoo back to her place. I'm comin' back tomorrow to check in on you and Ucchan though."
"Oh?" Kodachi asked, smiling softly. "I have made arrangements in the way of reparation to Tendo Akane."
"What's that?" Ranma asked suspiciously.
"She shall be attending St. Hebereke's, now," she offered. "A private school will allow her to avoid the reputation her expulsion will have garnered her."
"Oh," he said with a frown. "That's awful nice of you, considering what she did."
"Perhaps," she said neutrally. "When I am freed from this place, I will attend Furinkan with you and my brother."
"Huh," Ranma mused, rubbing his chin. "Was this Kuno... Er... Was this Tatewaki's idea?"
"Yes," she said, blinking. "I was indifferent, and my father opposed this choice. When they asked me to decide, I proposed a compromise -- so long as you keep your promise to help me recover, Tendo Akane's tuition will be paid, and no charges will be filed."
He scratched the back of his head with a frown. "Huh."
"My father's stipulation," she said apologetically. "I have absolute faith in you, Ranma-sama."
"Ranma very honorable," Shampoo agreed. "Now Tendo girl is sent away, is no trouble to us? Shampoo glad. Thank ribbon-g... Er." She blushed, though with her still-healing black eyes, the effect was disconcerting. "Shampoo says thank you to Kodachi."
"This arrangement is not without its flaws," Kodachi said, a strain of deep regret entering her voice. "It seems that my father is ... displeased ... with you, Ranma-sama. I am sorry for that -- he now blames you for..." Her mobile hand gestured weakly, indicating the traction frame she had been strapped into.
"I think I'm gonna skip classes and catch up on sleep tomorrow," Ranma groaned, rubbing at his temples. "Man. I bet they're really gonna give me nasty homework assignments now."
"This is my fault," Kodachi said with a frown. "Would you be willing to bring your assignments here when you visit? I am more than willing to offer what assistance I can."
"Ukyou's going to need to have her assignments brought in as well," Tofu said with a nod. "You should see if the school will let you take them to her. In the meantime, if you're not opposed to it, I can see about getting you and Ukyou a room together, Kuno-san."
"I suppose," Kodachi said neutrally. Then she paused, glancing towards the door. Tofu blinked and shut it without further prompting. "I will not oppose this, though I do not know how much she would welcome it."
"I think she'll be okay with it," Ranma said, shrugging. "You're the one who called an ambulance for her, right?"
"Yes," Kodachi admitted. "I was concerned. And am gratified that she is here, and being taken care of, instead of..." She grimaced. "I woke in the hospital. I remember fighting Akane, and then being flung through something rather solid before it became very cold and dark."
"Well ... I'm not going to school tomorrow, so if you're nervous, I can ask her about it then," Ranma offered. "I'm sure she won't mind."
"I would be gratified for that, too," Kodachi murmured. "Ah, this medication is rather potent. I think I shall sleep for a time, Ranma-sama. I hope ... to dream ... of you." Heaving a heavy sigh, the deepest breath Ranma had seen her take since her internment, her eyes drifted shut.
Ranma glanced warily at the machine monitoring her heart, but couldn't make sense of it, other than the fact that it seemed to be normal. "She's fine," Tofu assured him. "I think she's straining herself to be as aware and focused as she is when you're around, Ranma."
"Oh," the boy said quietly. "Okay. Um ... Shampoo, are you ready to go?"
"Yes," she replied just as quietly, worried about waking Kodachi.
"Okay," he said again, sweeping her carefully out of her chair and cradling her to his chest, her broken arm away from him so she could position it comfortably across her body.
Shampoo blushed faintly, but said nothing until they were in the hall and Tofu had quietly shut the door behind them again. "You carry Shampoo all the way to Neko-Hanten?" she murmured.
He nodded, glancing at Tofu for support. The doctor smirked and shook his head. "Make sure you get some rest," he commanded. "We'll discuss shiatsu further tomorrow. I'll be heading out to meet someone, then I'll be spending the majority of my time here to keep an eye on Kodachi and Ukyou."
