A metafiction by Brian Randall
Disclaimer: Original source is Ranma 1/2, which is the property and creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Her paints, my easel, and the brush is borrowed without permission (hence this disclaimer) from Kenko and Chris Jones, as this metafic is inspired by 'Fair Warning' and 'The Tomboy Solution'.
Note: Fans of the above fics will probably not enjoy the effects of this one. Consider yourselves warned. Divergence. You'll know it when you see it.
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-0-
"I'm fine, Ranchan," Ukyou said insistently, fighting down the blush she could feel forming on her cheeks. "If I don't start trying to move around more on my own, I'll never get stronger." Though, since she had to admit, she liked being carried around, it was difficult to make herself say it.
"Are you sure?" he asked doubtfully, hovering behind her anxiously as she worked her way down the hallway towards Kodachi's room on her crutches. Shampoo had gone ahead, bringing the herbs that Ranma had prepared the day before.
All of that was fine, of course, but what Ukyou was primarily concerned about was that she needed to get some time alone with the other girls to relate what she had overheard. Letting Ranma know she was aware probably wouldn't be terrible, but she didn't want him to worry about it unnecessarily. And she did want some advice.
"I'm sure," she said, pausing to catch her breath and shooting him the brightest smile she could manage.
He grinned back at her. "Okay," he agreed reluctantly. "And you're right. But you need to be sure not to strain yourself too much."
"I agreed not to open up the Ucchan's for a week," she reminded him, moving down the hall again. "So it's not like I'm overdoing it."
He rubbed a hand through his hair. "Yeah," he admitted. "You're right. Um, anyway, after we finish our homework, I'm supposed to go with Tofu-sensei to check out Shampoo -- she's getting her cast off."
"Already?" she asked, surprised. "I thought that bones took longer to heal."
"Well... They should, but she's healing really well," Ranma said slowly. "Part of it's the herbal supplements that Cologne-sensei is helping me make. And then, she's been studying exercises with chi-flow to help speed up healing, too. I'd been doing those for a while, but never really understood 'em. Cologne-sensei said that I should be able to teach you and Kodachi, too."
Ukyou felt an internal tinge of worry, but masked it with a giggle. "And here you are saying you don't want me to rush things?" When had Cologne become a sensei to her Ranchan? And even if Shampoo were allied with Ukyou and Kodachi ... what was the old woman's plan? Ukyou somehow doubted they had room for her beyond, 'safe enough to satisfy Ranma'. The same probably went for Kodachi...
Yet another topic for the inevitable discussion, once they figured out how to distract Ranma long enough to talk freely.
"Well..." Ranma hesitated. "I don't know enough to teach you yet," he said quietly. "I mean, it's kind of like when you first learn to use your chi, you know? It's really hard to put into words, and you're not sure if you could explain it to someone else. So I want to make sure I can teach you and Kodachi right."
"So I have to wait on you?"
"You shouldn't rush healing," Ranma said firmly. "You can make it work better with good exercise, and the right herbs let your body work faster. Using chi is a great way to encourage good healing too, but it all comes down to your body. If you're rested, then I know that the slack can be picked up later. If you push yourself, you could aggravate your wounds. Have you even looked at the x-rays?"
"Yes," she said, frowning. "I asked a bunch of questions about it, too." Then she paused, turning to smile at him again. "It's important, you know. A girl's got to have good hips." Her face began warming, and she knew if she didn't hurry, she'd lock up before she could finish saying what she wanted. "And, and the doctors said that when my hip mends, I should still be able to have children, if I'm careful. So I don't want to mess this up, either." Then she couldn't meet his eyes and turned away -- but not too quickly. Then she'd fall and he'd have to catch her, and the embarrassment could reach lethal levels.
"Uh... Uh..." He sounded like she felt, she decided, smiling through the radiant heat coming from her face. "W...well... That's good."
