Chapter III: The beginnings of a breakdown

Julie peered in front of her medicine cabinet, with her heart feeling heavy with guilt. As much as she did not want to feel like she favored one of her children over the other, she couldn't help but wonder if she had felt this down when Kaitlyn had left for boarding school. Even though it seemed for a while that she and Marissa were never going to be able to repair their relationship, somehow they had gotten on the right track in the last few weeks. And, now what? Now, she leaves to go gallivanting around the world with her father. And, now Julie is left with another teenager full of hostility and resentment to contend with. Why did Jimmy get to have all the fun, and she was the one always stuck doing the actual "parenting"?

She slowly reached into the cabinet and pulled out her little bottle of anti-depressants. The doctor had been persuaded to prescribe them to her when she and Jimmy were going through their divorce. But, she had not taken them, not wanting to be seen as weak by her new husband, Caleb. Everything had needed to be perfect for Caleb to be able to justify to himself asking her to marry him, and she knew that. So, she obliged, and sought to make herself into the perfect Newport housewife. And, look how well that had turned out.

Then, after Caleb died, Julie had been in survival mode. Everything had come crashing down around her and Marissa, but with Jimmy back in the picture, it had started to look as though things might finally get better. But, they hadn't. And now, with Neil, she felt as though there was a real foundation of respect and understanding that the two of them had between each other that she hadn't really felt before. Plus, she could go back to affording the lifestyle that she had accustomed herself to all those years ago.

However, something still didn't feel right. The one daughter that she had invested so much in trying to mend their relationship was now abandoning her, and another daughter that she used to be so close with was now overflowing with resentment. Would Kaitlyn prove as defiant of an obstacle as Marissa once had? Did Marissa miss her? Would Jimmy ever come back?

"Julie?"

Julie quickly popped two pills into her mouth and took a sip of her bottled water before checking her hair in the mirror. She narrowed her eyes, studying herself in the mirror. What was she getting herself into?

"Coming…," she yelled back at Neil.

She took one last look at herself and exited the bathroom. Neil was sitting in the front room, dressed up in a suit and ready for their date. He had thought it was a good idea to take Julie out for dinner, as he could tell that she was feeling a little bit of empty nest syndrome after Marissa had left. He completely understood and hoped that she would be there for him in that same way once Summer left for Brown. The thought of his little girl leaving him made Neil feel quite nostalgic.

As Julie hurried into the living room, Neil quickly pulled himself out of his reflective mood as he turned to look at his fiancé. He smiled widely as he took in her appearance.

" Wow…Jules….you look stunning," he said as he lightly kissed her on the cheek. They were going out to celebrate their Marissa and Summer's graduation and Kaitlyn's return home. He had made reservations for his usual table at the Arches, and they were running a little late. But he didn't care. He had the best looking woman there on his arm. And, with Summer moving all the way to the other side of the country, he was going to need something to fill that void in his life.

"Thanks sweetie," she replied, pleased that he liked her dress. She was wearing a vintage Chanel cocktail red dress with a sash around the waist, with matching Manolo Blahnik strappy red sandals. It was not as over-the-top as Julie usually would go for, but she didn't feel the need as much to impress Neil as she had with Caleb, and even with Jimmy.

As they drove to the Arches, both were deep in thought, wondering about the future without their children, and hoping that this time, this relationship would be different. Neil sensed the unease in the air and decided to directly address it.

"So, how are you? You seem….distant."

Julie felt a wave of relief wash over her as she was pulled away from her thoughts. She looked over at him, so genuinely concerned and caring. How had she ever been so lucky to have found him? She smiled a quiet smile and reached out for his hand. Maybe their life wouldn't be so bad after all.

"I'm sorry honey…I've just…had a lot on my mind lately. Everything seems like it's moving so….fast…I guess I just need a minute to process everything that has happened. I mean, it seems like just yesterday that she was learning how to ride her bike and how to bake chocolate chip cookies…,"

As the memories flooded back to her, she quickly became overcome with emotions…some happy, some sad. Neil reached a hand out to her for comfort.

"I understand completely….and, I know that it is going to be hard for both of us in these next few months….but, at least we have each other….and Caitlyn is coming back."

Caitlyn….she had almost forgotten about her. Julie knew that Caitlyn was carrying the same chip on her shoulder that Marissa had when she was that age. She knew that it was going to be a struggle with her, that she was not going to be happy to obey a mother that had not so long ago shipped her off to boarding school so that she wouldn't have to deal with her.

Julie nodded back at Neil, thankful when he didn't push her anymore to talk. They headed into the restaurant quietly, and enjoyed their new beginning together. Halfway through the meal, Julie excused herself to the bathroom. As she was washing her hands, she heard her cell phone begin to ring. Quickly wiping her hands, she rushed to catch the caller before it went to voicemail. Maybe it was Marissa telling her she had landed safely.

"Hello," she said.

"Hello, may I please speak to a Ms. Julie Cooper?" a voice replied to her.

"This is she," Julie assured, now curious as to whom was calling her.

" Ms. Cooper, my name is Detective Reynolds, here with the Orange County Police department. Uh, we are calling to inform you that we have taken your daughter, a," the caller struggled as he flipped through the paperwork, "Caitlyn Cooper, here at the juvenile detention center. We need you to come up to the station as soon as possible, as she is a minor and has requested to have a guardian present."

Julie's mind began racing a mile a minute. What could her daughter have done that would get her arrested? Was Caitlyn going to be as rebellious and difficult as Marissa had once been? Or worse?

"Ms. Cooper?" Det. Reynolds asked again, growing a little impatient.

Julie snapped back into the conversation and realized that she was still on the phone.

"Yes…yes..of course….we'll be right there."

She absent-mindedly hung up the phone and shoved it back into her purse. Her eyes began to well with tears as her imagination ran rampant with ideas. She chided herself for worrying without knowing the facts yet. As she quickly washed her hands, she looked again at the mirror. She could swear her face was getting older by the minute. By the time that Caitlyn was through with her, Julie wondered if she was going to look like a senior citizen. Haphazardly, Julie reached into her purse, grabbing the bottle of pills. She carefully shook out 3 pills and flushed them down with some water. She could feel that pretty soon she was going to need a break from reality.