"Thanks, Sensei," he sighed. "I guess for now I can focus on Shampoo."
"I don't see why not," Tofu replied with a shrug.
"Thank you, Airen," Shampoo said quietly.
"Alright. Let's go," he murmured, trotting through the halls, careful not to jostle Shampoo as they went.
-2-
Cologne puffed on her pipe contemplatively, looking at the assembled scraps Ranma had collected. She suspected that the entire thing could be rebuilt fairly easily. The most interesting part was the complex seal that Ranma had struck, the one that caused the dougi to be destroyed. It seemed to bear the suit's true magical power, and the cloth was merely that.
Quite likely, placing that seal in another article of clothing would produce a similar garment to the original. More importantly, though, the seal was mentioned in one of her many tomes of lore.
"Son-in-law," she intoned, causing the boy sitting opposite her at the table to flinch. "You've lost blood. Finish your ramen."
"Right," he said, shaking his head and swiftly polishing the bowl off. Shampoo had been taken upstairs and put to bed without any protests. The complaints only began when Cologne pulled Ranma out of her grip. The boy himself was largely flustered, and especially worried about aggravating Shampoo's injuries ... as minor as those were, in comparison. Mousse was enjoying an extended nap in a very small private chamber.
She hadn't actually intended to wallop him with the wok, as much as warn him that he needed to leave Shampoo alone ... but she supposed the message was just as clear, if not clearer, ultimately. "So," he said, glancing at the scraps and the seal. "Does this get Akane out of trouble?"
"Unfortunately, it does not," she said with an apologetic shrug. "In fact, this artifact does not influence the mind at all, save the standard corruption that applies to all who gain too much power too quickly. As I'm sure you recall when I removed the Ultimate Weakness Moxibustion from you."
Ranma winced. "I didn't hurt anyone then," he said. "'Cept Happosai. And it ain't like the old freak didn't have it coming to him. Well, maybe Pops, too, but that was for his boneheaded 'Crouch of the Wild Tiger'."
"You do realize that's the instant I trained you to exceed them, don't you?" she asked, smirking.
"Nah, I... It was... Well, there..." He blinked suddenly. "Okay," he said with a shrug, "I'm gonna have to admit that I didn't."
"Well, that's good," she said. "And you're listening to me, without complaining, protesting, or trying to bargain."
"I figured you were leadin' up to something," he said with another shrug. As an afterthought, he added, "An I'm real tired."
"Yes. This is not a cursed relic, though I imagine you cursed it greatly. It merely benefits very few. I do not think anyone other then Tendo Akane could use it, now, and therefore am going to destroy it."
"Okay," Ranma said with a shrug. "Good riddance."
"Agreed," Cologne mused, puffing on her pipe again. "Now, since you've figured I am ... 'leadin' up to something', I'll tell you what my offer is. Promise me you'll never marry Tendo Akane, and I will compromise my principles enough to say that it was cursed. Before I destroyed it, of course."
He seemed to consider it for a few moments before he shrugged. "Deal."
"My," she murmured. "That was easier than expected. I should have made you promise to marry Shampoo."
He flinched, shaking his head quickly. "I can only spread myself so thin," he protested. "Akane's left a lot of stuff for me to take care of, and now I'm owing you and Shampoo, Ucchan, and the Kuno family a bunch. If I thought that it'd solve things, I guess..." He hesitated, before wincing and admitting, "If I thought it would fix things, I'd agree to that, too -- but then Kodachi and Ucchan would never forgive me."
"I'm glad to see it's not only Akane's wellbeing you're concerned for here," Cologne said, drawing a scroll from her sleeve and laying it flat on the table. She placed the seal from the dougi and all the cloth scraps in a circle that had been inked on the parchment, surrounded by ancient mystic symbols. "One last request from you, Son-in-law. I know that you've given blood for Ukyou and Kodachi ... and now it's time to offer a bit more."
"Huh?"