They walked down the hall quietly for a few minutes, until Ukyou had begun to regain control of her blush. She realized she probably shouldn't have said something like that ... they were, after all, in a truce. But she didn't say anything bad, like letting him know she wanted to have children with him.
"A...anyway," he continued, coughing to clear his throat once, "the thing is right now your hip's together, mostly by pins, but also because it's been healing over time. Because the breaks are still there, and only partially healed, you want to make sure you don't break them again, you know? And if you go to fast and fall..."
"I know," she sighed. "And that's the next thing we'll need to figure out, Ranchan. But don't you worry, I've got it, now. You should sleep in my room, so that if anything goes wrong, you'll be right there!"
"Uh..."
"And once I reopen, I can't let you sleep behind the grill, or where my customers will be, right?"
"Y...yeah..."
Okay, she admitted to herself. That was certainly not in the theme of the truce. But it wasn't too bad... They'd just be in the same room, was all.
"Ah," Tofu said, coming around a corner. "Sooner than I expected you two." He smiled at the pair. "Feeling well, Kuonji-san?"
"You can call me Ukyou, Sensei," she answered. "And I think I'm doing pretty good right now."
"Good," he said, frowning and squinting at her. Suddenly, he reached out and traced a fingertip across her cheek, prompting her to blush and stumble backwards into Ranma. "Hmm. You know, I can't even see the scar anymore."
Ranma chuckled from where he had caught her. "Wrong cheek," he said, running a fingertip across the other side of her face, making her blush intensify. "See?"
"Oh, yes. It's a tiny white line when she's blushing," Tofu agreed. "My, that healed quite nicely. I only hope everything else goes as well."
"Yep!" Ranma said cheerfully. "Me, too." The cheer faded from his voice. "Um, Sensei... About Kodachi-"
"We need to discuss her, actually," the doctor interrupted with a solemn expression. Turning to Ukyou he added, "It's nothing serious, but I want to go over a few things with Ranma beforehand. I'm sorry for interfering with your study session, but I'll need to borrow him for about an hour to discuss."
Ukyou blinked, looking down the hall to Kodachi's room -- now only a few steps away. "Oh, that's fine," she said agreeably, when Shampoo poked her head out the door and motioned her in. "Um, we'll just talk about ... girl-stuff until Ranchan's ready to do his homework with us."
Ranma shrugged. "That sounds okay. Um, Shampoo, Ucchan, tell Kodachi I said 'hi', and I'll be back later."
"You got it, Ranchan!"
Shampoo waved as Ranma turned around and left with Tofu.
-1-
"You seem kind of serious, Sensei," Ranma said quickly below his breath, once Ukyou and Shampoo had vanished into Kodachi's room. "Is anything wrong?"
"Not as such, no," Tofu said. "But Kodachi's been in traction for just over three weeks, now. The issue is that several of her vertebrae had been crushed -- three of them quite badly. Two of them are damaged, but not irreparably. Now, because money isn't an issue to her, she can afford alternatives ... but I need to stress one thing to you here. The damage to her spine would typically be considered permanent."
Ranma winced, closing his eyes and pressing a finger to his right temple. "Typically," he echoed.
"Typically," Tofu agreed. "In her instance, we're able to consider some very new -- and potentially risky -- medical techniques. The biggest issue is of course, those vertebrae. The medical staff here knows about the technique, but it's not often done. What they plan on doing is ... well ... installing artificial replacements."
"Yeah," Ranma agreed, nodding. "You mentioned that before, too."
"Of course. The typical solution in this instance is called a 'spinal fusion'. That's where the vertebrae, which are flexible, are fused into a single mass. This would allow for recovery in a limited fashion, but doesn't always work, and does result in a loss of flexibility."
"Not so good for a gymnast or a martial artist."
"Well, there is that. Ultimately, this is going to be her choice as to which procedure she goes with. But the things to consider here are that, even though the replacement surgery has been successful before, it's still recent enough that we don't know what long-term side-effects might result."
