Disclaimer: See chapter 1
Chapter 11: From Bad to Worst
Harry sat at his desk reading until he fell asleep. Tina came in and levitated him on to his bed and covered him up. She ran a hand lightly through his hair.
"You look so much like your Father, but your more like your Uncle then you know." Tina said softly.
Tina turned and left the room, shutting the door quietly.
Harry was dreaming of floating through the air. It was like flying on his broom. Then he dreamed of the time that him and Ron flew the car to school. Flying on Buckbeak with Hermione and Sirius. Riding the Thestral's to the Ministry of Magic. Watching as Sirius and Bellitrex dueled until Sirius fell through the Veil at the Department of Mysteries. Lupin holding him back. Waiting for Sirius to come back. Then it was Harry in Bellitrex's place. It was Harry dueling with Sirius…Harry's wand shooting a red flash of light at Sirius…Harry watching in horror as Sirius fell through the Veil.
"Sirius!" Harry yelled, waking himself up. He sat up quickly, looking around him, as if he would see Sirius standing there. He was breathing heavy and sweat was running down his face. As he looked around he remembered where he was. He quickly looked over at the door, expecting to see Snape standing there. He wasn't yet, so he lay back down trying to relax before Snape showed up, which he knew he would.
Severus just walked in the door when he heard Potter yell. Tina came running through the door from the elves quarters and stopped as she saw Severus standing by the door.
"Master Snape! What that bad wizard do to you, sir? You all dirty." Tina said, rushing over to him.
"I'm fine, Tina. What is going on with Potter? He should be sleeping. I told you to watch him." Severus snapped, irritated at not being able to get some rest.
"He was sleeping, Master Snape. Fell asleep at his desk. I put him in bed myself. I don't know what happened, sir." Tina said quickly, starting to check Severus over for injuries.
"I'm fine, Tina. Go back to bed. I'll check on Potter." Severus said, pushing Tina gently away.
"Your hurt!" Tina said, a look of anger on her face.
"Go now, Tina." Severus said.
Reluctantly, Tina walked slowly back to the door to the elves quarters. Severus went up the stairs and headed for Potter's room.
Harry heard the door open and tried to pretend he was still sleeping. He could feel Snape's eyes on him but ignored the uneasy feeling it gave him.
"Potter, get up." Snape snapped angrily.
Harry, still not wanting to face him and not liking how angry he sounded, didn't dare move or make a sound. That only seemed to make matters worse. Without any warning, he felt the bed tilt and he fell hard on to the floor, tangled into the blankets. Harry untangled himself from the blankets and sat up to glare at Snape.
"What was that for, sir?" Harry said, glaring angrily at Snape.
Harry noticed that Snape was filthy. He was still wearing his robes from earlier. He looked tired and annoyed, which wasn't a good combination. The sneer on his face increased at Harry's reply, but he made no comment on it. This scared him a little more then if Snape had yelled at him.
"Get up and get dressed. I want you in the study in 5 minutes." Snape said coldly, then turned and went out the door.
Harry watched as Snape left, noticing how he favored his left arm. He held it close to his side as if it was injured. Harry wondered how he could of hurt himself. Reluctantly, Harry got up off the floor and started to get dressed. He didn't want to give Snape any reason to come back. He just wondered what horrible task he would have to do this time. All he really wanted to do was go back to sleep. He quickly made his way down to the study. As he went in he noticed that Snape had cleaned up and put clean robes on. He still was favoring his left arm, though. Snape turned without a word and headed towards the door to the dungeons. Harry reluctantly preceded him through the door and waited. Snape swept past him without a second thought and went to his potion's lab. Harry was a little frightened now. Snape had never totally ignored him before. He usually had some biting comment to make about him or his father. Harry decided that right about now he would have preferred that to this cold indifference.
"Sit" Snape snapped, pulling Harry from his thoughts.
Harry watched Snape go over to a drawer and pull out parchment, an ink bottle, and a quill. Snape came back over and set them in front of him.
"You know what to do." Snape said quietly, turned, and went over to one of the empty cauldrons.
"But, sir, why do I have to? It's not a vision. It's only a dream." Harry said, not wanting to have Snape knowing what he dreamed about.
