CONSEQUENCES
By Spense
Chapter Seven
Alan sat in the room with Dr. Taylor, and looked out the window, listening to her drone on. He'd tuned her out quite awhile ago, just as he had with any of the other sessions they had, or the meetings with Dr. Masonn over the last week and a half.
He really wasn't interested in what they had to say. He knew his father had just abdicated the 'Alan problem' on somebody else, as was his normal operating procedure. He'd be here until Jeff decided he could deal with him again.
It wasn't like there was anything wrong with him anyway. Alan knew it was easier for Jeff to say his son had a problem instead of admitting than he wasn't interested in his youngest son. Alan had finally realized that he'd be ferried off to some school or clinic or camp or something until he was eighteen. Then they would all be happy when he could leave home and make his own way. He just hoped he could make it through the next four years.
The one thing Alan could say about this place was that it was peaceful. And for that he was grateful, even if he did have to put up with the twice daily sessions with the shrinks.
"Alan, am I that boring?" Dr. Taylor said with a laugh.
That laugh got Alan's attention. He was used to be yelled at when he was like this, and told to quit sulking and pouting. Generally this kind of behavior wasn't a cause for amusement. He swung his head from the window to look at her, mildly astonished.
"I know you haven't heard a thing I've said. So let me ask you one question. You answer me honestly, and we'll quit for today."
Alan considered this. They had another half hour to go. He could answer one question, if only to get out of here. He shrugged agreement.
"Okay." She smiled. "I know you've been having nightmares, and not sleeping."
Alan didn't ask how she knew this, but he guessed that he was under surveillance most of the time. It didn't surprise him. Not much did. He was pretty sure that privacy was an unknown commodity here.
"That can't be pleasant. You look exhausted every morning, and like you've got a splitting headache."
She was right. The nightmares had been getting worse. Everything from Scott telling him he was worthless, his Dad turning his back on him, Virgil handing him a pill bottle and telling him to take it all and just get out of their lives sooner rather than later, and more. They were just never-ending. He was really getting near the end of his rope. All he wanted was some peace.
Alan gazed at her, waiting for the question.
"Alan," Dr. Taylor leaned forward towards him, "Do you really want to live with those nightmares anymore? Because I can help make them go away. So tell me. What do you want?"
Alan surprised himself as he blurted out without thinking, "I just want the voices in my head to go away." He froze as he realized what he'd just said.
But Dr. Taylor wasn't appalled. She just sat back looking pleased. "Fine. I can help with that Alan. And thank you, that's the first honest thing you've said to me. Okay," she said with a smile, "I'll keep my end of the bargain. We're done today."
Alan got up slowly and left the room, not sure why he'd said that, and very surprised at her reaction. She didn't seem upset, or angry, or think he was crazy. For the first time in a long time, Alan went to his room, thinking hard.
TB TB TB TB TB
"So what are they thinking?" John asked his father, via the vidphone that same afternoon.
Jeff was looking over the transcript of Alan's sessions with the psychiatrics that day. He shook his head worriedly. "They still don't know. Definitely severe clinical depression, that's certain. But we already knew that. However Alan made a comment about voices in his head today."
"They aren't thinking Scyzophrenia, are they?" John asked, horrified.
Jeff looked just as shaken. "They won't confirm anything. Dr. Taylor says that they still don't know enough to make a diagnosis. But they did draw more blood today to check his seretonin levels. They're trying to get the depression to a handleble level before they do anything else."
"Oh, lord," John groaned. "Why can't anything ever go easy for Alan."
Jeff agreed. Nothing ever seemed too.
TB TB TB TB TB
It was late evening when everybody wandered into Jeff's office one at a time. It had been a very quiet day and a nice break from the multitudes of rescues they had been involved with lately.
"Hey Dad," Virgil said, aimlessly heading for a chair. "Are you going to call Johnny?"
"I thought I might," Jeff said smiling.
"Wait a sec, will ya? Scott's on his way up."
Jeff nodded agreement.
Pretty soon, Scott was ambling his way in, shoving Gordon along in front of him, much the same way one would keep a ball rolling along in front of them.
"Ow, go easy on the shoulders," Gordon was complaining.
"Look who I found in the laundry room, exchanging powdered bleach for the regular detergent," Scott said in disgust, giving Gordon another shove.
Gordon snickered. "How do you know I wasn't changing it back?"
Three faces looked up at him in horror. "If you were, you'll be replacing every piece of ruined clothing out of your own pocket," Jeff said sternly.