She indicated a specific symbol on the parchment. "Three drops of blood, Son-in-law. Right here." She produced a sewing needle from the same sleeve that had housed the scroll and offered it towards the pigtailed boy. After a moment of confusion he shrugged, accepting it, pricking his finger, and then letting a trio of drops spatter onto the parchment.
The seal gave an abrupt whining crunch before it collapsed into a tiny brass sphere, the cloth scraps flying into the air and disintegrating into nothing at all.
"That was awesome," Ranma said weakly, grinning. "One thing that can't bother us anymore. I'm feeling sleepy."
"I imagine so," Cologne said, nodding. "Get your rest. Tomorrow, we shall discuss shiatsu and healing herbs. You'll want to help Ukyou ... and Shampoo could benefit from some things, too, of course. To mention nothing of what we might do to aid Kodachi."
"That's real nice of ya," Ranma murmured.
"Oh, I have my motives. We'll discuss those tomorrow, too. Now go take Mousse's bed."
"Gotcha," he mumbled, staggering up the stairs.
"Now I simply have to decide what to do with the boy," she mused.
-3-
Akane's desk was to one side of him, and Ukyou's was to the other.
Both were empty.
Ranma lowered his head to his crossed arms and closed his eyes. After falling asleep in Mousse's room at the Neko-Hanten, he'd slept for a solid twelve hours. The next day had been spent in discussion with Cologne about herbs, shiatsu, and then a run to the hospital to check up on Kodachi and Ukyou.
Ukyou was growing increasingly annoyed with Iron Chef, but complained that Takeshi's Castle didn't come on until later, so there really wasn't anything else to watch; Kodachi was asleep. After that he'd gone back to the Neko-Hanten to wait tables while Shampoo was recovering, and then he'd gone to sleep again. Mousse was still locked away, and his next memory had been an uncomfortable dream involving masks, but he couldn't remember much more than that, and didn't feel very rested afterwards.
Hinako's shrill voice snapped him back to attention: "Saotome!"
"Yeah?" he asked, blinking away the last vestiges of the nap he'd been trying to sink into.
The diminutive teacher stalked between the desks, stopping just before him and glaring ever so slightly up at his face, seated as he was. "The administration is not pleased with your academic performance," she warned.
"Oh," he managed, blinking. "You mean principal Kuno. He's pissed at me 'cause Kodachi got hospitalized?"
"I said no such thing!" Hinako protested, while every eye in the classroom that hadn't already been fixed on him found its way there. "I merely am warning you that your academic performance is substandard, and if you can't bring your grades up by the end of the next month, there's a very real risk you won't graduate."
"Gotcha," he said quietly. "Okay. Can I go back to sleep now?"
Hinako sighed in exasperation and rolled her eyes. "Saotome! That's not getting the point! Your grades will only get better if you study! Sleeping in class is just going to hurt your grades worse."
"Right," he said, blinking again. "I'll stay awake."
"And pass this test," Hinako barked, slapping a sheet of paper on his desk. "Everyone! Pop-quiz!"
-4-
After class had let out, the students broke into drifting groups, the majority of which would wander away to clubs and arcades, among other favored after-school retreats. Hinako watched them warily, wondering what she had done with the test results, and remembering only Hiroshi and Daisuke giving her a large box of chocolates.
It probably wasn't important, she decided.
Ranma rose from his desk and stretched, before marching to her side. "Can I get Ukyou's homework?" he asked her quietly. "I'm going to meet her after school, so I can bring her anything."
"Kuonji," Hinako murmured with a frown. "She missed class today -- is she delinquent?"
"She's in the hospital," Ranma protested indignantly. "Didn't you... Ah, I guess no one would have told you."
"Oh? You put a lot of girls there, Saotome? You really need to learn to be more careful," she said, shaking her head. "What's the world coming to?"
"I didn't put them there!" he snapped. "I'm tryin' to get 'em out! Now can I have Ucchan's assignments or not?"
"If I were you," Hinako murmured, turning to her day-planner and copying the list of assignments out of it, "I'd worry about my own grades more than hers -- she's at least passing. You're not."
