A metafiction by Brian Randall
Disclaimer: Original source is Ranma 1/2, which is the property and creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Her paints, my easel, and the brush is borrowed without permission (hence this disclaimer) from Kenko and Chris Jones, as this metafic is inspired by 'Fair Warning' and 'The Tomboy Solution'.
Note: Fans of the above fics will probably not enjoy the effects of this one. Consider yourselves warned. Divergence. You'll know it when you see it.
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-0-
After class, Ranma took a break from study by waiting tables in Shampoo's stead. The restaurant's kitchen wasn't running at full capacity at night, on account of various herbal concoctions that Cologne was showing him how to brew. Also, Ranma and Shampoo planned on spending their evenings in the hospital with Ukyou and Kodachi, which meant that only Mousse was left to make deliveries.
At least, this is what Nabiki had told Akane. She didn't know if it was the truth; merely that after school she would meet with Genma, Soun, and Happosai, and then they would walk to the Neko-Hanten.
There, she would apologize to Shampoo, and tell everyone there that she knew she wasn't a real martial artist.
She grumbled quietly as she reached an intersection, spotting Genma and her father standing next to one another, conversing in low tones. Happosai perched atop a nearby phone-box, idly puffing on his pipe, though all three men turned to look at her when she drew to a halt a few paces away.
"Now," the oldest said, coughing quietly and climbing to his feet before planting fists on his hips and peering down at her. "You know what this is all about, right, Akane-chan?"
"I messed up," she said dully. "Now I have to say I'm sorry."
"Ah ... but a martial artist is about spirit as well as form," Happosai warned with a waggle of his pipe. "You know what that means, right?"
"I have to mean it?" Akane asked, narrowing her eyes. "That's not a problem. I am sorry."
"Good enough," he said with a shrug. "Let's go, then."
Akane nodded, her father and Ranma's falling into step behind her, Happosai just behind them. Their procession made it to the Neko-Hanten shortly, and Akane let herself inside. Shampoo was seated at the central table, Cologne standing atop it a few steps away, eyeing Akane dourly.
The girl flinched to see Ranma in the back of the room, arms crossed over his chest, face down. His eyes were hidden behind his bangs, and Akane wondered if he was even watching her. She took a few steps forward, while the older men flanked her.
"Hello," she said weakly, pulling her eyes from her one-time fiancé, and focusing on the Chinese girl. Her nose was still discolored from the blow that had been landed there, but the bruises about her face had faded. Akane shifted her shoulders uncomfortably, remembering that it was she'd inflicted the damage in the first place. "Um... I came to say that I'm sorry," she managed, struggling to keep her voice from hitching. If she hadn't used the suit ... if she'd never challenged Shampoo... If only Ranma wasn't there to witness it all. "I'm sorry about what I did."
"Is good," Shampoo said after a moment, her own voice thick with some emotion that Akane couldn't puzzle out. "I is sorry, too. But is not you, yes? Is stupid suit."
"Y...yes," Akane agreed, nodding and staring at the floor, hands clasping together below her chest as she took a deep breath. "It was the suit. Without that, I ... couldn't have-"
She cut off, swallowing nervously, and forcing herself to look at Ranma. He was standing up straight, now, staring levelly at her, though for a moment he seemed about to turn away. She suddenly realized that as sorry as she was, she didn't care if Shampoo forgave her. She'd apologize, of course, and she'd mean it. But the one person she really wanted forgiveness from was out of her reach.
She jerked her gaze away; too late. Tears had formed in her eyes, and her breath was coming in short, gasping sobs. She had to finish her apology, because she wouldn't be given a second chance. But before she completely collapsed, she had to leave. "I c-couldn't have d-done it without the s-s-stupid suit," she choked out. "I'm so..." A valiant moment of struggle, where she imagined she could hear Ranma whispering her name, and then she fell to her knees, hands pressing into her face. "I'm sorry!" she bawled, shuddering when someone awkwardly embraced her, an arm going about her shoulders.
"Is okay," her comforter told her with a sigh. "Was accident that not happen again."
Akane managed a sniffle and pulled away, blinking the tears from her eyes long enough to see that Shampoo had sunk to the floor at her side, offering her a sympathetic smile. "I'm not a martial artist," she said quietly. "Not a real one. I'm just... Just..."
