Chapter Four
The aroma of hazelnut filled Alex's nose as she began to stir and she felt the edge of the bed shift. Light streamed into the room through the part in the curtains and she squinted slightly. She look up to find Bobby watching her as he swiped her bangs out of her face and held a mug of coffee in his other hand.
"Hey," he said, holding the cup closer to her.
"Hey," she said sitting up and crossing her legs beneath her.
She took the mug from him and took several long sips, before placing the mug on her nightstand.
"Thanks," she said.
"You're welcome."
"Sorry I fell asleep on you…"
Bobby shrugged. "Maybe we both needed a break."
Alex gave a nod and then leaned forward to rest her temple on his shoulder. He kissed her head and wrapped his arm around her, brushing his fingertips along the base of her spine.
"I love you, Bobby," she said. "And not just for the coffee."
He smiled into her hair and then said, "I know."
They were quiet and she closed her eyes to focus on the feel of his fingers.
"I…I think you should talk to Madison…a-about Joe," Bobby said.
She looked up at him and gave a slight nod as her expression silently asked if he was sure.
"Sh-she keeps asking…" Bobby said.
Alex rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Sorry…I asked her to let it go…"
"Yeah, well, she didn't get that gene," Bobby said with a small self deprecating smile.
"She got some other pretty good ones, though," Alex said and reached an arm behind her to stroke his forearm. "You know we don't have to tell her…or we can wait till she's a little older."
"Look, I'd rather you tell her deliberately than she be snooping around one day and find your wedding album," Bobby said.
Alex couldn't help but smirk at the image of Madison climbing onto the shelves in Alex's closet and stumbling onto the cardboard box that held the remains of her first marriage.
"I'm not saying you go into great details but…I…I just don't think we should keep things from her," Bobby said. "I know there're things I need to tell her too, but I don't know if she's ready…or-or if I am…"
Alex ran her hand through his hair.
"I know…" she said and leaned her head back on his shoulder. "You know you should be there when I talk to her."
"I know."
"And I still feel like I need to go to his grave…"
"I understand that…an-and if you want us all to go I'm okay with that. Honestly I…I'm more comfortable with Mad going than me," he said.
"If it really bothers you, you don't have to—"
"May-maybe I need to go as much as you do…in a way I need closure too…"
She looked up at him and gave him a crooked smile.
"You come up with that last night after I fell asleep?" she asked.
He turned and gave her a soft smile.
"Maybe…I know he was a big part in you becoming who you are; who I fell in love with…it's a complicated thing…"
"I know it is," Alex said and again laid her head down on his shoulder. "I mean it's not like Joe and I broke up…we just stopped…I never really knew where to go from there…so I just lived in a nice little bubble…went through the motions. And then you came along and you…you obliterated my bubble. I didn't know how to feel about that."
"Sorry," he said with a soft snort.
"Don't be…"
"I'm not…not really," Bobby said. "Look, Joe is never going to be a…a comfortable subject for me…but I'll try…however…whatever you need…I'll try."
Alex sat up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck. He replied in kind, twisting slightly to hug her waist.
"I don't know what I did to deserve you, but if I ever have to, I hope I'm smart enough to do it again," Alex said.
"Me too," Bobby said.
Alex raised her head and then firmly, but innocently kissed him.
"Momma?" they heard Madison from the doorway and loosened their grip on each other as they turned toward the door.
Madison leaned on the door frame with one leg in the room and the other still in the hallway as she watched them.
"Come here, babe," Alex said, waving her in and sitting back against the pillows.
Madison strolled into the room and hopped onto the bed to snuggle against her mother's side. She smiled up at her father while her mother's fingers combed through her hair and then craned her neck to see Alex's eyes.
"I hear you were asking about Joe again," Alex said.
Madison glanced away from her mother and then gave her father a sour face for tattling on her, which he playfully held up his hands to.
"I didn't mean to…I just thought he would know why you won't tell me…"
"But I asked you not to ask about it," Alex said.
"I know," Madison said. "I'm sorry, momma, but I can just tell something's wrong and I want to know why."
"I know you do, baby," Alex said, hugging her a little closer and feeling unsure about her perceptiveness, though she knew it was the same perceptiveness that probably gave Bobby the ability to survive the things he went through as a kid.
"But daddy wouldn't tell me either," Madison said, leaning into Alex's side.
"Well it's not really daddy's to tell," Alex said. "He never knew Joe and I didn't know daddy when I knew him. It's complicated"
"You two always say that," Madison said.
"Sometimes things are hard for us to explain," Bobby piped in as he crawled up beside them and sat against the headboard.
Madison sighed watching her father and then turned her eyes back to her mother.
Alex returned her gaze and kept swirling her fingers slowly against her daughter's scalp.
Alex let out a deep breath, buying time as she tried to figure out the best way to explain.
"Okay, babe…Joe…was someone who I cared about…very, very much and he…he got hurt really bad and he…he died, baby," Alex said, proud her voice didn't shake more than it did, and then felt Bobby's hand on her lower back.
Madison stared down into Alex's lap and then slowly crawled into her mother's lap. She rested her head on her mother's breast and linked her arms around Alex's waist. Alex eased her arms around Madison's little frame and kissed her head.
"I'm sorry momma," Madison said, her voice muffled by Alex's T-shirt. "You were very sad?"
Alex nodded. "Yeah…I was…for a long time."
"Did daddy make it better?"
Alex smiled into Madison's long dark hair.
"Yeah…yeah he did…a lot better. So did you."
Madison shifted slightly, so that she could see Alex's face.
"Why wouldn't you tell me last night?" Madison asked, sliding down so that she was cradled as if she was a still a baby.
"We…we weren't sure if you would understand, babe," Alex said.
Alex could see Madison thinking as the little girl stared into the blackness of her mother's T-shirt.
"It's not that complicated, momma. You were sad and then daddy made you happy again," Madison said simply and confidently.
Alex smiled down at her, unconsciously rocking her slightly.
"I guess not," Alex said.
Alex felt Bobby's hand on the back of her neck and then his lips press against her head.
"Is it okay if I go play?" Madison asked.
"Yeah, baby. Go," Alex said, loosening her arms around her daughter.
Madison climbed out of her mother's lap and kissed her father before hopping off the bed and heading out the door.
Alex looked up at Bobby, still feeling his fingers on her neck, and then leaned against him.
"See she gets it, why can't you get it?" Alex asked, her voice muffled by his T-shirt.
Bobby laughed and then kissed her head.
"I get it…I guess I just have a hard time accepting that it can be that simple."
She straightened and lightly pushed on his chest, urging him to lay back so she could snuggle against his side. She laid her head over his heart and reached her hand across his stomach, twining her fingers with his. They both watched their fingers tracing and teasing the others; his dwarfing hers.
"We've been through a lot together," Alex said.
"Yeah, we have…some I wish we didn't have to."
Alex nodded against him.
"But there's no reason why we shouldn't be able to get passed this too."
"I know."
Alex closed her eyes, not because she was tired, but because she liked letting her other senses take over when they were both still like this; the thud of his heart, the warmth of his breath against the top of her head, and the feel of his fingers grazing the exposed skin of her hip.
"Did-did you want to go to the grave today?" Bobby asked.
Alex thought for a moment.
"Tomorrow," Alex said. "Let's just do family stuff today."
A/N: Well I think that's it for this one. I thought about doing the grave scene, but I think it would get too melodramatic and just repeat things that have already been established. So I think a casefile will be next…if I can get it to pan out.
Also a special thanks to Boohoo650 – this chapter was suppose to go differently, but your review on an earlier chapter made me re-write this and I think it turned out much better.
Thanks for all the reviews!