"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled. "Like I care. What's the worst that could happen -- I don't have to come here and deal with Kuno anymore? Or his crazy dad?"
"Your approach to academia leaves much to be desired," she said, taking the slip of paper with the assignments and waving it before Ranma's nose, pulling it out of his reach when he moved to take it. "Seriously, Saotome. If your grades don't go up, you'll never go to college. Don't you want to have a future? Don't you have a plan?"
"Where did this come from all the sudden?" Ranma protested. "Last week no one said nothing, and now it's the end of the world 'cause my grades are slipping?"
"Well, the real world is a strange and sometimes unfriendly place," she said, making sure that none of the other students were too close to overhear. "It's not my decision. I'd just punish you for Kodachi being hospitalized, but the principal says his daughter asked him not to. So now he's just making you follow the rules."
"Well school don't matter to me, I'm gonna inherit--" He cut himself off with a choking noise, and then forced a chuckle. "Oh yeah," he said very quietly. "W...well..." He stared blankly at the paper. "Um. I guess ... I don't really got a plan. Besides takin' care of the girls that ... that ended up in the hospital."
"So you've got a goal," Hinako said, smiling. "I'm glad! A goal is the first step towards pulling yourself from the pit of delinquency. Now, what are you going to do to achieve your goal?"
"W...well," Ranma began slowly, raising his head and staring at the ceiling, "Cologne is teachin' me about all kinds of herbs to help people heal better. Shiatsu, too. I guess ... I should ask Tofu-sensei how he did it, and get some advice to him."
"Okay," Hinako said agreeably. "That's one step. Your second step will be to actually do your homework, for the first time since I've come to this school. If you don't have a good education, you won't have a good career."
His face colored, and Ranma nodded uneasily. "Yeah, okay. I'll do that too. Now can I have Ucchan's homework?"
She shrugged, handing him the slip of paper. He stared at it for a moment, then nodded decisively and marched out into the hallway.
-5-
Akane eyed the box in front of her. Another outfit -- just for her. This one was dark, the colors of St. Hebereke. "I guess no one will get mad at me for wearing this," she muttered, putting the lid back on the box and setting it to one side.
Kasumi sat at the table knitting a scarf, and glanced up at Akane briefly to offer a sympathetic smile.
Turning to look out the back door, Akane couldn't help but wonder what Nabiki was up to. She was still at Furinkan ... with Ranma. Her eyes closed as the wind shifted, bearing the sounds of the argument going on in the dojo.
"...irresponsible! I taught you better than that, Soun, and I'm very upset! You had the savvy to lock me away for ten years, but you can't keep your own flesh-and-blood in line?" Happosai, obviously.
"It's not my fault, Master! It was the dougi! Please be merciful to me!" Her spineless father, she thought, sighing.
"Truthfully, Master, it was the dougi -- ask Cologne if you don't believe us! Ranma destroyed it!" Akane flinched at that. Did Ranma somehow still think that it was the suit, and not her that had done...
She groaned, rubbing at her eyes. What she had done was a mistake, she realized. Damn Dr. Chrono for giving her such terrible advice! She should have just destroyed the dougi herself! "It's not like Ranma was innocent, either," she muttered.
"Pardon, Akane?" Kasumi asked, her knitting needles clacking together loudly for a moment before she set them on the table.
"Ranma wanted the dougi," Akane clarified. "He tried to get it for himself. And then he got jealous."
"And you put three girls in the hospital," Kasumi returned, her needles resuming motion. "There are lines that should not be crossed, Akane-chan."
"I know," Akane replied, closing her eyes again at the sick, roiling sensation in her stomach. She hadn't eaten since Ranma had kicked her, just drinking tea and shuffling the food on her plates around at mealtimes. "But I just think ... if I could ... could somehow go back in time even two days, I could stop myself. I could ... could..."
"What would a warning change?"
Her eyes opened and she grimaced. "It just made things worse, didn't it?" she sighed. "I'm supposed to start going to class tomorrow. I wonder what St. Hebereke's is like."