Ranma's eyes opened. "It's her choice," he said quietly. "I think she's going to go with ... uh ... artificial replacements, even if it's riskier. Is it riskier?"
"Because of the number of vertebrae being replaced, yes," Tofu said quietly, moving down the hall once again. "No surgery is without risks. All things considered, I don't believe it's a substantial risk -- she is otherwise very healthy. The main issue is going to be recovery time, but I'm confident that she will recover as long as she's careful and takes it easy for a while. With you watching over her, that should be fine, I imagine."
"Huh. Okay, that seems pretty straightforward. What else?"
"Well, Ranma ... as you've probably guessed, I'm doing this to help you decide if you're interested in becoming a doctor. These options need to be explained to Kodachi, and someday, you might have to do the same for another patient. So, I've got a video for you to watch in this office here that should give you a better idea of what we're dealing with. Then we'll go over some of the medical reports on the procedure so you can approach it from an informed standpoint."
"Know your enemy," Ranma agreed bleakly. "More training. Okay, Sensei. Let's do this."
-2-
Now that Ukyou was able to move about more freely, both she and Shampoo sat at the foot of Kodachi's bed, the three girls facing inward silently. "Well," Kodachi said, finally breaking the delicate quiet, "we mustn't tarry too long. This is the first opportunity we've all had to discuss this, isn't it?"
"Is so," Shampoo agreed. "Stupid panda! What he think he do with this?"
"Be a jackass," Ukyou supplied. "Look, the thing about this is that I think if we work together, we can keep anything from getting out of hand. Honestly, it's not like it'll be hard to keep Ranchan away from Akane. After what she did, does she honestly expect me to forgive her?"
"Stupid Tendo-girl," Shampoo muttered. "I forgive, but only because either forgive, or kill. Not want kill. Maybe spank."
"Come now," Kodachi chided. "That's probably what Ranma-sama's father is depending on. By refusing to forgive, Ukyou-san is presented in a dimmer light."
Ukyou looked like she was about to protest, but visibly restrained herself, chewing her lip thoughtfully. "You must be seeing more of the old panda's plan than I am, 'Dachi-chan," she finally said.
"It seems straightforward to me," Kodachi said quietly. "But first... Cologne-san agreed to this, is that correct, Shampoo-san?"
"So panda says," Shampoo allowed with a frown. "If this is so, then only because Great-Grandmother knows Akane will not win." Then she blinked. "I say ... we all work together, yes?"
"Of course, Shampoo-san," Kodachi agreed.
"That's right, Shan-chan," Ukyou echoed.
"Um. 'Shampoo-san' too long. 'Shan-chan' is okay," Shampoo said quietly. "But Great-Grandmother act different lately, not tell ... I?"
"Me," Kodachi supplied.
"Ah. Right. Not tell me as much as she used to for help in getting Airen. I think that she wants me and ... us. She wants us to solve on own. I think ... she wants us to be friends no matter what happens. Everyone needs allies, yes?"
Ukyou nodded. "Yes."
"So, maybe ... show Airen we all together by all forgiving Tendo girl?" she asked doubtfully, looking to Kodachi.
"I think that may be her plan, but I also think we may be missing something," she cautioned her two allies. "Let us think on this. As I understand it, Genma agreed to the plan because regardless of the outcome, his school will gain all of the techniques that Ranma-sama has learned.
"It seems to me that the most important factor is that. To him. If Ukyou-san--"
"Just Ukyou, or Ucchan," Ukyou overrode her. "We're friends now, right, 'Dachi?"
"Er..." Kodachi felt her cheeks color. She had no friends at all, before, and now she had two who were willing to help her keep her Ranma-sama out of Tendo Akane's clutches. She made a mental note that a profound apology would be in order for calling them harridans. "W...well, thank you ... Ukyou. Ah... If Ukyou heard Ranma-sama's father correctly, then, did it not seem that Genma expected Ranma-sama to either produce an heir with Tendo Akane, or ... remove him from the school if he did not comply?"