Severus turned and looked at Harry with narrowed eyes. He came over to the table with purposeful strides, his robes billowing out behind him. He really wasn't in the mood to put up with anyone right now, especially a Potter. Harry tried not to show any signs of fear, although with Snape in this mood he was a little scared. He had seen that same look when he was caught looking in the pensieve, and was just as frightened as he had been then.
"Do you honestly think that I enjoy this anymore then you? Don't you think that I would rather be somewhere else right now?" Snape said in a dangerously quiet voice.
He placed his hands on the table and looked directly into Harry's eyes. Harry backed as far into his chair, away from Snape, as he could. Harry was slightly alarmed by the way that Snape was acting. He didn't know what to do, and didn't want to make Snape too mad. Not that he wasn't already. Now that he could see Snape's face up close, he noticed how tired he looked.
"I do not hold you up to as much importance as everyone else seems to. The only reason you have survived this far is because of sheer dumb luck. I only do this because the Headmaster requested it of me. I do not think you have the ability to learn this. You allow your emotions to rule you. You put yourself above the rules that everyone else follows, placing yourself and others in danger. You can't even follow directions that are written out. None the less, I'm stuck with the impossible task of trying to get through to you. As hard as it is for you to comprehend, the Headmaster cares about you. Why, I'll never know. You don't seem to care about yourself. It is the Headmaster's wish that you write out everything. I really could care less what your dreaming about. I will not tolerate being questioned about anything I tell you to do. While you are under my care, you will do as you are told, no questions asked. Do I make myself perfectly clear, Potter?" Snape said, quietly and with such venom in his voice that Harry physically flinched from him.
"Yes, sir." Harry said quickly, not wanting to make him any madder.
Severus stood, unconsciously rubbing his left arm, and watched Harry for a minute. Satisfied that he had got through to him, he went back over to his cauldron and started putting a potion together to heal his arm. Harry was too dazed at what Snape had said that all he could do was stare after him.
"What are you waiting for, Potter?" Snape said coldly, without looking at him.
"Nothing, sir." Harry said quickly, picking up the quill.
"Then I suggest you get started." Snape said softly.
"Yes, sir." Harry said, and started writing.
He really didn't want to let Snape know about this dream. He didn't want to let anyone know. Seeing himself in place of Bellatrix was bad enough, let alone having anyone else know. Especially Snape. He would probably have some snide remark about it like always. Not wanting to make Snape madder, if that were possible, he wrote the whole thing out. Even when he saw himself casting the spell. After he finished writing everything down, he looked up at Snape. Snape was still working on some potion and Harry really didn't want to interrupt him. He tried to decide the best way to approach him.
"What is it, Potter?" Snape said, not turning to look at him.
"I'm done, Professor." Harry said, wondering how he kept doing that.
Severus ignored Harry and finished adding the ingredients to his potion. When the last was added, he stirred it three times counter clockwise. Once that was done, he left it to simmer and walked over to the table that Harry was at. Lifting his right hand, he conjured up a chair and sat down. He picked up the paper and started to read it. As he was reading, Harry saw his eyes narrow and his lips go into a thin line. Harry looked away, not wanting to watch as he read about his dreams and feelings. He hated this part of the lessons, and knowing that what he was reading now was something only Harry knew, made it much worse.
"Why do you think you caused Black's death?" Snape said softly, still looking at the parchment.
"Excuse me, sir?" Harry said, looking at Snape in shock.
Harry wasn't sure he had heard him right. Severus looked up and directly at Harry.
"Why do you think you caused Black's death?" Snape said, irritated for having to repeat himself.
Harry didn't know what to say. After reading everything that he had written, didn't he understand? Couldn't he see that if he, Harry, had tried to learn Occlumency, had trusted Snape like Hermione kept telling him, then Sirius wouldn't of had to go try and save him. Harry just gaped at Snape as if he had gone crazy.
"Speak up Potter! " Snape snapped
" Well, sir, uh…" Harry started, not sure he really wanted to tell Snape. " If I would of worked harder to learn Occlumency. "
Harry watched Snape's face to see if he would give any sign of what he thought. As always, he didn't give anything away.
"If I would have learned Occlumency then Vold…ah…I wouldn't have got that vision about Sirius." Harry said cautiously.
" And if.." Harry looked away, unable to look at Snape, ashamed for what he was going to say.
