Hey! I'm finally updating…GASP!
No excuses for it… unless you count laziness.
Chapter 12.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket, Lord of the Rings, Charlie the Unicorn, or anything else that may reference in this story.
When the Knight met his Squire
Kyo and Pip had been riding through the Forest of Tongue Punched Dirt Stars for hours now. Kyo was getting very impatient; why was it taking so long to find these stupid little trolls? And this Pip guy, he wouldn't shut up! He was worse than Ayame; you could hit him in the head and he still wouldn't shut his face!
"Aye, Oh!
Aye, Oh!
I be an Irish Man!
Oh Boy!
Oh Boy!
Look at my silly hat!
Ho! Ho! Ho!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Kyo shouted.
This was the fifth time in the past 30 minutes that this occurred. Why was this guy so obsessed with singing about wearing a hat, shoes, and "smokin a pancake"…whatever that meant.
"Aye! Sorry Sir Kyo. I love to sing ye see…"
"Whatever, just tell me how long it'll take before we get to where those damn troll thieves are." Kyo said while petting Stanley the Horse. He noticed that the little man and his donkey stopped in their tracks, making him stop as well. The man looked down; he looked guilty about something too.
"You do know…where we're going don't you?" Kyo asked. He knew this was a stupid question since this guy was supposed to be directing him…but still.
The man still said nothing, just looked down at his ass. (donkey)
"Answer me right now! You know where we're going right?" Kyo said in an angered tone while pulling out his sword from his sheath and directing it toward Pip. The man started crying hysterically!
Kyo was a little caught off guard at this,
"I be so sorry Sir Kyo! Lord Akito sent little ol' Pip here to keep you way' from ye destination as long as possible! I cannot do this though Sir! You have been so generous and kind to me! I shall not obey him! Forgive me I beg ye laddie!"
Well this was certainly news to Kyo…
'When was I kind and generous to him? …Wait, can't think about that right now! That bastard, Akito!' Kyo thought as he put his sword away; Pip was still sitting there crying.
"Stop crying and be a man Pip. I'm not going to harm someone as low as you; I won't need you anymore. I can find them on my own! Now you get out of here before I change my mind and beat your little ass."
Pip rode off crying and Kyo was left stranded in the forest. He had no idea where he was going, he decided to keep following the path he was on. So Kyo started his journey by following the path…simple enough right?
WRONG!
'Aww…damn it…' Kyo thought as he seen the path split into two paths going in two different directions. The left path or the right path, it was Kyo's decision.
"I guess I'll take the right path, because right is always right! Let's go Stanley!" Kyo said aloud. He started walking down the path and looking at the scenery.
It was nothing special; trees, bushes, and the occasional furry critter running past him. So Kyo just kept riding down the very long path, it seemed to last forever.
Eventually, Kyo had to go potty.
He got off Stanley the Horse and went behind a bush not expecting to see the sight he was now staring at.
"…Holy…Shit…" He said aloud, now getting attention from the creature in front of him.
There stood… a very tall … unicorn eating grass. Now it was staring at him with lazy eyes and a very bored look but to Kyo he looked magical, mystical, and wonderful!
Kyo didn't want to make any sudden moves to make the unicorn run away, it was amazing.
"Holy shit… unicorns really do exist…"
The unicorn was staring at Kyo, chomping on grass until it suddenly heard this comment. It spit out its' meal on the ground.
"Of course we exist, what the hell did ya think?" The strange accented unicorn replied and Kyo widened his eyes, bewildered.
"…You…talk as well?" Kyo asked the unicorn.
The unicorn gave Kyo a stupid look, "Of course we friggen talk; what's it to ya?" The unicorn replied.
This caught Kyo off guard and after a brief moment of silence he started to talk again.
"Look I was just asking because I mean…horses don't talk usually! Jeez!" The smart ass unicorn started to fight with the idiotic knight.
"I'm not a friggen horse! I'm a unicorn, get it right buddy."
"Whatever! And I'm not your buddy, guy!"
"I'm not your guy, friend!"
"I'm not your friend, buddy!"
"Shut your face, ya ginger!"
"What? You can't tell me to shut my face! I'm a person and you're just a talking horse with a horn on your head!"
"Oh no you did not just say that!"
"Oh yes I just did."
…Idiots…
"Look I didn't come here to fight with some weird unicorn. But since you're here maybe you could just tell me where the hell the troll's of this forests reside. I am Sir Kyo, a Knight for Lord Akito, and I need to know where they are." Kyo said to the unicorn, who started chomping on grass again.
"Yeah, I know where they are. If you keep walking down this path, you'll reach their little village or whateva the hell it is…I don't care what it is, I don't go there anymore because those bastards tried to steel my hooves!"
Kyo didn't know what to say to this, "Okay… Say, can I ask you something real quick before I go?"
The creature just kept chomping on its grass, not even acknowledging Kyo.
"Did you…or maybe any of your unicorn friends possibly see a kid with white hair and black roots in this forest before? There was a girl with long black hair with him too. They apparently seen a unicorn and it ran away once it saw them…"
He felt pretty stupid asking a unicorn this question; it probably didn't even understand half of what Kyo had said.
