--The usual standard disclaimers and warnings apply.
Italics indicate Flashback
--Special thanks to Nika Dawson for the slight prodding. It really did make this chapter get posted faster. So, here. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter Five
The Barmaid's Musings...
Madam Rosmerta, the witch who runs the Three Broomsticks, often found herself staring out the slightly smudged window of the dingy pub.
Between customers, she usually gazed out and admired the sunset. It was always beautiful at this time of evening, just before it got busy with the night crowd. The orange and golden rays splashed into the pub, lighting up the usually dark place and breathing life and warmth into it. The cracked glossy finish of the wooden bar shined through the layers of dust and dirt. The light reflected off the glass bottles and shimmered across the liquor and ales in a beautiful array of colors.
She sighed softly.
This was her favorite time of day.
As she glanced out the window today though, she was confronted with a very unusual sight.
A scruffy black dog was lounging at the edge of Hogsmeade, a little ways away from the beaten path.
The bronze dirt from the walkways littered his erratically frayed fur; which glittered in the bright orange light spewing out from the sinking sun. His head was lying on his front paws and his eyes had a distinctly empty and stricken look about them. The bones from his rib cage jutted out encasing his body and giving the obvious appearance of starvation. His tail drooped slightly and every few moments his hind legs would twitch.
He'd been sitting in that same position all day, never moving more than a few inches at a time, always watching and waiting patiently.
All of the sudden, a ginger cat swaggered confidently up to the dog with a piece of parchment in its tiny mouth. The dog arched its body up and stretched out its long legs. It sniffed the cat briefly before nudging the off white paper with its black nose. The cat passed the paper to the dog and then briefly nodded its furry fat head off to the distance. The dog seemed to understand and they both walked down an adjoining alleyway.
Peculiar behavior, the pub matron thought vaguely, the sunlight making the air around her warm and hazy. She shook herself awake. She most definitely didn't have time to loiter around, musing on the odd behavior of stray animals, especially when it was almost the pub's peek hours. She had too many drinks to serve and too many drunks to keep tally of.
That cat had certainly come in handy, Sirius thought crouching in the back corner of a deserted alleyway. He'd scrunched his haggard human frame into the small space between the discolored red brick wall and a dirty trash bin. Not the most pleasant of smells, but much better than Azkaban.
He smirked crookedly at the crumpled piece of parchment in his spidery hand.
Sirius had the passwords.
He finally had them.
It had taken Crookshanks a while, but that little deviant had come through. Now all he had to do was wait until dark and then scurry in before anyone knew that something was odd.
He had the advantage as well.
He knew the castle better than anyone else. Well, better than anyone that wasn't a Marauder and after tonight, there would only be two left.
Padfoot and Moony, Sirius thought his empty smile fading slightly. Only the puppies were left. Who would have thought?
Glancing towards Crookshanks, he ruffled the orange cat's head. Somehow this little creature had become his closest companion. He was sure that James was laughing at him now, wherever he may be. Sirius never liked cats, for obvious reasons.
That wasn't the point though. No, the main point was that he finally had access to Gryffindor common room. After that other incident, he knew he needed the passwords. That stupid fat woman had no idea what was at stake! He needed to get into that room and okay, maybe the knife was a little overkill, but no one ever said that he had a stable temper. Besides, the painting looked much better with her fat ugly face out of it. Sirius thought it was more abstract with the dagger streaks across the canvas, very modern.
After all, he needed to save Harry.
It was the job that James bestowed on him and by Merlin he was going to fulfill it.
A clamoring noise alerted his and Crookshanks attention to the end of the alley. He transformed hastily into Padfoot and peeked out from behind the bin, sniffing the air for any sign of danger. Some random man drunkenly stumbled into the glow of the sunset.
Phew.
That was close. He thought giving his feline companion a relieved look. The orange cat looked at him and then glanced towards the sky. Padfoot looked up and saw that the sun was almost set. The sky was a light purple color with dark blue hues. His eyes darkened considerable when reminded of his task, he began walking towards the end of the alley. Stretching his muscles and stiff joints all the way, he followed the cat out of the alleyway and into the darkening streets.
The picture frame swung open revealing the common room. As he steadily made his way through the portrait hole, Sirius began to fight back his assaulting memories. Even with the no lights, Sirius still knew the layout. It hadn't changed in twenty years.
He spotted the fireplace that he'd often sat in front of with James. Playing games or rehearsing plans for their next big prank. Anything really, anything was fun with James.
He mentally jump started his brain. He couldn't afford to have a breakdown in the middle of the Gryffindor common room. Not right now. He could grieve and angst later.
