Redivivus

Disclaimer- I do not own 'Holes', it belongs to Louis Sachar.

Summary – Seventeen year old Squid makes a transition from juvenile delinquent into murderer, and only the sister of the victim can give him the chance of redemption.

Warning! – Mild swearing.

Author's Note – I'll admit I got a bit carried away with this chapter, sorry it drags on a bit and that it may seem that nothing happens, but I'm sure that this chapter does hold some important information for later in the story.

Cityofevil – To be quite honest, I'm not really sure if Squid has feelings for her. The way I take it, is that he's just been alone for so long, and any one who takes slight interest into him, and I mean pure interest where they aren't gaining anything, he will be drawn. He just wants someone to understand. But I will say that I do think Squid is very fascinated by her and the way she acts. Thanks for the wonderful review.

Narutorules03 – Thanks so much for the absolutely lovely review. It's wonderful to hear that someone thinks my writing isn't too childish, I do make silly mistakes but sometimes I just want to get a chapter out as quickly as I can. I'm glad that my story touched you somewhat and thank you for the compliments. This review was much appreciated!

HunkyChunkyMonkey97030 – I'm sorry for leaving you with a bit of a cliffhanger but hopefully this longer chapter will make you forgive me. I'm so glad that you like my story and I really appreciate your reviews and it always makes me happy when I get to read them. Thanks once again for the lovely review!

Chapter Ten

"With Dawn, Brings Hope"

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April quivered uncontrollably as Squid came towards her, his eyes filled with something she'd never quite seen before, it looked like want. Closing her eyes she tried to control her breathing and stop her heart from racing, but the fear was suffocating her.

"I don't want this," she whispered, choking upon her own short breaths. Her eyes were closed as she spoke, and the small digs on her face, where Squid had caused her to bleed had stopped weeping; even her pain was halted in the sharp silence. Squid paused and allowed his hard brown eyes to really look at her – to see the pathetic bundle of human in front of him; quivering because of him.

"You may not want it, April," he began, his voice as soft as he could bear. April's eyes opened; her once young I stare was replaced by a tiresome, gaze filled with terror she wished she could just let it go and not let it bother her. "But you need it," he said, his rough hand reaching out towards her. "You need me," Squid finally finished emphasizing on the last word and then allowed his large hand to land on her icy cold fist, which remained balled up; he noticed she flinched at his touch. He watched as she swallowed hard and locked eyes with him.

"What I ne-need, is – is the thing you took from me," she was forcing the words out, and each word seemed to build up a battle within her, Squid could see the conflict under skin. She seemed angry at herself for stuttering.

"You think you need your brother? That fucking phony that-" Squid's sentence was cut short as April shook her head.

"No…not my brother, not my – not my m-mother, nor my father…" she said softly. Squid was confused but he didn't say a word. His heart was racing and his own head was fighting against him as he leant forwards once more. His desire had been to kiss her at that moment, but instead his lips landed clumsily on her cheek as she turned her head abruptly, hiding away from him. Squid pulled back and looked at her tiny body shiver, the car nor the air was cold, it was her. He had taken something from her, she was that piece of paper and he was what had caused that droplet of blood to smudge across the page, he had tainted it, screwed it up and thrown it away.

His rough hand retracted from hers and gripped back onto the steering wheel. He swallowed the sick rising in his throat and clenched his jaw, trying to hold in the thoughts that were swelling inside of him. His heart was in his stomach and his lungs were constricted tightly as he held even in his breath. The strong hands holding the steering wheel were shaking and his lip was caught in-between his teeth as he bit down harshly on it. "You can't keep running. You can't escape what you've done – what's been done to you. There's no healing for you, while you're with me, no remorse," her voice was bolder now; she turned to face him and gazed at him with those expressive eyes. Squid allowed his hands to drop from the wheel onto his lap but he didn't face her. He could feel the coldness spread in his chest and freeze his heart beat.

"Maybe that's what I want – I shouldn't have to feel remorse for him, death does not make you a good person." Squid paused. He had hoped that the coldness inside of him would make the ache inside numb, but the pang was even harsher. He slowly turned to face her, facing that wide, innocent gaze. "And what do I even have left to heal?" Squid asked, his voice softer now. He wasn't looking for sympathy or pity – he was looking for understanding, he was trying to explain himself, the words were honest to him. April didn't reply and bit down on her bottom lip, sucking in the ache.

"Why him, Alan? Why my brother? I never asked before, but I want to know," she asked, choking out the words through quivering lips. Squid looked down and turned away from her.

"I don't know." His words were final, and his tone was desperate. April stripped the seat-belt from around her waist and turned towards the car door, opening it and stepped out of the car, her feet meeting the cold dirt. Squid didn't stop her, but he turned around to see her bowing down into the dirt, her knees sinking into the dirt slightly and her forehead resting on her hands, lying on the mud. The moon's glow hit her form and instead of leaving a beautiful glow upon her – it looked like she was drowning. Her nails dragged angrily along the dirt and a dry sob escaped past her lips. "You're pathetic you know?" he called to her, his tone was biting. April turned abruptly her hair pushed away from her face and her eyes were dangerously narrowed.