" If I would have remembered that everyone in the Order wasn't gone. If I would've remembered you were still there, sir, I could've told you about it sooner. " Harry said quietly, " You could've done something . You could've told the Order. "
Harry looked up into Snape's eyes, " If I could of trusted you, like Hermione told me, I would never have led my friends into danger and Sirius wouldn't have felt the need to come for me. "
Severus just stared at Harry for awhile, not really sure if he heard him correctly . Harry had never willingly told anyone what had really happened at the Ministry or how he felt afterwards. He certainly hadn't expected for him to tell his most hated teacher .
" As much as I'd like to agree, it is not entirely your fault. If it is of any consequence, it is also the fault of others. To lay blame where it belongs, we must go back to where it started. " Snape stated with a sneer.
"The Dark Lord for his arrogance in assumptions of power and greed. Dumbledore for trying to shield you from everything for so long, Black for being so bullheaded and stubborn, you for being so like your father and reacting before thinking, and … me, for antagonizing Black into disobeying orders. " Severus said this last part with a sort of smile on his face that made Harry mad.
"If we dwell on the what ifs of everything we do or others do to us, Potter, no one would ever have a…normal…life. If there is such a thing. We must learn from our mistakes. We can learn from others mistakes if we want. You must look ahead and not dwell over what was. Once it's gone, it usually won't come back. Forgive yourself and others for a moment of weakness that can't be taken back. As much as you like to think you are better then the rest of us, you are not. You are not perfect like some people seem to think. You make mistakes just like the rest of us. You just have to learn from them and not do them again. You also must learn to listen to others. Especially when they know better then you do." Severus said softly.
"If, after you told me about your vision, you knew I would look into it, why did you still go to the Ministry then?" Severus said, looking at Harry with narrowed eyes.
Harry fidgeted in his seat, not sure of what to tell him. How could he tell him that he thought that he hadn't cared without making him mad again? He decided it was better to just say it and get it over with.
"I didn't think you cared, sir. You acted as if it didn't matter and that I didn't know what I was talking about." Harry said softly, glancing up at Snape.
Severus was a little shocked that Potter would think he didn't understand what he had been saying. Did he not realize he had to keep his cover? Did he not see that with Umbridge and the Slytherin's there he couldn't come right out and tell him he understood? Well, with him being a Potter, that really shouldn't have been a surprise.
"Did you not realize I could not acknowledge what you had said? With Umbridge and the Slytherin's right there did you honestly think I would say; O.K. let me inform the other's? Even you can't be that thick, Potter." Severus said savagely.
Harry glared at him, too angry to say anything. He had to look away; he couldn't handle the dark look in Snape's eyes. He couldn't stand the look of hatred in his eyes, not knowing if it was hatred for him or his father.
"As hard as it may be for you to believe, everything bad that happens is not directly related to you. You have to quit blaming yourself for something you have no control over." Severus said quietly, looking lost in thought.
Harry looked up at him, not sure of what to expect. Snape had a grimace on his face as if he was remembering something he didn't want to remember.
"Professor?" Harry said quietly, not wanting to disturb him.
Severus looked at Harry, regarding him before continuing.
"I don't want to hear any more of this non-sense from now on. You are to quit worrying about it. There was, and still is, nothing you have done. He is gone and nothing will bring him back. Learn to accept that and move on. Is that clear, Potter?" Severus said sternly.
"Yes, sir." Harry answered, sounding confused.
"It is what he would have wanted." Severus said softly.
"Yes, sir." Harry said softly.
Harry couldn't understand why Snape, of all people, was being nice to him and kept telling him not to blame himself. He had even gone as far as to partially blame himself, which really surprised Harry. Although, Harry had to admit, he hadn't sounded sorry when he said it. Everyone kept telling him it wasn't his fault, but with Snape telling him he believed him because he knew he wasn't just saying it. Harry jumped and looked at the table beside him. Snape had summoned a box to the table without Harry noticing.
"You will disembowel all the toads in there and place the useful parts in jars separately. I shouldn't have to tell you what to keep as we have already covered it in class. The jars are in the cupboard." Severus said, then stood and went back his cauldron.
"Professor, why do I have to do it? I haven't done anything wrong, sir." Harry said quickly, not understanding why he was being punished.
"Do not question me, Potter." Severus said without turning.