"No boys, for one thing," Nabiki replied, stepping through the doorway and kicking her shoes off. "For another, I personally think their uniforms are nicer. How are you doing, Akane?"
"Fine," she replied reflexively, turning to look at the box with her folded uniform in it. "I guess."
"Don't be so down," Nabiki chastised. "Yeah, you made a mistake, and yeah, Ranma's really mad right now. But it's not like you really wanted to marry him, did you?"
"Of course I did!" Akane yelled, before blushing darkly and covering her face. "Not that it matters now."
"I guess not," Nabiki said quietly, a comforting hand patting Akane on the shoulder. "But let me make one thing clear to you either way. It's easy to regret. It's harder to change. So stop regretting, and start improving."
"That's easy to say," Akane grumbled, her hands falling into her lap. "But where am I supposed to begin?"
"I think the first step is to understand who and where you are," Kasumi suggested, setting her knitting aside suddenly and turning to look at her youngest sister. "Then you decide who and where you want to be."
Akane sighed and rubbed at her eyes. "I hate screwing up," she mumbled.
"Then you'd better get cracking on figuring things out," Nabiki advised.
"Okay, okay... I'll be in my room thinking." Climbing to her feet, she paused to collect her new uniform, then headed towards the stairs, glad that the conversation from the dojo wasn't carrying anymore.
-6-
The nurses had learned to recognize Ranma on sight, and merely nodded when he waved to them on his way into the hospital. Shampoo was walking next to him, though they both kept their speeds restrained. Later, she would work in the kitchen, and he would wait tables alongside Mousse.
The myopic boy had been very upset to find that Ranma had already dealt with Shampoo's attacker. He wasn't exactly pleased to see Ranma around, either, and after a few dozen swiftly settled combats, he backed off. Neither were in a mood to be gentle, but it was obvious to both that Ranma was the superior martial artist.
Eventually, of course, Mousse was going to demand to at least know who was responsible for Shampoo's injuries -- he was kept from doing so by his anger at Ranma for the moment. Cologne's offer to send the Chinese boy back to his homeland was seeming better by the moment.
"Yo," he said softly, peeking into the room that Kodachi and Ukyou now shared. Both were watching a cooking show. Shampoo peeked over his shoulder and waved.
"Ranma-sama," Kodachi murmured, eyes flickering from the television to him. "I'm overjoyed that you came again."
"Heya, Ranchan! How you doing?" Ukyou seconded, grinning impishly from her bed. "And heya, Shampoo."
"Oh," he said, glancing behind him through the doorway, and spotting Tofu walking towards him. "Ah, good." Turning back to the girls, he smirked and said, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Shall we guess?" Kodachi asked, rolling her eyes towards Ukyou.
"I'm banking on homework for the bad news," Ukyou said with a nod. "Homework and more homework."
"Well, that's hardly a concern for me," Kodachi replied.
"Wrong!" Ranma exclaimed, shaking his head. "I got homework for both of you. Your dad's the principal, so he can get it for you anytime."
"Oh, lovely," Kodachi said flatly. Smiling, and putting more cheer in her voice, she asked, "Is the good news that we're having a 'family planning' lesson?"
Ranma momentarily lost his composure and stared at the Kuno girl with wild eyes before stammering, "N...no!" Ukyou clutched at her side and struggled to constrain her amusement to a series of giggles. Shampoo smirked and shoved him through the doorway, leaving him to stumble to the foot of Kodachi's bed.
Tofu found his way through the door before Ranma recovered his balance enough to try and shoot Shampoo a scowl. The attempt was marred by a grin he couldn't quite force down; all three girls were looking healthier already. Clearing his throat, he explained, "I've got some herbs from Cologne. Good stuff -- so ... let's see." He unslung the pack from his back and set it on the floor, rifling through the contents.
"Ah," Tofu murmured, peering over Ranma's shoulders. "This is indeed good stuff. I'll set up a teakettle."