Shampoo scrunched up her face in consideration. Ukyou's mouth fell open. "No way!" she gasped. "The old panda's just enough of a jackass to leave that kind of threat over Ranchan's head, too! I don't know if he'd go through with it though. I mean, he couldn't! ...could he?"
"I not think so," Shampoo said firmly. "Panda may be stupid, but still loves Airen."
"He doesn't have to be willing to do it to make the threat," Kodachi noted. "If Ranma-sama is gulled, then that's that."
Ukyou and Shampoo blinked.
"As it is, Ranma-sama's father has suggested that Ranma-sama can only practice martial arts with Tendo Akane. At least, until we're all in better condition."
"Shampoo gets cast off today," the Chinese girl noted. "Will offer to practice with Airen tomorrow. Great-Grandmother never run out of good tricks to teach Airen."
"And that is part of the plan, too," Kodachi warned. "Doesn't his father want those techniques?"
"Wow," Ukyou said quietly. "If you've got his plan right, the old panda sure had a good one."
"I think panda's bad teacher give him idea," Shampoo mused. "Happi always want Chinese secrets."
"And Cologne agreed to give them to him, no matter how it works out," Ukyou mused. "Why? There's ... there's got to be more to this."
"There must be," Kodachi agreed. "We don't know enough, except to know that there's more, and we must be cautious."
"And if I don't forgive Akane, then in order to practice, Ranchan would have to go without me," Ukyou said suddenly, smacking one fist into the opposing palm. "But if I do forgive her, then I can be there, which makes it harder for the jackass to get Ranchan and Akane together!"
"Exactly," Kodachi agreed with a smile.
"You take long time to get to point," Shampoo said with a frown.
"The trip was informative, wasn't it?"
"Is true! I not complain. Just see new way to go about things."
"Well, I think we might as well tell Ranchan what we've figured out," Ukyou declared. "I didn't want to bother him before, but-"
"I advise caution," Kodachi warned.
Both other girls looked at her attentively.
"If we expose the plan, then it may change. And there still could be factors we don't know."
"You have an idea," Ukyou supplied. "And you want me to keep an eye on him, don't you?"
Shampoo nodded slowly. "I is okay, so good for spying. Ukyou is hurt still, so Airen want to be near her ... good decoy."
"And I shall facilitate the transfer of information. We're agreed that we will maintain caution until we understand all factors?"
"Agreed," Shampoo said brightly.
"You know," Ukyou remarked with a grin, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!"
"I think so too," Kodachi said softly. "I have but one question for you two at this moment."
"What's that, 'Dachi-chan?"
"Why do you call Ranma-sama's father a panda?"
Shampoo snickered suddenly, grinning like the cat who'd gotten the canary.
An abrupt knock at the door startled all three of the girls, who turned to look at it in alarm. Except Kodachi, who was still restrained and could only turn her eyes to it. Ranma poked his head in a second later.
"Sorry if I interrupted anything," he said, glancing at the stack of still untouched homework sitting nearby. "Before we start, um ... Kodachi, there's some things we should talk about." He stepped into the room and paused as Tofu followed, standing just behind him. "Uh, if you want privacy-"
"Anything fit for my ears is fit for my friends," Kodachi assured him before he could finish.
"O...okay." He frowned, then suddenly brightened. "I'm glad! So, anyway, Tofu-sensei and I went over a lot of what they're planning with your upcoming surgery, and I just wanted to make sure you understood what your choices and the risks were. So..."
-3-
"Akane-chan, it's been too long!" Nodoka said cheerfully, clapping her hands together in delight. "How nice of you to drop by!"
"U...um... It's nice to see you too, Saotome-san," Akane said, bowing her head.
"Oh, you must call me 'Mother', Akane-chan. And that's such a nice dress there -- is it a new school uniform?"