"Yes, sir." Harry said, sounding miserable.
Severus set up some potion vials, then started to put the potion into them. He was having a hard time of it trying to do it one handed. He glanced at Harry to see if he was doing as he said. He was, though he had a grimace on his face. Severus went back to his potion. He started putting labels on them all. When he was done labeling them, he put them into the cupboard except for one. He drank the one left out and went to sit at the table. They both sat in silence; Harry working and Snape lost in thought.
"Professor?" Harry said, breaking the silence.
Severus looked up at him with a raised brow. Harry took a deep breath before continuing.
"I'm sorry I forgot that you were in the Order. And I'm sorry I didn't trust you. Hermione is always telling Ron and me that if Professor Dumbledore trusts you it should be enough for us. I'll try to be more trusting when it comes to things like that. Although, you must admit you never gave me reason to trust you." Harry said, looking Snape in the eyes.
Harry could have sworn he saw Snape's mouth twitch at that.
"I'm sorry for looking in the Pensieve also, sir. I never told any one about what I saw. I did ask Sirius and Remus about it though. But they already knew so they don't really count." Harry said softly.
Severus looked at Harry for a few seconds. Without saying anything to Harry, he turned to his left arm. Harry watched curiously as his 'Uncle' started doing something to his arm. Severus laid his left arm straight out on the table, grimacing a little from the movement. He then held his right hand above it. Without saying anything, a soft, white glow started to come from his hand and around his arm. A few minutes later it stopped. Severus lifted his arm and moved it around, testing to see if it was healed. After deciding it was, he stretched his legs out in front of him, leaned back in his chair, and folded his arms across his chest. Harry watched him a little in awe and fear. He had heard of people doing wandless magic. He had even done it without realizing it before he knew he was a wizard. He had never seen anyone control it like that though.
"Professor?" Harry said quietly.
"Yes, Potter." Severus said, sounding tired.
"How did you do that?" Harry said softly.
Severus smirked at the question. He could hear the awe and fear in his voice.
"It takes a lot of discipline and control to do it. Something which you haven't shown any of yet." Severus said mockingly.
Harry glared at him, then went back to the toads.
The rest of the day went by a lot more smoothly. Once Harry had finished with the toads and cleaned up, they had eaten breakfast and then Snape let Harry go off on his own. Harry only saw Snape at lunch and supper. He had no idea where or what Snape was doing. He spent his day studying and relaxing. He was taking full advantage of his day of freedom. He was trying to decide on how to ask Snape to teach him wandless magic. He knew he could do it, he just wanted to be able to control it. It would come in really handy when he had to face Voldemort. It would be an edge he had over him that he wouldn't expect. All he had to do was convince Snape to teach him. That was a challenge he didn't know if he could accomplish. Snape was a hard person to get to do what you wanted him to, and then if you managed that, it was the way he wanted or not at all. He decided to wait until Snape was in a good mood. It wouldn't do any good to ask if he wasn't. Later that night, Harry cleared his mind and went to bed, still not knowing where Snape was.
Severus was working on potions for Voldemort in the dungeons. He worked through the night, not stopping for anything. He had to have them for him within the next few days and didn't want to waste anymore time.
Tina was waiting rather worriedly in the study for Severus to come up. She was worried about him. She knew he was hurt and hadn't been to bed in the last 2 days. He never admitted when he needed help and she was worried he was going to make himself sick from all the work he did for the Dark wizard and the Light wizard. And now he had taken on yet another job watching over Harry Potter. She fell asleep on the floor waiting for him, not knowing she'd be spending all night there. Severus never did come back up. He worked through the night non-stop.
Xoxoxox
Sorry it took so long. My Internet was down. I just got it back. Sorry if there are any mistakes. I wanted to get this up as soon as I could.
Thanx for all the review. I have gone back and fixed some of the mistakes that were mentioned. Thanx for pointing them out. I had meant to fix them before but forgot.
I hope that this is okay. Not much happened, but at least Harry got to see another side of Severus. Harry is starting to see Severus differently even if he still snarls at him. Severus is beginning to see Harry as Harry and not James, too. Don't worry. I haven't forgotten Hermione and Ron. They will be coming. In about 2 or 3 more chapters.
Thanx again for the reviews.
Rhi