"Shampoo understands," she said briskly. "You not do it again, and is no problem. Will forgive this."
Akane nodded doubtfully, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I really am. Just ... try and make him happy, like I didn't."
The Chinese girl blinked at that, looking at her askance. "Will try," Shampoo whispered back. "You maybe learn real martial arts from old panda someday -- you has potential. But not attack Joketsuzoku womens again. Okay?"
"O...okay."
"Goodbye," Shampoo said with a shrug, climbing to her feet, then offering Akane a hand up.
The girls spent a moment staring at one another wordlessly before Akane bowed her head and echoed, "Goodbye." Then she turned around and walked away, wondering if Ranma was watching her leave, uncaring of the tears streaking down her face.
-1-
Once the Tendo girl had gone, Shampoo's great-grandmother had closed down the restaurant. Mousse had been knocked out again -- the risk of him being on an errand and coming back in time to hear who had assaulted Shampoo was too great. Shampoo didn't especially want word of the event to get back to her village anyway. It was embarrassing enough being thrashed so thoroughly. Even more to admit that it wasn't by a warrior.
Shampoo wasn't certain that Ranma understood what that meant ... but seeing how much pain he was already in, she couldn't really fault him. She wondered if a wounded heart hurt as much as being beaten did, but realized she already knew the answer to that. It hurt to hear from her great grandmother that Ranma loved Akane. Or had. But it also gave her hope.
"Where is Airen?" she asked her great grandmother as the elderly woman finished locking the front door. "He leave when Akane go?"
"Yes," the wizened one agreed. "I believe he's on the roof."
"Shampoo go talk to him."
"Certainly. Do be careful, though."
"Shampoo will be careful."
"Shampoo... Wait."
She paused on her way to the back door and cocked her head to one side curiously. "Yes?"
The tiny figure of her great grandmother was staring at the floor, staff in hand, brow furrowed in concern. "Listen. I have said that in many ways this was an opportunity. And it is; you get to exchange pride for success, perhaps. Sometimes losing is winning."
She nodded doubtfully. "So Shampoo maybe win anyway?"
"In a sense," Cologne said cautiously. "But don't get overconfident. Don't push too much."
"What Shampoo do, then?" she asked, sighing. "Want to talk to Airen. Maybe make him smile and feel better again."
"Well, that's quite fine. But don't try and make him promise to anything more than he already has. You know..." Cologne hesitated, then finally raised her head. Shampoo was surprised to see sorrow in the woman's eyes. "I need you to realize that even if Son-in-law does keep his promise and challenge you -- which I expect he will -- he isn't under any obligation of his own laws to actually marry you. I want you to keep that in mind."
Shampoo stared, frowning. What did that mean? If Cologne wanted to explain it better than that, she would. If she hadn't, she obviously wanted Shampoo to figure it out herself. "So," she said slowly, "Shampoo needs to plan?"
"That will be a part of it," Cologne allowed, smiling very faintly. "You know me well enough, so I'll give you a tiny clue. Ukyou or Kodachi could tell you that a Japanese girl would say 'I', and not call their own name."
Shampoo nodded thoughtfully. "I see," she said carefully. "Will try to remember."
"Good, very good. Now don't stay up too late. Sleep is the best medicine. I'll tend to Mousse. Ask Son-in-law to make some tea for you before you go to bed. I'll leave a pallet for him in the living room."
With that, the old woman bounded away, none of the concern of a minute ago visible in her demeanor. Shampoo stared at the stairway for a moment, then gave a tiny sight. "Always must be so complicated," she muttered. Well, she knew one thing; she'd gotten beaten, lost a fight, had to admit she was beaten by someone who wasn't even a martial artist, and she was damned if she wasn't going to get at least a little satisfaction out of the entire ordeal.
Though, she would be mindful of her great-grandmother's warning, of course. After stepping into the alley on the side of the restaurant, one leap took her to the flat roof. The sun had set, and she almost tripped over him before she realized where Ranma was. He was sitting just behind the sign at the front of the building, peering up at the stars.
"Hello," she said softly, sinking to sit cross-legged at his side.
"Hey," he said back just as quietly. "Um. You sure you should be up here?"
"Broken arm doesn't mean ... I can't jump," she retorted, managing to remember not to use her own name. She wondered if he would notice.