"You are a cruel, poor excuse for a human being!" she snapped, her chest was heaving and he noted tears still hadn't shed from her eyes. Squid smirked condescendingly at her, his eyes sharp and focused on her.

"And you are exactly the same," he replied coolly. "We are the same," he carried on, slowly slipping out of the car, watching the breath get caught in her chest and fear bubble in her eyes, body flinching and he approached closer, hurriedly crawling backwards in desperation to keep away from him. "Don't hesitate, April," he cooed, eyes set in hunger; for what, she couldn't be sure. "This is what we need, nothing matters – nothing matters." Her back hit a tree trunk and she used it to gather her strength to stand on her unsteady legs. She shook her head and her teeth chattered, from the cold wrapping around her body.

"This is exactly what you don't understand, Squid," she spat, watery-blue's piercing through him. "It does matter – everything matters – everyone matters. It isn't up to you to decide who deserves to live, you can't decide who is worthy of life!" she was shouting now, the noise ripping from her insides. "You need to understand that what doesn't matter to you," April paused, her body quivering violently – her voice fading in her own breaths. "Will always matter to someone." Squid felt the moment suspend and his head spin. The questions flooded into his brain and it was the first time he recognized the heavy regret in her – playing upon her features, sinking in her eyes, ripping from her voice.

"What did you do, April?" he asked. He watched as she inhaled deeply; she hadn't expected that. She didn't say a word, but was frozen staring at him with wild eyes. "You feel guilty that he died. I mean I ain't some kind of therapist, but I've heard that they say that family will usually always feel guilt; but not like this." He knew it was starting to sound like he cared at that moment, but the curiosity had captured him. He could see her shrinking away – the fragile petals fraying and wilting in their last attempt to cover the center – protect it. "You ain't a phony – you feel for what happened to him, not for what happened to you because of it. What did you do, April?" he was beginning to sound soft and he knew it.

The crunchy brown leaves around them, circled in the wind as they stood in silence, the howling wind capturing the mood and yowled in anticipation.

"You don't care – you can't care, Squid," she whispered so quietly, he wondered how the small string of words had reached him. He went to step forward, but she let out a small cry of protest.

"Alan, my name is Alan," he replied – although he wasn't sure why he had thought it was important to say that. She shook her head.

"I only call you Alan when you act like him," she countered. Squid's eyes narrowed and he felt anger fill his veins once again.

"You don't know me," he spat. April didn't hesitate or even think abut the answer.

"I don't pretend to." Squid felt confused at that moment – but it didn't really care to listen to her anymore, it only made him feel worse; he almost wished he could be rotting away in his cell again. Dawn seemed to be arriving and with it, Squid knew they should get moving – what's the point? The question echoed in his mind, but he decided he wouldn't dwell on it. "I like dawn." Squid's eyes focused back on April as she stood gazing intently directly back at him, her voice sounded as raspy as his, but did not possess the cruel edge that his has, it sounded true. "The day is just beginning and it means you still have hope." April's eyes were closed as she spoke this time, her body ever so gently swaying, most likely due to lack of energy and good balance. He could feel his jaw clenching as her soft voice repeated in his head. He could feel himself resenting her at that moment, and he wasn't even so sure why.

"Hope for what?" he snapped back at her, the rough edge of anger had returned to his voice.

"Something – anything," she replied. He could tell by the determined look his her eyes that she truly believed the bullshit she was saying "It's what you need, Alan. You need some hope back in your life." Squid stormed towards her, too quickly for her to realize his intentions, and he gripped her arm tightly, glaring at her, his face close enough to feel her short warm breaths on his face as he bowed close to her.

"That is absolute bullshit. I don't need nothing' – there ain't no hope left; not for me," Squid spoke with the anger dripping from his words, his hand squeezing her arm hard enough to cut off blood circulation – but she allowed him to hold her up like a rag doll as though she couldn't even feel it. His other hand grasped her jaw as she tried to turn away, forcing her to look at him.

"I told him I wished he was dead." The words were hushed, but he heard them, the pure words rung in his head like the soft stroke of a guitar string. The wind and the rustling of the trees were silenced as they breathed ever so gently. The petals had fallen away, now lying forgotten on the floor, the beauty of the flower gone, leaving the remains, the center of the flower exposed, gazing back at him; bare and naked for only his eyes to see. His grip had loosened without him even thinking about it and his hand had dropped from her jaw and hung by his side, the coldness of the wind catching it. April's eyes closed for a moment, her lips sucking in the cool air, filling her lungs, only to release it again and as her eyes opened again, Squid noticed they were glistening in the pool of light from the moon, large and watery, filling her lids and tipping tears over the edge of her lashes and spilling down her cheeks. Although the tears were there, her face was expressionless like a doll, gazing at him. He liked it when she cried; it wasn't fake or preformed – it was real. "I can't blame my mother for telling him to leave the house that day, I can't blame my father for refusing him to drive him there, I can't blame God for giving us freewill and I can't even blame you, Alan. And whether there truly is a God doesn't really matter to me anymore, sure it's nice to believe it's not your fault and that it is all part of God's great plan for you, but I can't delude myself anymore. Call it coincidence, but I told my brother that I wish he would die, and the same day he does – it is my fault and there is no remedy for that."

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Author's note – Please review! Thank you.