The unicorn stopped munching on his grass and turned to Kyo,
"Yeah. Those two idiots stared right at me for about an hour. Yeah they did all right. It freaked me the hell out, so I eventually flew away. It was weird they just stared at me…didn't say one word. So I didn't say one word to them neitha. Eventually I just thought they were tryin to kill me or somethin, so I flew off."
Boy this was awkward…
"Uh…yeah. Well thanks for your help uh…" Kyo started to say thanks but realized he never learned the unicorn's name. 'Wait, do unicorns have names?' Kyo thought to himself,
OF COURSE THEY DO SILLY!
"Ma names Charlie…Charlie the Unicorn…"
"Well thank you Charlie…uh…the Unicorn, I appreciate it and…yeah."
Kyo quickly walked away from the awkward unicorn; totally forgetting that he even had to go to the bathroom. 'Damn it. Haru and Rin were right about seeing a unicorn…' Kyo thought as he and Stanley rode down the path toward the evil shoe-stealing trolls.
The unicorn's directions had been right. Kyo had walked down the path until he reached a sign that said beware. Yeah, right. Trolls were not going to scare Kyo with their little beware sign.
Kyo tied Stanley the Horse to a tree a little ways away from the village so that the trolls wouldn't do anything to his "baby". Kyo then snuck behind some bushes to spy on the trolls who had stolen Kureno's blue prints. He watched as some trolls made a fire in the fire pit, since it was now becoming evening. He could smell whatever the crazy bastards were making, and it smelt delicious.
But now was not the time to be thinking about food. Kyo needed to get this assignment done with so that he could get home.
'I guess I should think of a plan to get into their fort and retrieve the package…wait, what? What does package even…ahh never mind!' Kyo was thinking until he suddenly felt a little pair of hands cover his mouth. It was obviously Pip, the bastard who was sent from Akito to screw Kyo up. He easily pushed the man off of him since he was probably three times his weight.
"What the hell are you doing here? I thought I told you to scram!" Kyo yelled in a whisper (if that's even possible…)
"Please Sir Kyo! Let lil' ol' Pip here tell ye the honest truth! I want to help ye! I be honest! I want to help Sir Kyo get the blue prints…I beg ye lad!"
Kyo didn't really want to deal with this guy right now and he certainly didn't want to get caught by the trolls because of this guy's big mouth, so he allowed Pip to tag along. The two were still hiding behind a bush and spying on the trolls, "Sir Kyo. Why are we hiding from them? I don't believe they will hurt us."
Kyo turned to the man and thought about it for a minute. 'Wait why am I hiding? I can take them! Shit, Pip had a point there!' Kyo then smirked as he jumped from the bush and got the trolls attention.
He started walking toward them; all of the trolls were wide-eyed and screaming, running in their huts and deserting the things they were working on. Kyo wasn't going to hurt them so why did they all run?
Pip also jumped out from the bush and followed behind Kyo observing the trolls actions.
"I believe you all can hear me very clear." Kyo started to shout from the center of their little village place. "I, Sir Kyo, want to see the head of the trolls so I can have a brief word with them and retrieve what is rightfully Lord Akito's."
As Kyo finished talking, he could here trolls' gasp. One of the doors slowly opened and three trolls walked out of the hut. All three were shorter than Kyo, but taller than Pip; Pip's head happened to reach Kyo's stomach, in case you were wondering.
The trolls had green skin, long nails, big doofy ears, and brown potato-sack material for clothing. Pip looked terrified and hid behind Kyo.
All three trolls looked exactly the same except one of the trolls crawled on all four while the other two walked like human beings…except they walked a little funnier than humans. One of the trolls took a step forward, shaking with fear.
"We three are the heads of the trolls. I am Frodo. You who is from Lord Akito's Castle, what is it that you want? We will give you it, as long as you do not kill many of the trolls this time. We beg you!"
Kyo was taken back from this, kill many trolls this time?
"I…I'm not going to do anything. I just needed to get back the blue prints you bastards stole!" Kyo said.
The other troll walked forward and started to speak, "Sir Kyo, we will give them back. Just do not hurt us! I am Legolas, leader of these trolls and I can't stand to see more die…."
Kyo still had no idea what they were talking about. When the hell did he say he was going to kill trolls?
"Look all I wanted to do was tell you to give back those blue prints. I never said I was going to kill any of you."
The trolls stared at him for a minute.
"Wait, you mean you do not intend to hurt us?" Frodo asked Kyo. Legolas also looked to Kyo for an answer.
"No…like I said before, I just need those blue prints back…"
The three trolls' eyes widened and smiles appeared on their faces.
"It's ok everyone!" Legolas shouted, "He is not going to harm us! Come out to meet this wonderful man!"
Trolls were running out and cheering; Kyo thought 'What the hell?'
Frodo started speaking again, "Allow us to explain Sir Kyo. Lord Akito has sent a very evil man over to us before. The man said his name was Sir Kureno. He wouldn't say anything to any of us; he just would come and slaughter our people. Afterwards he would just ramble on about how great Lord Akito was and always say 'Remember my name peasants…Sir Kureno.' We always get frightened now when any one from Lord Akito's Castle comes. I do apologize for the confusion."
