Edward's body jolted on the bathroom floor, his legs flailing in the air.

"Edward?" Bella's frightened voice forced Edward to open his eyes. His body relaxed.

"You've been asleep for hours."

"Well, the cat forced me to watch myself be conceived."

Bella almost burst out laughing, but quickly arranged her face to disgust.

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww," she moaned.

"Indeed," Edward replied, "however, at least I know who my parents were."

The magical cat scoffed at his words.

"What?" Edward asked, confused.

"Nothing," the cat lied.

"Tell me! Insolent fool!"

"Well..." the cat shook its head.

"Tell me, fucker."

"Language."

"Screw you."

"Language."

"I pucking hate you."

"Language."

"Argghhh."

"Hehehe," the cat giggled.

"Please," Edward forced a dazzling smile.

The cat sighed, "fine."

Edward stared at the cat, waiting.

"You're father was a prostitute, and you have many half siblings."

"Oh, LORDIE!" Edward exclaimed. "Are any of my siblings vampires?"

"Hell no. However, you did have approximately 50 of them."

"Well, thanks for bursting my bubble! I thought my parents were made of sweet dogness."

"Edward, no matter who you're parents were, you're still the most beautiful being in this world," Bella winked.

At this point, Edward was reminded of the breathtaking song, 'The Point of No Return'. Instantly, Edward was turned on, like a switch.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

Edward began to sing:


Past all thought of 'if' or 'when,

No use resisting,

Abandon thought and let the dream descend.

What raging fire shall flood the soul?

What rich desire unlocks the door?

What sweet seduction lies before us...?

Past the point of no return,

The final threshold,

What warm unspoken secrets will we learn?

Beyond the point of no return.


"Oh Gods," Bella whispered.

"I know," Edward whispered back.

"Edward, I'm so turned on."

"Me too."

"Edward, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that we -"

"Shh," Edward pressed a single finger to Bella's lips. "Let us pretend that we are conceiving a child."

Edward swept Bella into his arms, leaving the cat in the bathroom, flabbergasted.


THE END