"Ah, yes," she said, forcing a smile. "I transferred to St. Hebereke recently."
"Well, come in, come in," Nodoka insisted, quickly ushering Akane into the main room of her home and pressing the girl with tea. "You must tell me how you've been -- and how Ranma-chan is, of course."
Akane winced. "Well, he's been ... away, a lot lately."
Nodoka's smile faded. "Oh, dear. Is everything alright? Is something the matter?"
Taking a deep breath, hands curled around the warm teacup, Akane haltingly explained, "I ... did something very improper, and ... I'm in trouble with him at the moment."
"Oh, dear," Nodoka murmured, suddenly solemn. "Well, tell me everything. Was it another man? Did you..." She looked suddenly aghast. "Did you betray your fiance?"
"No," she said quickly, shaking her head. "I ... um... I attacked the other girls... The other girls that were chasing him."
"Oh, my," Nodoka murmured, before she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Akane-chan, you'll need to start at the beginning. What about these other girls?"
Nodding, Akane tried to remember what Genma had instructed her to say as she explained the situation.
-4-
After Ranma and Tofu had explained everything to Kodachi, the Kuno girl -- and current master planner of the girls' cabal -- had decided on artificial replacement vertebrae. Shampoo thought she would have made the same choice, given the situation. But Shampoo also remembered a story from Ranma, one of the nights where they had stayed up late with him working on the salve that had healed Ukyou.
And one of the things that Ranma wasn't taking into account was Ryugenzawa. Or if he was, he was being quiet about it, which Shampoo doubted was his style. But she also knew that he couldn't very well go chasing after the moss from the lake while he was supposed to be taking care of them. And anyway, he wouldn't want to risk being absent when Kodachi had her operation.
There were other things, she suspected, but mostly what it boiled down to was that Shampoo thought that the moss would be convenient to have around, just in case things went wrong. And of course, when Tofu and Ranma left to double-check a recent x-ray of Shampoo's broken arm, she quickly outlined what she remembered of his story to the other girls.
After a hurried brainstorming session, they came up with a plan that suited Shampoo quite well. But not quite enough to overcome the itch that she couldn't scratch, buried beneath the cast she wore.
By the time they had agreed on what Shampoo would do, she was practically dancing in anticipating of the cast's removal. Then Ranma came back, and led her to another room. When Ranma held her hand while Tofu cut the cast off, she did dance for a moment -- before scratching the nagging itch and giving Ranma a hug. That had been a bit of a bad idea, she realized, since Ukyou was still in the room.
But the other girl only gave a knowing smile, ignoring Ranma's blushing and stammered protests. After that, they walked home slowly, stopping to bathe before Ukyou and Ranma returned to the Ucchan's. Once they were gone, Shampoo turned to her great-grandmother. "Great-Grandmother," she said quickly, "I have a plan!"
"Do you, now?" the old woman asked, raising an eyebrow.
"We have a plan," she allowed, smirking. "Will keep panda and Tendo busy for a while, and also do good thing for Kodachi."
"So now we've moved from considering killing your competition to keeping them in the running?" Cologne probed, raising the other eyebrow.
"You give our secrets to Airen's father," Shampoo countered. "Is a good plan. Akane repay Kodachi by getting moss of life from Ryugenzawa."
"Ryugenzawa?" Cologne asked, befuddled. "I didn't know there was any moss of life there."
"Airen told me -- found it there before. Guarded by a big serpent, too. But is okay, Akane has a whistle that makes serpent sleep, so not really dangerous, and can take panda with her, too."
Cologne narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. "And all your plan lacks is a compelling way to get those two to actually go and do it, right?"
Shampoo winced. "That's right."
With a thoughtful noise, Cologne turned her back to Shampoo. "Much to consider here. It would give me some time to choose which techniques I'll risk slipping away further ... but it is delaying your victory. You are giving those other girls a chance at your husband."
"They are my friends, Great-Grandmother."