Kyo wasn't surprised by this news; Kureno was a very evil man but Kyo never had to deal with him, so it was whatever. If anything, Kureno avoided Kyo…Kureno knew not to mess with Kyo. (Cough Cough hehurtTohruandyoudon'tknowitKyo Cough Cough)
"Well, can you give them back or what?" Kyo said because he just wanted to get home.
"Oh yes of course Sir Kyo! I'll be right back!" Frodo said and walked off.
Kyo stood there feeling very awkward, Legolas could tell.
"Sir Kyo, please don't feel uncomfortable." Legolas said.
The third troll who hadn't said a word the whole time spoke after this comment,
"Yes…don't feel uncomfortable…take off your lovely boots…relax…stay a while…"
Kyo got creeped out from this guy. His voice was very raspy.
"Oh Sir Kyo! I forgot to introduce you to Steve! He's my brother!"
Kyo looked at this troll. The thing was staring down at Kyo's boots with lust in his eyes. Legolas also noticed Steve lusting over the boots.
"Steve…uh… Let's just say he likes shoes."
The troll started drooling.
"Precious…those uh…boots. I can clean them…precious boots…they're very precious…"Steve spoke while still drooling.
"By any chance, was he the one who stole Kureno's shoes?" Kyo asked; Legolas nodded,
"He has a shoe complex. Every time we go somewhere he ends up stealing someone's shoes."
Pip started to laugh at this comment and Steve growled at him, making him jump and quickly hide behind Kyo's leg again.
Frodo returned with two large blue prints in his hands, he handed them to Kyo.
"Why did you take these in the first place?" Kyo asked, "Are you working for dragons?"
The trolls cringed at just the word ' dragons '. One of the generic trolls who was farming shouted,
"AWW HELLLLL NO!" Then continued farming.
"Uh… no. They would eat us if they ever saw us. We stole them because your King threatened to pillage our village…hey that rhymes! Anyways… he threatened us. We wanted to put up a fight by stealing the prints, it was the least we could do. So we stole them." Legolas answered.
Kyo looked down at Steve; he was still eyeing his boots…
"I see. Well then, I guess I should be going. I want to get back the castle as soon as possible and it's going to take till' morning to get there at this rate." Kyo stood up, Pip did as well.
"Take care, Sir Kyo! You really are a good man unlike the others at your King's castle! We wish you well!" Frodo said.
Kyo started to walk away from the village when he stopped and turned around. "Oh yeah. Do you know a kid named Hatsuharu…he claims he met you." Kyo asked.
Legolas answered almost instantly,
"Yes! Oh do you know him? Tell him and Isuzu hello for us will you? And not to worry, Steve will still not take their shoes… they can count on us! Oh Sir Kyo and Sir Pip, we will ban him from stealing your shoes as well!" He smiled to Kyo.
Kyo walked away saying "damn it" to Pip. Haru and his damn crazy adventures…
Kyo went back to where he left his horse, and got on top of him. Apparently Pip had found Kyo's horse before finding Kyo because Pip's donkey was standing right next to Stanley. They started riding home.
"Sir Kyo, I am very grateful that you accepted my apology! I hope ye will still be me friend after this adventure ends!"
Kyo didn't say anything to Pip, he just kept riding.
"I decided that I needed to help ye, and not follow my King's orders…I didn't want him to have a lot of time to torture the poor lass."
This caught Kyo's attention. "What do you mean?" He asked.
"Lord Akito said he had business with a lady and that I needed to keep you out here as long as possible. He said that a man named Kureno was dealing with her. He also threatened my life saying I needed to keep ye out here for more than two days. I thought about it. I realized that this woman must mean something to you… and you be me friend Sir Kyo. I didn't want to see something happen to ye…"
Kyo's eyes widened. It was hard to tell what Pip meant because of his accent but Kyo put the pieces together.
"The bastards are going to do something to Tohru! Pip why the hell didn't you tell me this earlier?" Kyo cried out.
"Well, until the trolls said something about that man… I didn't think he would really do something harmful…Oh I don't know! Forgive me Sir Kyo!"
The little man started crying again. Kyo didn't have time for this though, his horse started running through the woods, leaving Pip behind. He needed to get home fast and since the woods were huge, Kyo wasn't going to get home until the middle of the morning. Maybe 3:00 a.m. if lucky, and by then…
'It could be too late.' Kyo thought as he galloped through the Forest of Tongue Punched Dirt Stars.
I was very late posting this chapter…I'M SORRY!
Ahem.
Technically, even though this is a cliffhanger…it's not cause you guys already know that Tohru is safe with Haru, Rin, and Momiji.
I have this feeling I'm going to get flamed for this chapter…it was very…I don't know…maybe offensive?
Yes my friends, this is not the last you'll see of Pip, who wasn't in this chapter as much as I originally thought he would. But this is my longest chapter yet if that matters!
Until Chapter 13
Sarah.