Ranma nodded, pulling a handful of paper-wrapped herb bundles out and setting them on a tray. Schoolbooks and a handwritten list of assignments followed. "So," he said, as Tofu began sorting through the herbs, "I've got something special here for you, Ucchan, but I, uh, gotta ask you for a favor, too." He produced a small clay jar of salve from the pack and explained, "This'll keep that wound from scarring."
"I show Airen how to use," Shampoo volunteered. "Test to make sure is good." She nodded and offered Ukyou a smile, taking short steps until she was standing at Ranma's side. Tofu unobtrusively slid a chair near her.
"O...oh?" Ukyou murmured, blushing faintly. "That's... Thank you, Ranchan. Thank you too, Shampoo. But what's this favor?"
"Yeah, thank her and Cologne, they showed me how to make this stuff," he said dismissively. "It ain't like this is martial arts. Anyway, the, uh, favor I gotta ask is ... um..." He trailed off swallowing nervously. "W...well, I'm kinda not doin' so great in class, but Hinako slipped that you're gettin' good grades, so I wanted to ask you for help studying."
Shampoo snickered, sinking to sit and looking at Ranma through hooded eyes. Ukyou giggled along with Kodachi, while Tofu looked politely away to hide a grin. "Sure thing," Ukyou said, when Kodachi trailed off to catch her breath. "I bet Kodachi probably gets good grades, too; why don't we study together? She's got the same class as us, right?"
"Uh... Yes," Ranma said, nodding. "She's gonna get, um, Akane's old seat."
"Oh, how nice," Kodachi murmured. "Now I certainly have something to look forward to."
"And that's where these herbs come in," Tofu said, sorting through them. "Now, the healing process can't be rushed, but it can be aided, and I honestly feel it's safe to say that with these, and proper physical therapy, both of you will be restored fully; I know the other doctors have been reluctant to address that."
Ranma shifted his shoulders at the relief in both Ukyou and Kodachi's eyes at that. "I have a plan if that doesn't work out," he said very quietly.
"How long will it take?" Kodachi asked immediately. "A year?"
"Possibly less," Tofu said, shrugging. "You're something of a fast healer, judging by the abrasions; once you've recovered from the surgery to replace your missing vertebrae, I'm going to say it'll be about two weeks before you can be released from traction. That's going to be probably five weeks from now at the soonest."
"Five weeks," the girl mumbled, her brows knitting together as her eyes seemed to momentarily focus inward. "That's not so terrible. I imagine it shall take much longer before I can actually walk?"
"Ah ... most likely yes," Tofu admitted. "I suspect another three or four weeks, and you will probably require assistance for a month at least."
"Assistance?" Ranma asked, frowning. "I can help, right?"
"Of course," Tofu assured him. "But I meant with a walker, initially, and then probably a cane."
Kodachi made a face at that and Ranma said, "Well, I'll be there to help you out, too, Kodachi."
The girl's expression relaxed. "Thank you, Ranma-sama," she murmured.
"Shampoo help too!" She glanced between Ukyou and Kodachi, explaining, "Great-Grandmother is teaching Airen many healing herbs and shiatsu techniques. When Shampoo first came to Japan, she worked as Tofu-sensei's nurse. Now, she will be Ranma's!"
Ranma couldn't help but twitch slightly. "What?" he asked in confusion. "Now you're my nurse? Is this some weird Chinese village law?"
The girl scowled for a moment, then adopted an aloof expression. "Maybe," she said in a neutral tone.
"Oh, if you're interested in medicine, Ranma, there's quite a lot we could discuss, as well. I know all about shiatsu, acupressure, moxibustion..." Tofu nodded, adjusting his spectacles. "In fact, now that ... one of my associates has retired, the community might need another good doctor around."
"I kinda been thinkin' about that," Ranma admitted.
"This is why you want good grades?" Ukyou asked from her bed. "Well, I just hope I'm good enough to help you study!"
"Ooh," Kodachi cooed. "Ranma-sensei... I quite like the sound of that."
"Er, now hold on just a sec," he protested, feeling suddenly very nervous at the focus of all three girl's gazes.
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