He turned to look at her, slight surprise registering. "Yeah," he agreed, looking away again. "That's true. Sorry. Just thinking." Before she could ask, he added, "You don't want to know what about. It's not important."
"I listen to you anyway," she said, realizing she'd sat on the wrong side of him; the arm in a cast was useless for reaching around and giving him a comforting hug. Moving would be too obvious. "When I say I forgive, truly mean it. Not just say."
"Yeah?" he said, smiling weakly at her. "I'm glad. Thanks, Shampoo. If... Well. I was just thinking about Akane though."
"Thinking what?" Shampoo asked, feeling a knot of fear in her stomach. He'd already said he wouldn't go back to her. He couldn't change his mind on that, could he? Would he?
"I was thinking that it'd be nice, some day, if she really did learn what being a martial artist was about," he answered quietly. "And ... even after all she done ... I hate seein' girls cry." A moment later, so softly that Shampoo had to hold her breath to hear, he added, "'Specially her."
Shampoo closed her eyes, nodding to herself. It was true, she had to admit. He wasn't upset about Akane hurting her; he was upset about what Akane had done to all of them. And she'd gotten off lightly, when she thought about it. Now how did he feel? Like he was being crushed with obligations?
That was what her great grandmother had warned her about. And in the heart of everything, Ranma was stuck trying to take care of her, both the other girls, and was working himself harder at both school and training. If that weren't enough, his father was watching over Akane in case Mousse figured things out, so he was doubly alone.
It hurt to make the admission that he didn't see her as someone who could give him some support, but in a moment of clarity, she understood that she still had the power to change that. She could become more than just an obligation. Offering to be his nurse was a cute way to stay by his side. Trying to be his wife too aggressively would just make things more difficult with the other girls, trouble she'd learned he didn't handle well.
But...
She smiled suddenly, and leaned shifted her position, turning her back to him and leaning across his side. Hooking her good arm around his neck and scooting across the roof a bit, she was able to pull herself into his lap with only minimal protesting. "Thank you," she said earnestly, wishing she could seize the moment to kiss him, but knowing he didn't want that. Not yet, at least.
He looked at her in alarm, but there was still compassion there. Maybe not love ... but in time... She sighed quietly, and leaned against him, pressing her head to his chest and listening to his strong heartbeat. "You work very hard to make people happy," she said quietly. "But remember, make self happy too, or is no reason. I think that Ranma is my best friend. Would be sad to see him suffer. And as long as I has you as this much ... is okay. I not cry."
Hesitantly, he placed an arm across her back, pulling her close in a gentle hug. His other hand rose and traced across her cast. "I'm not the only one," he admitted. "I know it can't be easy for you to put up with this. Asking you to forgive her was kind of unreasonable, wasn't it?"
Shampoo sighed again. "Not so much. I not think that Akane better off dead. Cannot learn, then."
"Yeah?" Ranma asked. "You wouldn't..." He hesitated. "Ah, never mind."
"I think about it," Shampoo admitted, knowing Ranma's unasked question. "But ... not think she can go through with it. Could not... Could not kill you when think you were a girl." She bowed her head and looked out over the city, shifting slightly away. "I is too weak."
She felt a surge of pleasant warmth spread from her heart when he hugged her back to himself. "That's not being weak at all."
She looked up, pleased, and was surprised again to see unshed tears in his eyes. "What is wrong?" she asked worriedly.
"Nothin'," he said releasing her to rub his face with the back of his sleeve. "Nothin' at all."
"You tell truth now," she said insistently. "We is friends, yes? Friends share things."
"Okay," he said hesitantly. "Um. Remember how I said that the problem with me an' Akane was that she wasn't who I thought she was? And ... maybe I'm not who she thought I was, too, now that I think about it. But I'm startin' to see that you're not who I thought you were, either."
She stiffened suddenly, but he shook his head.
"It's not a bad thing," he said quickly. "I thought... Um. I thought kinda bad things. And I'm startin' to think they weren't the truth. I'm ... liking the truth a lot better, I guess."
Shampoo heaved a sigh of relief. The day had been too full of emotional turmoil, and she knew she had to get out of Ranma's lap, as much as she was enjoying his embrace. There were limits, after all, and she wanted to heed her great grandmother's advice about not pushing him too far.