"And they're improving your Japanese, too. So that's not something to complain about too much. Very well. I think this sounds like a good plan."
Shampoo clapped her hands together in delight. "Then Airen won't have to go back to Tendo-girl, like Happi is planning!"
"You're getting most of the picture," Cologne allowed. "Though I'm beginning to think it might be a good idea for me to drop in on your meetings."
"Er... Great-Grandmother already knows?"
"I had a reasonable suspicion, which you have confirmed. But this thing -- this whole thing -- is a bit bigger than you realize. As far as it concerns you, your friends, and Son-in-law, however, I want you to think of it as a learning opportunity. You've been doing well so far."
"But not plan ahead enough?" Shampoo asked warily. "I ... promised my friends that I would not try to take Airen for myself before everyone was better."
Cologne blinked. "Now, why would you do that?"
Shampoo looked away, frowning. "Because I could make Airen mine ... but that wouldn't be right. Some part of him always unhappy because he had to abandon the others. Maybe resent me too, if push too much. That what you warn me of."
"Well, yes, but that doesn't mean you have to give up."
"I not giving up. Just ... being patient," Shampoo said quietly.
"And what will you do if he marries Ukyou, or Kodachi, then? What about our laws?"
"Will break them for Airen," Shampoo said, her voice only wavering slightly. "Have pushed them far enough already."
"So you'll risk exile from our home rather than make him unhappy? Well, I suppose that's what love is. It's been rather a while." She offered a sad smile. "If your great-grandfather were still alive... Ah, never mind. What's important is that while you're learning, Son-in-law is, too. And one of the things I think you should start teaching him, is Chinese."
"Why?"
"Well, learning the language will involve reading, won't it? Don't we have a book of laws that he might want to read?"
"So ... Airen ... knows what I am doing for him?"
"Much better than trying to force it down his throat, isn't it? Aside from which, he shouldn't take too much convincing to pick up Chinese. We've got dozens of technique scrolls he could read, too, many of them medical."
Shampoo blinked. "Suddenly, everything just got more complicated."
Her response was a wry snort. "Just imagine how messy it will be by the time your truce ends, hmm?"
Shampoo thought about it for a minute. "Will live for today today," she decided. "Can live for tomorrow ... tomorrow. If Akane and panda are busy, can figure out what to do next later. Thank you for help, Great-Grandmother."
"Ah, what is family for? Aside from which, when I agreed to Happi's little proposal, I hope he didn't think I was just going to roll over and let Akane's little slip-up go without any sort of reprimand. Now get some rest, young woman."
"Okay! Rest well, Great-Grandmother!"
-5-
"...and that's how it ended up," Akane concluded, feeling emotionally and mentally drained.
Nodoka nodded slowly. "That sounds severe," she said in gentle tones. "I think I understand why my son would be upset. Oh, my." She shook her head, eyes going distant.
"A...anyway," Akane said with a sigh, "I need to figure out how to make this up to Ukyou and Kodachi."
Further rumination was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Oh, I wonder who that could be?" Nodoka murmured to herself, rousing from her contemplation and going to the door. She blinked in surprise at the tiny old woman at the door with a large take-out container in one hand. "Hello, can I help you?"
"You must be Nodoka," Cologne said with a warm smile. "And I think you could-- Oh! Tendo Akane, how convenient to find you here!"
"Oh, Akane, is this one of your friends?"
"Uh," the girl began, wincing. "Not ... exactly..."
"I'm Shampoo's great-grandmother," Cologne said smoothly. "You may call me Cologne, if you wish. I was just hoping to speak with you. Would you care for some warm dim sum? I find it's best to speak with a full stomach."
"Ah," Nodoka breathed, smiling. "Please, do come in! You may have the ideal insight, since your darling great-granddaughter Shampoo was so willing to forgive Akane-chan!"
Akane swallowed nervously, wondering what would happen next. She doubted this had been part of Genma's plan.
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