Glancing around to his right, he spotted the staircases that led to the dorm rooms. He stalked silently up the spiraling steps, careful to miss the faulty and squeaky ones. Taking note of all the doors, he took hold of the third year door handle and gently pulled, willing it to not squeal with age.
Sirius breathed out for the first time since entering the stairs. No noise, he thought thankfully. He quickly stepped into the room and glanced around. Memories and moments clamored towards his consciousness. Long forgotten events and strings of thoughts floated into his brain. All of these rioted and raged for attention. Attention that they rightly deserved, but he couldn't deal with that. Not now. Not when he wasso close.
It was then that he saw that head of messy black hair.
Sirius froze, his breathing was ragged. Every thought, feeling, and memory that had been tormenting him since his arrival ascended upon him in that moment. His brain, which had been hollow while repressing these images, now swelled biliously and was threatening to collapse. Grabbing his mattered and grimy hair, Sirius clamped his eyes shut and began trying to quell his thoughts. He'd spent too long for this to happen, but he couldn't help it.
One name was repeated in all of these images.
James.
James.
James. James. James. James.
The name spiraled and sank deeply into his brain. As if it was trying to embed itself into every section of his mind. He'd worked so hard over these past months to get beyond him, but it all seemed futile. His resolve is crumbling. It was just a matter of time before the flood of emotions and feelings finally took over. He stumbled over towards that ginger child, the one that had Peter.
If he was going down, so was that damn traitor!
Just as he reached the child's bed, his eyes snapped open. Sirius jumped back and ran. He didn't have much time. Mentally stable or not, he knew he had to get out of this common room immediately.
He ran to the portrait and slid out gracefully. With years of experience on his side, he reached the statue quickly and transformed. The castle was buzzing with excitement and magic was flowing through the walls. Sirius could feel it getting further and further away as he descending back down the secret passage to Honeydukes. Adrenaline was pumping furiously through his veins, possessing his body and willing him to carry out impulsive actions.
Half way to the cellar of the candy shop, Sirius's body collapsed. Heaving breathes and hurling sobs rack his abused frame. Tears stream down his pale gaunt face, making his eyes look ever more sunken in.
He's failed.
He's failed James.
He can't even do this properly. It's the only thing that James left him with and he's a complete failure. He always was. Gripping his chest, Sirius lays down onto the dusty floor. Shaking and muttering to himself, he can only watch as all the images in his mind play out. In his catatonic state, Sirius can only stare into the musty and dark space before him, he can only see James. Smiling and laughing like the good times.
Like before.
After an indeterminable amount of time, Sirius begins to regain a sense of himself, his breathing returns to normal. His lungs fill with the aged air from the passage way. He stays still and silent, reveling as his thoughts come back to him, as his sanity returns.
Sirius wipes his eyes and gets all of the wetness off of his face. Falteringly, he manages to stand up. His legs quake underneath him, but he can't stop. He needs to get out because if Moony is there.
If Moony catches him…
Well, he doesn't know what his school mate would do, but he's not too inclined to find out just yet, at least not when he's in this state, this pathetic state.
Once he was safely in the forest, he thinks about what happened. It was Harry's hair that had triggered his break down.
His bloody hair.
Sirius banged his hands against the ground in his frustration. Dirt hovers around him and his hands tear at the grassy ground in aggravation. How was he supposed to do this, when the boy's hair was too much for him to handle?
Sirius threw himself backwards onto his back. Staring at the stars through the trees, he cools himself down. Crookshanks is by his side again. He gently picks the cat up and lays it on his stomach, petting the orange thing thoughtlessly. Closing his eyes, he indulges himself into thinking about James. He knows it will hurt when he reopens his eyes and finds this all to be a dream, but at the moment, he could care less. It will be more painful this way, but he can't stop it. Not tonight.
He just wants to pretend. Even if it's just for one moment, that James is back.
Even if it's just for a moment, he just wants everything to be alright.
Remus was walking past the statue of the one eyed witch. He'd passed it seven times now. He should be looking for Sirius, but he keeps coming back here.
He isn't stupid. He knows why he keeps circling around. It's because of the miniscule chance that this is how he's getting in.
This secret.
It pains him to think that Sirius would use their secrets to get his revenge on Harry. Even though Remus knows how Sirius is now, he still can't believe it.
It's simply impossible.
So for now, Remus will ignore it. After all, no one was injured. Everything is fine. Sirius escaped Azkaban, he could most certainly find his way into the castle another way.
It isn't his fault.
A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review.