"I is glad," she said, smiling brightly at him, not surprised when her vision blurred with tears of her own. "I go to bed now. You not stay up too late." She paused, remembering suddenly, and added, "Great grandmother say you make tea?"
He released her, offering his shoulder to use as a handhold to climb to her feet. She bent down and planted a kiss on his cheek before he could follow. But before she made the edge of the roof, he swept her into his arms and leapt down to the alley.
"Ah," she managed, as Ranma carefully opened the door, peeking to make sure no one was nearby. He set her on her feet just inside. "Thank you, Air... Ah, Ranma."
"You can call me that," he said quietly, readying the teapot on the stove. "I mean... Cologne told me it didn't really mean husband. Right?"
Shampoo felt a slight blush form on her cheeks. The real meaning of the word was closer to 'lover'. "Is true," she admitted. "You not mind?"
"Nah. Not from you. It means real good friends, Cologne said. And I like to think that we're at least that, you know? She said she wanted that, too."
Shampoo couldn't help but giggle at that. "Okay. Thank you, Airen. Was nice to talk to you." And it was, she realized. She just wished she'd tried before Akane had attacked her.
"It was real nice talkin' to you too," he said, smiling back at her. "Um ... well. We should get some sleep. Lots of stuff to do tomorrow, with makin' sure that Kodachi and Ucchan are okay too, you know."
She nodded at him. "Is so," she said quietly, watching him until the tea was prepared. After she drank it with a small dollop of honey, she began to feel sleepy. "Good night, Airen," she murmured, climbing the stairs.
She realized she had no idea when he moved to her side, one arm about her waist as he helped her to her bed. She could only remember looking up at him as he whispered back, "G'night, Shampoo."
-2-
Laying on the futon that Cologne had left him in the living room, Ranma stared at the ceiling. Shampoo was up there, and it was strange to think of how pleasant it had been to spend time with her. As brief as it was, when he stopped to consider it. But he didn't have to worry about upsetting Akane now, and Shampoo hadn't tried anything that he thought would get him in trouble with Ukyou or Kodachi...
Though, when he mulled it over, none of them had a claim on him beyond his own word, anymore. Then again, neither did Akane, and she actually had less.
He turned to one side, unable to sleep. Though, he realized that wherever he stayed, his path would rarely cross with Akane's anyway. His father had brought both of them to Nerima just to meet her and her sisters, and hopefully for Ranma to marry one of them. But that was gone, dissolved forever in a fit of temper.
He couldn't help but remember the times that Akane had tried to claim that their engagement was broken before. And then when she tried to support it... He sighed, shaking his head. "Tofu says that learnin' from your mistakes is important. Maybe I should learn from hers," he muttered to himself.
Certainly, as important as it was that he took care of all three of the girls, he couldn't afford to try too hard and ruin it all. "A doctor," he muttered. A real doctor wouldn't need to try too hard, but Ranma knew that he was a far cry from that.
At least Tofu demonstrated that being a doctor didn't mean he had to give up martial arts, and in many ways, actually went hand-in-hand with it. But it was a vastly different path than the one he had thought he would walk. Still, if he couldn't have a dojo, he might have a clinic...
He rolled onto his other side, considering. Kodachi and Ukyou had seemed to like the idea. Shampoo had already labeled herself as his nurse and assistant. And of course, he was learning from Cologne and Tofu. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.
"Medicine," he murmured, wondering if he could bring up his grades enough to get into a decent college. Sure he could, he decided. It was just another kind of training trip, even if it was one where he wouldn't leave town much.
Satisfied that he had a direction, he yawned, rolling onto his back once more, and allowing his eyes to slowly shut as he drifted off to sleep.
-3-
Initially, Ukyou had accepted the offer to share a room with Kodachi out of a feeling of gratitude for the girl. After all, when Akane had left her in the field, the Kuno girl had called the emergency services that brought her to the hospital.
After a while, when Kodachi was awake enough to talk, Ukyou had found the other girl to be surprisingly interesting. She was well educated, and while occasionally she seemed out-of-touch with reality, that could be excused by the medication sedating her. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that both of them wanted Ranma, Ukyou could see her as a friend.
Admittedly, Ukyou wondered if that could really work with herself as a relatively lowly business owner, and Kodachi as a wealthy heiress. But there were enough common interests to discuss that she felt it was at least worth trying. And if her Ranchan was going to spend weeks or months tending to Kodachi's recovery, she was damned if she was just going to leave them alone.