"Whoa!" Gordon said, surprised at the reaction to his teasing. "I didn't, okay? I just wanted to get Scott a little revved up. Everything's fine," Gordon finished reassuringly. "I'm much more subtle than that when I want to play a joke. I just wanted to yank Scott's chain a little."
Jeff relaxed, reflecting that there was a great deal of truth in that statement, and sighed. "Sorry Gordon. I've just been a little tense."
"I know, Dad," Gordon said without a hint of humor. "I think we all are. I guess that's why I was trying to lighten things up a little." He looked downcast as he dropped into a chair.
"How is Alan anyway?" Scott asked, voicing the subject they were all thinking about.
"Let's get John on the vid and I'll fill you in," Jeff suggested. John may have already heard the latest news, but Jeff was really needing these nightly sessions for his own peace of mind. Just to have his sons all around him, even if it was just via video link.
It wasn't long before they were connected, and Jeff was giving them the gist of day's sessions. There was dead silence when he told them about Alan's comment about hearing voices.
"Son of a . . ." Gordon began bitterly, but broke off and looked away as Jeff glared pointedly at him. "Sorry."
"Damm," Scott whistled softly. "That's not a good sign."
"No," Jeff agreed, narrowing his eyes at Scott's language as well. In his concern, Scott didn't even notice. "No, it's not," Jeff finished sadly.
"What can we do?" Virgil asked quietly.
"Not much right now," Jeff commented. "Just wait and let the professionals do their job. The only good thing was that he actually told Dr. Taylor about it."
"No kidding," Virgil said in relief. "It's a start I guess."
TB TB TB TB TB
The next morning, Alan snagged an Adirondack chair in the middle of the lawn and put his i-Pod headphones on. He needed to think. He had slept better the night before. Maybe telling Dr. Taylor actually had helped.
He shuddered. But still. Now she probably thought he was crazy.
'Maybe you are,' his mind whispered to him. Alan firmly quashed that thought. No, he wasn't crazy. He knew he wasn't.
The music soothed him somewhat. It at least reminded him that there was a normal world out there. One where parents actually cared about their kids and didn't shuffle them away when they became problems.
But Alan really didn't think he was a problem. Or at least that much of one. He didn't do anything any worse than any of the rest of his brothers had, or at least he didn't think he did.
'What about blowing up the chemistry lab at school?' his mind whispered to him again.
That was just an accident, Alan argued with himself. It could have happened to anybody.
'But it didn't, it happened to you.'
Alan cranked up his music a little louder in an attempt to drown out his thoughts.
'Dad thought you were a problem before you were even born.'
Alan ruthlessly quashed that thought. It was old news, and he didn't want to dwell on it. His relationship with his family was a lost cause, that was a given. International Rescue was always going to rate higher with both his father and brothers in the priority department than he was, he had no doubts about that. Nothing would fix that. Not Dr. Taylor, not Dr. Masonn, not all the outside help in the world. Besides, his father was paying the bills for this place. That would always make the staff side with him over Alan any day of the week.
'You could tell them about International Rescue. That would get back at your family and their twisted priorities.'
Oh, yeah, right. Like that would work. First off, they'd never believe him. They would think it was a delusion. Who would believe a fourteen year old kid about that? Especially one who was considered unstable. There, he'd admitted it. Everybody considered him unstable. Whatever. The thought didn't particularly upset him anymore.
No, he couldn't talk to anybody about IR. It would just reflect back on him all the worse for even bringing it up.
But Dr. Taylor hadn't seemed to shocked at his comment about voices. They weren't voices really either, just his own subconscious thoughts. But they'd taken on a life of their own lately. Maybe he could talk to her about that.
Alan mulled that over some more. That might be a good idea. First off, it would show him as cooperative. That would get him out of here that much faster.
'Once out, you could leave. Dad farms you out to school anyway. You could just walk away at the start of the next term.'
That wasn't a bad thought, Alan mused. He'd just have to bide his time. But first and foremost, he had to get out of here. To do that, they'd have to believe he was better. Well, Alan had spent a lifetime deceiving his brothers and father about how he really felt. It couldn't be that much harder here.
Okay, now he had a plan. His next session was with Dr. Taylor in just a little bit. May as well start to put his idea into action. Who knows, maybe she really could help him. It could be a nice side effect.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a staff member approaching him. Probably coming to get him for his appointment now. No better time to start, he thought.