Chapter Four

Dying 'cause I let you

POV: Edward Masen-Cullen

Bella, my Bella, was asleep in my arms again, and everything was the way that it should have been. It was a little different then when we had last been together - the state was different, we were different, everything was different…but seven months had passed since I had seen her, and my affections were all still the same, if not heightened. As she slept in my arms, I looked over at the plastic, hospital crib in which my baby slept.

My baby.

My son, her son…our son.

Jasper Carlisle Cullen - my baby, my son, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He had Bella's eyes. Alice and Esme had said that he was like me. I did not see it. I didn't care. He was my son. Bella's son. He was the most precious gift I could have ever been given, and Bella had been the giver. That made him all the more special to me.

Kissing Bella's cheek lightly, I rose from the hospital bed and moved over to where my son slept, keeping a cautious eye on Bella the whole time. Jasper blinked, and he began to mewl. Before he woke Bella, I picked him up, loving his warm weight. His skin was lovingly smooth - he was very pale, like Bella and myself. He had my hair, the bronze hair I had inherited from my mother.

My mother and father - would that they were here, would they approve of this? Their vampire son, fathering a human baby, with a girl that he could kill any moment? Would they approve of Bella? Would they like her?

Her parents hated me. I could see it in their eyes. I had done this to her - made her suffer so, so much, and it killed me. But then I looked at Jasper and I wondered if it had been worth it.

But I wished I was there. Seven whole months where I could have been with her, and I never was. I had made her suffer this, and she had done it alone. Esme had told us that it was the worst pain imaginable, indescribable, impossible to comprehend unless you had done it. And she had done that because of me, but without me there.

Jasper's eyes, darkening by the second, batted open.

"Hello," I said. Would I could cry, I was sure I would have been wiping tears away roughly. This was the first time I had properly been able to hold my son since his birth. Just looking at him made me smile. "Well, I suppose we haven't been formally introduced. My name is Edward and I'll be your father for the rest of your life." I smiled at my own stupidity now - I was talking to a baby who did not understand me. Or maybe he did. I was not in the mood to try and read the mind of a child who was not a day old.

Carlisle had been thinking about whether this miracle of ours would be a human child. I wasn't sure myself. I didn't want to think about it. I was too blissfully happy to think about condemning my child, my baby, to such a life.

I heard a shuffle and turned. Bella was slowly propping herself up, wincing.

"Here," I said, moving forward swiftly, and propping up a pillow behind her. She smiled gratefully and allowed herself to be helped. I moved to sit up beside her, and she extended her arms for Jasper. I handed him over, and she held him tight to her breast, smiling down at him. It took me a moment to register that tears were falling from Bella's face.

"Bella," I stroked her cheek, turning her head to face me. "Bella, love, what's wrong?"

She bit her bottom lip, tears still streaming down her face. "It's too perfect," She said. "Me. Sitting here with you and Jasper. And he's healthy, and you're here and you believe me when I say he's yours and you still want me and you want to be a father to him and…it's too perfect."

"Evidently you kept some of the hormones back for me to enjoy," I titled her head to kiss her lips. "Bella, love, I will always want you. And I believe you, one hundred per cent, that he is my son. And yes, he is healthy, and he is beautiful…and things are perfect. And that's a good thing." I kissed her lightly on the neck, and then under her earlobe. "Bella," I whispered to her. "We've had more than our fair share of imperfect."

I felt her tears on my neck. When I pulled back, her face was ashamed. "I almost lost him," she said, blinking back the impending monsoon (and failing).

"What?" I said, feeling my eyebrows crease as I edged a little closer to her.

"I tried to…I couldn't…couldn't face doing it alone. Without you. So…"

Would that I had blood, it would have run cold. I could feel horror spelling itself out on my face.

So I had come so close.

I had come so close to not having Bella, not having Jasper, and not having realised it.

"And then…" Bella continued, sniffing. "I couldn't…couldn't go through with it, and then, when they brought me to hospital, they told me that there was a chance that he was gone. The pills I took could have killed him, but…they didn't."

Horrified, I clutched her tightly to me, taking great care not to squash Jasper between us.

"Oh, Bella, love," I said, and it was all I could say.

By not being there, I had almost ended her life, and that of an innocent baby. "What can I ever do to make it up to you?" I said, unable to think of anything more creative. The room was silent for a moment.

"Marry me," she finally said. I looked down at her, smiling.

"What?"

"I want to now." She said. "I don't care what they think any more. August 13th has come and gone, but still - marry me and they can never take me away from you again." Her voice was pleading. I wasn't sure if it was the post-natal fear, but whatever it was, I would take it.

"Bella," she looked up at me, her eyes full of tears and expectations. "Let's hope that this is third time lucky. Will you finally be my wife?"

"Yes," she barely breathed.

POV: Doctor S. Williams

Jacksonville, Florida

Four Months Earlier

Some minor-leaguer bought in his daughter-in-law, a plump, pale girl with chestnut-hair. She seemed nothing like the blonde, feather-headed woman who followed them both in, her mascara flooding down her cheeks.

"Isabella Swan, nineteen years old, overdose of pills, she says she threw them up."

"Why'd she do it?" I asked the nurse who had handed me the chart.

"She's three months pregnant. They don't let her see the father any more."

I nodded, sucking the inside of my cheek. After running my tests, I visited the teenager in her room.

"Isabella?" I asked. She looked up, apparently miserable.

"Bella." She corrected. Her mother, seated beside her bed, gripped her hand.

"Okay, Bella, you'll have to stay for a couple of days, but you should be fine…but here's the hard part…Bella," I moved closer, to sit on the end of her bed. "Can I be frank with you here?"

The girl nodded, breathless.

"Bella…there's a very strong chance that the baby won't make it. It's still very young and your attempt put it under a lot of stress. I assure you that we're going to absolutely everything we can - but it may not work."

Bella nodded, her head down. Her hair fell into her face like a dark curtain, cutting her off from the rest of the world. She lay back down, blinking back tears.

Her mother cleared her throat. "Well…that's good then. This might all be over soon, Bells."

My eyes darted to the older woman. I was truly appalled that she could say such a thing about her grandchild. Bella didn't seem surprised.

"Is there…" Bella swallowed. "Is there anything that I can do?"

I shook my head. "Not really. Just get lots of rest, try and lie down, don't let anything…" my eyes slid in her mother's direction, "stress you out. Okay?"

The teenager nodded and began to stroke her slightly rounded stomach with her right hand. She closed her eyes and tears poured down her cheeks.

"If you'd like to come with me, and fill out some papers." I said to Bella's mother, and she nodded and I allowed her to leave the room before closing the door out after myself.

As I turned to close the door, I saw words form on Bella's lips, but silently, as if she was whispering them to herself.

Oh, Edward.

Yes, I'm pretty sure that's what it was that she said.