Their discussions had largely centered around cooking, since that was a comfortable common ground. Martial arts were another shared point of interest. Ranma, of course, was of supreme interest to both of them, but they both shied away from that topic. It was a delicate issue either way.
Of course, due to the severity of her wounds, Kodachi spent an awful lot of time sleeping. And she hated Takeshi's Castle, too, which disappointed Ukyou. But they both watched Pythagoras's Switch, even if it were really a children's show. That was where Ukyou had discovered another interesting connection with Kodachi; neither of them could remember their mothers.
And Kodachi's father, while still alive, was a remote and unlikable figure. Ukyou didn't like him either. Her memories of her own father were clearer, but not much more promising; he'd passed away when Ukyou was young enough that she'd had to spend far more time fending for herself than she would have liked. But they both shared a sense of independence, even if Ukyou privately thought that Kodachi depended heavily on her family's fortune.
"It occurs to me," Kodachi said suddenly, as she sometimes did, launching directly into a rambling conversation, "that you might encounter some hardships with your primary source of income unavailable to you."
"Don't remind me," Ukyou groaned, switching the television off. The only thing on was some Korean drama that she couldn't get into. "I've got good insurance, but my expenses aren't going away, and I'm not making any money." After a pause, she added, "At least I'm pretty sure I remembered to lock up before I went to fight Akane."
"Of course," Kodachi murmured. "Still. Will you be solvent?"
"If I get out in the two weeks they promised," Ukyou said slowly. "Though, I'm going to have to work really hard to get by." She bit her lip. "I'm hoping that Ranchan can help out and, um, waitress for me for a while," she added quietly. "I hate to depend on him like that, but ... I don't know what else to do. Insurance covers medical costs, but not time I can't work 'cause I'm sick or hurt."
"I would have thought that you would be happy to have someone to depend on," Kodachi countered. "After all, hasn't he offered to do all he can to help you?"
"Yeah, but I don't want it to be all work. I mean..." She trailed off with a grimace. "I don't know what to do. Ranchan's gotta come and visit you, too."
"Quite the quandary," Kodachi agreed. "I might be able to help, however."
Ukyou looked at the Kuno girl speculatively. "If it involves giving up Ranchan, I'm not interested," she warned.
"I suspected as much," Kodachi sighed. "Well, then. If it comes down to it, since you are Ranma-sama's friend, I would be willing to give you a small loan. My allowance is not insignificant. I'm certain I could do that much, and as a friend, I wouldn't see the need to charge interest."
"That's awfully generous of you," Ukyou said doubtfully. "But I don't like owing people money. Even friends."
"But you'll accept Ranma-sama's assistance?" Kodachi asked. "What about a compromise, then? Ranma-sama shall be your employee, at least, as you've intimated to me."
"Well, if he's willing," Ukyou agreed. "But I don't know how much of his time I can really expect. Why?"
"You might, if he was willing, shall we say ... rent his services to me?"
Ukyou blinked, surprised. "What? You'll pay me to let Ranchan spend time with you?" Somehow, she wasn't sure she was comfortable with that idea.
"Not him alone," Kodachi said quickly. "You shall have ample reason to come here yourself, won't you? We can form a study group. I can even label the fee a tutoring expense, so it comes from my father."
"I... I like the sound of that," Ukyou said cautiously. "But, really, that's all up to Ranchan, isn't it?"
"As are many things."
Ukyou winced. "We've kind of been dodging that one, haven't we?" she asked quietly.
"We have," Kodachi agreed, flicking her eyes towards Ukyou before contemplating the ceiling. "We seem to be in a very awkward position. I am worried that Ranma-sama's 'nurse' will steal him away while we remain confined here. Or you, when you are released. I admit that I seek in you an ally to make sure he doesn't slip beyond my reach until I am healed."
"Ranchan promised he was going to help you," Ukyou said with a shake of her head. "He's really good about his promises, too."
"That is not my concern. It's more that..." Kodachi hesitated. "It seems to me," she said, her tone becoming more businesslike, "that you, myself, and Shampoo stand upon what Tendo Akane has unexpectedly made into a level playing field. Shampoo has the advantage, being wounded the least. I am at something of a handicap. I sense your reluctance to accept my charity because you see it for what it is; an attempt to cling to Ranma-sama, since there's not else I can do restrained as I am."
Ukyou winced sympathetically. "That's not true," she said, shifting her shoulders and uncomfortable at encouraging someone she thought of as a rival in such a contested field. "I mean ... I may be able to help Ranchan with math, but my marks aren't so great elsewhere. Your history is really good, and you're helping Ranchan study."
"This is of only a small benefit," Kodachi said, sighing softly. "While I am grateful for what I can offer, and ... as shrewish as it makes me sound ... what grasp I have upon Ranma-sama, I fear he will slip away. I have nothing to offer Shampoo in this regard, so I am hoping that we can form an alliance."
"Okay," Ukyou agreed. "I understand that, and that make sense as far as why you're trying to give me money. What kind of alliance are you looking for exactly, though? You've admitted it, so it's pretty much in the open. We're competitors. But I'm a businesswoman. I can understand and respect my competition. We're not enemies, are we? And Shampoo isn't either -- Akane already showed us the cost of that. Right?"
"Agreed," Kodachi said quickly. "Fighting over him obviously doesn't help. Though I suppose if we hospitalize one-another, we can know for certain that we will be in good company afterwards."
"Hah! I'm glad you can keep a good sense of humor about all this. I'm this close," Ukyou held up a hand, fingers a tiny distance apart, "from tearing out my hair."
"Well, thank you," Kodachi said with surprising modesty. "Regardless, however, the alliance I offer is simple. While we all have some claim on Ranma-sama, I feel mine is the weakest. I offer him little, and his loyalty to me is dependant on ... his regard for Tendo Akane's well-being."
Ukyou winced at that reminder. "You really are the worst one off here," she ruminated quietly. "I see where you're coming from. But go on?"
"Well ... I think we should work together to see that Ranma-sama doesn't choose any one of us until we're all fully capable. This is why I hope I can offer you something, which I don't think I can do for Shampoo. She remains the one element that can quickly escape my ... or perhaps our control."
"I get you," Ukyou said quietly. "You want me to make sure that Ranchan doesn't pick her or me until you get a chance, huh?"
"Precisely."
"But ... if I say I'm willing to work with you on this, then once I get out, you realize that you'll be the one who spends the most time with him, right? I'll probably be better in about two months, according to Tofu-sensei. Then I won't need a cane, and you'll be all Ranchan's. If I haven't made a move by then, he could be out of my reach. So are you going to say this goes both ways? You won't take advantage of that?"
"That is my promise to you, if you can keep your end of the bargain."
Ukyou considered Kodachi's word. "I don't like taking money for my behavior towards Ranchan," she finally mumbled. "I'm not sure I like that at all. But ... I see where you're coming from, and I may not really have a choice in the matter. If I don't, and my restaurant goes under, then..."
"Then I think that Ranma-sama, as noble as he is, would give his all to help you anyway. And he'll certainly be lost to me."
"I would have said something else once, but I don't want him that way," Ukyou said quietly. "But ... oh, I'm sorry Kodachi. I still want him!"
"As do I," she agreed with the same tone of longing. "Is it a compromise? A truce?"
"I ... oh, damn. Y...yeah. But we both agree that we never fight about this right here and now, okay?"
"I've learned my lesson in that regard," Kodachi said dryly. "I'd offer to shake on it, but I'm afraid I can't. Will you accept my word of honor, then?"
"I will, if you'll accept mine," Ukyou said earnestly.
"Then we can agree as allies."
"N...no," Ukyou said, smiling and shaking her head. "As ... friends, right? I think that'd make Ranchan happy. And that way ... whichever one of us loses can still have that much, right?"
"Kuonji Ukyou, are you telling me that you would rather see Ranma-sama happy with another woman on a regular basis than not have to see him at all after losing him?"
"Aren't you telling me the same thing, 'Dachi-chan?"
The Kuno girl chuckled quietly before groaning in pain. "I think you are right," she agreed, once she'd recovered. "Very well, my ... my friend. Hmm. I quite like the sound of that, too."
There was a companionable silence for a time.
"Hey," Ukyou said suddenly. "I think the previews said that Iron Chef France was gonna be in the next episode. You know about French cuisine, right?"
"I do! But I rather suspect that the show is, shall we say, rigged in favor of the Iron Chefs?"
"Hey! You think so, too"
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